Published in the journal Nature Medicine, the results of a team of US scientists’ stem cell research have created a pitter-patter* of excitement among the medical community.

You’re goddamn right; they brought a heart back from the dead. The process is already used to create small amounts of heart tissue and blood vessels. A whole heart seemed like the logical next step.

At some point in the future, the researchers hope that this method will be used to create new, healthy organs from the stripped organ “scaffolds” of pigs or human cadavers. Using cells from the recipient’s own body in order to reduce the rate of rejection, they could craft a new organ and transplant it instead of waiting for a suitable donor.

Go ahead and hurry up on that, guys.

* Bad pun: accomplished.

punk does have a slight fear of rat zombies.

Bloggers, are they journalists? They often report the news, sometimes faster and more accurately than traditional news sources, but they're really not treated with the respect that journalists are. This attitude was evident at CES in Las Vegas, where - although some Bloggers were granted press passes - they were given their own working lounge, with lesser facilities than those of the traditional press lounge.

So, how would you go about changing this attitude to your profession, were you one of the bloggers granted a press pass? Just how do you get people to take you seriously? The best plan would probably not be to spend your time at the show sabotaging trade stands.

The TV-B-Gone, if you couldn't guess from the name, is designed to turn off TVs wherever you find them. This was obviously what they were hoping the Gizmodo guys would get up to when they sent them some freebies, but the fun seems to have backfired.

It's hard to see how this won't have wider ramifications for bloggers everywhere, seeing them all treated with suspicion and making it harder for any of them to get press credentials for any event. The press, after all, are welcome at these events for the publicity they bring to the new products, when you stop people publicising their products you're not helping, you're being a massive pain the ass.

It would seem that 2004 was a terrible year for words -- according to Merriam-Webster Online, the year's most monumentally defining word was "blog." Despite such strong contenders as whimsical "peloton" or maniacal-whilst-dignified "defenestration," the so-called logophiles congregating at the site instead opted again and again and again for the squat, the deflated, the narcissistic.[1] It would seem that 2004 was a nadir of sorts, future word lists never again deigning to reach such uninspired, self-referential, outdated, mouth-breathing lows.

It would seem that I was wrong.

As 2007 pinwheeled through its last few circadian cycles, the fine wordsmiths at M-W clacked their collective fizzling synapses together, finally emerging this week with one word to rule them all -- a word so fresh, so relevant, so simultaneously scintillating and intriguing that it cannot be confined to mere letters, rising above them like cream (or my eyebrows) in a rallying cry as swift and ebullient as the word itself:

w00t.

Oh, god. It's obvious what's going on, so why beat around the bush with this? If Merriam-Webster had any cojones at all, they would have just gone all out and proclaimed LOLCAT the word of the year. At least that would have been timely -- "w00t" first crawled across my Instant Messenger window almost eight years ago, and I'm pretty sure even then I was late to the game. But no, instead M-W's gonna go frag madd n00bs, Leeroy Jenkins-style. Ugh. Even the explanation of the word's etymology (no doubt to assuage the hordes of literary-types who are likely scratching their heads about now) is just too precious for words.

It's like watching a movie written by someone who's never functionally been around a computer before. "Oh noes, they've hacked the internet! We must be dealing with some elite hackers here; let's get the FBI on the line to decode their delicate esoteric language." It probably stars Jodie Foster and Gene Hackman. Ugh.

So once again, it's time to turn to Oxford to straighten this nonsense out, rolling up the paltry "w00t" and tossing it aside like so much garbage. What to offer in its place? Try this one on for size: locavore.

Yeah, you heard me. Locavore.

Like a downtown underground nightclub, "locavore" (alternately, "localvore") is so hip that, by the time people start writing about it, it's already on its way to epically-latered. Coined two years ago in San Francisco, it refers to an organic-offshoot movement encouraging folks to help their health and the environment by making a conscious effort to buy local.

With two years behind it, enough time to start a movement while still quite able to benefit from the publicity of its title, "locavore" certainly retains the satisfactory freshness that being Word of the Year requires (or ought to require, anyway). It also has that luscious multisyllabic root-word charm, for hose of us who enjoy a little gratuitous pedantry now and then. All that remains to be proven is whether or not it is socially relevant -- and, given that it marries global footprint concerns with a newfound interest in dining, I don't see how it could possibly be any less.

As an American institution, I hate to have to call out Merriam-Webster, but come on -- the British are making us look bad, and I know you can do better than this. In 2005, the word of the year was "integrity."

Show some.



[1] I don't blog; I write. Natch.

[2] Like a bottle of fine wine imbibed all at once, you can't keep a good _DictionaryGirl_ down.

Mike over at Kotaku writes about an interesting piece of software called Colors!, available on the Nintendo DS (hacked version required). It utilizes the DS’ seldom-advertised pressure sensitivity feature. So seldom-advertised that I’ve never head of it, and I’d wager neither have you.

Check out some examples of artwork created on the DS at Evil Avatar, which also links to a larger gallery at Brombra.net.

You can Color! this editor amazed (ah-har-har!); I almost want to hack my DS so I can use this software. Quick, Nintendo, release something official for those of us who are too chicken to void our warranty. punk is currently scribbling away at The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass.

Amidst all the hoopla in the $40 billion global video game industry, it seems Santa doesn't care about Blu-Ray or overpriced consoles either.

Nintendo's Wii, the little arm-waving, ass-shaking system that could, outsold Sony's Playstation 3 by more than three to one in Japan in 2007, regaining first place in total sales. Mario & Co. couldn't be happier.

Nintendo enjoys the same 3-1 margin in sales against Sony in North America. When your system can't last long enough on shelves to gather dust (and customers are left sucking the dubious cash cow cock of chain stores to buy overpriced "bundle" packages), you're doing something right.

Or, you know, your company fails at increasing supply to meet demand.

I happen to have a sunnier disposition where the Wii is concerned. Mostly because I camped out for 12 hours outside the nearest Target that fateful November morn to be #2 in line. Your personal experience may differ.

Kamide also notes the Xbox 360 is still going strong this side of the pond. That's right. Microsoft is still #1 in the US, selling more than 4 million units this past holiday. However, Bill Gates' little "Red Ring of Death"ed love child is still holding the rear in the Land of the Rising Sun.

Not to mention the problems they encountered with Xbox Live outages.

