John Kanzius is a retired radio executive living out his retirement in Florida. He may also be the man responsible for curing cancer. At first, when you read the story of his adventure into medical research, you might think “bullshit.” But that’s only until you read that several major medical research hospitals have taken up his cause, and that John has been raising millions of dollars to help fund research.

Radio waves! How? Powerful radio waves can heat metal, so John built a prototype high-powered radio transmitter in his garage, grabbed a hot dog, injected it with copper sulfate, and subjected it to his treatment. The hotdog heated to the point where cells would die, but only in the area of the injection. The rest of the hot dog was the same temperature as it had been before the test.

He nuked a hot dog. Big fuckin’ deal, right? Yeah, actually. It kind of is. This device would allow doctors to focus treatment on a single area, neutralizing the targeted cells but leaving the surrounding cells healthy and unharmed.

To address the issue of injecting patients with metal, John suggested metal nanoparticles instead of chemical solutions. Trillions of nanoparticles can be injected into the body with just a few milliliters of solution.

Rick said “ho-ho, good luck with that,” but shut his mouth when Curley called him back and let him know that he and Kanzius had managed to get his vial of nanoparticles to boil in Kanzius' machine. “Rick, you’re not going to believe this. He just blew the smithereens out of your nanoparticles!” Rick paused and then responded: “Holy shit.”

Unfortunately, there have been numerous studies that succeed in treating cancer in lab environments and in test animals, but fail in humans. Human trials are about four years away, and right now they can only target focused tumors (no metastasized cancers, yet), but the researchers involved are hopeful.

Sadly, John might not be around by the time his invention proves itself. His only option at this point is a bone marrow transplant, which would only prolong his pain and suffering.

From Slashdot’s crowdsourcing-justince department comes the heartwarming tale of a stolen car, the idiots who stole it, and a posse of car enthusiast-slash-forum-posters turned detectives who tracked the orchestrator of the act down and got him arrested.

The car did not come back. As Mr. Ironside put it, it went for a “permanent test drive.” He quickly posted a plea for help at Beyond.ca, where in a matter of days, a forum member was able to capture a picture of the suspect, inside the car, displaying the hand disfigurement that unquestionably identified him.

Soon after, another member spotted the suspect driving the car and tailed him, locating the moron’s home. The picture mentioned earlier was used to track down his Facebook page. Forum members eventually drove to the suspect’s home, blockaded the road with their vehicles. The owner of the car joined them and called the police, who responded in minutes. Someone had the presence of mind to video-tape the arrest:



”…you want to go on a test drive? How’s the car?” the man behind the camera asks - absolutely priceless. Jamie “The Claw” Jacobson (nickname given to him by forum members), 18 years old, now faces charges of theft over $5,000 and a court date on April 16th.

His friend in the car lost his hat to an eBay auction. No word on criminal charges for the Yankee's fan, or whether or not he was arrested.

The hat was found after the car was searched, along with receipts from a car wash and a 4-liter jug of oil. I guess Jamie-boy thought he was going to keep his new wheels.

Some are arguing the vigilante-esq tactics of the individuals who were instrumental in catching the thief. Should they have left the police work to the police or gone through with their efforts that ultimately landed Bozo in jail?

punk has been witness to the recovery of at least two vehicles via the efforts of VW Vortex members here in Arizona.

You can view the original call for help and the events that followed in the original forum post, here

Cephalopods are awesome. They are incredibly sexy and the most intelligent class of invertebrates. Due to the totally bomb-ass nature of these “head-foots,” I am hereby dedicating this month’s edition of "Awe and Wonder" to the cephalopod. And what better way to begin than with the sex life of octopuses!

Until recently, not much was known about the mating habits of octopodes due to their shyness (I don’t blame them; I’d be a little frigid if some pervy scholar were taking notes on how I like to get it on, too). But some intrepid biologists at UC Berkeley studying the octopus species Abdopus aculeatus have observed a number of surprising behaviors in the little Lotharios:

That sounds like more than a few of my ex-boyfriends. Strangling, striped body patterns... Chris, you were an octopus all along!

So if the pulpo macho thing doesn’t work out, the little dudes simply continue in the venerable tradition of Publius Clodius Pulcher and cross-dress to get to the ladies. I like this a lot; just think of a sea full of a bunch of little eight-legged Dr. Frank-N-Furters. So posh!

