BLOG VIEW  |  HEADLINE VIEW
SUBMIT NEWS  |  RSS FEED  |  SEARCH

Celebs Whining About HDTV

MONDAY DECEMBER 5 2005 6:00 PM

Submitted by WilWheaton. Edited By WilWheaton.

Celebrities are upset that HDTV reveals the shocking truth: they look just like the rest of us, but with better make-up. Everyone get out your personal copy of the world's smallest violin.

Phillip Swann writes,

For decades, the Hollywood glamour machine has been able to dictate who is considered beautiful and who is not. Using soft lighting in TV and movie appearances, and magazine photo shoots, Hollywood has been able to create the impression that some people are better looking than they really are.

[. . .]

HDTV, which provides a picture up to six times clearer than normal television, viewers for the first time can see celebrities as they look in real life. Make-up can only do so much in high-def.

Consequently, as more people get HDTVs, the Hollywood glamour machine might have to go into the shop for a few repairs. Rather than trying to make stars out of ordinary looking people, the studios and networks might have to place their bets on individuals who are naturally beautiful, those who will look great in any setting, including high-def.

Swann links to an interview he gave London's Daily Telegraph, which goes even further:

"With high-definition television facial imperfections and ageing signs are dramatically visible." He said many celebrities were "scared to death" by the technology.

"New make-up techniques are being worked on and I get e-mails from actors expressing concern because they are going on shows in high definition and it's not like going on regular TV - it's like being naked. You think Cameron Diaz is flawless until you see her in high definition. She looks like a different person."

Swann recently produced a scathing analysis of stars' high-definition looks. They included Demi Moore, whose complexion was described as "coarse and leathery", and Donald Trump, who appeared "puffed up … and covered with an odd mixture of orange and white".

Heather Locklear was cited as "a classic case of the HDTV effect. In regular TV, she still looks great, sexy as ever. But in high-def, the ageing lines and wrinkles are everywhere." Top of his list was Teri Hatcher, the Desperate Housewives actress, who is described as looking "really desperate". Hatcher's forehead is said to have "bulging veins, making it look like a page from a road map".

Swann says Mischa Barton, Anna Kournikova, Eva Longoria, Catherine Zeta Jones and Jessica Alba all hold up in HDTV.

When I was heavily involved in promotional appearances for things like Star Trek, I was constantly amazed by the celebrities I'd meet in green rooms. Some of the most beautiful women on television were absolute gargoyles without the right lighting and make-up, and just about every leading man in the industry was much shorter, more balding, and closer to average than anyone would ever expect.

 

Previous

PAGE: 

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Next

PointBlank

PointBlank

New York, NY
November 2004

DEC 05, 2005 06:37 PM

bean said:

PointBlank said:

unravled said:
Maybe we could find actors based on their acting ability.


Please, please, please: NO UGLY ACTORS. Thank you.


surreal

No seriously. Are you joking? Please, tell me you're joking.

surreal


Ugly people are terrible humans.

What's so funny about that?

EndedBen

EndedBen

Grand Rapids, MI
August 2004

DEC 05, 2005 06:38 PM

Why would I want to watch ugly people on TV? I see them all day in real life.

PointBlank

PointBlank

New York, NY
November 2004

DEC 05, 2005 06:39 PM

SuperNintendo said:
Why would I want to watch ugly people on TV? I see them all day in real life.


I know, right?

Hey, casting director: I have a mirror, thank you!, now make with the hotties!

bean

bean

STAFF

Los Angeles, CA

DEC 05, 2005 06:53 PM

Ahh...sarcasm detector repaired. Phew.

MisterSatan

MisterSatan

Vancouver, WA
August 2002

DEC 05, 2005 07:01 PM

In a related story, I just stubbed my toe.

Volkov

Volkov

Austin, TX
OLD SKOOL

DEC 05, 2005 07:21 PM

MisterSatan said:
merf



quick! kill it! before it breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeds!

skeptik

skeptik

New Orleans, LA
February 2004

DEC 05, 2005 07:24 PM

malmuud said:
My favorite part:

Donald Trump, who appeared "puffed up … and covered with an odd mixture of orange and white".



