Disappointing You Soon, From a Galaxy Far, Far Away...

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George Lucas planning 'Star Wars' TV series
Why not, right? He's 6-and-0 at this point. Critics and fans alike have championed his recent return to form, showcasing a man clearly at the peak of his powers. So keenly in touch with the needs and wants of the modern day sci-fi audience. How he manages to keep his finger on the pulse of an entire nation at the same time is beyond me.

Why, if he wanted, I bet he could predict what I'd like for dinner. A story about hokey robots and alien politics? Oh no, George. That's not even a food.

I know the "dumping a bucket of sarcasm on something," approach can get old but I couldn't think of any other way to get started. I mean, really, who's optimistic about this? Anyone? Yes, you, waving wildly in front, when did you discover you liked shit?

Lucas is the owner of the worst comeback this side of Muhammad Ali getting bludgeoned by Larry Holmes back in 1980. And at least Ali had the sense to quit on his stool.

But be forewarned: 'It has nothing to do with Luke Skywalker or Darth Vader,' according to the films' mastermind.
Yes, that's totally the part that requires warning, not the part where the last three motion pictures were completely unwatchable and George Lucas is incapable of writing dialog. It should read, be forewarned: these movies are being created by the guy who wrote Phantom Menace.

Be forewarned: this show is penned by the guy who created a "future diner" run by a fat alien, diner owner-cliche in a dirty T-shirt complete with salt and pepper on the table.

Be forewarned: dialog similar to "I don't care what galaxy you're from, that's gotta hurt!" may appear in this show.

Be forewarned: Jar Jar's dad created this show.

Filmmaker George Lucas said Tuesday that he has "just begun work" on a live-action television series rooted in the "Star Wars" universe, which is huge news not just for fans of the science-fiction epic but also for networks looking for a piece of the Lucas magic that has grossed $4.3 billion in theaters worldwide.
No, this is huge news for amnesia-sufferers and the tasteless. This is huge news for people missing from the planet between '99 and '05, and the recently deaf. "Have repeated hammer blows rendered you unable to remember anything of the last three films? Wonderful! Have I got a show for you."

There is a caveat, though: The proposed series doesn't have anyone named Luke or Anakin in it, a story path that Lucas concedes is "taking chances" as far as connecting with an audience expecting the familiar mythology.
Releasing three films based largely on political maneuverings, pseudo-science and flavorless characters was a "chance." And NO ONE is expecting the "familiar mythology." What's left of the once massive fanbase expects nothing but more bullshit. Luke? Anakin? The only characters that people gave a shit about were Han Solo and Darth Vader. Neither of whom were in the prequels.

Lucas already has another television series percolating: Lucas Animation has been working for months on "Star Wars: The Clone Wars," a computer-animated series that he hopes will introduce a new era of visuals to weekly episodic television. Lucas plans to produce it through his own companies before shopping the finished product to networks.

That model may also be used for the live-action show, although producer Rick McCallum said Tuesday that it's too early to say. McCallum is interviewing writers for the live-action series.
Writers? Finally, a possible bright light in this dank morass. Is this the sign of a brash, young Jedi emerging to battle back the dark forces of cutesiness and on-the-nose dialog? Oh wait, aren't Jedis just guys filled with midichlorians or something? Nevermind, then.

Lucas is confident he can find a home for his droids and Jedi, but he also knows the projects are unorthodox enough to give network executives pause.

"They are having a hard time," Lucas said. "They're saying, 'This doesn't fit into our little square boxes,' and I say, 'Well, yeah, but it's "Star Wars." And "Star Wars" doesn't fit into that box.' "
Huh? I guess even out of touch billionaires like to play at being under-dog outsiders railing against the system.



TheCoolerKing is exhausted from drinking, shooting claybirds and visiting haunted houses.

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