• news
  • TUESDAY MAY 30 2006 10:00 AM

Fish, Chicken, or a Tossed Salad

Back before the ADD nation stopped paying attention to the atrocities happening daily to the prisoners held at Guantanamo Bay, California Republican Congressman Duncan Hunter attempted to diffuse some of the pressure felt by his fellow torture hawks by holding one of the more bizarre press conferences in recent memory.



"This is the oven-fried chicken entree. It has broccoli, it has peas and mushrooms, it has rice, it has pita bread, and it has two types of fruit. This is what Osama bin Laden's bodyguards will eat several times a cycle, several times a week. This is lemon chicken, rice, broccoli, carrots, bread and two types of fruit.

Now, if you look through the menu that we -- that we serve -- and this is, in fact, the complete menu that we're contracted for -- you will see that this isn't simply a high point in the menu. This is representative of what these killers are given every day courtesy of the American taxpayer.
[...]
So the point is that the inmates in Guantanamo have never eaten better, they've never been treated better, and they've never been more comfortable in their lives than in this situation. And the idea that sometime -- that somehow we are torturing people in Guantanamo is absolutely not true, unless you consider having to eat chicken three times a week real torture.



Barely contained in the photo op was the sense that if it were up to Hunter, the prisoners, some of whom our own government admits are innocent, would be cannibalizing each other, using their own urine as sauce to mitigate incarceration expenditures.

Well, today Hunter is probably thanking Allah for his thinly hedged phrasing. He might soon find himself a bit less free than he'd like:

According to published reports and congressional and law-enforcement sources who did not want to be identified discussing a sensitive investigation, the Feds are also reviewing [Corrupt defense contractor Brett] Wilkes's ties to other powerful House leaders. Former GOP majority leader Tom DeLay, Armed Services Committee chairman Duncan Hunter and Appropriations Committee chairman Jerry Lewis all reportedly had dealings with Wilkes.



The only question left is whether Hunter will favorably compare his time in the Big House with his tenure in the House. I'll go on record predicting that he'll consider his daily ass-pounding the best treatment he's ever received, not to mention the most comfortable he'll ever be. Remember Duncan, what happens in the can, stays in the can.

 
Comments
Bastardo

Bastardo

Boston, MA
January 2005

MAY 30, 2006 10:06 AM

Oh it'll happen in his can all right.

fountainofdreams

fountainofdreams

Batavia, IL
January 2005

MAY 30, 2006 10:48 AM

ok, i just got the title.

awful.

and HILARIOUS.

well done.

LiquidYogi

LiquidYogi

Claremont, CA
September 2003

MAY 30, 2006 11:02 AM

I hate how people in this administration can just get away with saying whatever they want in a press conference. When someone calls them on something its not even considered reasonible to answer the question.

The American people in this democracy are the bosses. And as the bosses we need to get the information. Or the people that we hired to do the job gets fired. This is kind of like Enron in a sick twisted way. People right below the ultimate bosses do the most horrendous things, and we look away just as long as they're getting the job done. But theres no one to take us to task over this, no one to give us 185 years in person like Lay or Skilling. No one exept our selves to blame.

hell

hell

Austin, TX
February 2003

MAY 30, 2006 11:37 AM

Based on my experiences with can-al sex, what happens in the can normally comes out almost out of the can....but I digress.

Eiron

Eiron

Buffalo, NY
May 2006

MAY 30, 2006 11:55 AM

Peas and Mushrooms? I thought the National Referendum decided on Rice Pilaf!

Democracy is dead.

Margot_Dent

Margot_Dent

Los Angeles, CA
February 2004

MAY 30, 2006 12:11 PM

"they've never been more comfortable in their lives than in this situation"


yeaaaaaaaaaah.