Much like the storied sports rivalries of old, the fight between the Big Three and their loyal fanbases is everlasting. I don't know about you, but I'm too busy killing zombies and saving princesses to go throw the ball around.

thefreak owns 15 different gaming systems. He's a bigger dork than you.

The International Consumer Electronics Show (CES) is the annual event for electronics enthusiasts. Prior shows have brought us the Xbox (2001), HDTV (1998), the NES (1985), the Commodore 64 (1982), the Compact Disc player (1981), and the VCR (1970) – each of them icons in their own right.

This year’s show is no exception, with Panasonic’s 150-inch Lifescreen Plasma (it’s bigger than a queen size mattress), Pioneer’s 9mm-thick plasma TV and “real black” contrast concept taking the cake. Honorable mentions should include Alienware’s curved rear-projecting gaming monitor, 2880x900 pixels of pure wrap-around gaming goodness, and SanDisk’s 16GB microSDHC card – at least in this geek’s humble opinion.

Technology isn’t the only thing making news this year. During his traditional keynote address, Bill Gates announced his official retirement from Microsoft, highlighted by an entertaining video of his life after Microsoft where attempts to work on his physique and mental well-being with Matthew McConaughey, asks George Clooney to play him in a biopic, and tries to get back on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Slash even joined him on-stage for a little bit of Guitar Hero.

But this year, the rest pale in comparison to the ultimate in self defense: Taser’s C2 line of leopard-print (also comes in pink!) bad guy shockers along with a revolutionary MP3-playing holster. You might want to read that again and give it time to sink in. “Fashion with a Bite” meets music-on-the-go for the modern day man or woman who wants to not only sport the latest trends, but listen to cool beats while they pump ne’er-do-wells with 50,000 volts of pure personal protection.

If you’re interested in more coverage of CES 2008, head on over to The Giz’ or Engadget – both of them have agents live on the field.

THE RISE

When I was a kid nothing filled me with awe like the thought of an actual living breathing -- killing, capable-of-preventing-you-from-breathing -- ninja. They were unstoppable. Cool beyond all belief, and ultra deadly. And they dressed in black.

Popularized by '80s movies like Revenge of the Ninja, American Ninja, various Shaw Brothers films... even the atrocious, yet fondly-recalled Ninja III: The Domination. A movie which, as far as I remember, didn't even have a ninja in it, rather just a ninja's ghost which took over some Jennifer Beals wannabe and turned her into a killing machine.

They even made a short-lived TV show about ninjas called "The Master". Another entrant in that rich television tradition (popularized by David Carradine in "Kung Fu") of white guys playing Asian martial arts masters. In this case, Lee Van Cleef as... um, a ninja.

At one point, after losing my one and only, dull-as-an-ashtray throwing star -- procured through a school yard trade involving baseball cards I had zero use for, and a broken compass -- I decided to buy some genuine "ninja-climbing claws." I'd seen them advertised in a ninja magazine. Think about that. A whole magazine, focusing on nothing but ninjas. What a time to be alive! So I cut out the ad for the claws, figuring, I guess, if I could attain one ninja skill it might as well be the one shared by lumberjacks, phone-line workers and multiple other non-threatening types around the globe. Unfortunately, the ninja's time was coming to an end, and I never got the claws...

THE FALL

Suddenly (Or was it gradually? Really, who can remember?) the ninja began to slide in popularity. Were they overexposed? The victims of a conspiracy? Assassinated? All equally plausible.

Movies began to feature them more in the role of the faceless thug or henchman, rather than hero. Portrayed as disposable, easily stopped and numbering in the thousands. Often dispatched by a muscular white guy armed with stubble and a pair of Ray-Bans.

The rise of the Ultimate Fighting Championship was a further assault, putting forth the idea that, uh, maybe ninjitusu wasn't the most lethal (or practical) way of dispatching another man in one-on-one combat.

Eventually people even dared to mock the once proud, lethal tradition, further eroding the ninja's place atop the bad-ass pyramid. Causing them to tumble down to the bottom level, a spot also occupied by Knights of the Round Table, bodybuilders and guys named Ox.

However it happened, when you look around today you don't see many kids idolizing ninjas. NFL players, pirates, jerks even... not ninjas.

And now, the DEATHBLOW.

What a sad, sad day for the former elite... Some suburban slob, ripping off houses on Staten Island, dubbed the "Ninja Bandit." Tsk.

Ahh that brings me back. Fondly recalling all those legendary ninja moments when they'd slip through a sliding glass door, leave it open, and run off with a handful of QVC jewelry.

At least he's using a traditional ninja weapon. Myself, I've never been able to swing a pair without visibly cringing in anticipation of the self-inflicted face shot that never failed to arrive.

The fact that he's not a true ninja, but is using the nunchucks does open him up for counter-attack by weapons superior to the nunchucks. Namely, EVERY OTHER WEAPON, ever. Club, stick, longer stick, gun, rock, mace, other kind of mace... To be fair, though, according to another report, he's already survived one stabbing attempt. So, he's doing better than I would've.

The final indicator that we're dealing with an phony... Locking doors would be useless against a true ninja.

THE REBIRTH?

Sure, things look bleak for our shadow-dwelling pals, but all is not lost. In fact, their most humbling hour may have unwittingly given them the opportunity for their greatest triumph. To return to their former glory, one thing has to happen.

An actual ninja must find and destroy this bandit.

Leaving him trussed-up in a hanging net for all to see. Once again striking fear into the hearts of imposters, comedians and filmmakers across the land. An example must be made, the Ninja Bandit must fall.

Get the word out, their time is once again here. I leave it to you, America. Put the ninja back where he belongs... in your nightmares!



TheCoolerKing owns one razer-sharp shuriken that he'll occasionally take out and look at... while wondering if there's more he should be doing with it. Then he puts it away until the next time he remembers it exists.

Every time New Year's Eve rolls around again, I make a resolution to be more politically active. It's not something that comes naturally to me -- despite my strong convictions, for most of the time it ends up feeling like shouting down a concrete wall -- and most years I don't even last as far as the end of the New Year's Day "Twilight Zone" marathon before I find something to make me sigh wearily and retreat to my world of escapism and pop culture.

This year, however, I consider myself lucky. I don't have to waste another 24 hours wondering what will make me hit my head against my desk, because I already know: tomorrow morning, the Paultards come to World of Warcraft.

