Long-haired, chest-thumping cro-magnons (read: metalheads) were given what seemed the opportunity of a lifetime this past weekend at the Download Festival when metal-band DevilDriver challenged the audience of rowdy hessians to create the biggest circle / mosh pit of all time. Observe:



Despite the relatively lame song, I’d say that qualifies as a valiant effort. However, when Roadrunner Records tried to get their ‘meathead tornado’ into the Guinness World Records, the stodgy old farts at Guinness went and dropped a steaming turd of logic on DevilDriver’s parade.

I guess they’d prefer to stick to exciting records like the longest match of tennis played without shoes or rackets in Des Moines. So DevilDriver -- who are best known because their singer served time in Coal Chamber -- will have to content themselves to the knowledge that their circle pit was ‘indefinably’ huge, and that the Guinness World Records staff are, quite definably, pussies.

Here’s another view of the pit, shot from inside the sea of sweaty limbs and greasy hair, which makes it feel like a Braveheart outtake. This clip also goes a long way to proving that if men are fed enough beer and exposed to heavy metal, they turn into cattle. Stampede!