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  • WEDNESDAY JUNE 29 2005 12:52 PM

100 Greatest Pop Songs According to Morons

A crack team at Rolling Stone and MTV, which I can only assume consisted of several monkies to whom electric shocks were applied, has farted out yet another execrable 'list': "The 100 Greatest Pop Songs Since 1963", and boy, is it a stinker. In fact, this may be the worst list I've ever seen. This list drops trou and shits all over the face of anyone who ever loved pop music.

The top ten:

01 The Beatles - Yesterday
02 Rolling Stones - Satisfaction
03 Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit
04 Madonna - Like A Virgin
05 Michael Jackson - Billie Jean
06 The Beatles-I Want To Hold Your Hand
07 Aretha Franklin - Respect
08 U2 - With or Without You
09 The Jackson 5 - I Want You Back
10 Backstreet boys - I Want It That Way


If you haven't had your blood-pressure spike for today, the rest of the list is here, with downloads for every song.

I don't even know where to start. For one thing, any list of the greatest pop songs since 1963 that doesn't have at least five Beach Boys songs in the top 25 is worthless, and this list has only ONE, "Good Vibrations", at a postively insulting #70 -- after fucking Garbage -- literally! I could make a convincing case for "Good Vibrations" at #1, and I think even Paul McCartney, Brian Wilson's biggest fan, would rate it higher than "Yesterday".

I may not know much about music, but I do know that the top ten of a list of the greatest pop songs shouldn't have just two black artists on it. Where's the fifty fucking Motown songs that ought to be here? Stax/volt? Not one song from Phil Spector?? Backstreet Boys in the top ten? "Hotel California"? "When Doves Cry" at only #27, one rank above "MMMbop"?

Someone get me a drink.

(Hat-tip: brooklynvegan)

 

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Comments
wickedmonkey

wickedmonkey

Pawtucket, RI
June 2004

JUN 29, 2005 08:38 PM

they only make these lists to piss people off, i swear...

Cigarette

Cigarette

Cleveland, OH
April 2004

JUN 29, 2005 08:44 PM

Now which is worse?

Rolling Stone's stupidity

Or

Pitchfork's pretentiousness?

TheJuanupsman

TheJuanupsman

Hopkins, MN
April 2004

JUN 29, 2005 08:50 PM

Terrorist said:
Is everyone overlooking the fact that the list is of "pop" songs?
I don't think it has anything to do with artistic merit.

Word to Billie Jean at number 5 though!



I was just thinking that was the worst inclusion in the top 10. Horrible song.

Keith

Keith

Hooker, OK
August 2002

JUN 29, 2005 08:50 PM

Cigarette said:
Now which is worse?

Rolling Stone's stupidity

Or

Pitchfork's pretentiousness?



Rolling Stone's stupidity.

TheJuanupsman

TheJuanupsman

Hopkins, MN
April 2004

JUN 29, 2005 08:56 PM

Keith said:
"Good Vibrations", at a postively insulting #70 -- after fucking Garbage -- literally! I could make a convincing case for "Good Vibrations" at #1, and I think even Paul McCartney, Brian Wilson's biggest fan, would rate it higher than "Yesterday".



I am sure you could. I might even tend to agree with you. But here is where I think the use of music in advertising can be so damaging. A lot of people I know can't hear that song anymore without thinking of those stupid sunkist commercials. And it ruins it for them. I am not one of them. But I understand why they might feel that way.

[Edited on Jun 29, 2005 by thejuanupsman]

Maddy

Maddy

SUICIDEGIRL

Kentucky, USA

JUN 29, 2005 09:56 PM

i demand to know where rock lobster is.

cabaretic

cabaretic

Birmingham, AL
March 2005

JUN 29, 2005 09:59 PM

Rolling Stone has lost it. I knew this when they gave Neil Young's yawner of an album, Are You Passionate?...four stars.

I would have instead titled it...Are You Breathing?

Gwendolyn

Gwendolyn

SUICIDEGIRL

Indiana, USA

JUN 29, 2005 10:32 PM

Cigarette said:
Half these songs... they aren't even the best songs by those artists!



That's exactly what I was thinking when I glanced at it.

I don't agree with the list, either. But really, who cares? It's just another forgettable top-whatever list.

PointBlank

PointBlank

New York, NY
November 2004

JUN 30, 2005 08:35 AM

Keith said:

Cigarette said:
Now which is worse?

Rolling Stone's stupidity

Or

Pitchfork's pretentiousness?



Rolling Stone's stupidity.


Easily.
Especially considering how far RS has fallen.

erleichda

erleichda

Germany
May 2003

JUN 30, 2005 08:54 AM

I would agree with the last poster on that blog and say that this list is too wrong not to be a fake. I'm not buying it.

Anton

Anton

Australia
September 2003

JUN 30, 2005 10:07 AM

I really admire Rolling Stone for having the strength and courage and conviction to come out with the truth that none of us have been willing to acknowledge: The Beach Boys have never written a song as good as Mmm Bop.

Go on Brian. Admit it. Caroline, No ain't got nothin'.

Estrada

Estrada

University Place, WA
OLD SKOOL

JUN 30, 2005 06:26 PM

crispy said:
surreal

Like it changes what you believe to be good music.
Why do people feel the need to shit on other peoples' opinions?

Does it really have any impact on you? No.
Does it alter history in any way? No.

*shakes head and walks away*



I agree.

Thistle

Thistle

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

JUN 30, 2005 06:33 PM

clearly this is the top 100 pop songs available for download.

phantasmagorist

phantasmagorist

I'm lost
October 2003

JUN 30, 2005 07:47 PM

Surely I'm not the only one who was tempted to do this:

1. "I Want You Back" - The Jackson 5
2. "Wouldn't It Be Nice" - The Beach Boys
3. "Eight Days a Week" - The Beatles
4. "The Tracks of My Tears" - Smokey Robinson & the Miracles
5. "My Girl" - The Temptations
6. "Good Vibrations" - The Beach Boys
7. "ABC" - The Jackson 5
8. "Little Red Corvette" - Prince
9. "Come On Eileen" - Dexy's Midnight Runners (token '80s song)
10. "Waterfalls" - TLC (token '90s song)


And as a bonus, The Top Ten Crappiest Pop Songs That Wonks From MTV and Rolling Stone Think Are Any Good:

1. "I Will Always Love You" - credited to Whitney Houston, although I have it on good authority that she was sick the day of recording and the vocal track was actually supplied by a vacuum cleaner.
2. "Ironic" - Alanis Morrisette
3. "Nasty" - Janet Jackson (Miss Jackson if ya nasty)
4. "Papa Don't Preach" - Madonna
5. "Iris" - Goo Goo Dolls. It is illegal to listen to this song while operating a motor vehicle, since it will stone put your lights out.
6. "Just the Way You Are" - Billy Joel. I don't even know if I've heard this song, I just have it in for Billy Joel.
7. "I Need Love" - LL Cool J. I can live without my radio if it's going to play this crap -- okay, so I'm reaching. You try.
8. "I Want It That Way" - The Backstreet Boys
9. "Bye Bye Bye" - 'NSync
10. "Vogue" - Madonna. PLENTY of better Madonna songs, even if they didn't inspire short-lived dance crazes.

skindeep1123

skindeep1123

Canada
May 2005

JUN 30, 2005 09:12 PM

I think these lists are worthless and getting mad over them is even more worthless. It's impossible to measure greatness, especially with something that is completely subjective like music. It's like making songwriting into a competition, which it shouldn't be.

I laugh at people who make big deals about stuff like this, as if they're some kind of music expert themselves.

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