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  • MONDAY JANUARY 28 2008 10:00 AM

The Sky is Falling – Naw, It’s Just a Spy Satellite

Submitted by punk

Edited by punk

Tags: spy, satellite, orbit, NASA



If I were you, I’d be wearing my helmet out of doors until April. A defunct U.S. spy satellite will careen into the Earth some time between late February and March, according to an anonymous government official.

The satellite, which no longer can be controlled, could contain hazardous materials, and it is unknown where on the planet it might come down, they said. The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because the information is classified as secret.

"Appropriate government agencies are monitoring the situation," said Gordon Johndroe, a spokesman for the National Security Council, when asked about the situation after it was disclosed by other officials. "Numerous satellites over the years have come out of orbit and fallen harmlessly. We are looking at potential options to mitigate any possible damage this satellite may cause."


That makes me feel comfortable. How long did our government plan to keep the fact that a 20,000 pound satellite the size of a school bus was going to plummet from the skies? At least it will produce “less debris than the Columbia space shuttle crash in 2003.”

It’s OK though, they have other things to worry about:

Such an uncontrolled re-entry could risk exposure of U.S. secrets, said John Pike, a defense and intelligence expert. Spy satellites typically are disposed of through a controlled re-entry into the ocean so that no one else can access the spacecraft, he said.


Slashdot guesses that it might be a KH-11 class digital reconnaissance satellite, launched between 1976 and 1990. According to Wikipedia, the only remaining KH-11s in orbit are KH11-6 and KH11-8 through -10, the rest having reached their decay date some 20 years ago.

This begs the question: what possible state secrets could be aboard these floating piles of 80’s memorabilia? I don’t think we used them to stash the name of JFK’s killer, or the secrets of Area-51. You might assume that someone would have downloaded the contents of these ancient behemoths at least a couple of times over in the past decade.

NASA estimates that there are almost 25,000 satellites circling the Earth, “8681 currently in orbit, and over 16,000 objects in a state of decay.”

Bigger things have fallen out of the sky:

The largest uncontrolled re-entry by a NASA spacecraft was Skylab, the 78-ton abandoned space station that fell from orbit in 1979. Its debris dropped harmlessly into the Indian Ocean and across a remote section of western Australia.


With nine countries currently able to launch satellites into orbit without outside help, and roughly thirty countries launching satellites with assistance from other countries, that’s a lot of junk up there.

We’re going to need a bigger helmet.

punk is having trouble deciding between a bicycle helmet and a WWII M1.

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PatrickY

PatrickY

Vancouver, WA
December 2003

JAN 28, 2008 10:14 AM

punk said:

punk is having trouble deciding between a bicycle helmet and a WWII M1.



A horned viking helm, to impale the satellite before it hits your wee noggin.

Chainlink

Chainlink

Key West, FL
August 2005

JAN 28, 2008 11:01 AM

Wow !
I read about this a few days ago. But I am very surprised at the number of satellites up there.
Almost 25,000. eeek
Looks like a good time to reinforce the olde tinfoil hat.

Is there any chance it could hit the White house ?
I mean he survived pretzels, but could he take a satellite ?

Heigai

Heigai

Columbus, OH
May 2004

JAN 28, 2008 11:51 AM

I feel like we're only hearing about this so we can have something that most people don't understand and will subsequently freak out about, and that can be argued to be a "security issue" that requires some kind of action that will slither through the process while the rest of us hold our foreheads.

scylis

scylis

USA
November 2004

JAN 28, 2008 11:54 AM

i'd worry if the world wasn't going to implode before then.

ain't no helmet that can stop a black hole.

fountainofdreams

fountainofdreams

Batavia, IL
January 2005

JAN 28, 2008 12:25 PM

It's Asteroid Dresden!

Just as long as it falls on a Duke of the Red Court, it's fine.

(Any Harry Dresden fans should get this.)

Heigai

Heigai

Columbus, OH
May 2004

JAN 28, 2008 12:53 PM

scylis said:
i'd worry if the world wasn't going to implode before then.

ain't no helmet that can stop a black hole.



I am shocked that a Grand Moff is unaware of Professor Leavenhaven's Patented Anti-Black Hole Chapeau.

He also sells special shovels that you can dig gravity wells with.

d20

d20

San Francisco, CA
September 2003

JAN 28, 2008 02:30 PM

Toku666 said:

scylis said:
i'd worry if the world wasn't going to implode before then.

ain't no helmet that can stop a black hole.



I am shocked that a Grand Moff is unaware of Professor Leavenhaven's Patented Anti-Black Hole Chapeau.

He also sells special shovels that you can dig gravity wells with.



the tough part is setting up a proper filtration system -- inter-dimensional silt is a bitch to clean out.

Chainlink

Chainlink

Key West, FL
August 2005

JAN 28, 2008 03:29 PM

d20 said:

Toku666 said:

scylis said:
i'd worry if the world wasn't going to implode before then.

ain't no helmet that can stop a black hole.



I am shocked that a Grand Moff is unaware of Professor Leavenhaven's Patented Anti-Black Hole Chapeau.

