I'm not exaggerating. This is not hyperbole. I'm exhausted and I can't touch, taste or smell, I'm guessing because my senses of sight and sound were so overwhelmed they were forced to completely drain my other three senses. I'm actually writing this on a Dictaphone because without a sense of "touch" I kept mashing the keyboard.

This trailer is perfect, but don't take my word for it. Watch it. Then pick yourself up off the floor and continue reading.

*********************************************************

Right?

Tony Stark, sauced up and acting like a dick. The guy Bruce Wayne pretends to be, he is.

Explosions, wisecracks that work and then, trouble, in the form of more explosions.

All leading up to the only thing in film better than the "suiting-up" montage, the fucking "build" montage. Tight shots of metal being hammered, wrenches tightening, welder's helmets lowering... Then, cut to "insert something bad-ass of your choice." Rocket, giant gun, van covered in steel-plating that shoots melons... Or, in this case, the Iron Man suit.

They actually used Black Sabbath's "Iron Man." I'll repeat, they used Sabbath's "Iron Man" for Marvel's Iron Man. That's one of those ideas that's so fucking outstanding you dare not even mention it. Somehow it's too awesome to even attempt.

Like, I could see myself and a buddy hanging out reading some Iron Man comics when I was nine and one of us saying, "You know... They should make an Iron Man movie... and put the song "Iron Man" in it." And then the doors bursts open and my dad rushes in, angrily swatting the comic out my hands. "Are you insane, of course they should, but it would never work! It would destroy everything in its path of awesome-ness! EVERYTHING! Both of you go to bed! And no more of this crazy talk about Iron Man."

Sorry, "old best super-hero movie of all time," there's a new kid in town... and that kid gets dressed up in a suit of armor and flies around town blowing shit up... Or... maybe there's a new sheriff in town. And instead of a tin star he's got an iron fucking suit that fights crime and cooks dinner at the same time. I like that one too... Either way, look out.

Think I'll go watch it again.


TheCoolerKing would like to go on record as being anti- super-hero registration.