Well, I'm glad someone got the troll joke out of the way already.

Perhaps you have heard of Ron Paul? If you haven't yet had the pleasure, I recommend starting with FearTheReaper's beginner tutorial and then maybe doing a search. You will learn many fascinating things. Whether you decide to agree with his tenets is entirely up to you. Just know that, should you accept, I take pity on your soul.

And yet, for some reason -- deft cherry-picking of campaign points and poor reading comprehension, perhaps -- Ron Paul is wildly popular on the intertubes. End result: pixelated gnomes and dwarves flying his banner all over the Eastern Kingdom. (Yes, yes, because Ron Paul represents the underdog giving a voice to the little people. Got it.) It would sound like a joke made at Paul supporters' expense, were it not for the 200+ page organizing thread on a Ron Paul grassroots forum.

Ah, and me with my poor little baby elf all the way over on Deathwing.

One thing I will say to the Paultards' credit -- they learned from others' mistakes. The rally will be carried out on Whisperwind, a PvE server, meaning that our rallying pals will be fully shielded from ambushes and combat. What a drag. Not that, as Wired so delicately implies, one is limited to heckling the rally with swords and bows alone.

What a splendid idea! Perhaps it's not too late for some political involvement after all. Azeroth is a magical world, ol' buddies -- snowball, anyone?




_DictionaryGirl_ regrets to inform you that, with this article and the dawning of the new year, her time on the SG Newswire team draws to a quiet close. As such, she could find no higher note to end things on than Ron Paul, extreme geekery, and a Calvin and Hobbes paraphrase. Thank you all so, so much for reading.

As the last installment on SuicideGirls, Tuesday Tasting will be moving to Shake Well Before Use in 2008.

Each week, Ariel Waldman serves a tasting of the latest in sex and tech.

Santa Brought Us Slutty Stocking Stuffers

Fleshbot posts ten XXXmas videos aimed to get you hotter than a Macbook on bare thighs. Naughty, video-loving vixens are decked out in reindeer hats and ready to ride your sleigh (at least on screen).

From "Three Tight XXXMas chicks share Santa" to "Hardcore Christmas party", the videos are definitely NSFW, but that shouldn't be a problem today.

Flying Home For The Holidays Will Still Suck

The friendly skies want to make sure they remain just that: friendly, but not of the fuck-buddy variety. Airlines are starting to open up to in-flight wi-fi and mobile phone service. Unfortunately, the possibility of porn is making many planes hesitant to allow unrestricted Internet access.

Personally, we'd much prefer an accidental glance at Britney's latest crotch shot on an adjacent laptop, than listen to someone ask what groceries are left in the fridge on our flight home.

362 Days Left To Stock Up On Gadgets For Global Orgasm Day 2008

Missed Global Orgasm Day last week, only to go directly to a thinly-walled, relative's home for the holidays? Thankfully, Gizmodo listed the top 10 gadgets you need for Global Orgasm Day, most of which you can order or make through the quiet convenience of a few clicks. If pink Japanese blowjob machines and Call Me Panties aren't your thing, then we can only hope your fingers and a fast internet connection help satiate next year's winter solstice.

And now it is time for this sexy geek to bid you adieu...

How fascinating are black holes? Like bottomless, pitch-dark wells of mystery and intrigue, they are eternally showing us some new side and defying expectations. Sometimes it's as simple and self-contained as redefining dark matter's role in relation to space; other times, however, black holes like to take a page from Wil Tarkin's interrogation cliff notes and break a couple thumbs, Grand Moff style.

Have I watched entirely too much Star Wars growing up? I suppose that's all relative, isn't it? At least I'm not alone in my immediate association -- NASA astronomers are currently referring to the black hole nega-system in question as a "Death Star galaxy," wholly validating the mental link bound to occur regarding the structures' malicious intents.

Needless to say (as it is pretty much modus operandi for black holes), this whole dark-energy beam shtick is something the likes of which the good folks at NASA have never seen outside the mechanized lens of George Lucas, and they seem to be grappling for a statement.

Sadly, Dr. Evans has gravely mixed his metaphors. Punching into? Pummeling? This is Episode IV, sir, not Rocky IV. Drago was certainly a big dude, but he wasn't a planet.

But anyway, to elaborate further on the situation: long, long ago (because, as you know, what we see is not always when we're seeing it), and far, far away (in the 3C321 system, to be exact), there existed two galaxies: one our proverbial peaceful planet, and the other our war star of death. Instead of lasers, the black hole galaxy glances off its neighbor with a lightning-fast beam of electrons and radioactive-tastic x-ray and gamma ray photons, and while the result doesn't have quite the same panache as a fireworks explosion, it's pretty sinister nonetheless.

Dramatic, no? Perhaps it's all our fault -- see, we looked at the universe wrong, and now it has no choice but to eat itself. Still, this isn't necessarily as bad as it sounds. After all, every bit of destruction brings the opportunity for a new beginning. Just as the destruction of Alderaan perhaps gave the Rebel Alliance that extra push of motivation it needed to finally send the Empire spiraling into destruction, so too does this supermassive black hole of doom push researchers ever further in their examinations and discoveries of our universe.

What's more, it is theorized that, even as the energy beam rips and tears at its subject, new constructs may be built from its ashes. Built on the shoulders of this destruction, torn off and invigorated with irradiated energy, there may come new stars or whole new galaxies.

Perhaps even, dare I say... a new hope?



_DictionaryGirl_ doffs her astronaut helmet at Tony_T for the story. 'Ta!

Due to budget cuts at the Newswire, this will be the last Geek in Review. It’s been an awesome year, but all good things must come to an end, and I think the GiR will be very happy living on a farm where it can play with other columns all day long.

For my final column, I'm collecting some of my favorites before I say so long, and thanks for all the fish.

When I transitioned from Geek News editor to featured columnist, I wanted to use my first column to talk about something that had been on my mind for years: The Real Revenge of the Nerds.

I’m geeky for a lot of things, but nothing defines my geekiness more than hobby games. One of my personal favorites was a retrospective look at how I became the gaming geek I am today, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Geek.

When I wrote the first Sci-Fi Guilty Pleasures column, I had no idea I’d be starting a recurring feature that was as much fun to write as it was painful (and awesome) to watch the movies I covered.

