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  • WEDNESDAY JANUARY 10 2007 12:00 PM

Wil Wheaton's Geek in Review: Star Trek: The Experience

I am in Las Vegas right now for the 2007 Consumer Electronics Show, taping a couple of shows for InDigital, and trying my best not to go deaf or catch the bird flu.

As I prepared for this trip, I thought I may pull together a Geek In Review that focuses on non-gambling activities for geeks who are visiting Sin City, so I started with The Pinball Hall of Fame, and then moved on to Star Trek: The Experience at the Las Vegas Hilton.

That's as far as I got, because when I thought about Star Trek: The Experience, my mind kept drifting back to the first time I, uh, experienced it, and it's a story that seemed to fit very well with the stuff I write about in this column.

Star Trek: The Experience should be visited by every Trekkie in the world, at least once, but that's not why I wanted to write about it. I wanted to write about it because it's very important and special to me, because of an experience I had there in 2001.

What follows is excerpted from my second book, Just A Geek:

I spent the first week of September 2001 in Las Vegas, at a Star Trek convention which celebrated the 35th anniversary of the original series.

In addition to the things we Star Trek people usually do at conventions (signing autographs, posing for pictures, answering questions, and saying “Engage!”), I spent some quality time at Star Trek: The Experience. The entire convention experience is chronicled in The Saga of SpongeBob Vega$Pants, which is the centerpiece of my first collection of essays, Dancing Barefoot.

Here's a primer for readers who aren't familiar with Star Trek Conventions: Conventions (or “cons", as they are known among people who are too busy to say “conventions”) are part trade show, part collectible show, and part geek-fest. It all adds up to a celebration of everything related to Star Trek, and the atmosphere is always festive and excited.

Promoters hire actors, writers, producers and others from the show to give lectures, answer questions, and sign autographs for the fans. There are also people who sell collectibles and bootlegs, and other sci-fi and fantasy oriented merchandise. The organizers usually run episodes of Star Trek on a big screen, and there are always costume contests. Oh, the costume contests. Think Rocky Horror Picture Show, with less drag, but strangely more singing. In Klingon. Seriously.

The convention was awesome, but it was nothing compared what happened to me when I went on Star Trek: The Experience . . .

We're all in a line, watching some monitors. An actor is describing to us how the safety belts work, or something, when all the lights go out. The monitors flicker, lights strobe, there are some special effects and a gust of air. When the lights come back up, we're standing in the transporter room on the Enterprise.

I didn't expect this. I am stunned and stare at my surroundings. It's amazing.

The Transporter Chief says, “Welcome to the 24th century. You are aboard the starship Enterprise.”

She could have said to me, “Welcome to 1987, Wil. You are on Stage 9.”

She touches her communicator and says, “I have them, Commander.”

Jonathan Frakes' voice booms over the comm, “Good work, Lieutenant. Please take them to the bridge.”

We leave the transporter room and walk down a long corridor which is identical to the ones I walked down every day. I realize as we walk that, in my mind, I'm filling in the rest of the sound stage. I'm surprised when we don't end up in engineering at the end of the corridor. Instead, we are herded into a turbolift, where we enjoy some more special effects. The turbolift shakes and hums . . . it's infinitely cooler than the real ones we would stand in for the show.

When the turbolift doors open, and reveal the bridge of the Enterprise, I gasp.

The bridge is a nearly-perfect replica of ours, with a few minor differences that are probably imperceptible to anyone who didn't spend the better part of five years on it. The hum of the engines, which had only existed in my imagination on Stage 8, is now real. I stare at the view screen, where a beautiful starfield gives the appearance of motion. I remember how much I hated doing blue screen shots on the bridge and how much I loved it when they'd lower the starfield. When I looked at those thousands of tiny mirrors, glued onto a screen of black velvet, I could lose myself in the wonderful fantasy that this spaceship was as real as the view.

I am consumed by hypernostalgia.

I am 14-years-old, walking out of the turbolift during Encounter at Farpoint. Corey Allen, the director, excitedly tells me, “Picard controls the sky, man! He controls the sky!”

I am 15-years-old, sitting in my ugly grey spacesuit at the CONN. My fake muscle suit bunches up around my arms. I feel awkward and unsure, a child who desperately wants to be a man.

I am 16-years-old, working on an episode where I say little more than, “Aye, sir.” I want to be anywhere but here.