Moving across the cephalopods, we come to the squid. Now, we all know that cephalopods are quite squishy and apparently enjoy using this trait to crawl into jars (hat tip to the inimitable Karl Pilkington), so at some point I’m certain that quite a few people have begun to wonder how something so... so... gelatinous could manage to exist with a beak as hard and as sharp as it has. The critters are made for cutting themselves (whether or not squids enjoy the Cure is yet to be seen.)

Researchers at UC Santa Barbara (you Californians have all the fun!) have been studying the Humboldt squid, Dosidicus gigas, in order to figure out how this incredible beak works. It’s actually pretty amazing. The tip of the squid’s beak is exceedingly stiff, while the part attached to the squid’s body is 100 times more pliable, keeping it from tearing into the soft bits while still permitting the tearing-into of the soft bits of others.

UCSB engineer Frank Zok lays it out for us:

Truly fascinating, Dr. Zok!

Zok’s co-author, Herb Waite, focuses on something rather different than just the construction of a little beak—namely, what that beak can do:

Why are squids such fucking assholes? While their cousins are simply content strangling passers-by and dressing up like the opposite sex, squids run rampant through the ocean eating people or “hurting them a lot.” The Kraken is apparently real and lives off the coast of Santa Barbara. Take that, hippies!

Actually, the more I read about the Humboldt squid, the more I am convinced that this creepy cephalopod is probably the Antichrist. And, like any good Antichrist, homeboy is situating himself in Northern California.

This ravenous species of squid has left its usual habitat and has settled along the Pacific coast of the United States, eating up a number of species that we humans like to eat. The above video is worth watching if only to see a bunch of grizzled old fisherdudes completely freak out over these creatures, which, like some nightmarish Lovecraftian dream, eat anything that moves in a manner described as similar to how we eat corn on the cob. Anything that moves does, apparently, include humans. The fact that the first fisherman interviewed describes them as like “some kind of an alien that’s about to come after [you]” only serves to confirm the obvious: the Star-Spawn of Cthulhu are hanging out in the San Francisco Bay, eating people like corn, and waiting until the stars are right.

So, while octopuses are our sexy friends with whom we can rassle and dress up in women’s clothing, the squids are their evil twins bent on enslaving humanity and raising us as mere cattle. Like most people, I once thought the intelligence of these creatures to be “nifty” and “super-cool,” but it is indeed a great deal more sinister. As I write, I am forming a non-profit organization to investigate this tentacled peril. If you are interested in donating to this worthy cause, please send money, size 37 Louboutins, and/or first editions of 19th and 20th century occult texts to Flux Suicide c/o Grand Central Station.

Flux, of course, is quite fond of Northern California and sincerely hopes that you are not consumed by demon squids any time in the near future: certainly not before I make it to Zeitgeist again.

As most space geeks know, the space shuttle Endeavour is currently on a 16-day mission to assemble a giant, non-killer robot named "Dextre." Dextre is a Canadian robot (hence why it is not a killer species) that will aid astronauts aboard the International Space Station.

Recently, I found out some things I didn't know about being an astronaut.

First off, astronauts are allowed to carry iPods aboard the Space Shuttle.

Wouldn't that stink? You take hours to get your music collection together, get your space suit on, get strapped into your seat and finally fly into space, only to find that your iPod cleared itself and the playlist was deleted.

When floating around in space, there are many things you don't think about that we take having here on Earth for granted. Things like pizza.

No pizza? What do they eat after they get loaded and get the munchies?

OK, maybe I don't want to be an astronaut after all. My iPod deleted its playlist and I can't even eat like crap to keep myself entertained.

So, since I am forced to eat my disgusting, powdered and freeze-dried broccoli, I can at least get clean silverware with my meal, right?

Well, clean enough. This is more than I have seen some restaurants do. I won't lie either, there have been times I've picked a dirty spoon out of the sink, wiped it off with a paper towel and used it. It's not just a space thing.

On a good note, 16 days in space would mean I don't have to do laundry!

Unfortunately I have met non-astronauts that live this lifestyle. Now that I know this, I may have been mistaken in believing they were just lazy. Maybe they're doing tests for NASA. Maybe not, but it's a good excuse. "I didn't do laundry this week, I decided to help NASA with some research."