Before I was a writer, I was an actor. I spent quite a bit of time on this silly little science fiction show called Star Trek: The Next Generation that some of you may have heard your parents talk about. It was only natural that I’d write about some things associated with it, like Star Trek: The Experience in Las Vegas, and what it means to me as someone who once wore spandex to work.

Then there was the first time I met WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER, a story so turgid it took two parts to tell it all.

I wrote about some of the times I’ve been asked to Sign Here, Please.

I finally got to say a proper goodbye to Star Trek earlier this year when I visited our old stages to do some filming for a DVD documentary. I was happy to share my Big Goodbye with Geek in Review readers.

At the end of that day, I contemplated my Journey’s End.

I’m 35, and as I officially become old and lame (according to my teenage kids) I spend a lot of time thinking about the things I loved to do when I was younger, like playing video games in arcades during the golden era of coin-ops. I was happy to learn that I’m not the only guy here with Pac-Man Fever:

I also loved console gaming, and wrote about my first encounter with the Nintendo Entertianment System. I liked this column so much, I incorporated parts of it into my 2007 PAX keynote address.

While geek culture has been assimilated into mainstream culture in several realms, especially video games and movies, we still have conventions as a secret gathering place where we can really let our freak flags fly. I’ve been to thousands of conventions in my life, both as a guest and as an attendee. Near the end of this year’s convention season, I wrote some rules Concerning Conventions.

Now that the Geek in Review is over, I’ll have a harder time justifying my rampant purchases of video games (“Honey, I need to buy this so I can review it for Suicide Girls. I swear.”) This is sad, but it will also reduce the number of times I get Carded.

I guess it’s appropriate that, just over a month ago, I wrote my favorite column of the entire Geek in Review. It's a look at the various media choices we geeks are faced with, viewed as a classic Infocom text adventure: A Mind Forever Voyaging.

I’ll be honest: I’m sad that this is over, and I want to thank Sean, Missy, Helen, Erin, Gerry, and Christopher (who brought me here in the first place two years ago as an editor) for making me part of this tremendous community. This has been an incredible time for me, and I’ve really enjoyed working with everyone on the newswire. I’m proud of everything I did here, and it’s been an honor to share the masthead with people like Warren Ellis and Rob Corddry. I don’t know where I’ll take my geeky writings next, but I’m keeping my membership and will be visiting regularly, uh, for the articles . . . even if I’m not writing them.

Wil Wheaton is making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.

Each week, Ariel Waldman serves a tasting of the latest in sex and tech.

Rock Out With Your OhMiBod Cock Out

With a few cords and connections, you can now rock out to good vibrations. While techno remains an old standby for OhMiBod, the vibrator that responds to music, Jean at Notcot recently hooked up their humming companion to a Vox AmPlug and a guitar.

Sex Workers Against Grand Theft Auto

Not surprisingly, sex workers are speaking out against Grand Theft Auto for its violence against virtual prostitutes. Yesterday marked the fifth annual International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers, and with it came vocal outcries against the video game. Though violence is certainly aimed at every type of citizen within the game, it doesn't soften the blow for sex worker advocates. It is not yet known if future Grand Theft Autos will take this feedback into consideration.

Gadget Girls Will Heat Up Your Holidays

Never much of a story behind gadget girls. Just the run of the mill, hot girl on gadget action. i4u attempts to make some demand for a DVD player by shelling out photos of a scantily-clad Miss Santa. We heart geek girls, but the lovely Miss Santa model named Lundon loses major points for needing to pull out the manual.

I've never been much of a cat person. It isn't to say I'm not fond of the brutes, it's just that it takes a very special kitty to really melt my heart. It's a preference that has put me squarely at odds with some of my friends on the other end of the pet spectrum, and only a couple of weeks ago I found myself in a brief debate over whether or not dogs and cats are equally disgusting creatures. I lost that particular battle due to cats' so-called self-cleaning instincts (a moot point if you bathe your dog regularly, I should think), but I think I've found enough ammo to win the war. See, some dogs may occassionally succumb to feats of stupidity (yeah, okay, some of them eat things they just finished expelling), but at least their parasites won't drive you slowly into madness and a life of unfathomable cat-lady filth.

Dear god. To be perfectly frank, this article had me at "infected with a parasite," because I'm a little on the squeamish side when it comes to horrific infestations, but it's the whole "more likely to be eaten by cats" bit that is truly intriguing. While it has long been scientific knowledge that kitties lower one's functioning IQ, I had always assumed the integral factor to be not a parasite so much as brain-frying cuteness. Boy, did those cats have me fooled!

Suffice it to say, Toxoplasma Gondii are some gnarly motherfuckers -- as protozoa, like their brother Malaria, they share many of the same symptoms. Key differences, on the other hand, include a slower organ failure death and a nonchalant attitude toward rampant cat piss. Yes, you heard me.

So the theory in a nutshell, then, is that Toxo makes you lust for the pungent aroma of cat pee, causing you to fill your house with it -- driving away all sane relatives until A.) the Humane Society has to wade knee deep in Fresh Step to haul you off to a home, or B.) you die alone, the neighbors finding you a carcass weeks later, picked clean by your parasitic brood.

Ugh. Sounds about right.

Despite, however, these theories that seem to make a lot of sense, the researchers' official stance is that nothing is definitively conclusive as of yet (aside from that Toxo sufferers so far have shown slower reflexes and are 2.5 times more likely to get in a car accident -- old cat lady, anyone?) and that they need more time to run studies. I'm not sure what more they need -- I'm convinced.

Like I said: it's not that I have any sort of bias against cats. They can be cold and unfriendly, and give you that look like they're bored to death that you're still alive, but the right cat can be a perfect pal. All I'm saying is this: parasites. Better yet: parasites that may drive you syphilitically insane and degrade your own quality of life. So, you know -- put that in your "cats are so much cleaner than dogs" pipe and smoke it.

Quod erat demonstrandum.



_DictionaryGirl_ and her cat-crazy boy are totally getting a kitten, and she will certainly love it to pieces, but let it be known -- she will be sleeping with one eye open. She will not be a statistic.

Each week, Ariel Waldman serves a tasting of the latest in sex and tech.

