Words cannot describe my sadness today at the loss of this brilliant man.

Casual games are often looked down upon in the video gaming community. Hell, if you look at my top ten here (which probably needs an update) there aren't a lot of games that could be classified as casual games. For a definition of casual games, check wiki. But I also reject the idea that casual gaming somehow makes a person a less serious gamer or that it is inherently silly. I think one would be hard pressed to refuse to admit that occasionally it's fun to play something that is entertaining and engrossing but that doesn't require big time/strategy investments. To that end, I check Big Fish Games and Jay is Games daily to see if there is anything new I want to check out. Here are the top three casual games that I've been playing recently, and that I highly recommend.

1. MovieCat! for iPhone, iPod Touch, and soon to be for the iPad. The MovieCat! website can also be found here. This is a movie trivia game with a twist: the trivia questions are asked to you by cats, and cats take the place of major players in some scenes. On top of that, this isn't the average movie trivia game that one can download: it has many interesting categories spread through each five-round game, and while it focuses on more modern movies, it has a pretty vast array of movie trivia questions. OtherWise games has done a great job making this app and I look forward to anything else they put forward. On top of that, their customer service is terrific. I had a minor problem with the app, and a member of the team was extremely helpful in offering potential solutions and was extremely professional. Because of this, it's at the top of my list of highly recommended Games I've Been Playing Obsessively. Oh, and it's well worth the very low price both for the game and for the expansion packs.

2. PocketFrogs, brought to us by the company NimbleBit. This game is absolutely addictive and completely adorable. The premise is that the player can collect and breed many species of frogs. You can also earn awards for creating specific breeds. You can exchange frogs with friends, see what friends on the Plus + Network are up to (including over Facebook), challenge yourself to create weekly "sets" of frogs, and many other options. It might all sound rather silly, but once you start playing the game you will find yourself hooked. I got this game months back and have had no access to the extra features that come with having a wifi/Internet connection on my iPod Touch, and I still play it for a total of an hour or two daily because it's just that fun. Also, it's FREE! Those who may become particularly addicted to breeding frogs rapidly may have to put out an extra .99 here and there, but otherwise this is a cheap game that brings lots of fun and never seems to get boring.

3. Haunted Hills: Green Hills Sanitarium from Big Fish Games. A lot of people do not enjoy Hidden Object/Adventure games, and I understand why. Often they are put out at an astounding rate and most of them are not well created. However, this game breaks the mold. With it's Lovecraftian/generally spooky undertones, it creates a unique atmosphere you don't see in most games of this genre. On top of that, instead of using the formula many hidden object games employ where you are sent to random rooms to find objects that seem completely unrelated to the plot, the areas you are searching and the items you are searching for are useful in the end and important to the game. On top of that it adds a Myst-like element wherein you have to remember areas of the game you were in ages ago when you get a new item that might be useful there. It adds a great level of complexity that I don't usually see in Hidden Object/Adventure games. Plus it has more hours of gameplay than most of these games have. Along those same lines, I'd also recommend: Drawn: The Painted Tower and Robin's Quest: A Legend Born, which nicely turns the gender roles on Robin Hood around and adds interesting gameplay.

4. Kitten Sanctuary. I don't think there's anything more that needs to be said here. I don't even need to write a review. The title of the game should be enough. The only thing I'll say is that it is a Match 3 game with a particularly adorable focus.

This may come across as a big sell, but it isn't. I just want to share the joy of some of the less serious games out there. Because while a good five hour Fallout marathon is fantastic, there is also something to be appreciated about spending a half hour on your casual game of choice.

Reagan and I got our hands on a couple of new iPhone 4's yesterday and decided to go test out the new camera with Sash and Rambo yesterday on Hollywood Blvd.

There are a lot of new functionality when you open the camera.



The lightening bolt in the upper left hand corner allows you to adjust the flash - Off, Auto or On

The camera twist icon allows you to switch between lenses, either the one facing you or the traditional outward facing lens.

The camera - video slider allows you to toggle between the two like in the 3Gs.

You can selectively focus as well and once you are focused on something you can zoom in or out with a +/- slider that appears with a double tap.



* One unexpected feature is that when you point it at Rambo her boob pops out.

Here is a full NSFW gallery of our rigorous testing on Hollywood Blvd.



Overall the flash while bright is only really effective if used close-in.

The images when zoomed are not the best quality.



The files are HUGE when they come out of the camera. 1935 x 2592 pixels.



Click to see the full resolution

We took some video of our adventures as well.




Sash lost a bet and had to walk back to the office without her pants on, Donald Duck style (shirt and no pants)




The coolest feature of the new iPhone 4 though has to be FaceTime



You can live video chat with other people who have the iPhone 4. It is like living in The Jetsons. Although you can only use FaceTime when you are on wifi, which is probably for the best considering AT&T's coverage issues.

The screen resolution is also pretty great 4 times the pixels.

All in all the camera and screen resolution are a vast improvement over the 3Gs. Network coverage is still dicey at best and the steel surround antennae to boost the signal has not proven very effective for me at least.

The iOS 4 software update has a host of other features like app folders, background image, camera zoom, etc.

Available today from Apple

xoxo
-missy

I’m holding in my hands the latest issue of Marvel Comics' The Marvelous Land of Oz, adapted from creator L. Frank Baum's 1904 novel of the same name. The miniseries is a sequel to The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz by Eric Shanower (Age of Bronze) and Skottie Young (X-Men), which is probably the best comic book adaption of a novel I’ve ever seen.

For those not familiar with the sequels in the Oz series, The Marvelous Land of Oz is the only book in the series in which Dorothy Gale does not appear.



