Holy crap, guys!! The San Diego Comic Con schedule is finally up. And man, it’s chock-full of awesome! So awesome that it sold out WAAAAAAAY before anybody was announced for anything.

Even if you dorked out and didn’t get a pass, cruising Downtown San Diego’s Gaslamp District is worth checking out on it’s own. Where else are you going to see The Flash hitting on Princess Lea at the local pub? How about Dr. Doom giving a homeless guitar player his spare pocket change? What about a drunken Jedi hurling insults at Seth Green from across the street? This is the bizzarro world you enter when you come to San Diego for Comic Con.

There’s even crazy vampire cheerleaders like this.



Moving along, I’ve already started piecing together my itinerary, steering wide and clear of the dreaded Hall H. Able to hold thousands, it’s by far the biggest room at SDCC. So big that there are giant-ass projection screens halfway down the room in case you can’t see the other giant-ass projection screens at each side of the stage. This is where all the stars go to promote their big budgeted sci-fi/fantasy/action movies. Most of the time, the movies look pretty cool and it’s interesting to hear the director or the cast give their scripted options about the film,

But over all, there are a number of reasons why I generally don’t give a glass of shit about Hall H.

1) You couldn’t get me to stand in line for two to three hours, most likely under the hateful eye of the July sun, for anything. Especially when what is arguably THE LARGEST POP CULTURE CONVENTION IN THE WORLD is going on in the next room over. If this is what you choose to do at SDCC, you sir or madam, are a star-fucker. Which brings me to my next point…

2) Star-fuckers! It seems like they ruin everything! (Except for the part about giving money to SDCC, that is.) Okay. Imagine you’re watching the red carpet at the Oscars and off to the side are all the screaming fans desperately taking cell phone pics with their high school friends. Now picture them after a Hot Topic make over turned up to 11. As a Terry Gilliam fan, I was really tempted to check out his Hall H panel for The Imanginarium of Dr Parnassus, but then I figured that I’ll have to put up with squees and swoons from fan girls hoping to catch a glimpse of Johnny Dep, Colin Farrell, Jude Law and, fuck it, the corpse of Heath Ledger from about 400 yards away. No thanks.

Although, admittedly, if that guy from Twilight pointed out to some random teenage girl near the back from the stage and said “You! Yes you. You will be my bride!” then proceeded to tear out her jugular with his teeth and drag her limp body out the main entrance while everybody gave a standing ovation, that’d be the raddest panel ever and I’d take back everything I’ve ever said about him.

Where was I? Oh yeah…

3) They sneak in previews for shitty movies. You’ll show up thinking you’re going to see an hour and fifteen minutes of James Cameron and company talk about the upcoming Avatar movie and show clips, but a lot of that time is eaten up by 20th Century Fox, Sony, Warner Brothers or whoever, slipping in previews for Van Wilder: Sophomore Year[/]i or Lost Boys 3: Corey Feldman’s Gotta Eat. LAME!!

4) The biggest no brainer out of all of this is that it’ll be up on the internet before the following panel even starts. I’m not kidding. There are dozens of nerd news sites out there that cover these things live. I can only imagine what Twitter is going to look like that weekend. The only time people probably won’t be tweeting during the panels will be when they’re using their cell phones to take grainy, yet adequate footage of trailer premieres. Not only that, but Kevin Smith and the Lost panel will certainly be podcasted. So… why do I need to be there again?

So yeah. Screw that noise.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to the less known, less hyped and probably, in my humble opinion, more interesting panels.

THURSDAY:

12:30-1:30 – Richard Hatch: Battlestar Retrospective – Room 6A
I was watching early episodes with a friend who’s just recently discovered BSG. There are some stark differences between the first and last episode that I had not even noticed. Now that the whole frakking thing is over, it’d be nice to hear some words from behind the scenes. One thing I think this panel has going for it is that the actors the hard core fans drool over aren’t listed so it might not be so crowded. I’m sure there’ll be a couple surprise guests, but the only names mentioned are, of course, Richard Hatch (O.G. Apollo/Zareck), writer/producer Michael Taylor, science consultant Kevin Grazier and the show’s amazing musical composer Bear McCreary. (Did you know a majority of the members of Oingo Boingo back him up for his scores?) There’s a BSG panel on Friday, but good luck getting into that one.

3:00-4:00 — Bill Plympton: King of Indie Animation – Room 5AB
If you watched MTV at all in the late '80s to early '90s you definitely saw this man’s work. Specifically the gem, Your Face. He’ll be showing other shorts, including Santa: The Facist Years and his new installment of the Dog series, Horn Dog. While you’re going to get more free shit from SDCC than you’ll know what to do with, getting a free Plympton drawing just for showing up is not a bad deal at all.

5:45-6:45 Spotlight on John Kricfalusi—Room 6BCF
The creator of Ren & Stimpy, The Ripping Friends and the animator of one of my favorite music videos, John Kricfalsui. Like every other panel, he’ll be doing Q&A and showing clips of his stuff. I’m not sure what else I need to say because if that can’t convince you to go you’re either blind and can’t read this anyways, or you’re a total douchebag.


FRIDAY:

2:30-3:30 Building Tomorrow's Technology—Room 3
A futurist panel featuring sci-fi writers like Greg Bear (City at the End of Time), David Williams (Burning Skies), Dani & Eytan Kollin (The Unincorporated Man), and Kirsten Imani Kasai (Ice Song). They’ll speak about the impending war with China and then after that, the sentient nanobots that will rise up and infect our brainstems. Or something equally as cool.

