King Tut: A Face Only a Mummy Could Love
I'm sorry about the pun. I tried to stop myself.
Anyway, I can't believe this wasnt bigger news. Did you know that King Tut's face, without his burial mask, was finally revealed to the public for the first time this week?
Black, leathery, shriveled and cracked, King Tut emerged with a toothy smile from his gleaming sarcophagus on Sunday, showing his face to the world for the first time.
Exactly 85 years after Howard Carter discovered the pharaoh's treasure-packed tomb; King Tut's mummy left forever his original sarcophagus and moved to a new coffin in the antechamber of his small underground tomb in the Valley of the Kings.
As it turns out, King Tut has bucked teeth.
I'm sort of bummed. I always had a crush on King Tut in his death mask. He was hot in a sort of David Bowie Ziggy Stardust way. Now, he just looks like what he is: a teenager with bucked teeth. I may be a necrophiliac but I'm most certainly not a pedophile.
And did you know his penis was considered missing for the last few decades? Nobody could locate King Tut's member ever since British scientist Ronald Harrison took some X-rays in 1968. Zahi Hawass, chief of Egypt's Supreme Council of Antiquities found the missing dick in 2006.
"Instead, it has always been there. I found it during the CT scan last year, when the mummy was lifted. It lay loose in the sand around the king's body. It was mummified," Zahi Hawass, told Discovery News.
I love that even the Discovery Channel website has to address the issue of a mummy's penis. So, did this nineteen-year-old King have a big dick or what? Mummy expert Eduard Egarter Vigl says that King Tut's penis was just normal sized and that's allowing for some normal shrinkage due to mummification. Egarter-Vigl is the caretaker of Otzi the Iceman, the world's best-preserved mummy.
"Actually, King Tut has been flattered by the embalmers' work. There is no comparison with Ötzi's penis," Egarter told Discovery News
What a shit starter!
Also, I have a stupid question that I can't find an answer to. Does the penis fall off after thousands of years or was it removed for burial? Why is King Tut's dick detached?
I love mummies. For some reason I just love to stare at finely wrapped, decaying bodies from anytime B.C. I don't watch Law and Order because I get creeped out by the dead bodies that they're always discovering. I realize I'm only looking at actors wearing make-up but still, it's really realistic. I guess I just dont like freshly dead things that look like they could still wake up. That's why mummies are great. We get to face death but it's so ancient looking we get to still pretend in the back of our minds that it's not going to happen to us. But it's inevitable, whether we are royalty or not, our dicks will fall off someday only to be scrutinized by later generations.
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