Wow, great response from the Austin crew at Elysium. It was great to see such a good turn out, and thanks to John and all at the venue, and to the guys from CHANT for their help. I really enjoyed the seminar – blasted through loads of great strategies and ideas to help a new or start-up band get wherever they are going better, quicker harder (ok, there’s a good shirt). A LONG day for sure… after the 3 hour session with Q & A, I hung around to sign some books then to spin a couple of sets from the DJ booth - I really enjoyed it - kind of zoned out with the headphones on (I think at one point I had the cue engaged so everyone could hear me rawling around on the second deck! Oh yeah what a pro!) here I am pictured in the middle of this super grueling day with Suicide Girls Selket and Illyria (oh the struggle!) Amazing poster girls for SG - smart as fuck and hot as hell!



Finished up at 3am somewhere, delirious. If you see any video of a guy that looks like me dancing… well, that’s me. Sold out of books! Thanks Mike for bringing out some more.
A quick stop at Criminal Records Atlanta for a mini version of the info session - thanks to everyone there: Lillian, Eric and all! - too much coffee - but damn good coffee. Then, a drive by The Masquerade were we have performed so many times with Pigface… dropped off a book for Greg, and then a good nights sleep… or not. Of course the guys next door (it seems like there are ten people in the room) woke me up when I thought (really) that someone was being murdered. Then, I thought what we would all probably think immediately after that – this is the most amazingly good sex I have ever heard someone else having... it just sounds like someone is being murdered. Then, I realized when things started bouncing off the walls - that it was just a bunch of drunk guys. So, if you are reading this guys, that was me at 6.30 am ringing your phone just once or twice at random, disturbing intervals, and it would also be me ten minutes later when I call your room and order breakfast – I was going to print up signs saying "free breakfast - call 7536" and leave them all over the hotel… but too disappointing to not see the payoff… “What happened to my pancakes?? Yeah, I'd like the sausage!! Do you have any blueberry muffins?”

Have a Nice Day… Asshole!!!

Next day, Mobile, AL – a FANTASTIC coffee shop called Satori Sound… and thanks to James for the amazing sandwiches. This seminar was one night before a new band headed out on the road for 8 days, felt fated that we were there.
New Orleans? Fantastic! Baton Rouge? Great! Presonus Audio, The L Bar, and the Baton Rouge scene really showed what can happen when everyone pulls together. Free Red Bull, free pizza, free information… it felt like a revolution.
Memphis? Awesome! St. Louis and Union, MO? Fuckin’ A!!!
Such a great tour all around, and now it’s time to go out and do it again.

We’ve just put up an auction on eBay, for a copy of the book, and an in person band consultation. Check the listing for more information…


Last time, we posted the first half of The Creepy Crawl’s list of annoying things that bands do… here is the conclusion…

23. Parents of bands... this could be a whole top 39 list on its own... Parents who either a) insist on standing next to the owner all night and talking his ear off about how great their 14-year-old kid’s band is (who BTW sound like they had never picked up an instrument in their lives before they started "playing" that night) b) insist on standing next to the soundperson all night and making stupid suggestions on how to improve the sound of their kids band to the soundperson all throughout their set c) going to the bar while they wait for their kid’s band to play, consuming way too much, and then going to stand next to the owner and talk his ear off about how he used to jam in a band that was huge 25 years ago but now their kids band is going is going to hit mega-stardom any day now and makeup for his missed.... oh right, this is only supposed to be a paragraph.

24. Bands that leave gear behind. This happens at least several times each week and then we get the deluge of frantic phone calls in the following days about have you seen this or that piece of equipment and on the phone act like we should know where their stuff is. It’s amazing how something that is so important to them the next day gets so carelessly left behind the night before. We're the Creepy Crawl, not “Bob's Nightclub and Repository of Leftover Band Shit.” Keep track of your shit and take it with you when you leave!

25. Out of town bands that show up at 1:30 in the afternoon while you're doing work at the club. They then want to hang out with you all day and ask endlessly annoying questions while you work.

26. Bands who when you tell them they have one more song left because they're running late into their set decide to play a 45-minute opus full of self-absorbed guitar solos which in the course of playing covers in its entirety side 2 of Pink Floyds' “Dark Side of The Moon.”


27. Bands that pester you constantly to open for a particular touring band because they swear they worship their musical footprints and are the heaven endorsed guiding light of their musical lives. On the day of the show and after you told them sorry but the show was already filled up they don't even bother to come to the show. However, someone at the show reports hearing they decided to catch the Story of The Year show at the Pageant that night.

28. Bands that can't play longer than a 15-minute set.

29. Bands that can't draw two people but keep telling you that they can play as long a set as you like. "We can play an hour, an hour and a half, two hours if you want." That's kind of a like a doctor rushing to the scene of a car accident and asking the victims, "If you need me to help prolong your bleeding I can do that."

30. Bands that bitch and beg to play a longer 45-50 minute set. They do this knowing everyone else only gets a 1/2 hour slot. We finally relent and rework the whole show to accommodate them and they still wind up playing the same rush-through-it-because-we're-dipfucks 23-minute set they play every other night they play. Apparently they live in a different time dimension than everyone else on the planet. They thank you profusely at the end of the set for letting them "headline" for their fans but we make sure they buy us and everyone around us shots at full price.

31. Bands that give big lectures on stage about how important it is to support "the scene" but at the end of their set want to get paid ASAP and don't want to wait until the other bands get done.

