I came across an amazingly candid (and funny) list of annoyances from The Creepy Crawl in St Louis. I’m going to be there in a couple of weeks so I hope that I don’t end up on their next list. Check out the complete list of shows here:


Thursday 9/20 - Austin, TX @ Elysium
There will be a FREE Tour:Smart seminar and Q&A session at the Elysium from 6pm - 9pm...
After the seminar, the band Chant is playing a show at the venue, which Martin will be DJing. The Elysium is located at 705 Red River St. in Austin, TX.

Saturday 9/22 - Atlanta, GA @ Criminal Records
FREE in-store Tour:Smart seminar beginning at 3pm.
Criminal Records is located at 466 Moreland Ave NE in Atlanta, GA.

Sunday 9/23 - Mobile, AL @ Satori Sound Coffee House
FREE Tour:Smart seminar beginning at 6pm. Located at 5460 Old Shell Rd in Mobile, AL.

Monday 9/24 - New Orleans, LA @ University of New Orleans
Closed lecture on Legal Issues at University of New Orleans at 6pm. Available for events in New Orleans during the day, and those of you in New Orleans, check out the Baton Rouge event on Thursday...

Tuesday 9/25 – Baton Rouge, LA @ The L Bar
Tour:Smart Seminar 6pm – 9pm at the L Bar. FREE. Presented by Presonus
Martin will be DJing along with Brad from Torrent Vaccine. Presonus will be providing some amazing studio equipment as free giveaways during the event. Located at 174 South Blvd. in Baton Rouge, LA.

Wednesday 9/26 – Memphis, TN @ University of Memphis
Closed lecture at University of Memphis.

Thursday 9/27 – Columbia, MO @ TBA
Tour:Smart seminar, details to follow.

Friday 9/28 – St. Louis, MO @ East Central College, Vintage Vinyl, and Creepy Crawl.
Two closed lectures at East Central College.
FREE public Tour:Smart info-session and seminar at Vintage Vinyl at 5pm. Located at 6610 Delmar Blvd. in St Louis, MO.
Martin Atkins will then be DJing in between sets at Creepy Crawl, beginning at 9pm, located at 3524 Washington Ave. in St. Louis MO.


And, want to know more about the designated idiot t-shirt? That’s in a couple of weeks… You can get one of the shirts free when you order the book from us. ORDER HERE

And it's still cheap as F**K at Amazon. There's a pic of me wearing it on the Mancow show.




Bestest and be safe out there

MarteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeN Atkins


Top Annoying Things That Bands Do

1. Bands that feel compelled to bang on their drums and guitars in an annoying display of lack of talent before the doors open. Usually this occurs when we are trying to talk to someone on the phone or give instructions to employees. There is a place for this type of behavior, it’s called your basement.

2. Out of town bands that show up and say, "We decided to bring another band with us, don't worry, they just need gas money and pizza."

3. Out of town bands that watch you order their pizzas with "the works" and after they arrive tell you, "Oh, we're all vegetarians, can we get buy-outs instead?"

4. Local bands with managers.

5. Local bands that have a girlfriend as their manager (Can you say annoying pain in the ass?) This usually marks the beginning of the end for most bands at the Creepy.

6. Bands that bring their own "personal" sound-tech. After seeing him try to operate the soundboard for 5 minutes the house soundman concludes that this guy has absolutely no clue how to operate a PA. Accordingly, the band sounds like total shit.

7. Bands that have more roadies than band members.

8. Bands that spell their names with a strange spelling twist e.g., junkeez, katz etc. After meeting the band, however, we are left with the impression that they didn't intentionally try and spell their name with a twist but rather they probably just don't know how to spell.

9. The out of town band that was lucky to get the gig, brought absolutely nobody, bitched all night long about their time slot, when told they had 1 song left in their set play 4 more anyway who when being paid out $50 in gas money asks, "Is this the best you can do?"

10. Bands that arrive and state that they talked to someone at the club and were told they get to play 3rd at 10:30 and can play for an hour. When asked the name of the person they talked to they suddenly forget their name but are sure they talked to "someone".

11. Bands who all arrive at the same time but no one is willing to play first. Subsequently the show doesn't start until 11:30 and everyone has 10 minute sets.

12. Top 3 signs that the band will bring no one to the show - 1) 2 Weeks before the show they say "We're gonna pack your place!" - 2) 1 Week before the show they ask - "What's your capacity?" - 3) Upon arriving at the gig they ask "So how many people do YOU usually get on a Wednesday night?"

13. Bands who draw is so bad that even their guests don't show up.

14. Bands who have no guests because they have no friends.

15. Bands who bring absolutely no one to their first gig and then call back incessantly to ask for another show and can't understand why they haven't gotten asked back. That's fine, we don't have to eat this month and we really dig watching you guys rock out to our empty club. Bands who fit this category don't need to bother calling back because the booking guy will always be away when you call.

16. Bands who after drawing no one at the end of the night apologize by saying, "geez, after you booked us we booked ourselves to play at the Hi-Pointe last night and we told all our friends to go to that show, that's probably why no one came tonight. BTW, when do you think we can play here again?" (Note: see above for our response.)

17. Bands who pester you to book their bands "side-project". Side-project is another name for self-indulgent crap so embarrassingly bad they can't dignify it with a name and gives them a cover why none of their friends will come see them "perform". (Would you go see your friend masturbate if they asked you to come watch?) Note to bands: think of your side-project as a project never to get booked again.

18. Bands who show up wearing "All Access" laminates around their neck. (Note to these bands: We honor these laminates for the bathroom and parking lot areas only.) I wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up but you don't see me walking around wearing a spacesuit at the club. We're convinced these people are recovering air guitar addicts from the '80s.

19. Bands who right before their set ask to play without a PA so it won't be deducted from their pay. (This has actually happened before.) Sure, we'll just ask the sound guy to go home for a 1/2 hour.

20. Bands that want to play in front or the side of the stage.

21. Bands that suck and then ask if you'll swap them out a shirt. You know, our shirts actually cost us money and I really doubt anyone at the club wants to wear your shirt. How about if we swap stickers and call it even?

22. Band members that ask 10 times throughout the night for a water or soda (usually in a nasally whining voice.) Typically this occurs when your in the middle of doing something important like counting down the drawer or dealing with actual paying customers. They usually like to precede their requests with a, "Do you think its possible I could get a...." etc. etc. We feel like responding, "Do you think it's possible you could shut the fuck up and go away?"