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  • WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 19 2007 12:00 PM

Unknowable Space Horror Is Coming, Look Busy!

Submitted by Flux

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: Lovecraft, Cthulhu, meteorite, horror, deep sea



As I have long suspected, Howard Phillips Lovecraft's tales of eldritch horrors beyond mortal ken were seeded with the grains of truth.

Ten years ago now, the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association recorded an ultra-low frequency sound around 50º S 100º W in the Pacific Ocean. This sound matches the audio profile of a living creature. However, the frequency of the sound implies a creature much larger than even the world's largest known creature, the blue whale. This mysterious sound has come to be known as the Bloop.

I have come to believe that the sound's origin was from just a short distance away, 47.9º S, 126.43º W, which you and I both know as the coordinates of the nightmare corpse-city of R'lyeh. Brave scientists at BloopWatch.org share this hypothesis, and we tremble in dread, for great Cthulhu is waking. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! Please eat me last.

Or so I worried, but now it looks like we'll be driven ill and insane first. As prophesied in "The Colour Out of Space", death and terror is raining down on us from the sky. This weekend, in Puno, Peru, a meteorite fell to earth. Of course, it brought the unknowable and horrifying along for the ride.

Residents complained of headaches and vomiting brought on by a "strange odour," local health department official Jorge Lopez told Peruvian radio RPP.

Seven policemen who went to check on the reports also became ill and had to be given oxygen before being taken to hospital, Mr Lopez said.



Ahem:

Winter came early, and was very cold. Ammi saw Nahum less often than usual, and observed that he had begun to look worried. The rest of his family too, seemed to have grown taciturn; and were far from steady in their church-going or their attendance at the various social events of the countryside. For this reserve or melancholy no cause could be found, though all the household confessed now and then to poorer health and a feeling of vague disquiet. Nahum himself gave the most definite statement of anyone when he said he was disturbed about certain footprints in the snow.



You will, of course, agree in the face of the evidence presented that we are dealing with the same non-humanoid, mutagenic, extraterrestrial "colour." Try not to buy any Peruvian skunk-cabbage this autumn, beloved readers.

Regardless, we're all going to die.

Flux has got her Mi-Go brain cylinder prepared for her exit from this doomed planet. How about you?

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Comments
DeceptiviewFilm

DeceptiviewFilm

Parlin, NJ
February 2004

SEP 20, 2007 06:33 AM

Or it could be a creature that sends its message out to a probe far far away and once this message stops, the probe will return to earth to investigate. In the process it will shut down all electrical power causing cataclysmic reactions with the weather. Unless...unless a daring crew led by a strong Captain can slingshot around the sun and go back to 1986 and find this creature and bring them back to the 23rd century...

Markus001

Markus001

United Kingdom
November 2004

SEP 20, 2007 09:38 AM

Cthuhlu f'thagn!!!!!!!

IronOrchid

ironorchid

Australia
February 2007

SEP 20, 2007 11:24 AM

ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! love love

polverso

polverso

Kansas City, MO
December 2005

SEP 20, 2007 11:40 AM

smile

Stellae

Stellae

SUICIDEGIRL

Italy

SEP 20, 2007 12:21 PM

Luckily the Cosmic Mayans will return to take me with them before Leviathan rises from the deep to claim or souls and flesh, although I did meet it once in an altered state of consciousness. eeek

Waldo_Jeffers

Waldo_Jeffers

United Kingdom
OLD SKOOL

SEP 20, 2007 01:10 PM

Lrnec said:

SockPuppet said:

Flux said:
Please eat me first.



Fixed.



"Please eat me last."

Ya I thought we were supposed to pray to be eaten first so we don't have to hang around suffering and watching people get eaten.




Have you ever come across a Cthulhu parody of Chick Tracts?

Chick Tracts are little comic books with a Fundamentalist Christian message. Although some Christians take them seriously, most people find them hilarious. A few years back someone put a Cthulhu-themed parody on the web. In it which we learn that the Elder Gods are coming, that the end is inevitable and that the only thing to do is to hope to be eaten first!! Heh heh!

SilverSurfer

SilverSurfer

Chicago, IL
June 2003

SEP 20, 2007 02:54 PM

Check out these naughty Cthulhu pictures, they're really hot.

formerviking

formerviking

Denver, PA
May 2006

SEP 20, 2007 02:58 PM

It's things like this thread that are the reason Flux is on my favorites list . That and her nifty cuteness love

wereduck

wereduck

I'm lost
July 2007

SEP 20, 2007 03:09 PM

mercurius said:

Lrnec said:

SockPuppet said:

Flux said:
Please eat me first.



Fixed.



"Please eat me last."

Ya I thought we were supposed to pray to be eaten first so we don't have to hang around suffering and watching people get eaten.




Have you ever come across a Cthulhu parody of Chick Tracts?

Chick Tracts are little comic books with a Fundamentalist Christian message. Although some Christians take them seriously, most people find them hilarious. A few years back someone put a Cthulhu-themed parody on the web. In it which we learn that the Elder Gods are coming, that the end is inevitable and that the only thing to do is to hope to be eaten first!! Heh heh!




Do you know the web site this was posted on? The place I work at has a ton of Chick Tracts in the break room, and it would be great to print off these Cthulu-themed ones.

Edit: ..And leave them in the break room. Silly boy, need to complete that thought before posting.

Kundalini

Kundalini

Kalamazoo, MI
June 2004

SEP 20, 2007 05:51 PM

I always fucking knew that Lovecraft would someday be considered a writer of the world's most useful survival guide.

The_Reverend

The_Reverend

United Kingdom
September 2004

SEP 21, 2007 04:54 AM

We need to talk to Howard the Dolphin.

Priapos

priapos

San Angelo, TX
October 2005

SEP 21, 2007 10:01 AM

I participate in the Gonzo Science blog, and I won't just post a link to an article without summarizing it or adding some funny twist.

This it the first to completely stump me. Congratulations.

Azadeth

Azadeth

Fairport, NY
August 2006

SEP 21, 2007 12:32 PM

Shit! I've been behind on my rituals!

Where did I put my fucking Necronomicon?

SockPuppet

SockPuppet

I'm lost
July 2006

SEP 21, 2007 06:14 PM

Max16Characters said:
The Bloop is either the most awesome thing ever. Or, it will someday destroy us all.



These are not alternatives.

SockPuppet

SockPuppet

I'm lost
July 2006

SEP 21, 2007 06:16 PM

Kundalini said:
I always fucking knew that Lovecraft would someday be considered a writer of the world's most useful survival guide.



"survival"?!

bahahaha... hahaha....

:deep breath:

HAAAAhahahaahhahahahaahhahahaha

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