On the subject of cleanliness (or lack thereof), we move onto garbage. When I travel in my truck, it's easy just to pitch that empty coffee cup or candy wrapper in the back seat to be cleaned out at a later date (which is never). Garbage in space, on the other hand, is very serious business.

Too much work. I have no pizza, no ice cream, my iPod is useless and now I have to fiddle with my garbage before I can throw it away.

Actually, I am happy to hear they don't just jettison garbage off into space. NASA actually has a pretty good recycling program.

This last bit leads me to believe I am the perfect applicant as an astronaut.

Since I have none, they should send me up.

Sounds like Oz in space. Trading M&Ms for the needs of a man just loses some of the toughness, though. But since your usual prison currency (cigarettes) isn't allowed in space, I guess M&M's will have to do.

It makes me a little sad that launching a space shuttle seems to have lost the appeal it used to have. I can remember when TV stations used to interrupt shows to broadcast a space shuttle takeoff or landing. Now those things are lucky to get a 15-second bit on the evening news. In my personal opinion, astronauts are the unsung heroes that hardly anyone pays attention to anymore. They put their personal lives at great risk for the technological and scientific gain of humanity. And I, for one, salute them.

You can check out NASA's past, present, and future missions here.

DevilsReject looks forward to future public flights into space.

One of the reasons why I’ve had a hard time completely rejecting astrology is the fact that I’m such a stereotypical Sagittarius: the optimistic, free-spirited (clumsy, arrogant, slutty) philosopher. The Archer is a friendly constellation, flanked by stinging Scorpio, the cosmic douchebag, and Capricorn, which is some sort of bizarre goat-fish abomination. Screw those guys. The wise centaur Chiron whom Sagittarius represents smiles upon mankind, offering the blessings of knowledge, and through Sagittarius lies the center of the Milky Way, which I’m sure is symbolic of something. In a nutshell (terrible joke), I am down with the Archer.

Imagine my dismay when I learned that deep in my natal constellation whirls Wolf-Rayet 104, a binary star system in the final stages prior to supernova. This so-called “Death Star” was discovered by University of Sydney astronomer Peter Tuthill, who so delightfully informs us that, upon supernova, “It could emit an intense beam of gamma rays coming our way.” The beautiful spiral images that we have of WR104 are the result of our pole-on view of the star system; when it goes into supernova, it looks awfully possible that the gamma ray burst it’s bound to emit is pointed in our direction. Totally sweet.

Now, if you’re like me, you only know a few things about gamma rays: that they make you quite irritable and that they cause some sort of an irrepressible need to wear purple shorts. Terrified at the consequences for my wardrobe, I investigated further:

So, according to Dr. Tuthill, if we’re in firing range, we’re headed for mass extinction. But it’s not certain (and it may happen a few thousand years from now), so y’all can (probably) rest easy.

Or not.

Because at the heart of Sagittarius also lies the closest black hole to Earth, merely 1,600 light years away. Not content with just one, Sagittarius also houses another black hole, Sagittarius A*, the closest supermassive black hole to Earth, conveniently located at the galactic center. Both offer us invaluable information about the activities of black holes due to their proximity. Because, you know, black holes are definitely the outer space phenomenon that we want to be close to. Awesome.

So, basically Sagittarius wants to shoot us with cancer rays, and if we get near it, we’ll get eaten by a black hole.

Why is Sagittarius such a fucking asshole?

So here I type, disenchanted with the Archer whom I once gazed upon happily, probably stoned, with a bunch of astronomer friends from Portland in my seemingly distant youth. Now I look cynically upon the stars, knowing that the constellation for which I once held such affection just wants to kill me.

But the Universe is just and poetic. The closest galaxy to our own is the Sagittarius Dwarf Galaxy, discovered in 1994. It is slowly being torn apart by the gravitational forces of the Milky Way.

So, to that I say:

MILKY WAY #1! MIL-KY WAY! MIL-KY WAY! WOOOOOOOO!

Flux knows that the black holes in Sagittarius don’t really pose much of a threat to us, but she still thinks that Sagittarius is a total dick. Which, come to think of it, only makes it an even more appropriate zodiac sign for your intrepid correspondent.