I am 17-years-old, wearing a security uniform for Yesterday's Enterprise. I am excited to stand in a different place on the bridge, wear a different uniform, and push different imaginary buttons.

I hear the voices of our crew, recall the cool fog that hung around our trailers each morning from Autumn until Spring.

I recall walking to the Paramount commissary with the cast, on our way to have lunch meetings with Gene before he died.

I have an epiphany.

Until this moment, all I have been able to remember is the pain that came with Star Trek. I'd forgotten the joy.

Star Trek was about sitting next to Brent Spiner, who always made me laugh. It wasn't about the people who made me cry when they booed me offstage at conventions. It was about the awe I felt listening to Patrick Stewart debate the subtle nuances of The Prime Directive with Gene Roddenberry between scenes. It wasn't about the writers who couldn't figure out how to write a believable teenage character. It was about the wonder of walking down those corridors, and pretending that I was on a real spaceship. It was about the pride I felt when I got to wear my first real uniform, go on my first away mission, fire my first phaser, play poker with the other officers in Riker's quarters.

Oh my god. Star Trek was wonderful, and I'd forgotten. I have wasted ten years trying to escape something that I love, for all the wrong reasons.

I am filled with regret. I miss it. I miss my surrogate family, and I will give anything to have those ten years back. Like Scrooge, I want a second chance, will do anything for a second chance. But Christmas day came and went ten years ago.

The stars blink out, and I'm looking into the smiling face of Jonathan Frakes on the view screen. I'm smiling back at him and I notice that everyone is staring at me. I become aware of wetness on my cheeks. I am embarrassed and make a joke. I say to the actors walking around the bridge, “If you need any help flying this thing, I've totally got your back!” The group laughs. Garrett says something about helping out the security guys if they get into trouble and we laugh over that too.

Johnny tells us that we have to leave the ship now and board a shuttlecraft so that we may safely return to Las Vegas.

I don't want to leave. I've just gotten here. I want to cry out “No! Don't make me leave! It's not fair! I want to stay! I need to stay! Please let me stay!”

Instead, I am silent and I stare hard at the bridge, trying to catch a glimpse of a dolly track, or a mark, or maybe my costumer waiting for me to come offstage so she can hand me my fleece jacket.

The group I'm with herds me into the turbolift, and the doors close. I remember all the times the FX guy didn't pull the doors open in time, and we'd walk into them.

The turbolift takes us to the shuttle bay, where we board a flight simulator that looks like one of our shuttlecraft. I don't pay any attention to the voyage home – I am deep in my own memories, consumed by thoughts of days gone by and time forever lost.

The ride comes to an end and we walk back to Quark's. Everyone we pass wants to know what I thought of the ride, if I enjoyed my Star Trek experience. I tell them, truthfully, that it was just like being back on the set. I tell them that it's reminded me how cool Star Trek was. I keep the rest to myself. I don't think I can even give voice to the incredible series of emotions I have felt in the past 15 minutes. I don't even know if, in recalling that experience and writing these thoughts down, I have been able to convey how it affected me.

But it did. It changed me.

Being inside those walls, even though it was in a casino in Las Vegas, I was safe. I was protected from the bullshit that had been the focus of my life since I quit the show. When that bullshit was washed away, I saw Trek for what it is: a huge part of my life. I will probably never be bigger than Trek, but why try to avoid it? Why not love it, embrace it, and be proud of it? It was cool. Gene was cool. The cast is cool. Star Trek may never be what it once was . . . but I got to be there when it was great.

We stay at the party for another hour. We talk with friends and I pose for pictures, sign a few autographs, and shake some hands. We watch Armin and Max perform a very funny sketch, and I have my picture taken with a cardboard stand up of WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER, circa 1967.

Finally, the five days in Vegas catch up with us, and Anne and I need to leave. I seek out the promoters and thank them for a great convention. I tell them that I'll see them in a few weeks, never thinking that in just two days I will never want to board an airplane again.

We take a cab back to our hotel. Anne puts her head on my shoulder, and is asleep before we're even out of the driveway.

We drive up a wide and empty street, about a quarter mile off the strip. This part of Vegas seems lonely, desolate. The carnival glare of lights along The Strip robs the rest of the world of any light, and the whole desert is black, like outer space . . . I stare out the window into the darkness, and imagine a starfield that's fifteen years away.

I had forgotten how cool Star Trek was and how much I missed it. I feel a little sad.