Pony Play Penetrates Second Life

No amount of sex and animal combinations ever seem to satiate Second Lifers. Having sex with a unicorn to own unicorn babies certainly wasn't enough. Now, the world of pony play is emerging in the virtual world. Ponygirls and ponyboys are "submissive who like to roleplay the part of ponies in bondage and fetish scenes. There are also roles of trainers, grooms, and handlers for the dominant set of participants." We can hardly wait to see which fetish group will find its following in Second Life next.

Cyber-Sex Bot Socially Engineers Its Way To Stealing

Social engineering has become a form of hactivism both online and offline. On the internet front, a new program called CyberLove "can mimic online flirtation and then extract personal information from its unsuspecting conversation partners". The program works by using artificial intelligence to trick users to giving up personal data while getting hot in front of the keyboard. While it appears to only be attacking Russian sites, experts are urging the easily excited to be careful worldwide.

Bluetooth Vibrators Hit The Mainstream

Bluetooth vibrating devices have finally hit the mainstream. Unfortunately, they only come in the form of a bracelet. Paired with your phone, the bracelet vibrates when you have an incoming call, text or email. While the accessory is certainly a step up from shoving an annoying headset into an ear orifice, the use of bluetooth and a vibrator have so much more potential. A little tinkering, and the vibrating "bracelet" could become an excellent way to get excited about Monday morning conference calls.

(Okay, so it's not Saturday. I couldn't get the site to work last night. Desculpa-me!)


People go on and on about how video games are bad for kids, turning them into ruthless killers and car thieves who like their coffee like they like their women: pixilated. And hot. Or something. But what about when video games save lives? I give you: Hans Jørgen Olsen. Yes, I know his name is totally awesome (although my friend Jeff says the vowel "ø" sounds horrendously ugly when spoken aloud), but more importantly is the fact that without the help of a certain beloved RPG, the only place left to marvel at that name might have been on a tombstone.

What kind of world are we living in that children are being attacked by a moose? What's next, flying squirrel kamikaze missions? On the other hand, it must be nice to live in a place where you can just stroll through a nearby forest with huge wintry animals roaming about. But I digress. So in the face of fearsome antler-wielding forest animals, this kid not only had the fortitude to take charge and get the moose away from his little sister (what a great brother!), but then to follow the lead of his Warcraft hunter character and drop like the dead, throwing his enemy off the track.

Pure genius. Can you even imagine what kind of bloodbath might have gone down if the kid has been playing Mortal Kombat? Then again, that would change the story from "heart-warmingly quirky and showing a more productive side of video games" to "child goes crazy on forest animal and proves video game stereotypes right -- berserker!" So it's probably for the best that it didn't come to that.

As it does stand, this kid deserves some sort of medal. Bravery, heroism, and the right to get his WoW on for a little bit before digging into homework. Hey, after all, it's not like it never taught him anything.



_DictionaryGirl_ is saddened by the fact that, should she have found herself in a similar position, she would not have had the same brilliant options. Despite her best efforts, in real life she can neither cast arcane missiles nor turn enemies into sheep. She is also not sure what the benefits of turning a moose into a sheep might be.

When I saw that space dot com had an article out called "How to Destroy a Giant Planet," I got really excited in an "I hope no nefarious super-villians are reading this" sort of way. As it turns out, it's coming from an angle not involving dynamite or hordes of zombie minions, but nevertheless it's still quite an informative little essay if you're interested -- not a manual on grand-scale demolition so much, but a study in the structural evolution of gas giants, and the sort of extremes that might have led to these planets' own demise.

The gas giants are apparently something more of a mystery than other bits of our solar system. We have a good handle on how stars are formed, after all, and the concrete inner planets like our own are relatively straightforward, but our colder and more distant satellites are caught somewhere in between. According to a team of researchers at University College London, that very distance is really all that keeps them held together.

In summary, the closer you bring a planet like Jupiter to the actual sun, the more likely it is to no longer exist. Which would be, one would think, pretty much the same response as everything else in the galaxy. The interesting thing is that the researchers say it wouldn't burn up (the bane of all these tiny stars that never ignited) so much as evaporate. Why is that? Loss of atmosphere, they say. It's not happening with our friendly neighbor planets, thanks to distance, but many are watching it happen on aforementioned and ungainly-named HD209485b, which orbits so close to its own sun that a year takes only three and a half days.

The UCL researchers mentioned a magic number, a safe distance of 0.15 Astronomical Units. Anything closer seems to affect the level of hydrogen in the planets' atmosphere, creating something like a hole-in-the-ozone effect -- except that, in this case, air gets sucked out of that hole in the atmosphere like an airplane with a window kicked in.

It's just a little more insight into the way our galaxy works, which is always pretty fascinating. Let's just hope there are no evil scientists reading this: with a few improbable billion dollar planet-moving tools, who knows what sort of malarkey could be done, now that you know how to evaporate a planet.


_DictionaryGirl_ will so call the X-Men on you, so seriously, don't even think about it.

With the holidays fast approaching, the question facing wannabe rockers and those who would buy gifts for them is clear: Rock Band, or Guitar Hero III?

It’s not as simple as it may seem. Both games have strong and weak points, and while they both have The Rock[1] in common, they are distinctly different games, and choosing which one is right for you or your favorite lil’rocker[2] can be a difficult proposition. Since we’re talking about a substantial amount of money here – though the GH 3 360 bundle has an MSRP of $89 and the Rock Band Special Edition has an MSRP of $160, both are in limited supply and are going for Tickle Me Elmo prices online – I thought I’d use this week’s Geek in Review to review both games, highlight their differences, and justify to my wife why I’ve played both of them so much in the last two weeks, I have a serious RSI in my right forearm and wrist.

Note: I have the Xbox 360 version of each game, so that’s what I’ll be referring to in this column.

Let’s begin with a few similarities: both games have outstanding set lists, featuring a good balance of current and classic rock songs at various difficulties. A big part of the fun for me in these games is unlocking new songs as I play without knowing what’s coming up next. If you’re like me, you won’t want to see the complete Guitar Hero III setlist, or the complete Rock Band setlist.

However, you may want to know that both games feature songs from Metallica, The Killers, The Rolling Stones, Weezer, and a few others. Only one of them has extra cowbell, though.