In the sequel, we meet Tip, a young boy who is under the guardianship of a witch named Mombi in Gillikin Country. One day, Tip makes a man out of wood and a pumpkin for a head, who he appropriately names Jack Pumpkinhead, in order to frighten Mombi. The witch, however, is not to be fooled with and uses her Powder of Life to bring Jack to life.

With Mombi threatening revenge on the pair, Tip and Jack steal the Powder of Life and make their way to the Emerald City. There they meet General Jinjur and her all-girl Army of Revolt. The army plans to overthrow the Scarecrow, who famously became ruler of Oz at the conclusion of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.



As the battle ensues, we meet old friends like Glinda the Good, the Tin Woodman, and the Field Mice. We also meet new characters, such as Ozma and the Highly Magnified and Thoroughly Educated Wogglebug.



Young and Shanower have again created a side of Oz that you have never seen before, and, in my opinion, the possibilities for this saga to continue are endless. The series is limited to 8 issues and promises to be an artistic masterpiece.

Issue #7 is available on June 16.

I've been thinking for some time about how to start writing for the Newswire again. Despite my posting on CE lately, I wouldn't consider myself a "political writer" besides of the armchair variety. Clio has music and band news down pat, and my good friend CoyoteMike is doing well for himself with his Gentleman's Guide. So, besides the various bits of "odd news" hilarity I've written over the past few years, I've decided it best to write what I know and love.

And that would be video games.

I hope to have this become a frequent feature to entertain the masses (or at least the fellow geeks) and put my 20-plus years of virtual princess-saving, zombie-shooting, spaceship-flying expertise to good use. If anything, those of us so entrenched in the world of video games can exhibit levels of discussion and heated debate that would curl the toes of the most fervent Democrat or Republican talking head.

So, for the first entry, we celebrate 30 years of that little, round, yellow munching machine who was happiest chasing a rainbow of ghosts...



...Pac-Man.

What began as a year-long project of Tōru Iwatani and a nine-man team from Namco (now Namco Bandai Games) in 1979 has spawned numerous iterations on over 20 platforms. While the game had to fight with the likes of Space Invaders in Japan when it released on May 22, 1980, it reached a new level of popularity in the States. Pac-Man became a merchandising giant, with t-shirts, backpacks, and drinking glasses, among others, emblazoned with the titular hero.

America had Pac-Man Fever.



But he had a dark side as well. His lackluster Atari 2600 port, rushed to try and capitalize on the holiday market, helped bring about the 1983 video game crash. A dark age had descended upon the joysticked populace.



But Pac-Man (and the industry) would bounce back. He has become an icon, with numerous spin-offs (both 2-D and 3-D), the introductions of his significant other and child, a cartoon, and a continued presence in today's world of online MMOs, Achivements, motion control, and first-person shooters.

Even Google has caught Pac-Man Fever, offering a playable Pac-Man in the shape of their logo.

Mario may be a bigger name in video games, but Pac-Man cleared the way, eating pellets and evading multi-hued apparitions all the while.

Happy Birthday, Pac-Man. Waka-waka-waka-waka.

Official Pac-Man site

Interview with creator Tōru Iwatani

thefreak had Pac-Man Fever once. He got a special cream for the rash.

With the dawning of the Internet, it has never been easier to get in touch and establish relationships with those you otherwise would have never met. Yet, what about the ignorant strangers lurking about the inner sanctums of the Web? Such people inspire me and make me want to poison the water supply at the same time. So how would I hook up with these elusive Net Neanderthals? Omegle, a new program and iPhone application which does just that. Fun!



Okay, I'm embellishing a bit; I did have a blast with this. However, it is not for the weak of humour. The concept of Omegle is randomly connecting one thinking, feeling individual with another by a simple click of a button, and it has glorious potential. When you enter the website or hop on from your approved Apple device, you are quickly prompted by a cheery online atmosphere and an easy-to-find "Start Chat!" button.

Now watch in awe as the hilarity grows like a virus and instantly instills in you that good ol' love/hate feeling. Kind of like how you feel about mullets and pro wrestling.



Four hours later you'll start doubting this whole "blind date on the net" thing. Not that this will stop you. Numerous "strangers" will ask you if they can 'oh please have sex with you' and you may just chime in: (completely outside your character, of course) "Sure thing, duder! Throw in your bloated, sore-laden, puss-ridden mother and you have yourself a deal!" HEY MAW!



The fantasy of carrying on intellectual conversation when spontaneously connecting two people that initially know nothing about each other is not unique to Omegle. For example, see the AIM Fishbot Phenomenon. We're sure the project developers have the best of intentions. However, Uncle Ben got it right; "With great power, comes great responsibility."


When given the choice of hiding behind the veil of anonymity and unleashing your inner creep, or showing your true intellectual self, which would you choose? Which do you choose?





Keyboard photo courtesy of Christopher Saccaro

Missy, co-founder of SuicideGirls on G4's "Attack of the Show."

We were all briefed about the controversy surrounding the removal of 5,000 "sexually explicit" applications in the App Store, including SuicideGirls very own Flip Strip app.

(If you don't know about this yet, check out Nicole's article here.)

In the most generic wording possible, SG was given notice of the programs removal at 10 at night, after having already deleted it from iTunes:

When asked if Missy was planning on reformulating the FlipStrip app to be approved by Apple, she wittily remarked:

How can we conquer censorship? It's clearly time to start the revolution of sexy starched collars! Who's with me!

