You Know What's Awesome About Invisible Tanks? Everything

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This is one of those developments that reaffirms my belief in the impossible.

New technology that can make tanks invisible has been unveiled by the Ministry of Defence.
Holy shit. How do you even react to news that incredible? "Oh really, you invented an invisible tank, huh? Cool, so, uh, should I just give you all my money and belongings or...?"

I pity the guy standing across from him at the next cocktail party. "What have I been up to? Oh... this and that... not too much, really... Annnd, I built an invisible tank. A tank, remember how kick-ass they are? Giant gun, armor, etc... Sure you do, well, I said, why not mix that with, 'invisible'? Ahem, how about you? How's that whole "not building an invisible tank" thing working out for you? Oh, that's too bad."

There are just certain things that, despite my wishes to the contrary, I absolutely do not believe are possible. World-conquering robots, spider-strength, zombies, a funny Dane Cook bit... And then along comes something that throws it all into turmoil. Yes, prior to today, 17 minutes ago, to be precise, the idea of "invisible tanks," sounded fairly fucking preposterous to me... and yet, now we got 'em.

In secret trials last week, the Army said it had made a vehicle completely disappear and predicted that an invisible tank would be ready for service by 2012.
2012 ... I can totally make it 'til then.

The new technology uses cameras and projectors to beam images of the surrounding landscape onto a tank. The result is that anyone looking in the direction of the vehicle only sees what is beyond it and not the tank itself.

A soldier, who was at the trials, said: "This technology is incredible. If I hadn't been present I wouldn't have believed it. I looked across the fields and just saw grass and trees - but in reality I was staring down the barrel of a tank gun."
This sounds like the explanation I'd have heard at the age of 11 from that one kid whose Halloween costume was "army man" every single year. I'd have thought it sounded good but figured it was bullshit.

Even now, two paragraphs back, if you'd asked me to explain how I thought we got invisible tanks I'd have said,"Well, it's simple, someone in the British government has befriended a sorcerer. A 'good-guy one', if he's offering to help us." My second guess would've been, "Hmmm, as far as I know, invisibility is often delivered via a serum... I'm gonna say, someone spilled the serum on a tank and voila! Invisible tank. No? Oh, I'm an idiot? Cool, I'll sit down now...

How the technology works in a combat situation is very sensitive, but the MoD is believed to be testing a military jacket that works on the same principles.
Excuse me, I'm going take a quick break to pen an open letter.

Dear This Article - Please stop blowing my fucking mind. If you keep being so awesome, the rest of my world will begin to fade in comparison. Thank you for understanding.

Okay, I'm back... To sum up, in a few years we'll have invisible tanks running around our planet. What this means is, for the rest of my life, I can no longer scoff at ridiculous theories and ideas... A friend could tell me he built a time machine out of a can-opener and when I laughed he'd hit me with, "Okay, laugh it up, 'guy who didn't believe we could make invisible tanks. Hah, shows what you know... Now I'm off to ancient Atlantis to bet on crab races and I'm not even taking you!" What a rip-off.

Happy Halloween, Jerks!!!


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