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  • SUNDAY AUGUST 12 2007 4:00 AM

Rockabye, Baby...Hey, That's a Sweet MP3 Player!

Submitted by Rahodeb

Edited by Rahodeb

Tags: Dumbasses



You know those teenie weenie little LCD TV screens that you sometimes see flashing cartoons at dummified children in the back of SUVs? I hate those things. Seriously, if I was buying a car (not an SUV, just a car) and the sales rep told me that the little TV thingie came free, I'd tell them to take it out. And if they said that they couldn't, I'd get a different car. That's how much I hate them.

Also on my list of hated items are MP3 players for babies. Does this make me a Luddite? Am I hopelessly stuck in the past? Sobeit. Following Fisher-Price's lead with the iTod, we now have Hasbro teaming up with Creative Labs to market an MP3 player targeted at "the parents" of "infants from birth to 3."

"The insight for the Playskool 'Made for Me' line is about delivering a unique system of toys and gear that resonate with new parents," says Nancy Kufferman, Playskool's senior brand manager. "These parents are primarily Gen X and Y and technology is typically a big part of their world. They not only embrace new technology, but they seek out ways to maximize its potential into their everyday lives."

One proven way that the potential of new technology can be maximized in the everyday lives of new parents is by providing them with a way to distract and shut their kids up.

The MP3 player is one of three products the company will introduce as part of its "Made for Me" infant product line. Parents use the products to stimulate or soothe their infants by choosing to play classic lullabies that come with the digital music player, or customizing it by transferring songs from CDs or downloading tunes from the Internet.

Here's an idea: Try singing that very same lullaby to the hump dumpling. You two just might have a bonding moment, and maybe he won't grow up to be a socially retarded, navigationally-challenged (turn the damn LCD TV off and tell him to look at the window) droid.

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Comments
Eric_Only

Eric_Only

Princeton, NJ
January 2005

AUG 12, 2007 04:28 AM

I'll be impressed when palm pilots for infants hit shelves...

skull

existentialblues

existentialblues

Marietta, GA
July 2006

AUG 12, 2007 05:04 AM

hump dumplings....how cute. ill definitely have to remember that.

Oz_the_Vamp

Oz_the_Vamp

Lorain, OH
June 2005

AUG 12, 2007 07:07 AM

iTod? For fucks sake, what's next? The wiiTod? puke

And for the record, I hope those kids up there (^^^^^^) go thru life with permanently mis-shapen heads because their parents put headphones on their soft skulls!!! mad

SonOfAPunk

SonOfAPunk

Maple Ridge, BC
January 2006

AUG 12, 2007 07:17 AM

Oh sweet!

Finally! Another way to give babies something that ends in "syndrome" and doesn't require me to shake so many fucking babies!

mingol

mingol

Singapore
July 2005

AUG 12, 2007 07:28 AM

Aren't things like this a bit like placing your infant under sensory deprivation? Headphones cut people off from the outer world; using headphones is not at all the same thing as playing music in the room. Why would anyone think this was a healthy idea?

mingol

mingol

Singapore
July 2005

AUG 12, 2007 07:29 AM

VampOzman said:
iTod? For fucks sake, what's next? The wiiTod? puke


The iEmbryo.

testykitten

testykitten

Andorra
February 2005

AUG 12, 2007 08:09 AM

putting earphones on a infant seems like a bad idea in sooooo many ways. frown

Rush

Rush

Brooklyn, NY
June 2005

AUG 12, 2007 08:14 AM

There's no way an adult can set an appropriate volume of headphones for a newborn baby. Way to get an early start damaging that kid's hearing!

Tiger_Fodder

Tiger_Fodder

Braintree, MA
June 2007

AUG 12, 2007 08:25 AM

Never too early to have your kid learn all the words to The Clash's London Calling....am I right?

mingol

mingol

Singapore
July 2005

AUG 12, 2007 08:29 AM

Rush said:
There's no way an adult can set an appropriate volume of headphones for a newborn baby. Way to get an early start damaging that kid's hearing!



If they start screaming and crying, then you know it's too loud.

And then you crank the volume up, and after a while they'll go deaf and won't cry any more! Hooray for progress!

DownNeck

DownNeck

Jersey City, NJ
March 2006

AUG 12, 2007 08:42 AM

InnocentSid said:
Never too early to have your kid learn all the words to The Clash's London Calling....am I right?



you are, in fact, correct.

sidious500

sidious500

Oxford, MS
March 2007

AUG 12, 2007 10:38 AM

mingol said:

VampOzman said:
iTod? For fucks sake, what's next? The wiiTod? puke


The iEmbryo.



I'm thinking The iGote.

MschfMayhemSoap

MschfMayhemSoap

Phoenix, AZ
April 2006

AUG 12, 2007 11:00 AM



Here's an idea: Try singing that very same lullaby to the hump dumpling.



What if it's your horrible rendition of "Toxic" that's making your baby cry?

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Jennifer_

Jennifer_

Venezuela
November 2006

AUG 12, 2007 11:08 AM

sidious500 said:

mingol said:

VampOzman said:
iTod? For fucks sake, what's next? The wiiTod? puke


The iEmbryo.



I'm thinking The iGote.


Ah that's awesome. biggrin


InnocentSid said:
Never too early to have your kid learn all the words to The Clash's London Calling....am I right?


That just gave me a sudden desire to see someone film another version of this video where all the people are replaced by a gang of angry toddlers:

If anyone does that, I would pay them with drugs and sex. Just because it would be so cute, in an odd way.

shapeshifter23

shapeshifter23

San Francisco, CA
September 2005

AUG 12, 2007 11:12 AM

Here's an idea: Try singing that very same lullaby to the hump dumpling. You two just might have a bonding moment, and maybe he won't grow up to be a socially retarded, navigationally-challenged (turn the damn LCD TV off and tell him to look at the window) droid.



No no no. You're missing the point. We need to sell more gadgets to keep our economy healthy and growing. And if the child grows up to be socially alienated and emotionally deprived, so much the better. He/she will seek to compensate for feeling unloved by buying more stuff to fill the inner emptiness. And we can prescribe him expensive medications to treat the problem. Keeping the whole economy strong and thriving. This is what makes America great!...

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