SuicideGirls co-founder Missy will sit down with Kevin Pereira to discuss Apple's recent removal of the SuicideGirls: Flip Strip application from Apple's iTunes store on today's episode of Attack of the Show on G4.

The application was recently removed along with about 5,000 other overtly sexual apps, in accordance with apple's new content guidelines. No definition of those guidelines have been published as of yet.

SuicideGirls Flip Strip App was based on the classic nudie pen concept -- with a high tech twist. It was a cheeky little program, featuring models who stripped down to their underwear when the user's iPhone was inverted, but displayed no actual nudity. The Flip Strip became the fourth most popular free iPhone App at the iTunes store following its release in May 2009. It garnered over 1 million downloads in a matter of days, with total downloads exceeding 5 million before the app was pulled.





Currently you may still download Seduce A SuicideGirl, as well as Playboy's application, but several apps from Maxim have been removed.

Tune into G4 at 7PM EST to hear Missy's thoughts on the removal.



**Update**

The fabulous folks at Gizmodo have apparently got hold of Apple's new puzzlingly puritanical guidelines, and they make for pretty hilarious reading:

SG particularly likes the ban on men in bikinis. At least this policy is an equal opportunities FAIL. Check Gizmodo's original story for more mockery/details.

**Updade**

Watch Missy on Attack of the Show here.

SG Radio We Live In Public / Social Networking Special This Sunday

This Sunday (Feb 21st), to mark the VOD/DVD release of documentary We Live In Public, a cautionary tale about what can happen when you over-expose yourself online, we're going geek for a social networking special. The film's multi award-winning director, Ondi Timoner, will be calling in to give us some web world dos and don'ts, and to tell us about the special events that are happening to celebrate We Live In Public going public on March 1st. In studio we'll have social media expert Alana Joy, who was recently crowned LA's Most Shameless Self Promoter by the LA Weekly, and uber geek and SG columnist Heathervescent a.k.a. The Purple Tornado.

Listen to SG Radio live Sunday night from 10 PM til Midnight on Indie1031.com.

Got questions? Want to talk to the ladies of SG Radio and their guests? Then dial our studio hotline digits this Sunday between 10 PM and midnight PST: 877-900-1031

Busy on Sunday? Find all our podcasts at SuicideGirlsRadio.Blip.tv/ and listen at your leisure.

And don't forget to friend/follow us on MySpace, Facebook and Twitter.

****

About

Alana Joy writes, markets, and designs her own fashion blog. You can check it out at CoutureCult.com. She also serves as the hub of an online creative community of her making, LifeOnBlast. She's turned social networking into a lifestyle choice, and has a very busy real world calendar thanks to her myriad of Twitter feeds.

Heathervescent is an internet strategist, marketer, organizer and instigator. She writes about science, technology, culture and cacophony for SuicideGirls and runs a consulting company called The Purple Tornado. Heathervescent relaunched the LA Tech Community, and founded the Los Angeles Geek Dinner mixers. She also has a fledgling performance troupe, Zombies Without Borders, a zombie cabaret that educates and entertains. When the Zombies invade, Heathervescent will be the first to tweet about it.

Ondi Timoner / We Live In Public: Ondi is the only filmmaker to win the Sundance Grand Jury award twice: the first time with DIG! (2004), a film which follows the friendship and careers of bands The Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jonestown Massacre, the second with We Live In Public (2009), a documentary which follows internet pioneer-cum-digital performance artist Josh Harris through the excesses of his personal bubble which spectacularly burst while being broadcast live online.


We Live In Public Screenings and Multi-City / Multi-Media Event

To celebrate the VOD & DVD release of We Live In Public on March 1st, the documentary will be screened simultaneously in Vancouver, Los Angeles, Denver, Chicago, New York and Atlanta. Adrian Grenier (Entourage) will host the New York event, while Eliza Dushku (Dollhouse) hosts the screening at the Egyptian in Los Angeles. The webcast starts at 5:30 PM PST on WeLiveinPublicTheMovie.com, with screenings starting at 6 PM in Los Angeles, 7 PM in Denver, 8 PM in Chicago, and 9 PM in New York and Atlanta. During these screenings, Ondi and Josh will show exclusive clips and banter wildly from a wired Chicago pod while fielding questions via Twitter live (use the #wlip tag to send questions). Post-screening, Ondi and Josh will link up with Adrian and Eliza and all the audiences nationwide in theaters and online to have a live interactive conversation about living in public. For further details go to: WeLiveinPublicTheMovie.com.

**Update**

The podcast of SG Radio's We Live In Public / Social Networking Special is now live.

The International Consumer Electronics show came to an end less than a week ago, and Boxee seemed to steal the spotlight both on the show floor and in awards alike. They won the “Last Gadget Standing” accolade along with Popular Science naming them “Best of CES.” You may have seen the Boxee logo showcased on the bosom of the stunning Bob and lovely Jaylin, who also came to profess their nerdy love for this revolutionary device.



The Boxee Box specifically, presented by D-Link, has earned many honors since its announcement. We have been hearing a lot about how amazing it is, the way it will change how we experience media in our homes, and lists of feature after feature that sound cool. But you may have been thinking:

After meeting the Boxee and D-Link team at this year's CES, I am here to help!

For quite some time now, the big deal in home entertainment has been the Home Theater PC (HTPC for short). HTPCs allow us to play, through our home theater or other audio/video setup, all our media, including recording and playing television signals through the use of a TV tuner, CDs and DVDs (including Blu-Ray), downloaded, stored, or streamed videos, music, and pictures, or even direct playback of media from the Internet (such as flash video from Youtube). The HTPC is basically your PVR/Tivo, a CD player, mp3 player, Blu-Ray DVD player, media manager, and web browser all in one. Properly set up and configured an HTPC can become the nexus of a stunning home entertainment system.