Whether you are an advocate of the Iraq War or not, you have to admit that it is extremely costly to be involved in. The cost at the present moment is just under $493 trillion dollars. That's right trillion dollars.

Wired.com recently wrote an article about 10 Sci-Fi Techs We could have if they weren't so expensive. I've put a little spin on it, so the reader can actually get an idea of how much money is being spent on the Iraq War.

These are a few Geek things we could have built for less than what we have spent to date.

A Gundam Meca:

A what? If you're an Anime fan, you know exactly what this is. A Gundam Meca, in non-Anime lingo is basically a giant killer robot.

If you are having trouble imagining it, this should help:



The pictures still doesn't do it justice. The robot is described to be 60 feet (18 meters) in height, and it weighs and estimated 43.4 metric tons.

Cost: $750 Million (non-armed)

We could build an army of them for what we have spent to date on the Iraq War. Granted, they wouldn't be built out of Gundanium, but it would still be pretty cool.

An Orbital Hotel:

A hotel that orbits the earth and can sustain human life.

Now that would be a cool vacation. Of course a week long vacation orbiting the planet Earth would cost the traveler a cool $10 Million dollars, but having the option would be nice!

Cost: $1.2 Billion

We could have a chain of hotels in space for what we have spent on the Iraq War.

Supersonic Travel and a Maglev NY/LA Express

The Concorde fleet has been decommissioned by British Airways because of the high cost of jet fuel and maintaining the fleet.

The Maglev is basically, a train. A ridiculously fast train:

Travel would become quick, no more 9 hour flights, or 24 hour train rides, we could travel the U.S. and abroad in a minimal amount of time. As long as security doesn't hold us up, telling us water is bad.

Cost: $7.6 Billion, if you were to revive and repair 20 Concorde Supersonic Jets and build a Meglev rail from New York to Los Angeles.

We could revive and maintain a fleet of supersonic jets, fuel them and build a super speed train for a fraction of the cost of what we have spent on the Iraq War.

Last, but one I personally would like to see built the most.

A TransAtlantic Tunnel:

What better way to travel from the United States to Europe than a tunnel? No flight delays, no airport, and I would only have to take my shoes off if I wanted to. That and I could finally drive to that SGLondon Event to meet all the girls overseas! (or underseas?)

Isn't it scary that we could build a tunnel at a half a billion dollars a mile, and still not put a dent in what we have spent on the Iraq War?

Even if they were to build it under the sea floor, the traditional way a tunnel is built:

It's $10 Trillion. For what we have spent on the Iraq War, we could build 49 tunnels from New York to London, and still have some change left over.

Cost: $11.6 Trillion if both were constructed (I like options, so we have the above sea floor scenic route, and the underground tunnel route)

Chances are, due to cost, I will probably never see these things implemented in my life time. The goal of this article was to get people to realize how much money we are spending on war, when we could be spending money on things that really matter.

Granted most of the things I have mentioned in this article don't
really matter. Money used on the Iraq War could be put towards better and more helpful things for the human race.

I am by no means an advocate of the Iraq War. I do realize that some of that money spent on a daily basis goes towards our soldiers that were wounded, or unfortunately killed while serving. No amount of money can replace a leg, an arm or psychological damage done.

Money can't replace a lost loved one, and I am sorry that money is all we can offer the family, or the soldier that has served our country. I firmly support every soldier that serves our country, and want to say Thank You.

If you are reading this, and you are not registered to vote, quit wasting time and go register. Please remember, when you are at the polls this year, that things need to change in order for us to stop wasting money and lives. Your vote does count, your vote does matter, you can make a difference.

DevilsReject is looking forward to a new U.S. Administration. He won't tell you who to vote for, but he will say: Yes We Can!

Hot on the heels of another big takeover in the news, Electronic Arts (EA), the makers of the "Madden NFL" and "The Sims" video games, has made a bid for Take-Two Interactive, the company that owns "Grand Theft Auto" makers Rockstar Games. The current offer is for $26 a share, but Take-Two is playing hard to get.

Despite this "talk to the hand" treatment from Take-Two, EA seems to think that “no” means “yes.”

Translation: “Come on, baby, I’ll show you a real good time.”

