Smell that? It's a giant pile of bullshit called the free market falling from the sky. Socialism is constantly warned against and the free market held...

Now that we are in the middle of an energy disaster brought on by years of idiotic energy policy that were begun under the Grand Retard, Ronald Reagan,...

Wow. Here we are. Who knew we would make it another week and enjoy the horrors of the Asshole Fuckface Roundup together? Sadly, I had much to choose...

Barack Obama decided a month or so ago to begin taking the traditional Democratic path to the White House. It involved looking as much like a Republican...

The Green Party had a nice little run, but they have clearly turned into the joke they were always destined to be. The Green Party began in 1991 and was...

The New Yorker magazine is probably best known for its cartoons which never seem to make any sense and are rarely...

Good for you. I mean it. You survived another week and can now enjoy the fruits of your living: The Asshole Fuckface Roundup. Feel free to take a moment...

Water is a finite resource. The planet doesn’t make more. I’m not going to explain it to you, because you should have learned it in 6th grade. One would...

Holy shit, just when you think the right wing can’t be more retarded, WALL-E comes out and...

Just one day after Americans celebrated the birth of their horrible nation, they can celebrate something more important: Asshole Fuckface Roundup Day.

The World Youth Day Papal Circus is due in Sydney (Randwick Racecourse)...

The American economy is about to come to a grinding halt. You are totally fucked if you buy food, gas or anything. The U.S. economy is not just slowing...

It’s time to start dragging Bush Republicans out of their homes and urinating on their faces. If that is not possible, we should hold them down and rub...

Guten Morgen! Aujourd'hui est le Roundup de los Asshole Fuckfaces! How great is that? Yes, we have survived another week and now our eyes can feast...

There are a couple of reasons why gas prices are shooting through the roof. One, is obviously because oil companies get to make a shit load of money and...

The current Democrats are the weakest, most spineless fucks ever to grace the halls of Congress. After months of attempting destroy the 4th amendment,...

Now that we are in the middle of an energy disaster brought on by years of idiotic energy policy that were begun under the Grand Retard, Ronald Reagan,...

Sometimes the Asshole Fuckface Roundup is the worst thing that will happen to you all month. This is one of those Roundups. It is going to be a horrible...

The Idaho Senate race is a smorgasbord of win. Does any other state have a senator retiring because he tried to fuck a guy in an airport shitter? Does...

Last week, I broke down the Democratic vice presidential possibilities and this week I’m going to cross the aisle to where the demons live and break down...

Louis, by the grace of God, King of France and Navarre, to all present and to come, greeting from the year 1708:

One of the most useful tools...

The Roundup is celebrating its semi-centennial and here you are reading it. You lucky son of a bitch. You are actually reading the Asshole Fuckface Roundup.

Now that we have finally picked our candidates, after a horribly long and unnecessary primary season, it’s time for the nominees to choose their Vice Presidential...

John McCain is an insanely rich man. Johnny and his wife own eight houses. That’s pretty sweet. How many houses do you own? The wife is an heiress...

In the never-ending battle to stop terrorists from hijacking planes, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) keep coming up with innovative ideas...

Merry Asshole Fuckface Day. This is the day you look forward to all week, because it makes you feel better about your life. The Buddha was the first guy...

Ahh, the Olympics: the traditions; the majesty; the competitive spirit; the graceful athleticism and the...the...

If the Internet must die, I’m okay with it happening in Texas first. Texans deserve some sort of suffering for inflicting George Bush on the rest of the...

Some kids went through hell at Camp Crystal Lake in the summer of 1979. By “hell,” I mean a crazy person named Pamela Sue Voorhees murdered them. Pamela...

If you read this article, every last word, let it all sink in deep and then ask yourself one question.

What are you willing to do, peacefully, for your...

Asshole Fuckfaces don’t just drop out of trees. They are created through years of suffering and hate. At some point, they burst through, like a hideous,...

We are in a bit of a quandary. For years now, the U.S. has been at war with terrorism – which is weird, because terrorism is a tactic, not a thing. But,...

Gas prices are now over $4 a gallon. Shocking, isn’t it? Who would have thought having an oil man in the White House would lead to crazy high gas prices?

Today is Memorial Day, a holiday to honor the lives lost and sacrifices made by America's servicemen and women. The President visited...

Imagine a middle aged man, taking pictures of adolescents in various stages of undress, some fully nude. Some of those pictures have at least a tinge of...

National Elections are up and coming in November. They will be here before you know it. While doing some research online about local issues I continuously...

Merry Asshole Fuckface Day. This is the day during which righteous people such as yourself can laugh at and mock the miserable fucks that inhabit our sweet...

Middle-aged women are pissed. Their great hope is going down in flames and losing to a black man, which is causing them to lose their minds. They are...

[Editor's note: OhSoOrdinary submitted this article from Iraq, where she is currently serving with the U.S. Army.]

A great deal of our...

Holy shit, who invited a man to the party? Yesterday, Barack Obama stood up and acted more like a man than any presidential candidate I’ve ever seen. ...