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SUNDAY AUGUST 12 2012 9:04 PM

Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony

Submitted by Rydell

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: All Things SG, Blog, Love, Relationships, Sex, Society, advice, Problems, sex

by SG's Team Agony feat. Rydell

Let us answer life's questions - because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

[Rydell in Changing Seasons]

Q: Do you have advice for me about how to make the first move (make contact) and let a nice girl know that I really like her. I'm a little bit unsure because I'm in a wheelchair. She's not. I just don't want her to reject me right away only because I'm in a wheelchair. Can you give me advise on how to make a good first impression?

A: Well my advice to you is don't go into this looking at the end result. Don’t focus on that fact you want a relationship from this girl, but instead break it down. First just make contact and strike up a conversation. Let that be your first goal. ‘Cause if it doesn't go any farther than that, then there’s no disappointment and no expectations from her on your side.

Then look at building a casual acquaintance, which has the potential in time to grow into a friendship with this girl and build on that. As you and her become more comfortable with each other, you can get to know her as a person and vice versa, and see if you really want something more. If so, then you already laid the groundwork for a solid relationship.

As far as making initial contact with her, just be yourself, confidence is a must. If you don’t feel it, fake it. Be the smart, witty, charming, funny person you have inside and let it show. If you don’t think of yourself as being at a disadvantage compared to other guys, then she wont see that either. Go into it thinking you’re the greatest guy out there, and she will see that. And honestly, if she can’t overlook some metal between your legs, then she isn't someone worthy of your time!

Good luck and keep me posted on it!

<3 Rydell

commentary
FRIDAY AUGUST 10 2012 12:13 PM

SuicideGirls Group Therapy – Kurosune On Hentai

Submitted by SG_Blog

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: All Things SG, Blog, Sex, Hentai, sex, SGMEMBER:Kurosune

commentary
FRIDAY AUGUST 10 2012 11:03 AM

Brad Warner’s Hardcore Zen: Hate Rock

Submitted by Brad_Warner

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: Blog, Buddhism, Entertainment, Hardcore Zen, Kumara, Movies

by Brad Warner

People have been asking me for my thoughts about the shooting at the sikh temple outside of Milwaukee. It’s hard to say much except to once again state that there are too damned many guns in the United States. But I’ve already given that rant.

Lots of people are speculating that the shooter probably believed that the Sikhs he killed were Muslims and that this was some sort of revenge for the attacks in New York and Washington, DC on Sept. 11, 2001. Some have said that he was a white supremacist. Some are saying he was in a punk rock or heavy metal band supposedly called End Apathy. The Huffington Post has the most information on that aspect of the story. According to them the guy played bass in some of what they’re calling “hate rock” bands.

Of all that stuff, it’s the idea that he was a punk rocker that bothers me the most. The other things are all kind of obvious. White supremacists are bad. People who kill others for their religion are bad. People who can’t tell the difference between Muslims and Sikhs are stupid. Blah-blah-blah. I agree with all that. Who needs to hear yet another person say those things?

But I’ve always been one of those people who said that violent music or art did not necessarily lead to actual violence. I still believe that. But I also believe that violent art and music definitely can tend to make unbalanced people believe that real violence is OK. That appears to be at least part of what happened here.

All of the punk rock that I liked was very left-wing. But there was plenty of hateful stuff in there. The Dicks, who Zero Defex (the band I play bass in) played with a few times had songs like “Dicks Hate the Police”. MDC, whose name at one time meant Millions of Dead Cops, often had violent messages in their songs. MDC were big supporters of Zero Defex back in the day and we even played with them in Cleveland this year.

The photo of Zero Defex I put on this blog bugged some people who saw it when I posted it years ago because there’s a Nazi flag behind us. That’s me on the far left, just under the logo for The Dale, the bar we were playing at that night. The scowling skinhead in the middle is Tommy Strange, our main songwriter and guitarist. Although this was apparently taken during one of the songs that he sang while Jimi, our vocalist, played guitar because you can see Jimi just behind and to Tommy’s left with a guitar strapped on. I Photoshopped the picture to bring out the duct tape “No” symbol we put over the swastika on the flag to make it clear that we were against the Nazis and not for them. A lot of people didn’t catch that when I originally posted this picture. I still wonder where we ever got a Nazi flag. Think of the money we could’ve made selling that! A lot more than we got for the gig, I’m sure.

In any case, I never really thought those violent anti-police and anti-government messages were to be taken literally. To me it was a verbal working out of the frustrations we all felt at the way police and government power was abused. I didn’t think those bands were trying to incite people to literally go out there and murder police officers. Perhaps I’m naive, but I still don’t think it was meant to be taken literally.

Then again, maybe I’m like the dumb guys in the comedy heavy metal band Spinal Tap who said, “We say love your neighbor. Well, we don’t literally say it. And we don’t literally mean it either. But in any case that message should be clear.”

I feel like the problem isn’t so much the violent messages, even if some of the people who send them possibly really do want us to commit violent acts. It’s people’s inability to differentiate between art and reality. Even if you might argue that this isn’t the root problem, I still think it’s the problem we have to deal with because violent art is not going away. It’s been with us as long as art has been with us. And in the age of the internet it’s as impossible to control access to violent artistic images as it is to control access to pornography. So rather than trying to make all art conform to some kind of arbitrary code of niceness I think it’s better to try and educate people that it’s one thing to say “kill the cops” and a whole different thing to actually do that stuff.