When did he ever look good?


Wow, I just had a flashback of an episode of WKRP in Cincinnati!


"Remember, Big Guy. On TV you can never wear too much makeup."

Arete

Arete

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

DEC 05, 2005 07:25 PM

supposedly violet-pigmented loose powder dusted on the face can help mask the hdtv hag effect....to a certain extent.

Arete

Arete

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

DEC 05, 2005 07:30 PM

also, we can now add hideousness to the list of reasons why smoking and tanning sucks.

reprobate

reprobate

New Orleans, LA
December 2002

DEC 05, 2005 07:31 PM

thefreak said:


-TM



Actually, is not just the pretty people soft light helps. Mr. Pink looks like his own grandfather in person.

Tangus

Tangus

Winter Park, FL
November 2005

DEC 05, 2005 09:10 PM

I remember when I saw Lawrence Fishburne on the IMAX screen as Morphius.

*shudders*

the guy had broken pores all over his face, it was disgusting and made me physically ill.

auralpleasure

auralpleasure

Mountain View, CA
February 2004

DEC 05, 2005 09:24 PM

Arete said:
also, we can now add hideousness to the list of reasons why smoking and tanning sucks.



I love this thread.

zoton

zoton

Kuwait
November 2005

DEC 05, 2005 09:56 PM

me thinks we will be seeing more CGI stuff than we need to ....

Also think about how ugly/human news anchors will look lol.....

UnnecessaryZ

UnnecessaryZ

Astoria, NY
July 2003

DEC 05, 2005 09:58 PM

I'm pretty sure that I'll still make it through the next Blade movie even if it turns out that the guy who makes a living pretending to kill vampires has some stress lines.

jburhite

jburhite

Cedar Rapids, IA
July 2004

DEC 05, 2005 10:01 PM

I'm sure there will be plenty of people that will look fine on HDTV, I mean I see plenty of good looking people in real life.
Or maybe they'll start marketing low def glasses to watch your HDTV.

Previous

PAGE: 

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Next

PreviousNext

Barack "Blunder" Obama

Comments 153 Comments - Last Comment 4 days ago

OMG APOCALYPSE 2012!!

Comments 113 Comments - Last Comment 2 days ago

Asshole Fuckface Roundup #55

Comments 104 Comments - Last Comment 2 days ago

Jimmy Fucking Carter

Comments 87 Comments - Last Comment 32 minutes ago

Right Wing WALL-E Meltdown

Comments 86 Comments - Last Comment 3 days ago

SuicideGirls Big in Japan

Comments 80 Comments - Last Comment 5 days ago

Life Is Ugly So Why Not Kill Yourself*

Last Comment 11 MIN

This is a pretty good piece. I like your writing style. The humor use, even with a grim topic is nice. More ...

Jimmy Fucking Carter

Last Comment 32 MIN by Sick

Jimmy Fucking Carter

Last Comment 32 MIN

I know. I was just clarifying my position. More ...

Comic Con 2008

Last Comment 4 HR by DevilsReject

Comic Con 2008

Last Comment 4 HR

OMG! LOOK AT HER EYES! Weird. More ...

US Secretly Funding Iranian Insurgency?

Last Comment 4 HR

i'm not saying i believe X_Racer_X's story; i automatically discount anything anybody claims on the internet... More ...

Abandon All Hope: Fatalist Love

Last Comment 7 HR

Or, rather, isn't an apples and oranges distinction, he meant to say. More ...

Filthy Rich Socialism

Last Comment 13 HR by Sick

Filthy Rich Socialism

Last Comment 13 HR

Another reason not to nationalize Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae is that it would increase our total public... More ...

SuicideGirls Interview: Alejandro Jodorowsky
SuicideGirls Interview: John Carpenter
SuicideGirls Interview: David Lynch