Boxee (the software) is an open-source media center designed to be the heart of an HTPC. Born of the XBMC (formerly Xbox Media Center) project, it is engineered to be easily controllable by someone sitting comfortably on their couch watching television (the so-called “10 foot interface”). Some of the interesting things about Boxee compared to other media center programs available are that it has a built-in bittorrent client (for those of you who acquire multimedia from the Internet), and it is designed to be a social networking platform. You are required to register a username to use Boxee, but your login will become a tool for sharing with your friends (and rating) everything you are listening to, watching, or reading. It also has built-in Facebook and Twitter integration to make communicating with your friends even easier.

Here is a demonstration of some of its new features being displayed at the Boxee booth at CES:



Boxee is available for download should you want to make your own HTPC. However, the greatest drawback to the HTPC today is that it requires a lot of effort (and can require a lot of cash) to set up and maintain. The PC components must be carefully chosen, as must the operating system and media center. Even for someone who has experience setting up Linux servers (like me) this can be a very time-consuming and somewhat daunting task.



Enter the Boxee Box by D-Link, running on custom hardware and a modified version of Linux. The reason this gadget has captured the attention and buzz of the consumer electronics industry is because of how simple it makes the whole process. Instead of purchasing hardware, building your PC (or paying someone to do it), installing and configuring the software, and keeping it all up to date and working properly, you can simply purchase the Boxee Box to do all of this for you at a very competitive price.

So for the very first time the HTPC will become a practical reality for people who don't have the patience to build one themselves, or the knowledge or desire to maintain a PC when all they want to do is watch movies. The wealth of features that an HTPC used to provide to a very knowledgeable (or wealthy) few will become available to everyone, in an attractive, convenient package. There are a lot of reasons to love the Boxee Box; I think it can be to the home theater what Tivo was to watching television.



And, best of all, Boxee has its own Suicide Girls application, and we all know boobs are even better in 1080p!

This week at CES Unveiled, a company called Power Mat technologies created a lot of buzz around a product designed to charge mobile devices "wirelessly." The company remains mum on the tech behind this innovation, calling it proprietary information. We can assume that it, like many new devices hitting the market, functions through magnetic induction.

Power Mat's product is, befittingly, a mat with three charging pads, enabling to charge three devices (cell phones, PDAs, iPods, and so on) at the same time. Currently you need to attach a sleeve to the device to enable charging. The product appeared to function as advertised, with interested media handing over their phones (I even saw a sweet new Nexus One) to be placed on the charging mat, with a cheerful tone greeting the delighted onlookers.



Ok, so this isn't the most amazing, futuristic product out there. I mean I've been charging my toothbrush that way for a couple of years now. Why should you care about it, then?

Up until recently, cell phone (and other mobile device) companies have refused to standardize on how to charge their products. USB was a great thing for consumers to hit the market, and greatly simplified things, but we still have a number of different connectors. Mini USB, Micro USB, USB A, USB B...the list goes on.

Not to mention the few companies who stick to proprietary connectors/dongles (*cough*Kodak*cough*) even though it really is a pain for their customers. One can only assume that the reason for this has to do with money, with squeezing out a few extra dollars, to eek out a tiny extension of those slim profit margins (or huge, if you're Apple).



Soon, though, consumers are going to have another option, and this option is going to be a game changer. How you charge your mobile devices may not be a very glamourous topic, and most consumers don't really give it a second thought...until they're caught without their charger and are stuck paying more than $30 for a new one at their local Best Buy. Or $20 for a simple cable that has the right connector on it. Imagine if your car, your home, and even public places simply had little pads that functioned to charge every small device you owned. Anywhere. No matter who manufactured it, and no matter how tightly they control hardware design.

I think this is going to be one of those technologies that people shrug their shoulders and say "meh" about...until one day, they suddenly think to themselves, "How in the world did I ever live without this?"

Have you ever played a dating sim where your character wanders around aimlessly among a sea of impossibly-large breasted anime figures? If your answer to this question was no, it's okay, there is still hope for your digital manhood! In a typical Japanese dating game, you try to charm the women through various dialog choices hoping that she'll be into you, and you into her (pun intended). With the SG's new iPhone app "Seduce a Suicide Girl," you have more realistic and sexy options, complete with come-ons and put-downs!



This application can't really be called a "game," as it is more like the adventure books of old, but it is (PG-13) sexy fun regardless. The app plays out as a series of video clips, with decision points in between. Make a good decision and you can continue pursuing Zoli, but make a bad decision and she'll shoot you down.

The story is first-person, told from the point of view of a young man. There is no female character choice here, which is too bad for ladies who, like the Suicide Girls, don't fit in traditional gender roles, and have a hard time imagining hairy man-hands as their own.

Zoli plays very well the role of the attractive, flirtatious girl you run into at the comic book store; she definitely holds your attention. She is the star of this show as the actual choices you can make are limited, and once you have "won" the game you don't have much replay value. (I guess you masochists out there could have fun being shot down time and time again in different ways ) If you answer to Zoli's liking you will see quite a lot of her, and trust me, that's a good thing!

Overall the app is good, (semi-)clean fun, and I definitely don't regret shelling out the paltry $0.99 for it.

Where would be your ideal location for some SG seduction?

It tears through the skies at staggering speeds, completing a flight around the earth in less than two days at a grueling 600 miles per hour. Sporting a sexy skin-tight coating of rubber that would make Batman jealous, this metal falcon is virtually undetectable by enemy radar. Loaded with all of this sleek technology, was difficult to imagine anything more powerful than the B-2 Spirit stealth bomber.