In Buddhism there is an idea that right thought leads to right action. Conversely non-right thought can lead to non-right action. Thích Nhat Hanh cautions his followers not to consume what he calls “poisonous entertainment” that feeds our agitation. Dogen, too, told his followers much the same thing 800 years ago. I do not disagree with this approach. And yet I wonder…

As I have said many times, in my own case punk rock saved my life. It literally did. I was a suicidally depressed teenager. And one of the few things that kept me going were the so-called “negative messages” in punk rock music as well as in horror films and other supposedly “poisonous entertainment.” These messages let me know that I was not the only one who was frustrated by the status quo and wanted things to change.

Without these supposedly “negative messages” I would have felt totally lost and alone in the nice, clean suburbs of Ohio. Who knows? My frustration at all the supposedly “positive messages” I was receiving, which really just reinforced the false notion that everything was OK in the world, might have led me to take up a gun and shoot all the preps and the jocks in my school. So-called “positive messages” are often just propaganda intended to help big corporations and the like control the populace, keeping them docile by insisting that everything they do makes life peachy keen.

It’s impossible to say anything really conclusive about all this. But I think it’s good to say something non-conclusive. I don’t have the great answer to this problem and neither does anyone else. I think it’s really vital, though, to look at all sides of this issue.

***

Just moments ago I did an interview on Freedomizer Radio out of Houston, Texas. You can listen to it at freedomizerradio.com

From August 11 until September 11 I will be at Tassajara Zen Mountain Monastery. I’ll be working there as a student/worker or whatever they call it. Probably serving food or cutting cucumbers or something like that. At the end of my stay I’ll give a couple lectures about Dogen. I’ve done this every year for a few years now. It’s good for me to have to get up every morning at five, put on my robes, do some zazen, be an indentured servant for most of the day and then do some more zazen at night. I kinda need that experience to keep from getting too weird when I do the other stuff I do.

Speaking of weird stuff I do, I am going on yet another European tour less than two months after I get out of Tassajara. Here are the dates as far as I know them right now.

Oct. 26-28 Weekend Sesshin Kajo Zendo in Finland 
Oct. 30 – Nov. 4 International Lay Buddhists Forum in Malaga, Spain 
Nov. 9 Dogen Zendo in Frankfurt , Germany 
Nov. 10 Balance Yoga in Frankfurt, Germany 
Nov. 11 – 21 Possible dates in The Netherlands and/or Germany (Most likely Nov. 16-18 in Amsterdam or Rotterdam, but nothing is confirmed yet) 
Nov. 23-25 Weekend Sesshin at Fawcett Mill Fields in Penrith, Lake District, UK (Sponsored by Yoga Manchester )
Nov. 25 Manchester, UK (Sponsored by Yoga Manchester)

Brad Warner is the author of Sex, Sin and Zen: A Buddhist Exploration of Sex from Celibacy to Polyamory and Everything in Between as well as Hardcore Zen, Sit Down and Shut Up! and Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate. He maintains a blog about Buddhist stuff that you can click here to see. You can also buy T-shirts and hoodies based on his books, and the new CD by his band Zero Defex now!

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commentary
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 8 2012 9:05 PM

Life Beyond The Bar Scene: Just Friends

Submitted by Laurelin

Edited by nicole_powers

by Laurelin

“Those guys, they just want to fuck you,” Jason had said, his finger jabbing into my shoulder again and again. I was so mad I could have broken it clean off.

“You don’t even know them,” I hissed back, making him even angrier. He scared me when he was angry, but he never hit me, although as the years went by I would come to find out that he would hit others that came after me. But even standing my ground he scared me; he had this power over me and for some strange reason, I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him. He kept me close, like a dog chained in a dirt yard on a run, allowed to run sometimes but ultimately, never allowed to leave the yard.

He made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world, and I remember thinking that I could die right there in his arms and be happy with everything I never did. But there was always the issue of my friends. While I was in college I became closer with all the men in the fraternity up the street, some even more so than my own sorority sisters. In the beginning of my relationship they were happy for me – I talked about Jason and I glowed, and they were shocked that someone had finally tamed me. Jason didn’t feel the same way about the guys I called my brothers. He knew how wild we all were, and he was convinced they all had ulterior motives.

“Those guys are NOT your friends, Laurelin. They want to have sex with you. Get it through your head, you are NOT spending anymore time with them,” he had said, and while I always fought back I eventually quieted, and instead of driving back home I always stayed with Jason. Soon my friends started calling, each call or text making Jason angry. They missed me, was I ever coming home? Why was I ignoring their calls? When could they meet Jason? But he wouldn’t meet them; a firm believer that guys and girls could never be just friends.

In the end, Jason didn’t last, thank god. When I finally broke away from him my friends were so glad, and I saw what it was like when a relationship takes over and a girl turns a blind eye to friendships in favor of a man. All these years later these boys are still my brothers, platonic, the best friends I have ever had through thick and thin, and Jason’s name hardly ever crosses my lips.

One of my closest friends in Boston is also a guy; he’s usually the first person I talk to in the morning and the last person I talk to at night before I fall asleep around 5 AM. We go to dinner, get drinks, go to movies, he thinks my last boyfriend was the dumbest guy on the face of the planet and when I was having trouble getting over it no one helped like he did:

“Laurelin, the kid is a loser. Do you really want people meeting your guys to be like, ‘Man, that chick is the coolest girl ever, but her boyfriend is a fucking tool.’ Stop crying, Jesus, pull it together.”

My friends and co-workers seem to think otherwise.

“You’re going to marry him,” they tease, and I think of Jason, his mouth set in a line, always so angry at the preposterous idea that not every guy just wants to bang me. I’ve quit trying to explain to everyone that sometimes, just sometimes…we really are just friends.

