It's not easy being a genius. Adoring fans and millions of dollars in sponsorships notwithstanding, it's lonely at the top of the intellectual heap. That said, it must be even more difficult being a certified genius at the Apple store genius bar. Forced to work that beautiful mind of yours in the presence of the troglodytes over at Charlotte Russe across the mall walkway, and dealing with the likes of me bursting into tears all day all over the genius bar counter when you have to explain why that deep-fried hard drive is unsalvageable, and all for a fraction of the bank you thought you'd be making when you first registered as a computer science major -- it must start to get under a guy's skin after a while.

Steve Jobs knows this (for, indeed, he knows all), which is why he thinks up little perks to make the job more worthwhile. A free iPod shuffle, for instance. Or, more recently, a free iPhone for every full- and part-time employee having worked for the company more than a year. Small tokens of appreciation, just to show he cares. (And maybe also to make sure that his army of hard workers is the hippest white-earphoned army on the block, but hey, collateral.) From the point of view of an outsider such as myself, it's a pretty sweet deal for a mall job where you're basically lucky if you get a $10 gift certificate to your own store from your boss for Christmas.

But for some, it isn't enough. Should such a pacifier, even one as lovely and shiny as an iPhone, be enough to placate the superior brains of an Apple Genius? Not hardly, but an extra hundred bucks never hurt anyone, so when Apple issued a cool Benjamin to all early adopters to make up for the recent holiday-anticipatory price shift, a few extra-special Apple subordinates decided to put that intellect to the test: could they outsmart their employer, walking off with a hundred dollar rebate for a device they never paid for in the first place? Could they?

Well, as Ars Technica reports: dudes, seriously?

Eight. Hundred. Employees. Great minds think alike, yes/no? That's the thing about little rebates you think such a huge company will never notice -- when everyone cashes in on them, they add up fast. Even for Apple, eighty thousand dollars is a noticeable wad of cash. What sucks is that, even as the story breaks, a few poor saps might not even know yet.

(So, you know, if any of this sounds like you, you might want to batten down the hatches and dust off that resumé. Just an idea.)

Yeah, I'll be the first to admit that working in retail sucks, and it's really easy to get into the mindset of alleviating the stress with the odd freebie here or there, but then again most jobs don't give you utterly delicious brand-new cell phones just for showing up. I also submit for your approval -- and I think this is an important point -- that if you're going to pull a fast one, it helps to be smarter than the guy you're pulling a fast one on. I realize you're all some of the brightest special snowflakes in the box, but let's face it, you're not exactly, oh, I don't know, Steve Jobs.

Damn, guys. Maybe you're a little less genius than you thought.



_DictionaryGirl_'s boss gave her five-dollar chocolate-scented lotion for Christmas last year. It smelled like ass. Not quite a cell phone, innit?