Two thousand and nine, so far, feels like the scene in a movie where the guy breathes a sigh of relief –– his monster/zombie/ex-girlfriend/whatever has been slain/defeated/dumped. The problems are over, the fun begins and the credits are just about to roll. That's exactly when the monster/zombie/ex-girlfriend comes back from around the corner, up from the depths of the oil pit/sunken galleon/whatever, waves the bag of pills/secret software/dirty pictures at you, gives you the finger, stabs you, or threatens to cook you (for?) dinner. The horrible ex-girlfriend you were so pleased to see the hairy back of has reluctantly agreed to give you another chance! Rock & roll loves you and won't let go!

This is EXACTLY where we are now. I just did this myself at the gas station. I filled up for less than $100 and danced my way across the AM/PM food court laughing hysterically as if I had won the lottery. The fact is, everything else in the world of touring (and unfortunately the world in general) is still totally fucked. Your audience might now have enough gas in the car to get to your show but what are you doing to get them from the curbside to your side? What's your red carpet made out of?

I guess this is just a reminder to be careful out there. Everything that was going to fuck you the hell up six months ago is still out there, waiting in the wings (not the band, the sides of the stage). Proceed accordingly.

Here are three band resolutions you should try to make 2009 a little smoother on the road:

#1 - To Get More Ca$h

* Have more than one t-shirt design. If you still don't have even one.... I'll wait while you punch yourself in the face....
* Teach yourself to screen print so that you can make your very own "special smudgy thumb printed sorry but it's still wet poster" and loads of different shirts. And screen print your bass amp too!
* Record your shows and manufacture a few discs from each show so you have a variety of live discs at the merchandise booth (and screen print the digi packs you sell them in!)

#2 - To Be Better Onstage

* Play more and pay attention to the audience's body language when you do. People running from the venue means that maybe you shouldn't be trying to hit those Queen-like operatic high notes! People moving closer to the stage means they are drawn to your magnetic charismatic vibe, they like the songs and want to be close enough to touch you, feel your pain, and wipe away a tear - either that or they 're trying to steal your new effects pedal and swipe some of your Jagermeister.
* Put as many people as you can on the guest list - people like to feel special. Don't forget to put the people you said you would on the guest list - people hate to feel small and forgotten.

And most importantly


#3 - Play For Free!

* Do you have enough money to pay to see yourself right now? And buy a few beers?? OK, so why would your fans?

All tried and tested methods for more greatness, sustainability and groovyness gratefully received. Leave comments and I'll respond.

Look out for me on the road. I'll be at NAMM Jan 16-18 at the Presonus booth, at Cal Poly Jan 15, at SXSW and all over the place soon!

Find me on Facebook for more details on all of my upcoming events, or go HERE.

Peace, love and happy touring in 2009.

Martin Atkins
Chicago Illannoys




Martin Atkins has drummed with PiL, Killing Joke, Ministry, Nine Inch Nails, Pigface, and The Damage Manual, among others. As owner of the now 20-year old Invisible Records, he has worked with artists such as Thrill Kill Kult, Einsturzende Neubauten, Chemlab, Chris Connelly, Sheep On Drugs, Murder Inc, and Psychic TV. Martin teaches a course on Business of Touring at Columbia College in Chicago, IL, and has written a survival guide for touring bands, Tour Smart: And Break The Band, which features contributions from Henry Rollins, Cynthia Plastercaster, The Enigma, the Suicide Girls, Zim Zum (formerly of Marilyn Manson), Kevin Lyman, and various other managers, journalists, venues, agents, sponsors, radio personalities and the like.