***

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commentary
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 8 2012 9:04 PM

Moment of Clarity: Why Can’t War Be Fun For The Whole Family?

Submitted by SG_Blog

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: Activism, Blog, Comedy, Entertainment, Politics, TV, #OWS, Occupy, Occupy Wall Street

by Lee Camp

We already treat war like it's some kind of game without real world consequences. So why not take it that next step? Introducing "War: The Gameshow!" If you're the last to die, you win a camouflage Snuggie! Hosted by funnyman Howie Mandel!

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commentary
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 8 2012 9:03 PM

Ur W33K 1N G33K (August 1-7)

Submitted by Saccora

Edited by SG_Blog

Tags: Blog, Comics, Entertainment, Geek, Internuts, Movies, Comic Con, E3, Gaming, TV

by A.J. Focht

Following the tremendous success Joss Whedon’s The Avengers found in theaters, Whedon has been signed on to write and direct the second film. Even more exciting, Whedon is helping develop the unnamed ABC television series set in the Marvel universe. The top current theories as to what show might be are either the Hulk show or a spy series based on S.H.I.E.L.D.

Thor: The Dark World is set to release on November 8, 2013. Aside from incorporating the Dark Elves, not much is known about the storyline. Former Dr. Who Christopher Eccleston has been cast as one of the film's villains, and the current rumor mill suggests he will be the king of the Dark Elves. According to Rene Russo, Thor and Loki’s mother, Frigga, will also have a larger role in the movie.

Marvel’s got a lot of movies in the works, and the next new original project is going to be Guardians of the Galaxy. Three-time Black List writer Chris McCoy has been hired to pen the script. Guardians of the Galaxy will be the cinema premier for several of Marvel’s lesser known characters. The announced cast of heroes includes: Star-Lord, Drax the Destroyer, Gamora, Groot, and Rocket Raccoon. The movie is scheduled in theaters in August 2014.

Marvel and Fox Studios have been working trade deals all week. The original offer consisted of extending Fox’s rights to Daredevil on the condition that they let Disney/Marvel take back Galactus from Fantastic Four. Fox has decided to turn down the offer and they are talking about letting the rights revert to Disney, unless the home of the Mickey Mouse is interested in co-financing a Daredevil movie.

Batman: The Dark Knight Rises recently hit theaters, but that hasn’t stopped Warner Bros. from thinking about the next Batman reboot. The Batman reboot is rumored to take flight just four years from now in 2016. Thought to be titled The Batman, it will take place in the Justice League universe of DC’s planned 2015 Justice League movie. The Batman won’t be an origins story, but instead will follow Batman’s second year of crime fighting.

The long awaited World of Warcraft movie has gained some recent movement. Sam Raimi recently confirmed he would not be directing as has been suggested as far back as 2009. Writer Charles Leavitt has been hired on to direct the script. There is no mention of release dates or cast lists, but this bit of information at least lets us know the project isn’t dead.

Speaking of movies we haven’t heard about for a while, Bryan Singer’s Battlestar Galactica film is also still on the table. The last big news was that John Orloff had been brought in to write the movie, now Singer has confirmed he is looking through Orloff’s script revisions. Singer didn’t have much more to say other than “it's very cool” and that the movie would exist “quite well between the Glen Larson and Ron Moore universes.”

The ground breaking 48-frame release of The Hobbit is actually going to be quite limited. Warner Bros. might be convinced that high-frame rates are the way to the future, but their first high-frame release won’t even make it to all major cities. This won’t be their last chance though. Not only does The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey have one sequel already planned, The Hobbit: There and Back Again, but there is the possibility of up to two more sequels. New Line has registered two potential movie titles: The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies and The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. The first Hobbit is set to release on December 14, 2012, and the second a year later on December 13, 2013.

commentary
TUESDAY AUGUST 7 2012 9:04 PM

Red, White And Femme: Stealing Love

Submitted by SG_Blog

Edited by nicole_powers

by Darrah de jour

I recently got a call from an ex-boyfriend (can I even call him that?) that I had dated for about one month a couple years ago. It would have been more brief, except that he was in Africa on a mission for three weeks, and when he returned, we broke up. Before he left, we met, and had sex. Well, we met, talked, then decided to hop in the sack. Unfortunately for me, he was inexperienced and believing virtue withstood the test of a woman’s sexual needs and intimate desires, he failed to satisfy even my most basic requisites. Like, giving me even a single orgasm after about four times doing the horizontal mambo.

Many times before meeting the chap, I’ve jokingly spouted, “Virgins are prude.” Not so much in an attempt to hurl insults at virgins or the born-again chaste, more to express my belief that America’s obsession with purity serves nobody. Sure, it’s great to not contract an STD from unprotected sex. Sure, it’s important not to wonder who the babydaddy is. Yes, preserving your reputation protects your quality of life and peace of mind. But, having safe, consensual, adult sex with another respectful, cool and hip person who knows their way around a bedroom, makes the above not such an issue. And that’s my point. In this obsession with purity, we’ve undermined youth’s right to knowledge about safe and enjoyable sex. We’ve imposed an unfair and derogatory scarlet “A” on every girl or woman who claims her equal right to enjoyable, safe sex. And, we’ve bastardized men’s ability to truly connect intimately with their partner, by promoting endless erections and Superman like abilities under the sheets.