Until now.

Meet the Next Generation Bomber. Boeing has teamed up with Lockheed for the ultimate tech showdown against their competitors, Northrop Grumman. With a shape much like the X-47B Navy attack drone, Northrop's prototype will pack much more of a punch than its stealthy predecessor. The company plans on stocking their next-gen models with a whopping 28,000 pounds of weaponry.

Boeing has been presenting ideas for their competing hypersonic speed demon with pilot-less potential. An unmanned aircraft of this caliber would be above and beyond the capabilities of current technology. Based on Boeing developmental concept designs submitted thus far, these Next Generation Bombers will have a radar signature of less than 1/5h of a fruit fly.



The financial results Northrop released last April show that there was a $2 Billion budget increase for “restricted programs” in their aircraft division, but the money was nowhere to be found on the recent Airforce budget reports. Rumors abound that the undisclosed billions will fund a black ops program to carry nuclear weapons on board the new Next Generation Bomber, projected to be in production in 2018.

Will these Next Generation Bombers be simply the most advanced in aviation technology, or a top secret project to carry 14 tons of nuclear power in the fastest, most stealthy machine ever created? Either way, we will have to wait 8 years to find out.



Photos courtesy of the Air Force and Northrop Grumman

[ATTACHED=1]


I am sick of the bar scene.

I never thought I would see this day. Five years ago, I was terrified to step into a nightclub. Two years ago, I thought I would never want to leave.

It took a lot of work for me to be comfortable in bars. I felt like I was the ugly duckling at the Cool Kids‘ party. But eventually I got over it. And it was pretty rewarding.

What being comfortable in nightclubs have to do with dating? you ask. Well, one of the great things about nightclubs is there is usually no shortage of women (or men). If you screw up (*), you move on to the next person (or in some cases, the next bar) without any great difficulty.

The other great thing--at least for me--about trying to pick up in a bar was the insane degree of difficulty involved. The bar highlights my weaknesses (lack of physical presence, discomfort among strangers and crowds) and hampers my strengths (conversational ability). Bar pick ups also tend to move faster than other forms of dating. It’s like playing a video game on the hardest setting--everything else feels easier by comparison.

I recommend everyone make a habit of periodically putting themselves in a situation where success feels unlikely. Not only is it a great learning experience, sometimes…well, sometimes we surprise ourselves with what we can do.

In my case, I went from being terrified of bars to being indifferent to being comfortable. Eventually, I even started to--gasp--have fun (**)

It took me a couple years and a whole lot of struggling, but I eventually drank from my Holy Grail.

And now I‘m no longer thirsty.

I’ve learned two lessons from my bar experience.

The first is the importance of giving things a fair chance, whether it’s advice, new experiences, or a even a person I wouldn’t normally date (***). There’s a difference between not liking something because you don’t like it and not liking it because you haven’t given it a fair trial.

The second thing I learned is a little more bittersweet. I’ve learned my feelings change.

That hasn’t just happened with bars. It also hasn’t just happened to me. It seems a lot of us have spent a lot of time chasing something only to get it and decide we don’t want it after all.

It’s normal. In fact, it’s the human goddamned condition. The trick is to recognize it.

I’m always embarrassed endorsing self-awareness in a dating column. It feels highfalutin and pretentious. Know thyself? Come on…this is dating not therapy. I mean it’s great that dating teaches you about yourself and all, but when it comes down to it do you really need anything more cool hair and a sweet pair of shoes?

More and more, I think you do.

Lasting happiness means paying attention. Sometimes you think you want something only to realize it isn’t for you, and it’s back to the drawing board.

This can be a painful realization both for yourself and other people. There is nothing like the feeling of working towards something only to find it’s a dead end. And there is really nothing like looking somebody in the eyes and telling them, “Yeah, I know I said I loved you. But even though you’ve done nothing wrong, I just don’t feel that way anymore.”

That’s a hard thing to say. It’s even harder to hear.

But it happens. Sadly, in love, there are times you’re going to be the bad guy. Sometimes--especially for those nice guys/gals out there--that’s a good sign. It’s a growing pain that means you’re coming into your own.

So, bar scene, I think it‘s time we said our regret-free goodbyes. We had a good run. We danced, drank a lot of gin and tonics, and had some unforgettable experiences. No, it’s not you, it’s me. I’m in a different place now.

If it’s any consolation, bar scene, I have no doubt you’ll find someone else.

You always do.

(*) And believe you me, I screwed up a lot.

(**) The music helps. It’s hard to be upset when you’re shaking your booty to Lady Gaga.

(***) After being rejected in high school, by a girl who wouldn’t even take the time to get to know me, I swore I would never not give someone a chance. My lead guitar player at the time--who was going through an entirely different experience--pointed out: “Yeah, but if you know they aren’t your type, at what point are you just leading people on?” I have no answer for that.

DAN BRODRIBB is a writer and stand-up comic. He is currently seeking a publisher for his book DATING FOR SHY GUYS. Learn more about him at danbrodribb.blogspot.com

Help SuicideGirls spread the word about our newest App in the iTunes store Seduce A SuicideGirl and enter for your chance to receive a free iPod Touch!

Meet the sexy Zoli Suicide in a comic book shop and if you make the right choices—you will get a sexy, 17+ make-out session, but if you make the wrong choices you will get shot down by a SuicideGirl in 10 different humiliating ways!