Both games also work with the wired and wireless Guitar Hero controllers on the 360, though I’ve heard complaints that there are some issues with the PS3’s wireless controllers, giving PS3 owners what they deserve for buying a big stupid blu-ray player with some gaming thrown in as an afterthought.[3] Both games regularly release new songs through the Xbox Marketplace, and so far, I’ve found Rock Band’s DLC to be vastly superior to GH 3’s.

Both games have fun career modes for single and multi-player, and since that’s where the similarities end, let’s look at them both on their own merits.

Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock.

This is the fourth Guitar Hero game (if you count this summer’s profoundly disappointing Rocks the 80s) so players know what to expect: pick a rocker, grab a guitar, and start working your way through setlists of increasing difficulty on your journey to Guitar Legend (which doesn’t sound as cool as Rock God, but if you get all the way to the end on Hard or Expert, you’ll feel like one. Trust me.)

What’s Back
Several of your favorite characters have returned, including Lars Umlaut, Johnny Napalm, Casey Lynch (who gets a serious hotness upgrade) and Judy Nails (who gets a serious boobies upgrade.) The rock store, where you can buy bonus songs, guitars, costumes and rockers has also returned. The basic style of play is unchanged, and Neversoft (which replaced Harmonix when they split off from RedOctane) did a great job with all songs. The hammer-ons and pull-offs function the same way as they did in GH 2, but the overall difficulty has been ramped up quite a bit. I read on the ‘tubes somewhere the suggestion that GH3 Hard = GH2 Expert, and I can mostly agree with that.

What’s New
The graphics have gotten a serious upgrade from the last time around, and it’s stylized without being too cartoony. There are a couple of new characters, all-new venues, and a new storyline with awesome cutscenes that tracks your band’s rise, fall, redemption, and . . . well, I don’t want to give away the ending, but it’s fun and cool.

Two completely new additions to the game are the Boss battles, and the Career Co-op mode. The Boss battles pit you against real-life rockers Slash, Tom Morello, and a mystery opponent, in a face off that replaces star power with battle power. When you play against these guys (or against a friend in multiplayer) you don’t get stars to increase your score and get the audience on your side. Instead, you collect different ways to fuck with the other guy, like the Whammy, which forces him to wail on the whammy bar before he can play any additional notes, and the Amp Overload, which causes his fretboard shake and notes to blink, making it insanely difficult to play them correctly. Personally, I hate the battle mode, but I also hate the Red Hot Chili Peppers and that damn screaming Emo music, so clearly I do not have my finger on the pulse of the damn kids today. Both of my kids (16 and 18) think Battle mode is awesome.

Career co-op mode takes the old co-op mode but gives you encores songs that can only be unlocked when you play with a friend, and an entirely different set of cutscenes. I liked it, because it added the sense of achievement I got while playing through the solo career mode to the fun I have rocking out with a friend (or, more frequently, one of my kids.) Unlike Rock Band, players don’t have to pick an instrument and stick with it, so you’re free to switch off between bass and guitar from song to song.

What Rocks
Nearly all of the songs are performed by the original artists. If you think that’s not a big deal, go play Guitar Hero II and report back. Five paragraphs, double-spaced, please.

Though the setlist is obviously focused on songs with blistering solos, it’s still a well-balanced collection of different genres and difficulties. Each song is accompanied by the year it was released, which is a minor detail that I nevertheless appreciated.

Poison frontman Brett Michaels did motion capture for all the male singers in the game, and I can honestly say it’s the first thing he’s ever done that I thought was awesome.

Sonic Youth’s Kool Thing. I know, I know, I said I wouldn’t spoil any of the setlist, but this song is so fucking awesome it deserves special mention in this section, because it’s not the sort of song that you’d expect to find in this game. Now, if they’d only give us some Bauhaus . . .

What Sucks
The audience. They didn’t put anything new into this subroutine to improve on the crowds in GH2. Everyone moves around in exactly the same way, looking like one person replicated over and over again, sort of like a gathering of Ron Paul fanatics.[4]

The vocal on Pride and Joy is so bad, Zombie Stevie Ray Vaughn was recently spotted prowling the Texas countryside, looking for revenge.

When you go from the penultimate setlist to the final setlist, the difficulty explodes, and songs cross over from “challenging-but-fun” to “oh my fucking god why can’t I get past 90% on this?” I suppose it gives a sense of real accomplishment when you finally make it to the final boss battle, but I just found it demoralizing. That’s not to say the songs are bad. Three of the songs in that setlist are my favorites in the game, even if they’re so damn hard to play I want to smash my controller like I’m a member of The Who.

Finally, my biggest complaint about the game: there’s advertising everywhere, and while I don’t mind that sort of thing where it makes sense – like Ernie Ball strings, and Gibson guitars – there’s stuff that feels totally out of place, like all the Pontiac crap in one level, or obviously intrusive, like the cans of Red Bull that seem to end up littering every single stage.

Guitar Hero III continues where Guitar Hero 2 left off, and it rocks just as hard. I can say with complete confidence that if you like any of the games in the franchise, the latest installment won’t let you down, and will seriously rock your socks off.

Rock Band
Because Rock Band exists in a world that’s already seen four Guitar Hero games, is seen as a natural competitor to that franchise, and wouldn’t exist if not for Guitar Hero’s success, it’s nearly impossible to let it stand entirely on its own merits. No matter what, it’s going to be compared to Guitar Hero, which is a shame, because while there are similarities, Rock Band is an entirely different game, that’s satisfying to play for entirely different reasons. It's not just Guitar Hero with extra instruments; it's much more.

Rock Band takes Guitar Hero III’s career co-op, and adds singing and drums. There’s a solo mode where players can choose one of the different instruments and work their way through different setlists, but it’s not nearly as fun as multiplayer. In fact, to steal a phrase from Penny Arcade’s Tycho, this game needs to be played with other people, because that’s where it shines.

Bass and guitar is exactly what you’d expect, and if you’re familiar with their Guitar Hero counterparts, you should feel right at home. Rock Band isn't nearly as forgiving as Guitar Hero 2 and 3, though, and the hammer ons and pull offs look and respond very differently than what you're used to. This will probably put some people off, but I adjusted fairly quickly.