Having an experiential personality, I often do searches on the Internet that are cringe-worthy the next day. The other night, I was reading a forum where teenage girls (around sixteen) to twenty-somethings talked openly about engaging in sexual activity with their boyfriends. Some of them were pregnant. Over and over, they spoke of being unable to voice that what he was doing was hurting them. Their boyfriends were *hurting* their vaginas, and they didn’t say anything. My initial response was sadness. Then a sort of outrage. These girls and women were asking each other what to do with their sore labias and swollen vaginal canals, which had tiny cuts in them from being fingered too vigorously. Without a doubt, each one echoed the last one’s sentiment: I didn’t say anything. And, now I’m in pain. What should I do? Do I have an infection? What’s wrong with me?

I could empathize with their frustrations and inability to speak up though. I remember being fifteen and dating a skater boy who went to my high school. I was working part-time as an assistant manager at a candle store in the mall, and sometimes, when I opened at 10 AM on a Saturday, I’d know he had broken into the mall after hours and stopped by because M&Ms were tossed into one of the candleholders atop the glass display. He wanted to have sex, and he hung around me every second to groom me to make this happen. He was rough with me. He kissed me hard. In public. His tongue whipping in my mouth like an angry reptile. He would stand over me while I sat, cross-legged at parties, smoking Camel Lights, and bend my head back, then jam his tongue down my throat for a few moments. Afterward, he would walk away. I was “his” and he wanted everybody to know it. Why didn’t I say anything? What was OK about this scenario? Appealing, even? Yes, he was cute. But not that cute.

He started fingering me a lot. A lot a lot. And, I admit, I liked it. It was my first time, and it happened innocently enough. One day we were walking around the mall, and he stopped at these gray double doors. “What’s this?” I asked. “Here, I’ll show you.” We went inside the long hallway, which was starkly illuminated by florescent overhead lights. He said to sit down. I did. He sat down beside me. He began kissing me, and then laid his body over mine. He moved half his body — the lower half – to the side and unbuttoned my jeans. He stuck his finger inside me. I remember wondering if his hands were clean, and feeling the tightness of my vagina around his one thick finger. It kind of hurt. And I felt kind of duped by the whole thing. For some reason, to this day, I remember that his body being half on and half off felt manipulative, and that he’d pre-planned this whole journey, and how objectified I felt. I felt like nothing, and something, but that bad kinda something. Like, one of the many girls he’d collected. The girls that contributed to the bad reputation that preceded him — and that had attracted me. I was now both confused, turned on, and repulsed by it. He stopped suddenly, and told me to get up. I got dressed, and we left. “Did I do something wrong?” I wondered.

We broke up after a couple more incidences. Like the one where he skateboarded over to my parents’ house when they were out of town, and tried to stick his penis inside me. We had both ditched school to meet at home and make out, but when he arrived — half hour after the planned meeting time – he seemed distant and aloof. Like he’d missed out on a party to be there with me. He hated school, so why did he care if we missed a class or two? When we were upstairs, he sat on my sister’s bed. I told him so. He didn’t care. “We can’t make out on my sister’s bed!” I implored, half-kidding, half-serious. “How weird,” I thought. He didn’t understand why, or care really. We made out, and he kept taking his dick out of his boxer shorts, and I kept moving away and saying no. Finally he jumped up. “Fine!” My vagina was unsheathed by panties, as he’d been fingering me again. He looked at my mess of curly reddish-brown pubic hair with contempt. I didn’t know if he didn’t like my vagina or my pubic hair, or was mad at it because he couldn’t get inside.

He bolted downstairs, and stopped in front of the TV. Something was on that he liked. He began fingering me again when I appeared. I let him for a second, then offered him some homemade fudge my mom made before leaving on vacation. He declined, then left.

We finally broke up after he had used me as a scapegoat to trick his mom out of twenty bucks to buy weed. And because all his friends knew I wouldn’t give it up. I was fifteen, and being me, I had already set a “losing my virginity” date. Eighteen years old.

Even though all this happened many years ago, I vividly recall there were times when I didn’t want him to touch me. Like out at the railroad tracks, with all his friends within earshot. His hands sooty with mud from the tracks and the park we had to cross through to get to the secret hangout. But I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure what bothered me more: the fact that his friends saw me as just another one of Ray’s girls, or the fact that he always stopped suddenly, after jerking his hand up my skirt — almost just to see if I’d let him. Our encounters never resulted in an orgasm. I never had one, nor gave him one. I never touched his penis; having only seen it when he pulled it out on my sister’s bed while trying to shove it inside me without any kind of conversation, whatsoever. When he decided we were done, he’d bark at me to get dressed, never waiting quite long enough for me to snap that last snap, or zip my zipper. He was always leaving me standing alone, struggling, racing to meet up with my boyfriend, who said he loved me but did nothing that resembled it.

Perhaps our friends on the east (my old stomping grounds) have the right idea. And not just when it comes to Dunkin’ Donuts blueberry muffins. According to USA Today, Boston’s Public Health Commission partnered with local social service agencies to erect a Break-Up Summit for teens. Nationwide, the $18 million program aims to educate youth on how to prevent dating violence and how to communicate more effectively and kindly (ie; no severing romantic ties publicly via social networks), while helping give young people the skills to cope with the downsides to embarrassing or hurtful dating experiences, like depression and low self-esteem, which can lead to further educational and social problems if left unchecked.

As of late, I’ve used a type of rationale that is helpful when choosing my next dance partner. My internal checklist is as follows:

1. Do I trust them to be discreet and not to tell anybody?

2. Do I think they’ll treat my body with the utmost respect, and value my orgasm as much, if not more, than theirs?

3. Afterwards will I feel A-OK in my skin?

If the answer is no to any of the above, then I shouldn’t let them inside me. Easy peasy. Better not to bargain or barter with your most prized possession – yourself.