Many have speculated that the upcoming release of “Grand Theft Auto IV” is the driving force behind Electronic Arts’ aggressive attempts at a merger, not the least of which is Take-Two itself, which released a statement saying

And while that may be one of the contributing factors, I think it goes a bit deeper than that. After all, Take-Two owns not only Rockstar Games, but also 2K Games, who have made a little game, that you might have heard of, called “BioShock”. 2K also has a subsidiary dedicated to sports titles, 2K Sports, which has been a consistent rival to EA’s stable of sports titles for years. So, with two of the most critically and commercially successful games ever made and a chief rival in one tidy package, no wonder EA is on the prowl.

Pretty tough talk, considering there is also speculation that

Hmm, Electronic Arts’ offer and it’s “compelling value” are starting to smell a little like desperation.

we3_pirate is practising a new dance he just created. It's called the "Corporate Merger."

Can you believe it’s taken almost 30 years* for major cell phone companies to introduce unlimited calling plans? Please don’t mention cricKet or Boost Mobile, this is a serious piece.

Word has it that T-Mobile and Sprint are also on the bandwagon. AT&T seems to have the best deal so far.

We should have seen this coming when Alltel introduced “my circle,” and T-Mobile quickly followed them with “myFaves,” plans that let you call up to five numbers on any carrier as much as you want for free. In the last few weeks, Alltel upped the ante by offering up to twenty numbers, free, depending on the plan you select.

Thank God AT&T and Verizon said to hell with it and made the jump. Let the unlimited access wars begin.

punk seems to remember a bit about the reason cell phones have rate plans was related to the use of wireless channels; rate plans discouraged people from talking on their cell phones all the time, so more channels would be available in total for all subscribers in the area. Oh, and money is sweet. Please correct him if he’s wrong.

* The first commercial cellular network was established in Japan, 1979.

At last: revenge.

Some might argue that Red still has some fight left in him, but it’s clear from recent announcements that the entertainment industry has chosen Blu-ray as their champion, leaving HD-DVD on limited life support.

The first blow came on January 4th, when Warner Brothers announced that beginning later this year they would release titles exclusively on the Blu-ray format.

Then two more in rapid succession: both Netflix and Blockbuster will dump HD-DVD for Blu-ray, though they plan to keep HD-DVD on the shelves for around a year before those titles disappear all together.

If that wasn’t enough, both Best Buy and Wal-Mart kicked HD-DVD to the curb barely a week ago. And today Universal issued a press release announcing their side in the Hi-Def Format War.

Oh, God, do you still think there’s a chance that HD-DVD might overcome? A small sliver of hope? Hope you have a hankie, because you’re wrong. HD-DVD’s most ardent supporter has also called it quits.

We barely knew him. May he rest in peace.

punk feels sorry for those who couldn’t wait to see who came out on top and bought an HD-DVD player. Really, he does. Hat-tip to Bennybum.

The comic book industry lost another of its greats this past weekend.

Even though I am a huge comic book nerd, I'm ashamed to say that my only exposure to Mr. Gerber's comic work is an issue of Man-Thing from the Seventies, and some issues of Howard the Duck, but they had all the things Gerber has been known for: surrealism, social commentary, and memorable characters.

Gerber was more than just a great writer, though. He was an advocate for both independent comics, and for work-for-hire writers and artists at Marvel and DC.

And Gerber's off-the-beaten-path mentality didn't stop at comics, either. He kept friends and fans updated through his blog, and he was in high spirits, even in the face of his own mortality.

Rest in Peace, Mr. Gerber.

Does anyone need yet another excuse to go out and buy a Wii? If you're looking for a vital reason to give your parents, here it is.

USA Today is reporting that the Wii is a very useful tool in rehabilitation.

What are they calling it?

Many patients don't like Physical Therapy. Having personally dealt with PT, it becomes extremely boring very quickly. The activities performed can create painful experiences, and due to the simplicity of the exercises, the mind really has nothing else to concentrate on.

It's the truth. I think that some of the Physical Therapists work a night job as dominatrices. They enjoy their day job a little too much. The Wii does you the favor of giving you something to concentrate on while performing activities to help you recover.

The article goes on to describe how the Wii is beneficial in helping wounded soldiers.