Rock Band ships with a guitar that’s modeled after the Fender Stratocaster, that is decidedly different than the controllers you’re used to. I like it, but it takes a lot of getting used to. This is one of the many areas where Rock Band’s comparisons to Guitar Hero hurt it: the controller looks and feels good, and has a nifty 5-way switch that lets you apply effects like echo, wah wah, and chorus to your solos. There are also tapping buttons high on the neck that can be played without strumming during solo sections, but players who are unwilling to adjust to the new axe won’t ever get to enjoy those little tweaks.

Players who choose to sing will get a microphone and will be scored on pitch and annunciation. Unlike some other karaoke games, you can’t just hum your way through songs and expect to get a good score, so if you don’t know the words to a song, find someone who does. We had a lot of fun setting up a rudimentary mic stand (built from a box kite tube, some bungee cords and a chair, naturally) and taking turns singing while we played guitar or bass, but at the more advanced difficulties, you’ll want to focus on just one instrument to get high scores and unlock new gigs. And singers? In some songs, you’ll get to bang your microphone like a tambourine . . . or a cowbell. Yeah, that’s right: a cowbell.

The drums are my favorite instrument, and I’ve heard real drummers say that if you can play the drums in Rock Band on Hard, then you can play the drums in real life. When you drum, you’ll see a vertically scrolling section just like the guitar and bass players. You play notes by banging drum sticks on colored pads that sound like toms, snares, crash and ride cymbals. There’s also a foot pedal that thumps like a bass drum. The best part about being a drummer is releasing Rock Band’s version of starpower, which is cleverly called “energy.” When you build up enough “energy,” your section will switch to four glowing vertical bars of color [5] indicating that you can imrpovise a drum fill. This is so much fun, because it gives wannabe drummers like me a chance to play along with a real song, and then add whatever flourish we feel like bringing to the song before hitting the crash cymbal and sending our score into overdrive.

Rock Band lets you do all of this with 58 songs – 51 of them by the original artists – and a shitload crapton of downloadable content, which Harmonix has pledged to keep updating every week from now until the end of time. Already, they’ve released songpacks from Bowie, The Police, Metallica, and Queens of the Stone Age. Eventually, players will be able to purchase entire albums, starting with The Who’s Who’s Next.

What Rocks
Multiplayer, baby. It’s all about the world tour, where you get to name your band, give it a motto, and fill it with characters you and your friends have created.

The loading screens are pictures of your band in action, and they add a level of realism to the “I’m in a rock band” fantasy that will put a smile on your face if you’re willing to commit to it. I squeed a little bit when I saw a loading screen with my band’s name – and my character – on a billboard.

Customizing your band and characters. There are countless graphics to choose from, so you can design an original logo (perfect for the inevitable T-shirt sales) for your band. As you progress through the game, you can customize your characters with tattoos, haircuts, and costumes. There are so many options, you can make your player look like a reasonable recreation of you in real life[6], or you can mold yourself after your ultimate rocker (I made myself look like Elvis Costello, because I don’t want to go to Chelsea.)

The Big Rock Ending: At the end of certain songs, you’ll be presented with an opportunity to blast out one of those huge endings that brings the house down. What makes it really cool and fun is that you get to just wail away on your instrument to build up a huge bank of points . . . which you only get to collect if you hit s randomly-assigned note or series of notes at the end of it all. If your whole band pulls it off, you can get tens of thousands of points and a huge cheer from the audience. If any one of you misses it, though, you won’t get the points, and you’ll just hear crickets.

The artwork is magnificent, and the set design in each venue rules. In some songs, your lead singer will even leap into the audience, just like a real rocker.

When you are really rocking, the audience will actually sing along with you. This is seriously cool, but if you have 5.1 surround, it cranks up to 11 on the awesome scale, as it seems to come from all around you.

What Sucks
There are some minor annoyances in multiplayer. For instance, if I start a session as a guitarist, I can’t switch my character to drums for one song without signing out and logging back in, and if I’m the band leader, I’m stuck with one instrument for the life of the band. That’s stupid, and the game would be much more fun for casual players if we could choose what instrument we’d play at the beginning of each song.

To unlock new venues, your band must amass a certain number of fans. The number of fans you gain each gig is determined by the difficulty level of each member of your band, so you reach “fan caps” where the game comes to a halt until you can successfully play at a higher difficulty level. For some players, this isn’t bad at all, and is a good motivator to try harder levels. For casual players, though, it totally sucks. I know plenty of people who love to play on Hard, but have no interest in playing on Expert. The way I understand this, unless Harmonix removes the fan cap (which I think they’ll have to do, eventually) some people won’t ever be able to experience the entire game. That’s just fucking retarded. Not everyone wants to play the game on Hard or Expert settings, and preventing those people from enjoying the game the same way Hard and Expert players do is stupid and wrong.

There is an even bigger problem, though, that almost breaks the game for me: it’s infuriatingly repetitive in multiplayer career mode, especially at the beginning. As you advance through different cities and unlock new gigs, you’ll be faced with challenges, where the audience randomly picks songs for you to play. The RNG that decides the songs is thoroughly fucked, and frequently results in forcing you to play the same song three times in 30 minutes. If it’s a song you love, not such a big deal; but if it’s a song you hate – like Wanted, Dead or Alive, for instance – you’re screwed. If you’re trying to introduce new players to the game who are used to Guitar Hero’s “one and done” approach to playing songs, it can be a massive turn off. In fact, this problem has driven both of my kids and all of their friends away from Rock Band. While some people claim that playing the same songs over and over again is realistic and more like being in a real band, I totally disagree. I’m not looking for a perfectly realistic recreation of being in a band, I just want to experience the fun of playing songs that I’d never be able to play for real with my friends. I want to play Don’t Fear the Reaper and Won’t Get Fooled Again, and I don’ t want to have to play Celebrity Skin fifty fucking times to get there.

I have a solution to this, though: the game should ask itself if a particular song has been played in the last two hours. If the answer is yes, it chooses a different song for your band to play. See? Done and done.

Those two annoyances aside, I just love Rock Band. I love the feeling of pointless accomplishment I get when I see I’ve gotten 100% on a solo, or improvised a particularly wicked drum fill. Mostly, I love the way Rock Band lets me pretend like I’m in a real band, playing for real people on a real world tour. In fact, to fully enjoy it, you and your bandmates should totally commit to the fantasy, and rock out as hard as you can while you play; it’s the only way to unleash the game’s full potential.