In terms of learning how to better converse with your sexual partners and to get down to the nitty-gritty regarding burning questions (or symptoms) – at any age – be it Plan B instructions to viability of sperm, I find the young adult site Scarleteen to be a wealth of resources. Finally, let’s honor that tender, lush land that resides in all of us...under the pink.

Darrah is a freelance journalist and consultant, with a focus on sensuality, environmentalism, and fearless women in the media. She appears as a “Woman on the Street” on The Conversation. Her lifestyle writing and celebrity interviews have appeared in Marie Claire, Esquire and W, among others. She contributes author and filmmaker interviews to The Rumpus. Darrah’s “Red, White and Femme” columns for SuicideGirls taks a fresh look at females in America. She also co-hosts SG Radio when her schedule allows. She lives in LA with her doggie Oscar Wilde. Subscribe to her blog at Darrahdejour.com/, and friend her on Facebook and Twitter.

Photos: Mikey B and Maryalena Salman

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commentary
MONDAY AUGUST 6 2012 9:04 PM

Moment of Clarity: On The Brink Of Cultural Singularity

Submitted by SG_Blog

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: Activism, Blog, Entertainment, Politics, TV, #OWS, Occupy, Occupy Wall Street

by Lee Camp

It all seems to be coming together into one. 90% of our media is owned by only six corporations. Every movie is about a super hero, and we act like the President is the only lawmaker who matters. How much further can things condense? Are we headed towards a cultural singularity? An end point?

Related Posts:
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Moment of Clarity: The Euro Was Designed To Fuck You 12 Ways Til Sunday
Moment of Clarity: This Video Is Not Fracking Offensive
Moment of Clarity: Go Greenland, Scratch That, A lot Of It's Already Gone
Moment of Clarity: America Is Too Fat, Skinny & Free!
Moment of Clarity: Did The Lord Say To Be A Greedy A$$hole?
Moment of Clarity: LIBOR – Ladies Intimately Bending Over, Rearview
Moment of Clarity: The Shadows Are Taking Over

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MONDAY AUGUST 6 2012 11:55 AM

Aurora Rise Benefit Event

Submitted by Saccora

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: Activism, Blog, Comics, Entertainment, Geek, Internuts, Movies, Politics, Aurora, Batman, The Dark Knight Rises

by A.J. Focht

A benefit in aid of the Aurora shooting victims is being put together by All C’s Collectibles, a local comic shop which is not far from the theater where the tragic event took place. There has been a tremendous outpour of support to help get the event off the ground. It will be held over two days on August 25th and 26th, and will include a silent auction and in store appearances by several fantastic comic creators. Many amazing supporters have stepped up and made donations towards the silent auction, including most of the major comic companies.

DC Comics, Marvel Comics, Dark Horse Comics, Image Comics, POW Entertainment, Top Cow Comics and many more have all made contributions. There have been some fantastic donations so far including a signed Amazing Spider-Man movie poster from Stan Lee, and a poster and guitar donated and signed by Scott Ian from Anthrax. Several comic artists have also given original artworks for the auction. These incredible items and more will be auctioned off on Saturday, August 25 at 6:30 PM. The silent auction will be located at a donated space in the Embassy Suites. All the proceeds from the auction will go to the Alex Sullivan Fund and the Aurora Victims Relief Fund.

Many prominent comic writers and artists have agreed to come out for an in-store signing on Sunday, August 26. Comic icon Steve Niles, author of 30 Days of Night, Dark Days, Criminal Macabre, and many more, will be in attendance. Dark Horse Comics legend and creator of Hellboy, Mike Mignola has been confirmed. Writer of the current The Invincible Iron Man run, Matt Fraction will also be joining, as well as All-Star Western artist Mortitat. More writers and artists have been in contact with the benefit and there are more appearances to be announced over the coming weeks.

Aurora Rise has begun to spread far beyond the city limits of Aurora, Colorado. There has been an overwhelming interest across the comic community to extend the event to future conventions and throughout other cities. So far, there is talk of branches at Dragon Con in Chicago, and even in the UK. There will also likely be a second event held in Aurora at a later date, probably mid-September, to accommodate more artists and writers who could not make it out for the first benefit signing. Volunteers associated with Denver Comic Con have set up Aurora Rise on Facebook, Twitter, and with its own website. They are currently working on setting up the infrastructure to expand the charity program through the Community First Foundation.

Related Posts:
Back Row Perspective Part 1: An Aurora Theater Survivor’s Message To The Media
Back Row Perspective Part 2: An Aurora Theater Survivor’s Message To The Politicians
Back Row Perspective Part 3: An Aurora Theater Survivor’s Message To The Online Community

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SUNDAY AUGUST 5 2012 9:04 PM

Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony

Submitted by SG_Blog

Edited by nicole_powers

by SG's Team Agony feat. Jeckyl

Let us answer life's questions - because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

[Jeckyl in Abnormal Behavior]

Q: My girlfriend and I recently moved in together and everything was wonderful. Then, just over a month ago, a close friend of hers passed away. Since then, she has been sending slightly mixed signals that she wants us to some day get engaged and that she loves me and doesn't want to lose me. However, she is nowhere near as affectionate as she used to be and is very irritable. I have tried talking to her about it, but it gets turned around and made into my fault. Is this the grief she is going through talking? Should I be worried that she is going to leave or that I'm not enough for her anymore?

Scared Lover from South Africa

A: First of all, my deepest condolences. I can't imagine the pain and confusion you're both experiencing right now.Grief is a complicated process and, after just a month, I'm afraid to say she's barely scraped the tip of the iceberg here. You need to be patient. Death is a hard pill to swallow and she really needs you to be strong for her during this time. She is going to be extremely emotionally confused and you just need to go with it. Laugh with her when she's happy, comfort her when she's sad, and don't expect her to make any sense for a while. 