It doesn't stop there. The elderly are using the Wii to get healthy, and one of the side effects is the elderly are using it to bond with the grandkids.

Although excessive Wii'ing does have some side effects. I have seen these effects first hand while hooking up a friends system, and letting her win the first couple games of boxing. The conversation the next day included "Are you sore from playing Wii?" I guess it really is exercise.

There are other cases too.

It is good to see the Wii being put to use to help people who have been injured or are in need of some light exercise, like the elderly. It also does a wonderful job of bringing friends and family together and creating memorable moments!

Just remember kids, Wii in moderation. To much Wii'ing will make you go blind, uhm, I mean, give you tendonitis.

DevilsReject totally lets his friends beat him at any Wii game, just to make them feel better about themselves.

Polaroid announced on Friday that they will close their instant film plants in the US, Mexico and the Netherlands, ending almost 60 years of production and a photography icon. President Tom Beaudo hopes these changes will help “…reinvent Polaroid so it lives on for the next 30 to 40 years.”

Instant camera and film enthusiasts won’t be left up a creek: Fujifilm will still produce its instant film, and Polaroid is currently seeking partners to purchase the rights to their own brand so that someone else can carry on the legacy.

punk wonders if there are any instant-film photographers on SG, and what their thoughts are.

Every Star Trek: The Next Generation fan dreams of the day when we will have our own holodeck to ourselves. It seems as though researchers at the University of Tucson, Arizona have brought us one step closer!

BBC News is reporting the story about how Savas Tay and his colleagues are working to make 3-D holographs more usable in today's technology.

As of right now, holographs take an abundance of time to produce, and are not very useful due to the amount of time and lengthy procedure it takes to create one.

Laaaysers.

In the amount of time it takes to create the holograph, processes like x-rays, MRI, or CAT scans can be performed to get the necessary information to treat a patient.

Mr. Tay and Co. have removed the lengthy amount of time it takes to create the holograph. Reducing the amount of time to create the holograph greatly increases the potential to be used in the medical field, and in other fields as well.

Does this mean you should call your contractor to start on the design and location of your holodeck? No. They aren't that close. Yet.

What it means is that the most current technology, being x-ray, MRI and CAT scan technology, may be used to create a holograph of your organs.

The procedure will give doctors and surgeons the ability to see the dysfunctional or unhealthy organ on a three-dimensional platform. This would aid greatly in trying to find tumors, cysts or other masses or problems with the organ, leading to a quicker diagnosis and, in the end, quicker recoveries.

It will also guide surgeons through more delicate operations:

Anything that helps guide a person through my innards without causing permanent damage, is a-okay in my book.

This research has a trickle-down effect on other technologies. Eventually it will lead to holographic televisions and other displays using holographic technology.

Though we're a ways off from having that 3-D television in your living room, so don't throw that 52" HD-TV out just yet. It does, however, have the potential to help humans, animals and society in general throughout the world.

This is DevilsReject's first attempt at an article, and he is totally looking forward to the Star Trek prequel.

Late last year, the United States Navy took delivery of a 32-megajoule rail gun at its Surface Warfare Center in Dahlgren, VA.

Rail guns, like laser weapons, are something out of the science-fiction world. Projectiles are driven by electrically-charged magnets, accelerating them to extremely high speeds without the use of a chemical propellant like gun powder or rocket fuel.

Yesterday the Navy completed a test run of the weapon, firing a 90mm round at 8,270 feet per second, or 5,640mph (source did not cite this information), at 10 megajoules - only a third of the gun’s potential power.

Unfortunately for the Navy (and rail gun enthusiasts), the weapons have a few limitations.

The Navy hopes to have a future version installed on their DDG 100 destroyers, or the DDG's next-generation older brother the CG(X), by around 2025. Such a weapon would be able to hit a target 200 miles away with GPS-enabled rounds at a possible speeds of Mach 5 or more.

punk assumes there will be no duck and cover.

As you are reading this, innumerable satellites are orbiting the Earth, the rovers on Mars are still roving, and an international team of scientists is living in a tin can in the sky.

While placing things into space has become almost commonplace, it has never been routine. Sometimes things go wrong, and millions of dollars are lost. Other times, things turn tragic and human lives are lost.

NASA is commemorating three such tragedies, which have all eerily occurred around the end of the month of January.

