When Turning Rock Band Up to Eleven Goes Wrong

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Finding the right apartment is hard work. First, you have to narrow down a price range that won't leave you eating cat food; from there, you have to find one that actually looks like it sounds in the advertisement description and isn't situated at the corner of Freeway Meridian and Meth Lab, and not only that, but it has to be somewhere convenient to your needs. Variables like smoking or non-smoking can be a factor, and then if you want pets, you have to find somewhere they won't get thrown out on their ears.

And as if that weren't enough, be prepared for a world of pain if you're unfortunate enough to be belabored with the task of being a video game rock star.

You see, I'm somewhat of a Legendary God of Guitar Hero myself, and having spent a good block of Thanksgiving weekend demolishing friends and acquaintances in face-off mode, I can attest to the fact that it is really best played loud and at two-o-clock in the morning (sliding across the floor on one's knees at integral parts of the Dragonforce bonus.) That said, the little time spent not ruling on the five-button was spent fantasizing about, of course, the modern marvel that is Rock Band, guaranteed to be a worthy challenge and at least five times as loud -- while you can turn the volume down on fake guitars, how do you really regulate the volume of your voice when you're trying to hit the upper-stratosphere pitch of Claudio Sanchez? And how do you not drink until you throw the drum kit into the kitchen sink like a crazed reincarnation of Keith Moon? Obviously, it is unavoidable.

It is beneficial, therefore, to have friends with few neighbors and lax landlords. Thus, when someone you know finally gets a compatible console, you'll be ready. Sadly, a group of more pioneering fellows on the Rock Band forums did not have such foresight, and suffered a wrathful blow heard 'round the internet -- eviction by rock.

I guess the game was just that good. We techinically [sic] didn't get evicted...YET. But we have 10 days to get out before we do get evicted.

Okay, sort of evicted. Not that a compulsory evacuation notice is much better, but at least it won't destroy their credit for time eternal. The tragic band posted their notice on the game's forums, blurred by either tears or the earth-shaking metal they're still shredding through in these last darkest days.

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I did notice, however, a little something in a close-up of their compliance notice that makes me feel a smidge less sorry for the guys.

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Here, I strain my eyes so that you don't have to:

Mandatory scheduled quiet hours are twenty-four (24) hours daily. Should there be a disturbance of this nature, please call the apartment office. After 10:00PM, and before 9:00AM, your activities should not be noticable to other residents. Please run dishwasher and laundry facilities prior to 10:00PM.

Did these guys read their lease contract before moving into this apartment? It all comes back to finding an apartment that fits your needs. I mean, seriously: don't run your dishwasher after 10PM?! What, are their dishwashers powered by nuclear generators? Faced with that sort of reserve of silence, it was their duty to understand immediately that this apartment complex is for boring grandmas and cat ladies, and should have run screaming on the double. Such a place could never have been tolerant of fake band wizardry, and it was all only a matter of time before they were ousted like Ozzy at the Alamo.

It's a tragic story, and I feel deeply for my brothers in rock, but I hope they can take what they have learned and move on, a little bit older and a little bit wiser, and know that when they finally find a people-friendly apartment to welcome them, at least they will have lived to rock another day.


_DictionaryGirl_ doesn't have Rock Band yet, but she challenges all of you to Guitar Hero.

web address: http://suicidegirls.com/news/geek/22730/