The bottom line.
These are very different games, and I like them both for very different reasons. If you have friends who can consistently get together with you to play, Rock Band destroys Guitar Hero. If you’re going to be playing alone, or if you’re buying for a teenager who thinks the greatest achievement in life is getting 5 stars on Buckethead in Expert mode, mashing guitar buttons like we used to mash Street Fighter buttons, then Guitar Hero III is a clear winner.

Whatever you choose, you’re going to get a great game that’s a ton of fun to play. For those about to rock, I salute you.

[1]That would be the music type of The Rock, not the kind that wants you to smell various things which are cooking.
[2] I say “lil’rocker” because it conjures up images of those adorable, chunky plastic toys, and let’s be honest: that’s how people view us when we’re shredding our balls off during a solo on Expert.
[3] Yeah, that’s won’t arouse any passions, will it?
[4] I’m feeling randy today. Ron Paul supporters and PS3 owners? Look out, Truthers. You’re next.
[5] I hear that’s fairly common for real drummers in real bands, especially if your name was John Bonham.
[6] That’s clearly not me. It’s Posh. Durr.

Wil Wheaton’s band is called Zombitis: Dawn of the Shred. He’s currently accepting applications from potential groupies.

Each week, Ariel Waldman serves a tasting of the latest in sex and tech.

2 Girls, 1 Cup Curiosity Gets Malware

Curiosity killed the cat, but it can also certainly kill your computer. The 2 Girls, 1 Cup grotesque viral phenomenon isn't slowing down. The sheer buzz around a video most find too terrifying to describe is building in search engines, with hacker trolls trailing behind. Sites now claiming to host the video are infact infested with malware. As if the sight of the reactions (uncontrollable puking, dry heaving, etc.) of other people watching 2 Girls, 1 Cup wasn't enough to deter us from seeking out the video, the possibility of malware on our precious Macs/PCs has us avoiding hitting play for good.

Uber-dexterous Robotic Hand Copies Humans

We were just as excited as Engadget to learn about the new "uber-dexterous robotic hand" that was recently released. Supposedly, it's being held up as "one of the holy grails of science". At first glance, the sensor-saturated hand seems like it could be the perfect balance of man and machine for personal pleasure. That is until, we read that the dynamic device would be "using artificial intelligence to create software that could "learn and copy human hand movements." Sure, great for those who lost a limb, but for those of us interested in using technology for temptation, who would want a pleasure device that mimics the clumsiness of your college boyfriends?

Parents Recommended To Buy Game Promoted By Nude Models

The National Institute for Media and the Family compiles a yearly "buying guide" around the holidays for approved and disapproved games, based on family values. Kotaku of course caught the "helplessly out of touch" organization recommending video games with specific promotions of naked Page 3 girls. The game featuring the girls was Need For Speed: Pro Street. To give NIMF a break, naked girls may be the perfect escape from eggnog overdoses during the forced holiday family-time. Just be sure to hide the console from the kids.

What should you do if you're surfing and a great white shark appears out of nowhere and starts chomping on your leg? You should summon your roving pack of bottlenose dolphin pals to form a protective ring around you, ensuring your safe return to shore with whatever is left of your leg.

This actually happened to a surfer by the name of Todd Endris in Marina State Park just off the coast of Monterey, California. In addition to successfully eating the flesh off of Todd's leg, the great white shark peeled the skin off of his back.

Back on shore some lifeguards stood around utterly helpless.

Cut to: the dolphins! I picture that the dolphins were huddled up trying to figure out what to do. The head dolphin leads the charge just like Samuel L. Jackson in Snakes on a Plane. "I'm tired of these mother-fucking sharks eating these mother-fucking people!"

The Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society has a few stories about dolphins helping humans. The first story dates back to the musician Arion in ancient Greece nearly over two-thousand years ago. The most recent story involves a group of fisherman in South Carolina and their sunken boat. They were surrounded by sharks and a group of dolphins told the sharks to scram and babysat the fishermen all night.

There is no conclusive evidence as to why dolphins are such sweeties. It could be that they think we're just another sea creature like them or they are some miraculous, other-worldly creatures with amazing consciences. You decide!

I love the unpredictability of sharks. They are totally ruthless predators in some situations. If you're Sharkman, you can seduce them into tonic immobility and have them eating out of the palm of your hand, rather than eating your hand.

Can someone please get me a ticket to Nottingham? I mean, not right this minute or anything, but some time in the next few years might be good. Preferably corresponding with whenever the greatest playground in the history of the world is completed.

Wow. So apparently, while discussing the finer points of his GameCity festival keynote speech, Takahashi casually mentioned his dreams of playgrounds to Iain Simmons, the festival's director; in a snap the guy was off and running toward city council, pulling as many strings as possible to make the vision a reality. The Wired news brief links to an interview with the mad genius, in which he further outlays his plans.

Oh God, he shyly giggles. Everything about the guy exudes such cuteness that sometimes I think his brain must be made of kittens. Seriously though, how could anyone not trust him with this undertaking? It seems so natural. The lovely Alukh introduced me to Katamari two years ago, and it's one of the very few games I've played that is so bizarre and cute that I don't even particularly mind losing at it -- it's worth it just to have had the experience. Gathering everything in the world from kaiju to fireflies to giant household items in the role of a Little Prince-esque protagonist, it's pretty much the definition of wide-eyed exploration: the vaguest of aims, and wondrous new perspectives. Having played it, it doesn't come as much of a surprise really that Takahashi would be interested in creating a world of his imagination on a grander and more tangible level. In fact, I can't think of anyone who might better design a playground. Hayao Miyazaki, perhaps, or maybe Shigeru Miyamoto -- though all those pipes and bricks might be injury lawsuits waiting to happen.

Takahashi also alludes to a new game in the works -- Noby Noby Boy, a game even its own creator seems at a loss for describing (which isn't a bad thing, considering Katamari made absolutely no sense to me at all until I actually sat down and played it) -- but the playground wonderland seems to be on the front burner at the moment. This is how he sees it:

Not if I get there first. I may have been the slowest runner in my class every year, but my legs are longer now that I'm older. I'll meet you at the fiber optic swing sets, jumping off at the highest point into a field of sparkling lights.



_DictionaryGirl_ is sometimes fascinated by the same sorts of things that amused her in kindergarten, and still finds stealth swinging in quiet playgrounds to be top of cool.