While it is important to reflect upon the painful memories of mistakes past, it is equally important to continue moving forward despite the inherent risks of manned space flight.

Space shuttle Atlantis is on schedule for a February 7th launch that will deliver the European Space Agency's Columbus laboratory to the International Space Station, and sometime in the late fall of this year, the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbier (LRO) will be sent to gather information in preparation for man's return to the moon.

Here's hoping for nothing but smooth sailing in all future missions.

If I were you, I’d be wearing my helmet out of doors until April. A defunct U.S. spy satellite will careen into the Earth some time between late February and March, according to an anonymous government official.

That makes me feel comfortable. How long did our government plan to keep the fact that a 20,000 pound satellite the size of a school bus was going to plummet from the skies? At least it will produce “less debris than the Columbia space shuttle crash in 2003.”

It’s OK though, they have other things to worry about:

Slashdot guesses that it might be a KH-11 class digital reconnaissance satellite, launched between 1976 and 1990. According to Wikipedia, the only remaining KH-11s in orbit are KH11-6 and KH11-8 through -10, the rest having reached their decay date some 20 years ago.

This begs the question: what possible state secrets could be aboard these floating piles of 80’s memorabilia? I don’t think we used them to stash the name of JFK’s killer, or the secrets of Area-51. You might assume that someone would have downloaded the contents of these ancient behemoths at least a couple of times over in the past decade.

NASA estimates that there are almost 25,000 satellites circling the Earth, “8681 currently in orbit, and over 16,000 objects in a state of decay.”

Bigger things have fallen out of the sky:

With nine countries currently able to launch satellites into orbit without outside help, and roughly thirty countries launching satellites with assistance from other countries, that’s a lot of junk up there.

We’re going to need a bigger helmet.

punk is having trouble deciding between a bicycle helmet and a WWII M1.

Of all the unlikely, far-fetched, fictional creatures I've pondered the existence of over the years (robots, super-heros, zombies, etc.) one group is the most likely to actually exist... Making them, of course, still, quite unlikely to exist. (I mean, beating out "zombie" on a list of "creatures that may be," is hardly resounding proof of existence, but I guess you gotta start somewhere.) Of course, I'm talking about aliens. They're the one and only group I could see with the ability to first, alert me to their presence, and, second, terrify me to the core of my being, in consecutive seconds.

It still seemed like a long shot. And then I read a recent news report that detailed a few dozen people's claims that they'd seen a UFO over Texas. Not that remarkable... that happens fairly often these days. Some speculated that it might be a military plane, but, no, the military denied having anything in the air that night. Then, a few days later, this clarification.

I'm no conspiracy theorist (mainly because it looks like far too much work, plus, I have asthma, and those guys always seem to be brushing off dusty, long lost tomes in moldy basements and that's just asking for an attack) but this strikes me as, odd.

This isn't something as simple as thinking the car was in the garage only to find out your wife took it to the store. There's a protocol. A chain of command. A military spokesman can't just make shit up off the top of his head, he's gotta check it, right? Get the info from someone above him? How would a mistake like this happen, exactly? Either it was your plane, or it wasn't. Why come forward weeks later and say it's your plane? (Okay, maybe I am a conspiracy theorist, but I'm the guy standing next to the guy reading the dusty book. The guy who answers "No," to his question of "My God, don't you see what this means?")

Hmmm, yeah but just who saw these low-flying objects? Moonshine-sipping ne'er do wells? Chaw-spittin' yokels? Some Canadian?

G-g-g-g-gulp... A pilot? Well, he'd probably know what a plane looked like, right? I mean, if someone showed him a deck of picture flash cards and told him to ring a bell when he saw the aeroplane, I bet he could do it. I bet you he's even good at that "airplane into the hanger, mmm mmm good, eating game, too!

Half-assed jokes aside, he seems fairly competent.

Fabric store owner. Not some creepy Lladró ceramic figurine store or one of those two month out of the year Halloween Only stores, this is a legit business. I own things made from fabric and I bet you do too.

What's that? You're waiting for a grainy, hard-to-make-out photo before you make up your mind?

Other sources have come forward to claim the "woman" is merely a wind-blown rock formation. The fabric store owner had no comment, that I could find...