Her on-and-off behavior towards you may be just another way that she's experiencing grieving. She's realizing how short life is, so she wants to make that commitment. But she’s also experiencing the pain of losing someone so she's likely terrified of going through it again. This could explain her bouts of coldness. Give her a few months to somewhat heal before having any kind of major relationship-changing discussion with her. She's really not in any position to be making life-altering decisions right now. 

I understand that her grief is taking a strain on you, and my heart really does go out to you, but you need to try and keep it together, for her sake. This really isn't the best time to be confrontational. They say sometimes you have to put up with the rain in order to truly appreciate the rainbow, take this as a test of the strength of your relationship. If you can make it through this, you can make it through anything. And, honestly, the best thing you can do for her right now is to treat her the same way you always have, let her know she's loved and that she isn't alone. 

How you proceed after this speed-bump is up to you, but I sincerely hope that your relationship manages to weather this storm intact.

Best of luck to both of you.

Jeckyl

***

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

commentary
FRIDAY AUGUST 3 2012 11:00 AM

Moment of Clarity: Storming The Headquarters Of Chase Bank

Submitted by SG_Blog

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: Activism, Blog, Politics, #OWS, Occupy, Occupy Wall Street

by Lee Camp

As you'll see in this video, Negin Farsad and I sauntered into the NYC headquarters of JP Morgan Chase and delivered a petition signed by 30,000 people requesting that CEO Jamie Dimon resign from the NY Fed. (Apparently Negin and I are unconcerned with the type of watch lists we will now be placed on.) But what you WON'T see in the video is one special moment that ended up on the cutting room floor. We explained to the head of security that his boss, Jamie Dimon, is guilty of sitting on the board that regulates his OWN BANK! The security man then said, "Oh, it's kind of like Pete Rose." I then reminded the man that Rose's name was rightfully dragged through the mud for betting on his own baseball team, and he was permanently banned from baseball. Basically Jamie Dimon's own head of security called his boss a criminal. It was a touching moment. I personally think it should be added to the end of The Night Before Christmas...Now, enjoy the video.

Related Posts:
Moment of Clarity: The Euro Was Designed To Fuck You 12 Ways Til Sunday
Moment of Clarity: This Video Is Not Fracking Offensive
Moment of Clarity: Go Greenland, Scratch That, A lot Of It's Already Gone
Moment of Clarity: America Is Too Fat, Skinny & Free!
Moment of Clarity: Did The Lord Say To Be A Greedy A$$hole?
Moment of Clarity: LIBOR – Ladies Intimately Bending Over, Rearview
Moment of Clarity: The Shadows Are Taking Over

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THURSDAY AUGUST 2 2012 9:04 PM

SuicideGirls Group Therapy – Tore On Hair Stuff

Submitted by Tore

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: All Things SG, Beauty, Blog, Vanity, Entertainment, Movies, photography

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WEDNESDAY AUGUST 1 2012 9:04 PM

What’s Cooking In SG’s Kitchen? Ryker Suicide’s Smoked Salmon Latkes With Sriracha Lime Sauce

Submitted by Ryker

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: Blog, Food & Drink, July 4th, Pepper Poppers

by Ryker Suicide

My boyfriend and I have been coming up with fun ways to top latkes and this is our favorite so far. It’s a perfect brunch dish!!

Enjoy

Ryker Suicide

Ingredients – Makes 2 Latkes:

1 Russet potato, skinned and shredded

1 egg

1/4 cup sweet or yellow onion, diced

1/3 cup of flour

Smoked salmon

Red Onion, diced (for garnish)

Tomato, seeded and diced (for garnish)

Sriracha Lime Sauce (recipe follows)

Capers (for garnish)

Oil for frying

Ingredients – Sriracha Lime Sauce:

1/2 cup mayo

1/2 cup sour cream

1/2 lime, juiced

Sriracha (to taste, we use about 1/2 cup. This will be on the spicier side)

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WEDNESDAY AUGUST 1 2012 11:06 AM

Pax: Your Small, Dark and Handsome Smoking Buddy

Submitted by Calliope

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: 420, Blog

by Callioppe

[Callioppe in Sun Drips]

The Pax by Ploom is my favorite new way to, “smoke.” It is a loose-leaf vaporizer that is small enough to fit in your pocket. Powered by an internal lithium ion battery the device is butane free and holds an impressively long charge. I would guess you could get about 8 – 10 smoke sessions per hour long charging. The vaporizer heats up really fast, it was ready for use in about 30 seconds. The Pax has three adjustable heat settings and at the highest setting the device delivers the most full-bodied vapor hits I have ever gotten from a portable Vaporizer.

The Pax is also completely silent and virtually odorless which makes using it outside a movie theater or in a park fell pretty safe. Another really stand out feature of the Pax is it’s long, shallow herb chamber which makes the device very easy to fill and clean out between sessions.

I have smoked out of a couple different vaporizers in the past and have always felt a bit disappointed. Some of the things I enjoy the most about smoking are the texture of a joint in on my fingertips, the feel of it on my lips, and most importantly the way my lungs fill up with rich velvety smoke that escapes from my nostrils and mouth.

Before the Pax I had tried vaporizers with awkward hoses, noisy dispositions and cumbersome bags, all for tiny puffs of vapor that left me feeling frustrated, disenchanted and no where near high. Of all of the vaporizers I have tried the Pax delivers the fullest, richest, most smoke like hits of vapor. The Pax is simple to use, clean and charge. Modern, discrete, and beautiful with its cigar like shape and amazing build quality the device has the simplicity, fit and finish of an Apple product.