The cabbie keeps looking at me in the rear view mirror, giving me that 'I think I know you but I'm not sure why' look. He says, “What brings you to Vegas?”

“Star Trek,” I tell him.

“Oh yeah? You a big fan or something?”

“Yes I am,” I tell him. “I love Star Trek.”

Wil Wheaton's mojo is risin'.

 

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Comments
WilWheaton

WilWheaton

Los Angeles, CA
June 2005

JAN 11, 2007 11:00 PM

Finally, after days at CES, I have a chance to hop in here and thank you all for being so kind. I'm really glad you enjoyed this story. Now I have massive performance anxiety for next week.

MschfMayhemSoap

MschfMayhemSoap

Phoenix, AZ
April 2006

JAN 11, 2007 11:04 PM

WilWheaton said:
Finally, after days at CES, I have a chance to hop in here and thank you all for being so kind. I'm really glad you enjoyed this story. Now I have massive performance anxiety for next week.



Then our sinister plan has worked... muahaha! tongue

ASSH0LE

ASSH0LE

Las Vegas, NV
June 2003

JAN 12, 2007 01:59 AM

They've actually given the thing a makeover.

I'm not certain if they've completely redone the Experience or simply added another "ride" onto it.

The new addition is a Borg-oriented "experience." It's been in there about a year.

I had planned to do it when I usually do it, when a friend who's into Trek is in town or when I have to work on Christmas Eve. This year I sat home in a warm fuzzy bathrobe and pretended to work rather than cut out of the office early to drink Romulan Ale at ST:The Experience. The blue lips sometimes stay blue a bit too long.

phraktyl

phraktyl

Orange, CA
August 2004

JAN 12, 2007 08:33 AM

I remember when I first read that when I got my (autographed---yay!) copy of Dancing Barefoot.

It's stories like this one that make me *really* appreciate that Wil is willing to share his life with us---that he opens up his emotions and feelings, and lets us in on his epiphanies and set-backs.

As a hardcore geek, he was my hero back then. But as a person and an inspiration, he's even more of one to me now.

Thanks Wil.

rosarandall

rosarandall

USA
March 2006

JAN 12, 2007 05:54 PM

this made me tear up and smile a little.

Wil, I had a crush on you when I was 6.

thank you for being so cool. smile

Kolic

Kolic

Broken Arrow, OK
July 2004

JAN 12, 2007 06:34 PM

trocc said:
excellent stuff, Wil. i got a little lump-in-the-throaty reading it.



Ditto. A bit misty-eyed, as well.

_DictionaryGirl_

_DictionaryGirl_

NEWSWIRE

San Diego, CA

JAN 12, 2007 07:51 PM

That was a really awesome article.

LinkIsMyHero

LinkIsMyHero

USA
February 2005

JAN 12, 2007 08:03 PM

Excellent story, Wil. Thank you for sharing that with us. I, too, got a bit emotional, reading it. I grew up with TNG.

azhben

azhben

Omaha, NE
March 2006

JAN 13, 2007 08:17 AM

beautiful work, i've always loved star trek and enjoyed your blog.. i'm glad you're here, it definitely makes SG 1000 times cooler.

MC_Dove

MC_Dove

Cincinnati, OH
November 2004

JAN 13, 2007 09:03 AM

this was wonderful to read. my parents used to watch TNG with me since the show first came out and i still get excited when a rerun comes on TV. smile

handsome_rob

handsome_rob

Burlington, IA
May 2004

JAN 13, 2007 08:39 PM

wil's gotten the chance to do something the rest of us can only imagine: live a dream and then get to go back and see it again.

sometimesaway

sometimesaway

Portland, OR
June 2005

JAN 13, 2007 09:15 PM

you've got me all teary-eyed and whatnot.


Aya

Aya

SUICIDEGIRL

Alberta, Canada

JAN 13, 2007 09:22 PM

Very touching article - I think I almost cried *but I'm a wuss who cries at movies too*.

Marisa_DiMattia

Marisa_DiMattia

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

JAN 15, 2007 06:30 AM

I loved this. I would be in awe too to hear Stewart debate The Prime Directive with Gene Roddenberry.

oh, and I bought a Wheaton posse tank top. How's that for a trekkie?!

magichatman

magichatman

Brunswick, ME
January 2007

JAN 15, 2007 09:35 PM

Right on man! You got to experience something no one else really has, that's always cool. I always thought you did a great job. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. Wil Wheaton's tha bomb! smile

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