32. Bands that give long-winded lectures about respect... how we need to respect each other, the world we all live in, ourselves, God, our fellow man, other "artists", Picasso, Left-handed midgets, respect this, respect that etc etc... What are these guys in the Mafia? The next morning you discover the parking spot they were parked in the night before is completely covered with empty water bottles, soda cans and Taco Bell.

33. Bands that are booked for a show but email every 12 hours to tell you they have changed their name and to please update your advertising. Call yourself Bobby & the Blowjobs for all we care, pick a name and STICK WITH IT!

34. Pathetic reasons why bands cancel. Bands that cancel 10 DAYS ahead of time because they have to go to a funeral! We feel so sad for these bands. Geez, I didn't know your grandpa was being stored on ice for 10 FUCKING DAYS! Who is he, Walt Disney??? If you’re going to friggin’ lie, try and come up with something half-way believable please.

35. Shows where the four local bands collectively can't outdraw the one out of town band you threw on the bill for gas money but through their own initiative and hustle actually manage to outdraw the four local bands (this BS actually happens!). We feel sorry and embarrassed for the out of town band who usually when getting paid out their gas money ask us quietly, "what’s up with the locals, why don't they have anybody come see them?" and we tell them as loudly as we can "BECAUSE THEY ARE PATHETIC & RETARDED LOSERS." Invariably (and we do mean invariably) their has to be the one local band who shoves the out of town band on the way to the door guy, lives 20 minutes away and brought a negative number of people, (they sucked so bad they ran off our happy hour crowd early) ask how much did they make and we tell them zero "BECAUSE THE BAND FROM 1/2 A CONTINENT AWAY OUTDREW YOUR PATHETIC AND RETARDED ASS.” Actually we don't say that because we're so pathetically nice, we usually say "you guys rocked, let us know when you want to play again!".

36 - 38: Bands that don't correctly understand the definition of these terms -

Load-In Time: CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: If a band has a load-in time of say 6:30 from that time they may attempt to enter the premises and inquire about loading in of their gear. If they by chance happen to arrive early they can occupy themselves with other activities to fill in the time, such as: visit the library, worship at a local church or synagogue or beating up the homeless guy living in the dumpster. INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: If a band has a load-in time of say 6:30 they arrive at 1:45 in the afternoon and knock incessantly on the back door. Usually they knock while the owner is in the basement knee-deep in standing shit working with a plumber to fix a leaking drain pipe. After trudging all the way upstairs to find five snot-nosed kids asking if they can load-in now (and hang out all day!) they are politely told to fuck off and come back at 6:30.

Promoter: CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: This is a person who actively works to promote a show. They promote by distributing flyers, plugging the show wherever they can and try to get as many people as possible to come to the show. If they have an out of town band booked on the show they take financial responsibility to ensure they get paid and are taken care of in whatever way they need. They also take charge in organizing the show and making sure all the bands know when they are scheduled to play and how the money works for getting paid. INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: This is a person who after asking repeatedly to put on a show does the following 1) fails to promote show in any way 2) fails to communicate any show details like lineup or order of the bands to the club (or the bands themselves) 3) makes themselves very scarce at the show , assuming they show up (they sometimes make a pathetic phone call just before doors to say they've just contracted a rare disease called pussyitis and to please take care of the out of town band). If they do show up and when questioned about things like band order, who's taking care of the bands etc. only respond with a blank stare.

Gas Money: CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: Gas Money is a term used to designate an amount of money to get a touring band to their next show. It sometimes includes a little more than that so they buy themselves some fast-food on their way or if they are lucky enough to cover a room at a Motel 6. Generally gas money would be considered anything from $30 to $75 and depends on how well the show goes. INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: $200 is not gas money. $200 is we're partying all night on the East Side and getting privates at Roxy's for everyone in the band.

Touring Band: CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: This is a band that is engaged on a "tour.” They come to the Creepy Crawl while on their tour and often come from far away places such as the far corners of the country, Canada, Europe or Asia. They are on the road for extended periods of time, sometimes for several months at a time, in a van or bus and experience many new places along their journey. These bands are always entitled to at least gas money or more. INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: Driving up from Festus does not make you a touring band.

A "Following": CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: A "following" is a collection of fans that attend the performances of a particular band. This is what bands try to develop to get ahead in the business and grow over time and is a measure of their general popularity. The larger a bands following generally means they will be booked more often and on better nights at the Creepy Crawl. INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: A "following" does not mean all the people that attended The Queens of The Stone Age show you opened for to cover the last minute cancellation of a contractual local opener counts as your bands following (perhaps the rush to the bar by the entire club and club staff when you started playing was an indicator). And, yes, this means the Jager girls at the club that night probably didn't come to see you and probably won't be following you to your next show.

39. Bands that read this list and then send us emails like this one - click here.

Now how about we all start a band list, of the top annoying things that clubs and promoters do!!

I’ll start the ball rolling with:

1. Dear Creepy Crawl: When you know you’ve lost your liquor license, and someone is spinning for free and they call to set up a bar tab or drink tickets for some people that have been very helpful to them… why not tell them in the early afternoon that you don’t have any alcohol of any description, rather than waiting until 9pm so say “Sure! They can have all the water they want!”

Just a thought! With a little bit of alcohol to grease the wheels, it felt like it could have been a great night.