The bottom line is this is the best portable vaporizer I’ve ever used, and probably stands up against the very best non portable models as well. If you are considering a vaporizer, this is the one we at SG recommend you buy.

For more information visit: ploom.com/pax

commentary
MONDAY JULY 30 2012 9:04 PM

Brad Warner’s Hardcore Zen – Kumara: The True Story Of A False Prophet

Submitted by Brad_Warner

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: Blog, Entertainment, Love, Movies, Relationships, Sex, Society, Buddhism, Hardcore Zen, Kumara

by Brad Warner

Last week I saw the movie Kumare. It’s a tremendously important film that I really hope gets a lot of notice. But it’s a movie that will be widely misunderstood. Take, for example, the review in the June 29th issue of Entertainment Weekly. They say:

American filmmaker Vikram Gandhi adopted the singsong Indian accent of his elders, grew his hair long, posed as a guru, and found followers in Phoenix. And while he was at it, he kept cameras rolling to make this dubious Borat-esque documentary. Gandhi tries to dodge criticism of his mocking scam by rationalizing that even a phony wise man can offer real solace. Besides, he says, he learned something about sincerity — not to mention the value of film festivals as fertile ground for publicity stunts.

Now, I like Entertainment Weekly. I’m even a subscriber. But I’m not at all surprised that they were unable to grasp the point of this movie. As they say, this is a movie about a guy of Indian descent who posed as a guru and filmed it. But what Vikram Gandhi did was not in any way a “mocking scam” nor is this film at all “Borat-esque.” As Borat, Sasha Baron Cohen played his character and the reactions it got for laughs. And while there are plenty of funny moments in Kumare, Vikram is dealing with a much more serious and important subject. But it’s a subject that I doubt the writers at Entertainment Weekly have much close contact with and so perhaps I can forgive them for completely missing the point.

As I’ve often written in this blog and in my books, I am highly uncomfortable in my Buddhist robes. Even though I am entitled to wear the golden colored sash (called an o-kesa) of a so-called “Zen Master,” I rarely take the damned thing out of the box it lives in, in the bottom of my closet. This is because as soon as you put something like that on a certain segment of the people you meet start reacting to you in ways that I find highly bizarre and off-putting.

Uniforms are powerful and significant. This is why the police, our “boys in blue,” dress in special clothes. It’s why the President of the United States always has a red tie. It’s why priests of all religions dress up in funny outfits. People really respond to that stuff.

Vikram had a serious interest in why certain well-heeled middle-class Americans are so easily drawn to pretty much anyone with a funny accent who puts on a set of robes. His first idea was to make a documentary film about actual gurus. But what he found disgusted and deeply disturbed him. He uses a few of the interviews he conducted for this unfinished project in the early part of the movie. And some of them are really chilling.

The one that bugged me most was Bhagavan Das who says, “If I was a twenty year old girl, I would love hanging out with me. What could be more fabulous than having sex with a really spiritual mystical person?” Vkram cuts this together with shots of a slightly spaced out but very attractive young blonde who says of Bhagavan Das, “He’s the new teacher of this age, of this world. He’s someone who has the answer, I believe.” Yep. And the answer is in his pants.

Bhagavan Das, in case you were wondering, is an old teacher of Ram Dass, the guy who wrote Be Here Now, and has been milking his association with Ram Dass for the past forty years (he even titled his own book It’s Here Now (Are You?)). He was a hippie who went to India and became a yogi then made a lot of famous friends including Jimi Hendrix. Which is fine. But I saw him in that video and it’s hard to imagine sex with a dude that hairy would be all that fabulous for a twenty-year old girl.

I don’t want to draw this into yet another of my rants about the matter of spiritual teachers who sleep with their students. I wrote two books that go deeply into that subject. But it’s just one of the things that drove Vkram to undertake the important social experiment he documents in this film.

By putting on some orange robes and imitating his grandmother’s Indian accent and mannerisms, Vkram discovered that there are people out there who are willing to believe just about any damned thing as long as it’s spoken by someone who appears to represent some kind of mystical spiritual tradition from the mysterious East. He has them doing air guitar moves and getting little penises drawn on their foreheads. Not only that, he tells them straight up that the thing he’s drawing on their foreheads is a dick and they still let him do it.

These are not dumb people either. They are intelligent, educated and sincere. Nor does Vkram try to make them look like fools. Over and over again he takes pains to point out that pretty much anyone could potentially fall for this kind of thing if they were seeking “The Answer” outside of themselves.

But as the guru Sri Kumare, Vkram has a message. And his message is that the answer is always within each of us. That we do not need to seek it in someone else. He intends to prove that by first luring his followers in with the scam of the guru Sri Kumare and then revealing to them that he’s really just a guy from New Jersey. I won’t give away the ending. But suffice it to say, it’s pretty intense.

The thing is, though, as Entertainment Weekly failed to understand in spite of saying it in their review, “even a phony wise man can offer real solace.” Sri Kumare, phony as he is, ends up doing his followers some actual good. That’s because Vikram, the man inside the Sri Kumare guise, is at heart a good guy who truly does want to help — even if that wasn’t what he initially set out to do. He’s not trying to scam these people. He’s trying to make a very important point. Sure he’s also trying to get a hit movie out of it. And I really hope his movie is a hit because a lot of people need to see this film.

It’s going to upset a certain segment of the audience who will see themselves in Sri Kumare’s followers and feel that they’re being played for fools. And you know what? It ought to upset them. That is precisely the point. But this is going to make it tough for Vkram to get the film seen by the people who most need to see it. It would be sad if the only people who get into the film are those who see Sri Kumare’s followers as a bunch of idiots and who mistakenly believe they’re above all that.