So, now, where are we? What to do? Rollover and die before our invading soon-to-be-masters? Sure, that's my plan, but perhaps some of you are made of sterner stuff than yer good old, friendly neighborhood CoolerKing. In that case, I present:

Ways to Fight Off the Inevitable Alien Invasion aka What We Know

- They're top heavy, with giant alien brains. Intimidating? Yes. But think of the upside, an incredibly high center of gravity. My research indicates, though their intelligence is off the charts, their big brains make them highly susceptible to being "tipped over." Go for it. Lunge in, tap them on the side of the ole noggin... and watch them topple. I mean, how many Olympic caliber wrestlers do you see sporting that body type? The answer is, very few.

- Some of our data portrays them as being vulnerable to the human cold...Sadly, since the advent of Airborne Cold Remedy, we can no longer see this as a sure thing. We can only assume they've heard of our miracle cure-all. Yes, that school teacher may've damned us all to hell.

- They're ridiculously pale. Like. pure, milky white. Use this to your advantage. If you can lure one of them into a fight in direct sunlight, chances are, if you can drag the battle out for several hours, eventually, our sun will roast them alive... Um, or, at the very least, deliver unto them an incredibly debilitating sunburn. Remember that week in Maui? And afterwards how ready were you to conquer the galaxy? Exactly.

- They're crazy intelligent. I mean, how else did they attain space travel? Hmm but didn't we also, make it into the cosmos? And don't some of those very same "Earthlings" believe in a magic man in the sky who lives on a cloud and judges right and wrong? Yeah, point is, they may be just as dumb as us (me). They may've memorized two or three propaganda-ish talking points. just to sound superior, which, under scrutiny, will fall apart. My advice, keep 'em talking. Their logic will fall to pieces and they'll panic.... Leading to...

- Them activating giant mechanized killing machines... tragically propped up on only three legs. Hey remember all those three wheeled cars we have? All those triangular buildings? How about ATC's? Those three-wheeled vehicles so unsafe, so dangerous, that they killed enough people in rollovers to get them banned, and replaced, by four-wheeled variations? Yeah. Similar to the aforementioned bighead-tipping-strategy, get in, push, yell timber... and enjoy the show.

That's all we have, thus far. Good luck, and Godspeed. See you at the finish line, fellow Earthlings...

TheCoolerKing is honestly looking forward to punching an alien in its fat bloated alien head.

Last week San Francisco played host to the Macworld Conference & Expo, the culmination of weeks of rumors and speculation that had the gadget-obsessed teetering on the brink of sanity.

Fake Steve Jobs said it best:

If you're pressed for time, the luscious Veronica Belmont (a title given to her by FSJ which I am further propagating) posted a video of the keynote, compressing the 90 minute presentation into 60 seconds.



The big announcement was of course the MacBook Air, which I found a little underwhelming as I really couldn't see its niche. The general consensus is that you can tell what Apple will release by trying to find holes in its product line. It's clear that there was a need for a device more portable than a MacBook and more functional than the iPhone. The industry was speculating everything from a sub-notebook, to a tablet, to a combination thereof.

It was assumed that after the recent release of the Eee PC by Asus, the Taiwanese manufacturer that supplies many of the components for Apple's laptops, that something similar would pop up with an Apple badge, nicer aesthetics, and a premium price tag.

Instead what we received was not so much a sub-notebook, but an anorexic MacBook. The laptop has a similar footprint to Apple's current laptops, yet could readily be considered a downgrade in almost every way except weight, thickness, and the multi-touch track pad. Merlin Mann of 43folders hit the nail on the head: "MacBook Air got small on the least interesting axis to me."

So who is this for? It's not meant to be a primary machine, and even as a secondary machine it doesn't deliver as much as a MacBook Pro for slightly more money or the MacBook for considerably less. It's great "if you're kinda rich and want a fourth computer," quipped Merlin.

That's pretty much the target audience. "I already ordered mine" said Dave Sifry, founder of Technorati, hours after the keynote. It seems if you want a Mac, aren't too worried about the price tag or its inherent drawbacks compared to other laptops in its class (a travel laptop that doesn't allow you to change batteries?) then this is the laptop for you.

Gizmodo seems to have the same view, exemplified by this excerpt fro