Written by Anthony Zuiker, creator of the CSI franchise, directed by Troy Miller, executive producer of Flight of the Conchords and starring those naughty, internet, art-sleaze superstars the SuicideGirls. This app was shot and created specifically for the iPhone & iPod Touch. It's SuicideGirls version of a Japanese Dating Sim or one of those kids books where you could choose what happened next by making different choices. A little funny, a little sexy, and maybe a little goofy, this is the closest you will get to dating a sexy girl who lives inside your iPhone.

To enter all you need is a Twitter, Facebook or Myspace.

- Tweet
- Update your Facebook status
or
- Post a bulletin to your Myspace friends

with:

"Check out SuicideGirls newest app for the iPhone and iPod Touch: Seduce A SuicideGirl. Download it here: http://tinyurl.com/ylz8789"



Take a screenshot (see example above screenshot how to instructions here) of your message as it appears on Twitter, Facebook or Myspace.

E-mail to: marketing@suicidegirls.com
- your screenshot
- a link to your facebook, myspace, or twitter page
- your name
- date of birth
- address

Competition closes at midnight PST on November 2nd. The winner will be chosen at random from all valid entries. You may enter one time for each update. The winner will be notified by e-mail by November 6th.



NO PURCHASE NECESSARY

SuicideGirls has a new app for the iPhone called Seduce a SuicideGirl

Meet the sexy Zoli Suicide in a comic book shop and—if you make the right choices—you will get a sexy, 17+ make-out session with her (it’s not that racy, but it’s cute). Make the wrong choices and get shot down by a SuicideGirl in 10 different humiliating ways!

Shot and created specifically for the iPhone & iPod Touch, This is the Suicide Girls version of a Japanese Dating Sim or one of those kids books where you could choose what happened next by making different choices. A little funny, a little sexy, and maybe a little goofy, this is the closest you will get to dating a sexy girl who lives inside your iPhone.

Written by Anthony Zuiker, creator of the CSI franchise, and starring those naughty, internet, art-sleaze superstars the SuicideGirls.

We want to make a few more of these, so please let us know in the feedback what we should do differently in the next episode or what SuicideGirl you’d like to see in it.

Download the app, Seduce a SuicideGirl here!

(This is a continuation of a series of articles on the fundamentals of conversation. The first one is here. You should probably read it first.)

Almost everyone says you should ask a lot of questions on a date. Almost everyone is full of shit.

If you’re self-disclosing properly, the conversation will flow so naturally you won’t need to ask a lot of questions, provided the other person isn’t Ed the drummer from Almost Famous. By minimizing questions, you make the ones you DO ask that much more powerful. Here are eight other commandments (*) to improve your question-mileage.

Thou shalt only ask a question if you care about the answer. If you are asking questions to fill awkward silences, “just to be nice,” or as a segue into a cool story you want to tell about yourself it is often a sign that you are a) shouldering too much of the conversational burden or b) trying too hard either to impress or to be liked. Either way, it’s counterproductive.

Thou shalt not ask too many questions in a row without revealing something of yourself in return. You aren‘t a therapist or a job interviewer. Besides, conversation is supposed to be a game of catch. If one person does all the asking and the other does all the answering it turns into a game of fetch. And that‘s going to get boring for at least one of you.

Thou shalt only ask one question at a time. Sometimes when you’re nervous, there is a temptation to ask a second question before the other person has a chance to answer the first one. (Ex: “Is the food good? Do you like it?”). Pick one question and ask. You can always stop and correct yourself if necessary. (Is the food good? Do you like--? Sorry about that. What I meant to say was: How do you find your meal?”)

Thou shalt focus on emotional content. Some personality types tend to be most interested in facts: How do I get to the bank from here? Who led the NBA in rebounds in 1996? Where are my goddamn car keys? Unfortunately, fact-based questions tend to lead to conversational dead-ends. A question like “What’s so interesting about the NBA anyway?” will get you much further.

Speaking of avoiding dead ends…

Thou shalt ask open questions. A closed question is a question that can be answered with one or two words, (ie: “Are you high?”) Open questions require more in the way of a response (“What‘s your take on decriminalization?”)

Thou shalt not get too fancy. Some people go to great lengths looking for the perfect question, but that kind of creativity is often counterproductive. Elaborate questions come off as trying too hard, contrived, or awkward. They also tend to narrow the conversational field instead of broadening it. Unless you‘re dating a marine biologist “How has your choice of seafood been affected by the recent findings in the scientific community on the environmental impact of commercial fishing?” is another dead end waiting to happen.

Remember the point isn’t to ask a great question. The point is to get a great answer.

Thou shalt--if necessary--use follow up questions. Sometimes you’ll ask a question and get a response that‘s too short, too vague, or lacks emotional content. In such cases, you can use follow-up questions to get them to elaborate. What was that like? How did you feel about that? Then what happened? Are all great examples.

Thou shalt remember to gather information you need to move things to the next level. If you think this might be the night she comes back to your place to “check out your collection of Ethiopian carvings,” asking “what time do you have to get up tomorrow?” can often tell you everything you need to know. Similarly, if you meet a distinguished gentleman at an art exhibit, remembering to ask “Are you married?” should probably come BEFORE you make the decision whether or not to go for drinks.

If you catch yourself asking too many questions, you can always pull the slick move of turning a question into a statement. Instead of saying, “What are your hobbies?” you can say “I’d like to hear about what you do for fun” or “Tell me more about your 80s cartoon lunchbox collection.”

So there you go. Questions 101. If you have any questions, I’d love to see them via the comments section below (See what I did in that last sentence? Thank you, I‘m here all week).


