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  • WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 19 2007 12:00 PM

Unknowable Space Horror Is Coming, Look Busy!



As I have long suspected, Howard Phillips Lovecraft's tales of eldritch horrors beyond mortal ken were seeded with the grains of truth.

Ten years ago now, the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association recorded an ultra-low frequency sound around 50º S 100º W in the Pacific Ocean. This sound matches the audio profile of a living creature. However, the frequency of the sound implies a creature much larger than even the world's largest known creature, the blue whale. This mysterious sound has come to be known as the Bloop.

I have come to believe that the sound's origin was from just a short distance away, 47.9º S, 126.43º W, which you and I both know as the coordinates of the nightmare corpse-city of R'lyeh. Brave scientists at BloopWatch.org share this hypothesis, and we tremble in dread, for great Cthulhu is waking. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! Please eat me last.

Or so I worried, but now it looks like we'll be driven ill and insane first. As prophesied in "The Colour Out of Space", death and terror is raining down on us from the sky. This weekend, in Puno, Peru, a meteorite fell to earth. Of course, it brought the unknowable and horrifying along for the ride.

Residents complained of headaches and vomiting brought on by a "strange odour," local health department official Jorge Lopez told Peruvian radio RPP.

Seven policemen who went to check on the reports also became ill and had to be given oxygen before being taken to hospital, Mr Lopez said.



Ahem:

Winter came early, and was very cold. Ammi saw Nahum less often than usual, and observed that he had begun to look worried. The rest of his family too, seemed to have grown taciturn; and were far from steady in their church-going or their attendance at the various social events of the countryside. For this reserve or melancholy no cause could be found, though all the household confessed now and then to poorer health and a feeling of vague disquiet. Nahum himself gave the most definite statement of anyone when he said he was disturbed about certain footprints in the snow.



You will, of course, agree in the face of the evidence presented that we are dealing with the same non-humanoid, mutagenic, extraterrestrial "colour." Try not to buy any Peruvian skunk-cabbage this autumn, beloved readers.

Regardless, we're all going to die.

Flux has got her Mi-Go brain cylinder prepared for her exit from this doomed planet. How about you?

 

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Comments
J24U

J24U

Danvers, MA
February 2006

SEP 19, 2007 01:00 PM

Shit, might as well get this over with as soon as possible
*packs car, heads to Innsmouth*

c4ff31n3

c4ff31n3

I'm lost
November 2004

SEP 19, 2007 01:21 PM

Takin' my silver key to the Snake Den.

Krass_of_nod

Krass_of_nod

Bend, OR
April 2005

SEP 19, 2007 01:30 PM

no no its all sideways, the aliens are coming and cthuhlu knows, so he is waking up and gonna eat some alien ass for once...psssssh everyone knows he got bored eating the stuff here shit he ate so much he got sick of how it tasted, now that the smelly aliens are coming hiss belly rumbles in delight shocked shocked shocked

Subrosa

Subrosa

San Francisco, CA
July 2004

SEP 19, 2007 01:41 PM

Flux said:
Flux has got her Mi-Go brain cylinder prepared for her exit from this doomed planet. How about you?



The Fungi can kiss my ass. They don't even keep their own home from being disqualified as a planet and we're supposed to ask them to help us? Psh.

I'll take my chances.

Odradek

Odradek

Buffalo, NY
September 2007

SEP 19, 2007 01:42 PM

This would be the best solution to the world's problems! Awesome analysis!

Zamuzel

Zamuzel

United Kingdom
September 2006

SEP 19, 2007 01:43 PM

Run for the hills!

RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mellon

mellon

Brattleboro, VT
October 2004

SEP 19, 2007 01:44 PM

Have you read Charlie Stross' latest take on the Cthulhu mythos? It's in a collection called The Jennifer Morgue. It's quite good.

Horrorflick

Horrorflick

Detroit, MI
February 2003

SEP 19, 2007 01:44 PM

I love you too. (Even though we're all going to die...) love

xfinitex

xfinitex

East Lansing, MI
August 2005

SEP 19, 2007 02:05 PM

Zamuzel said:
Run for the hills!

RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



The hills aren't safe dude. Thats where Ithaqua chills.

Ha anyone get that? Ithaqua? Chills? I kill me.

wereduck

wereduck

I'm lost
July 2007

SEP 19, 2007 02:11 PM

Oh, shit.

I guess I better get to finishing the collection of Lovecraft stories that I bought a couple months back. Just so I know what else to expect.

Metaverse

Metaverse

USA
March 2005

SEP 19, 2007 02:16 PM

I say fuck it, let us all go fishing...calamari anyone?! I'm not afraid...I'm not I tell you!!




*hides*

mingol

mingol

Singapore
July 2005

SEP 19, 2007 02:20 PM

This story does so much to explain my recent mood swings and disturbed sleep patterns.

sockmonkey

sockmonkey

Portland, OR
July 2002

SEP 19, 2007 02:36 PM

Sid said:
zombie apocalypse?



My thoughts exactly!

bairdduvessa

bairdduvessa

Centerville, MA
April 2005

SEP 19, 2007 02:47 PM

neat

Evilgasm

Evilgasm

Netherlands
April 2007

SEP 19, 2007 02:48 PM

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