He also sells special shovels that you can dig gravity wells with.



the tough part is setting up a proper filtration system -- inter-dimensional silt is a bitch to clean out.



damn shit is like sand at the beach. It just gets everywhere

scylis

scylis

USA
November 2004

JAN 28, 2008 04:33 PM

Toku666 said:

scylis said:
i'd worry if the world wasn't going to implode before then.

ain't no helmet that can stop a black hole.



I am shocked that a Grand Moff is unaware of Professor Leavenhaven's Patented Anti-Black Hole Chapeau.

He also sells special shovels that you can dig gravity wells with.



they're internet garbage, like perpetual energy devices and traffic cam blockers.

J24U

J24U

Danvers, MA
February 2006

JAN 28, 2008 05:48 PM

fountainofdreams said:
It's Asteroid Dresden!

Just as long as it falls on a Duke of the Red Court, it's fine.

(Any Harry Dresden fans should get this.)



Well played sir. I have no fear then, since it is clearly aimed at South America.

crispy

crispy

NEWSWIRE

Philadelphia, PA

FEB 14, 2008 11:14 AM

Well, it seems as if the Pentagon is choosing to shoot the fucker down.

U.S. officials said Thursday that the option preferred by the Bush administration will be to fire a missile from a U.S. Navy cruiser, and shoot down the satellite before it enters Earth's atmosphere.

[...]

The military will have to choose a time and a location that will avoid to the greatest degree any damage to other satellites in the sky.

Also, there is the possibility that large pieces could remain, and either stay in orbit where they can collide with other satellites or possibly fall to Earth.

DhD_No_Pants

DhD_No_Pants

Katy, TX
May 2006

FEB 14, 2008 11:21 AM

crispy said:
Well, it seems as if the Pentagon is choosing to shoot the fucker down.

U.S. officials said Thursday that the option preferred by the Bush administration will be to fire a missile from a U.S. Navy cruiser, and shoot down the satellite before it enters Earth's atmosphere.

[...]

The military will have to choose a time and a location that will avoid to the greatest degree any damage to other satellites in the sky.

Also, there is the possibility that large pieces could remain, and either stay in orbit where they can collide with other satellites or possibly fall to Earth.



We have to fight the satellites in space before they fight us on earth!

Horrorflick

Horrorflick

Detroit, MI
February 2003

FEB 14, 2008 11:42 AM

They've been talking for a while now about orbital objects coming down and striking the earth. Remember when that meteor/comet/whatever was supposed to hit us and cause all kinds of calamity? I wouldn't hire that contractor to build you a rock house several thousand feet under the surface of the earth just yet. (I live in Detroit, and I actually heard something on the radio about the catastrophic possiblity that we might actually "run out of salt for the roads." You know, because of all the snow we've been getting lately.) Seriously, the media/journalists/whatever do not deserve anybody's respect if that's the best they can come up with...

Heigai

Heigai

Columbus, OH
May 2004

FEB 14, 2008 12:10 PM

Horrorflick said:
They've been talking for a while now about orbital objects coming down and striking the earth. Remember when that meteor/comet/whatever was supposed to hit us and cause all kinds of calamity? I wouldn't hire that contractor to build you a rock house several thousand feet under the surface of the earth just yet. (I live in Detroit, and I actually heard something on the radio about the catastrophic possiblity that we might actually "run out of salt for the roads." You know, because of all the snow we've been getting lately.) Seriously, the media/journalists/whatever do not deserve anybody's respect if that's the best they can come up with...



surreal

You're right. It's not like Detroit freeways are any kind of causeway to international custom like, say, two countries that ship things to and from each other overland. Hypothetically, we could call them "Canada" and "the US." Does this sound familiar? If you run out of salt, you run the risks of having roadways that are unusable, and when you have unusable roadways, your trucking freight industries end up spending a lot of extra money or not being able to fulfill. Additionally, federal highways are technically part of our defense system, and in some ridiculous right-wing fantasy if Detroit should be invaded by, I dunno, mutant Commie Islamofascist moose, you also need the ability to quickly deploy land troops. It's all part of why Eisenhower made the things happen in the first place.

So, to sum up: if a major metropolitan center is facing the possibility of not having any de-icing road salt, it is, in fact, a major issue and certainly news-worthy.

Finally, and to keep it on topic, man-made satellites re-entering and striking the Earth is not at all related to potential extinction-level events. Your comparison is roughly as valid as telling somebody that is worried about a burglar "don't worry, it's not like the country is going to be invaded tomorrow!"

Nessuno

Nessuno

Washington, DC
May 2006

FEB 14, 2008 12:19 PM

DhD_No_Pants said:

crispy said:
Well, it seems as if the Pentagon is choosing to shoot the fucker down.

U.S. officials said Thursday that the option preferred by the Bush administration will be to fire a missile from a U.S. Navy cruiser, and shoot down the satellite before it enters Earth's atmosphere.

[...]

The military will have to choose a time and a location that will avoid to the greatest degree any damage to other satellites in the sky.

Also, there is the possibility that large pieces could remain, and either stay in orbit where they can collide with other satellites or possibly fall to Earth.



We have to fight the satellites in space before they fight us on earth!



For a second there I thought you were talking about the military's spoken desire to make space the next frontier for international combat.

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