(*) Commandments might be a little strong. You won’t be damned forever if you don’t follow them. They are useful, although ‘8 Useful Hints’ doesn’t have the same alliterative ring.

There is temptation--especially when you'’re single and lonely--to think of the single, lonely people as the only ones with romantic woes.

When I was a twenty-two year old virgin, I was a deeply unhappy fellow. I also thought getting a girlfriend would solve all my problems. Then I met someone, and guess what? I became a deeply unhappy guy with a girlfriend and problems.

I decided the problem was the girlfriend and got rid of her. It was ten years before I had another one. I stayed unhappy.

Guess the problem wasn'’t the girl.

Things have changed since then. I‘'ve made some different choices. I‘'ve become a happier person. I’'ve been with more women in the past three years than the previous thirty-two combined. I am madly in love with the one I‘'m seeing right now and I'‘m (knock on wood) entertaining serious thoughts about what it would be like to spend my life with her. Also, I write a dating column on the internet.

I am now a happy guy with a girlfriend, a wealth of romantic and sexual experience, a dating column on the internet…and problems.

One of the biggest stumbling blocks to happiness--romantic or otherwise--is the expectation that there will be a time when we don'’t have problems.

There will always be something. First you can'’t get anyone to notice you. Then you get noticed, but it’'s someone you don'‘t like. Then someone you like notices you, but won'’t stick around past three weeks. Then lots of people notice you, and you can'’t say no to any of them, because what if one of them is The ONE and you miss him or her, and besides you’'re used to not having love in your life so you'’re obsessed with getting as much as you can in the same way that people who grow up poor are obsessed with money: “DON’'T LEAVE NOOKIE ON THE TABLE. THERE ARE PEOPLE STARVING FOR LOVE IN ETHIOPIA SO CLEAN YOUR METAPHORICAL ROMANTIC PLATE.”

Also, they don'’t want sex enough. Or they want it too much. Or they remind you too much of your dad, or they chew with their mouth open, or worse, they don‘t seem to have ANY faults at all to the point where you think they might be too good for you, or…

You get the idea.

I have a five-step method for dealing with problems. I like it because it can apply to anything from locking my keys inside my apartment to climate change. I also hate it because doing it well takes effort, and I don‘t always feel like making an effort, especially when I‘'d rather be feeling sorry for myself.

But it works, so here we go:

1 - Accept that problems will arise. They will arise on their own schedule, not yours. They might also not be problems you are ready for.

2 - Pay attention. Observe what is actually happening. Observe what is happening outside and what is happening in your inner world of emotions and thought. Above all, try not to get the two confused.

3 - Recognize what you can control. There are times when we overestimate our power to affect a situation. Other times we wallow in helplessness when deep down, we know better. Learn to tell the difference.

4 - Ask yourself the magic question: “What do I want and what am I willing to do to get it?” Keep in mind the second part is as important as the first.

5 - Take action …or not. Not every problem needs to be solved. But it’'s nice to do what you can.

Pretty simple, huh? It sure looks that way. But putting each step into practice is a journey unto its own. I’'d encourage you to focus on one specific step a week. Explore it as fully as possible in as many situations as possible and see what you find.

Let me know how it goes.

In every new relationship there are moments of truth. They are small moments. Many of us don’t even recognize them or even remember them after they’ve passed. But the way these moments unfold can make the difference between a happily ever after romance and one cut down before it even has a chance to begin.

That’s where leading comes in.

You can make goo-goo eyes at each other across the anime convention floor hall all you want. There still needs to be the moment where someone makes the decision to walk over and start a conversation. Leading can be non-verbal (taking someone by the hand, going for the kiss), or verbal, (asking for the phone number, revealing your sexual fantasy about the Kama Sutra Pirates).

I think of leading as anteing up. You‘re putting your money on the table (usually not literally), at which point the other person needs to either a) meet or beat your investment, or b) opt out of the game.

Leading isn’t about controlling the relationship. If anything, leading is about giving up control, because if the dancer(*) chooses not to follow, it’s the leader who ends up looking stupid.

Leading is about being willing to take risks. On a more practical level, it’s also about avoiding conversations like this.

BOY: Want to go out?
GIRL: Sure. What do you want to do?
BOY: I don’t know. What do you want to do?

And so on into infinity…

If you’re going to ask someone out, the onus is on you to provide direction for what you‘ll be doing. It doesn’t mean there’s no room for negotiation, but someone has to open the bidding.

Which brings us to the question, why does Boy get to lead? Girls can lead too.

They sure can. And if it works for you, go for it. Putting yourself out there when you don’t know how the other person feels takes guts, and I give mad respect to anyone--male, female, or other--that does it. Be advised however, in heterosexual dating circles, the woman leading goes against convention, so be prepared to face the following reactions.

1) Male insecurity. We’ve had it drilled into us from an early age that we are supposed to take charge. So when a woman does it for us, it can be a stab to the ego. Many women have run into this, and it’s what stops them from taking charge on a date. A friend of mine put it best: “It sucks when guys don’t have a plan cause not only do you have to take charge, you have to bring it up in a way that doesn’t hurt his feelings.”

You would think shyer or more inexperienced guys would welcome a woman who takes charge, but sometimes we take it the hardest because it reminds us of our shortcomings.

2) Suspicion. Often the more attractive a guy finds you, the harder time he’ll have trusting your motives. Instead of counting his lucky stars, he’ll be thinking. “There is no way THAT girl would ever have to ask a guy out, especially a guy like me. Either she’s messing with me or she‘s a murderous sex alien like in Species, and either way, I‘m not falling for it. And I‘m going to make sure everyone knows it by saying something mean to her.”

