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  • SUNDAY APRIL 2 2006 1:43 PM

Green Day Nabs Two Blimps, Instructs Children to Stick It to Man

Submitted by NoThanks

Edited by NoThanks

The notoriously icy hearts of America’s kids are no match for the smoldering stare of Green Day heartthrob Billie Joe Armstrong, as was proven again Saturday after his smeary, hypnotic gaze compelled children everywhere to bestow his band with two Blimps at Nickelodeon’s 19th Annual Kids Choice Awards.

Already proven adept at opening kids’ wallets, this latest demonstration of Armstrong’s sway over TV-saturated children is a cause for concern, according to some experts, who fear a Green Day-led army of youngsters could challenge the authority of American shopping-mall security guards and deplete dangerously low world mascara reserves.

One Blimp was presented to the ostensibly punk-rock band for being favorite music group. The other was awarded for the act’s “Wake Me Up When September Ends,” voted favorite song by the small children and creepy 40-somethings devoted to the popular cable television channel hosting the event.

Green Day now joins the ranks of other Blimp recipients, such as Whoopi Goldberg and Paula Abdul, in exemplifying the rebelliousness and opposition to authority that typifies punk.

“Don't believe everything you see on television, and stick it to the man,” Armstrong instructed his audience while accepting a Blimp. Reports credit his words with a 4,972% next-day spike in sales for Howard Zinn books, as children rushed from the ceremony to locally owned, independent bookstores and began exploring nonconformist thought.

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Subrosa

Subrosa

San Francisco, CA
July 2004

APR 02, 2006 05:30 PM

PointBlank said:
I couldn't give a shit about a "punk attitude"


That is so punk rock. love

Subrosa

Subrosa

San Francisco, CA
July 2004

APR 02, 2006 05:30 PM

steve626 said:
NOFX is punk. Green Day... not so much.


AHAHAHAHahahahahahahaha.

effstop

effstop

Las Vegas, NV
June 2004

APR 02, 2006 05:30 PM

fuck green day.

PointBlank

PointBlank

New York, NY
November 2004

APR 02, 2006 05:32 PM

Subrosa said:

PointBlank said:
I couldn't give a shit about a "punk attitude"


That is so punk rock. love


*Silently looks into the darkness, smoking a cigarette*

Yeah, I guess it is. I guess it is.

Petsjorin

Petsjorin

I'm lost
November 2005

APR 02, 2006 05:34 PM

Once a fairly good New Punk band, nowadays however, Green Day are as rebellious as my grandmother... Financial success seems to kill any credibility within the punk genre...

LinkIsMyHero

LinkIsMyHero

USA
February 2005

APR 02, 2006 05:40 PM

When I first read the headline I thought it meant that Green Day stole two actual airborne blimps and projected messages onto them instructing kids to stick it to the man...

DrZaius_

DrZaius_

Shallotte, NC
OLD SKOOL

APR 02, 2006 05:48 PM

Tangus said:
this article is such a waste of sarcasm.

if I had a kid, I'd rather have him/her listening to Green Day than Nickelback or Kidz Bop.

put things in perspective before you go for the cheap laugh.



How about Aaron Carter?

crispy

crispy

NEWSWIRE

Philadelphia, PA

APR 02, 2006 05:48 PM

rollerdisco said:
When I first read the headline I thought it meant that Green Day stole two actual airborne blimps and projected messages onto them instructing kids to stick it to the man...


That would be cool ... like when the Goodyear blimp scrolls birthday messages and crap.

Rocio

Rocio

SUICIDEGIRL

Alberta, Canada

APR 02, 2006 06:13 PM

Do kids even understand what 'sticking it to the man' means?...Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong part of this article...

Moonrabbit

Moonrabbit

Vancouver, BC
February 2005

APR 02, 2006 06:28 PM

From the headline I thought Greenday stole two blimps with big LCD screens on them and told kids across america to shake the establishment.

At first I was angry at greenday for selling out and plastering their faces all over every lunch box and poster they could.
But if that's what they had to do to get kids to listen and are able to tell them something useful, then power to them.

Not nessicerily to team up and overpower mall security guards but maybe to not buy into cheap fads and to think for themselves.

seanbonner

seanbonner

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

APR 02, 2006 06:54 PM

I've been entranced by Billy Joe's smoldering stare since he put 409 in my coffeemaker. Oh Billy....

Tangus

Tangus

Chicago, IL
November 2005

APR 02, 2006 09:33 PM

Clov said:

Tangus said:
this article is such a waste of sarcasm.

if I had a kid, I'd rather have him/her listening to Green Day than Nickelback or Kidz Bop.

put things in perspective before you go for the cheap laugh.



No, man, fuck that. Kidz Bop is fucking great. Look at some of the tracks off the last three albums:
Float on
Feel Good Inc
Pon de Replay
Since U Been Gone
Take Me Out

Pop gems, one and all.

And if you haven't downloaded the Kidz Bop version of Float On, you're missing out.


I do indeed have the version of Float On, and I once put the Kidz Bop version of Trapt's "Headstrong" on an old mix cd for Fenchurch.

the songs are so poorly done they're amazing, but not in a way that actual children should listen to.

Tangus

Tangus

Chicago, IL
November 2005

APR 02, 2006 09:34 PM

DrZaius said:

Tangus said:
this article is such a waste of sarcasm.

if I had a kid, I'd rather have him/her listening to Green Day than Nickelback or Kidz Bop.

put things in perspective before you go for the cheap laugh.



How about Aaron Carter?


boom. he put it in the hoop like slam.

Subrosa

Subrosa

San Francisco, CA
July 2004

APR 02, 2006 09:36 PM

seanbonner said:
I've been entranced by Billy Joe's smoldering stare since he put 409 in my coffeemaker. Oh Billy....


Word. He's dreeeeeaaammmy.

Andvari

Andvari

Calgary, AB
April 2005

APR 02, 2006 09:37 PM

patrick_hughes said:
just for the record, the tone of this was just meant to be absurd, nothing more. i realize internet culture runs on self-righteousness, but i sincerely didn't intend to lobby any serious criticism against green day for who they are or what they do, and i certainly don't begrudge them their well-earned success, or blimps. i guess i was just kind of hoping that newswire readers with a similar sense of humor to mine would get a chuckle or two out of it before getting on with the important stuff (masturbation).

[Edited on Apr 02, 2006 2:11PM]



Thank you for coming back into the thread and commenting. That, for me, is what makes the newswire articles interesting.

As for the article...I chuckled.

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