The Six-Million Dollar Mouse

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I hate mice. They are disgusting, filthy creatures. I'm sorry, but it's true. Sure, they may have those big, round, shiny black eyes and darling little scrabbly paws, but don't let them fool you -- when you least expect it, they will turn around and cannibalize their own cage-mate, wallow in its blood like some kind of miniature pure-white disciple of Satan, and then piss on your hand out of spite. If you have had a better experience with mice then I envy you, but if you ask me, it's just a matter of time. I'm not creeped out by much in the animal kingdom, but tiny rodents really know how to get me.

So yes, can someone please make mice more powerful and dynamic? Because, you know what, that would be great. I want a mouse that can not only charge me at twice the skittery speed of normal mice, but could chase me down for hours without stopping. Lord knows that's not a horror movie in the making once they decide to start working together. I want my greatest nightmares brought to life in vivid technicolor and tiny high-pitched squeaking. Oh, what's that you say, Case Western Reserve University? You're already working on it?

Case Western Reserve University researchers have bred a line of "mighty mice" (PEPCK-Cmus mice) that have the capability of running five to six kilometers at a speed of 20 meters per minute on a treadmill for up to six hours before stopping.

Hey, that sounds fantastic!

The mice, developed by Parvin Hakimi (the study's lead author) over the past five years, are actually the product of a bigger ongoing study concerning an enzyme called phosphoenolypyruvate carboxykinases (PEPCK-C) and its metabolic and physiological effects on skeletal muscle. To put it concisely, our little vermin friends' genetic code has been tweaked to overproduce the enzyme. They are, as a result, better able to process fatty acids for energy and in turn create much less lactic acid byproduct, leading to a speed and endurance the researchers have compared to "Lance Armstrong biking up the Pyrenees." It's not all they can do, either -- the little guys live twice as long as normal mice, and continue to healthily give birth years after their wild counterparts have grown too old and crotchety to even try.

Oh, and there's the whole "markedly more aggressive" thing, too.

It was evident from the beginning that these mice were very different from average mice. Hakimi commented, "From a very early age, the PEPCK-Cmus mice ran continuously in their cages." She said she could identify which mice were from this new line by simply watching their level of activity in their home cage. Animal behavior studies later demonstrated that the PEPCK-Cmus mice are seven times more active in their home cages than controls; in addition, the mice were also markedly more aggressive. "The enhanced level of activity noted in the PEPCK-Cmus mice extends well beyond two years of age; this is considered old-age for mice," the researchers said.

It's like the poor little guys are born with 'roid rage. Nevertheless, it's certainly fascinating when one considers what a little gene therapy could do for enhancing one's physical condition. When I say "fascinating," I of course mean a little scary and GATTACA-esque, but in the grand scheme of futuristic technology it's maybe a little lower on the terror totem than invisible tanks or spider-bat robots. Besides, there are currently only five hundred of the super mice bred and under study -- that's not enough for a hostile takeover, am I right?

Right?



_DictionaryGirl_ welcomes her new genetically-superior supermouse overlords.

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