3) Inexperience. Most guys don’t get asked out a lot, which means they aren’t always going to know how to deal with it. I didn’t when it happened to me (**). We freeze-up and stammer and start looking around for the exits. It doesn’t mean we’re not interested. It means we don‘t deal well with unfamiliar social situations.

4) Dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria. When two people are simultaneously trying to be proactive, there’s going to be some clunkiness until they find a rhythm. The comforting thing about convention is everyone knows his or her role. On the other hand, those people bound by convention will never know what it feels like to live by their own rules.

The good news is, truly confident and self-assured guys have no problem with a woman showing a little initiative. The bad news is, most of those men live somewhere in the Andromeda galaxy. Here on planet Earth, truly confident men are a little thinner on the ground than one would hope. Kudos to you, if you’ve found one.

The last point about leading is that YOU DON‘T HAVE TO DO IT ALL THE TIME (***). Leading isn’t a way to prove what an mighty, in-control Alpha Male or Female you are. It’s a way of keeping a smooth flow while you get to know one another.

Good luck. The Kama Sutra Pirates await.

(*) I realize it would be less confusing to use ‘follower’ but I don’t like it. The word ‘follower’ implies blind obedience, which isn’t what we’re talking about at all. Plus ‘dancer’ sounds prettier.

(**) In my defense, the person hitting on me was another guy. Still, I felt dumb for not catching on sooner.

(***) Timing leads is a column on its own, but here are the basics. You lead a) during ambiguous/awkward moments b) as a response to a cue from your partner or c) when he/she has impressed you.

Today we're going to get a little controversial. That's right, we’re going to talk about the C-word.

The C-word gets thrown around a lot. It used to be used mostly among men, but lately, women have started to take it back. It doesn’t sound any better coming from them either.

I’m talking, of course, about the word ‘confidence.’ Being confident is the holy grail of dating advice. “Women love a confident guy.” “If you believe in yourself, the man of your dreams will find you.” "You just need more confidence, Dude."

There are times I’m a fan of stock dating advice, but this is plain unhelpful. If you’re confident, you don’t need to be told. If you aren’t, being told what you lack often leaves you feeling even worse.

Of course, there's always the 'fake it 'til you make it school,' but I've found clever rhymes (Well, kind of clever. Rhyming 'it' with 'it' isn't exactly the height of lyrical sophistication) are a lot easier to say than to put into practice. Besides, pretending to have something you don’t--even if that something is a positive quality--goes against one of my most fundamental secrets to long-term happiness: Always represent yourself honestly.

The truth is, you don‘t need exceptional self-confidence to be successful at dating. Nor do you need to be mysterious, rich, alluring, or even particularly good-looking. Those things are nice bonuses, but they won’t do you any good without the Big One, the other C-word, the one no one talks about.

That word is Comfort.

To me, comfort has two components--being comfortable with other people and being comfortable with yourself.

It may be sexist, but I always think we guys have a harder time helping people feel comfortable. I don’t know if it’s because we get less practice, or because if we’re just tone-deaf when it comes to recognizing bad vibes, whether it's our own or other people's.

But we need to do it, gentlemen. Clever lines or cool magic tricks don't do a lick of good if the object of your affection is creeped out by your very presence.

Most guys worry about getting a woman attracted to him. But for most women I know, attraction is an ephemeral quality. It comes and goes, arises and fades. Attraction is an untrustworthy accomplice. Believe it or not, a woman doesn’t have to be THAT attracted to you, at least not at first. All she needs is to like you enough to give you a chance.

Comfort, on the other hand…comfort is king.

I‘m not talking about the Just Friends platonic blandness that comes with hesitating too long to make a move or we‘ve-been-going-out-two-years-so-I-don‘t-have-to-make-an-effort-anymore laziness. I’m talking about true comfort, where you feel you can say--or do--anything and you won’t be judged for it. It doesn’t matter if you’re looking for a one-night stand or the love of a lifetime. Comfort is the doorway to intimacy(*).

How do you make others comfortable? Do you ask them questions about themselves? Do you buzz around them like a hummingbird offering to take coats and mix drinks? Nope, nope and nope. You can do those things if they’re in your nature, but they aren’t the secret.

The secret to making people around you comfortable is to be comfortable with yourself. That doesn‘t mean having an unwavering belief in your own awesomeness. Nor does it mean refusing to accept feedback or change your behavior. It just means being okay with where you are and whatever you happen to be feeling.

Confidence is unreliable. It comes and goes. But you can always be comfortable. Even in times of uncertainty, you can be at ease with feeling unsure.

If you’re confident, be confident. If you’re afraid, be afraid. If you’re angry at yourself or fearful…well, embrace those things too. The more at peace you are with different facets of yourself, the easier it is for others to open up to you. They don’t have to worry about hurting your feelings. They can trust you. When you meet the world open and unguarded, those around you can relax and let down their own defenses.

Look. Your life is your own. Do what you want. But if you truly want to be comfortable with yourself, you might want to avoid making choices that leave you feeling uncomfortable.

It might not be as glamorous as being confident, but sometimes, just feeling okay about yourself is enough.

(*) As an aside, if comfort is the doorway to intimacy, then being judgmental is the dragon at the gates. It isn’t easy to slay that sucker--he has a tendency to rise from death more than Michael Meyers, but if you can do it, you will find yourself in a treasure-house beyond compare.

Check out my shameless self-promotion at: danbrodribb.blogspot.com


Note the URL code: danbrodribb.blogspot.com this is how you make a link in the columns.