6:00-7:00 Goon, This Is Your Life!— Room 8
The Goon is fucking awesome. There will be footage shown from the new all CGI movie produced by David Fincher, so I’d probably go to this anyways, but creator Eric Powell’s panels have a knack for ye olde shenanigans with a little help from Thomas Lenon and Ben Garant from Reno 911! The program says there are going to be surprise guests and I’m saying it’s probably going to be them. Either way, I can assure you there will be staged comedic violence afoot.

8:30-11:00 Darksiders Presents: The Will Eisner Comic Industry Awards—Indigo Ballroom / Hilton Bayfront
I haven’t seen the Indigo Ballrooom, but it feels a little sad that the Oscars of comics have been moved off site to the neighboring hotel. Then again, maybe it had it coming considering that NOBODY goes to these things. I have no idea why. They’re not boring. Comedians like Brian Posehn and Patton Oswalt are typical presenters and there’s typically drinks being served. When the show is over, most of the a-list comic book talent hangs around and continues to get sloshed. Just don’t be a dick and ask anybody to sign anything. Ya jerk.

If award shows just aren’t your thing, then maybe this is more up your alley…

10:00-12:00 Spike and Mike Double Feature—Room 6BCF
It’s Spike and Mike! The most notorious animation festival ever! Sneak in a flask of something strong and you’ll be good to go.


SATURDAY:

11:30-12:30 Marvel: Dark Reign—Room 6A
As I confessed before, I’m a hardcore Marvel geek who is loving Dark Reign, so maybe I’m a bit biased on this one. Sorry. But y’know, writers Matt Fraction and Jason Aaron will be there and they are funnier than a potato sack full of weasels. Plus, there’s just something entertaining about editor-in-chief Joe Quesada awkwardly answering questions from awkward fanboys.

1:00-2:00 SteamPunk Meet-Up!— Room 24A
I’m not really a cosplay type person but there’s something about the steampunk scene that’s so damn alluring. I’m pretty sure you’re going to see some of the best costume designs at SDCC at this meet up. Caveman Robot and that overweight Green Lantern can go kick rocks.

8:30-12:15 Watchmen: Director's Cut—Live with Zack Snyder! —Room 6BCF
Y’know, whether or not you thought there should have been a Watchmen film adaptation, Zack Snyder busted his ass making this film. As the movie plays on, he’ll be discussing how he did this n’ that and take live questions from the audience and over the internet. Should be pretty interesting. Hell, just look at the regular Blu Ray director commentary.

6:00-7:15 Adult Swim Development: The Venture Bros. Panel—Room 6A
It’s the fucking Venture Bros!!

I just might break out the old speed suit.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Wait. Didn’t I just say I’m not into cosplay? ...damnit.

SUNDAY:

NOTHING! Unless you’re bringing your kids to the many children’s cartoon panels or you’re really into the Christian comics movement, there isn’t anything going on, program-wise, that’s really worth your time. (Except perhaps the Doctor Who panel, 10:00-11:00 in Ballroom 20, which features David Tennant and writer/executive producer Russell T Davies, and the Torchwood/Being Human panel, 2.15-3:45 in the same room, with John Barrowman and executive producer Julie Gardner.) Besides, by this point, your feet and checking account are going to be grounded into powder. It’s probably a better idea to spend the early part of that day clearing out your hotel room, loading up your car and if you can afford it, possibly grabbing some last minute deals on the showroom floor from vendors that are also itching to get the hell out of Dodge.

Be sure to grab a bite at Pokez Mexican Restaurant before you leave town. I’m not kidding. That stuff is amazing and your vegan friends will thank you.

Oh, and hey! Lastly, I’m a little hesitant to bring this up for lack of solid internet evidence, but I want to say that SDCC’s nighttime programming is free. There’s nothing to back up that claim on the convention’s website, but I distinctly remember walking into an after hours Warren Ellis Q&A after grabbing some off-site dinner and there was literally nobody there at the door to make sure I had the badge labeled FRIDAY, even though my name was clearly not Sanjay Shah. (Thanks, Sanjay!) This was also the case when I came back for the Eisner Awards and the Mike Judge Animation Festival. Sure, there were guards patrolling the halls, giving me an acknowledging nod, but they were mostly just glad the halls were empty. So if you’re in the area and didn’t register in time, maybe you want to give it a shot.

That’s all I have to say about “The Con” for now. I’m sure I’ll have a story or two when I get back.

If there’s something I missed, for the love of Crom, speak now! The world is listening!!



OctEgon is pretty damn hungry right now. The time for a turkey bacon n' cheese bagel is nigh!


Want to get your geek on with us? SuicideGirls will be out in force at this year's Comic Con (July 23-26 @ San Diego Convention Center) with not one -- but two booths (#433 and #2229). We'll have 20 of our hottest girls on hand for you to meet in person. They'll also be happy to sign stuff and take snaps.

SuicideGirls will be the special guests at SD Comic Con's largest party, X-Sanguin V111, which takes place on Saturday July 25th at Spin Night Club (8.30 PM - 3.00 AM). Costumes are encouraged. Tickets cost $32 (or $150 for VIP) and are on sale now. Go to FreaksNightOut.com for more info and to purchase.