As for me, who very definitely is one of the people who needed to see this movie, it’s got me thinking again about the whole matter of spiritual uniforms and the role of the teacher in the spiritual quest. It’s true that the answer is within each and every one of us. But it’s also true that most of us need someone else to help us see that. The film Kumare demonstrates this in a very concrete — and highly entertaining — way.

The question it raises for me is this; Does it really even matter if the teacher has any sort of grounding? Can anyone at all put on some robes and, if he or she is at least a decent person, act as a guide for others? Why should I insist that anyone I would pass my lineage on to be extremely balanced before I give them the paperwork that lets them wear one of those silly golden colored sashes? My tentative answer is, on the one hand pretty much anyone who is even just a bit balanced can help others find balance. But such a person could only help their followers to a limited degree.

Also, as Vikram in the guise of the guru Kumare discovered, putting on those robe can make you act differently. When people start to trust in you, as they trusted in the phony Sri Kumare, any decent person will feel the need to try and be worthy of that trust. This may be why Dogen extolled the virtues of wearing the o-kesa, calling it “the great robe of liberation.”

But those robes can also be a dangerous weapon. Putting on the robe may make a decent person inclined to act more decently. But a less decent person can use its mojo to get all kinds of things like money and sex and power. The movie Kumare only hints at the extent to which one can abuse such power. But the real world provides plenty of examples.

Yeah. I’m talking to you, Bhagavan Das.

***

Brad Warner is the author of Sex, Sin and Zen: A Buddhist Exploration of Sex from Celibacy to Polyamory and Everything in Between as well as Hardcore Zen, Sit Down and Shut Up! and Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate. He maintains a blog about Buddhist stuff that you can click here to see. You can also buy T-shirts and hoodies based on his books, and the new CD by his band Zero Defex now!

Related Posts:
Brad Warner’s Hardcore Zen: Batman Tragedy
Brad Warner’s Hardcore Zen: What Happens After You Die?
Brad Warner’s Hardcore Zen: The Myth of Rebirth
Brad Warner’s Hardcore Zen: Death by Buddhism?
Brad Warner’s Hardcore Zen: Thich Nhat Hanh Is Wrong
Brad Warner’s Hardcore Zen: Doesn’t Buddhism Count Homosexuals As Sexual Deviants? Putting The Fallacy To Bed
Brad Warner's Hardcore Zen: Meditation, Depression and the Sense of Self
Brad Warner's Hardcore Zen: I Resent My High School
The Human Potential Movement Can Suck My Ass
Brad Warner’s Hardcore Zen: How To Make A Zen Monster
Brad Warner’s Hardcore Zen: The End of the World As We Know It
Brad Warner’s Hardcore Zen: Win A Date With Brad Warner!!!
Brad Warner's Hardcore Zen: Uninvited To The Buddhist Party
Brad Warner's Hardcore Zen: Secure Your Mask Before Helping Others
Brad Warner's Hardcore Zen: Juggling
Brad Warner’s Hardcore Zen: Crazy Wisdom – The Story Of A Drunken Sex Pervert Who Revolutionized Buddhism

commentary
SUNDAY JULY 29 2012 9:10 PM

Back Row Perspective Part 3: An Aurora Theater Survivor’s Message To The Online Community

Submitted by Saccora

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: Activism, Blog, Entertainment, Movies, Politics, Aurora, Batman, Geek, The Dark Knight Rises

by A.J. Focht

In the hours following the carnage that took place at the Century 16 movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, there was a remarkable flood of moving reactions from across the internet. It’s been more than a week since that awful night, and online communities remain one of the greatest allies for the victims.

Seventy of the innocent movie goers that entered Theater 9 excited to enjoy The Dark Knight Rises, ended the tragic evening either spread out among seven local area hospitals or in the morgue because of wounds inflicted by gunfire. Many of the victims were in serious or critical condition, and a total of twelve didn’t survive that night. Doctors and surgeons scrambled to help all of the victims, but their efforts were hindered by a blood shortage. Websites such as Lets’s Be Friends Again helped promote an emergency call for blood in this time of need.

A well-intentioned, if somewhat misguided, viral post requesting that Christian Bale visit the victims also did the rounds on Facebook. With dozens hospitalized in need of blood, a celebrity appearance was what the city wanted, but not what the city needed. More groups rose up and made efforts online to promote blood donation. Social media kept the blood drives fresh on everyone’s mind as the feeds were filled with images and articles encouraging donations.

It wasn’t just blood the patients in the hospital were in dire need of though. Many of the injured were without health insurance. A local standup comedian, Caleb Medley, was shot in the face that night. His medical bills quickly rose well into six figures; all the while, his wife Katie was in labor with their baby, Hugo. The family doesn’t have insurance and they fear the bills the young couple could be facing will haunt them for the rest of their lives. CalebMedley.com was established to accept donations to help ease the couple’s medical bill burden. With the help of social media, the story was picked up by major news organizations.

Caleb isn’t the only victim accumulating mountains of medical debt. A week after the shootings, twelve people remained in hospital, five in critical condition. Three Colorado hospitals announced they would waive or help with the medical fees the victims accrued. The charities being established for the victims and the hospitals’ support has laid a strong foundation to service this crucial need.

The city also got what it wanted. On his own accord, without contacting his publicist, Christian Bale showed up in Denver to visit the victims. No one would have even known Bale made an appearance if it hadn’t been for people tweeting and posting to Facebook from the hospital. Bale also visited the memorial set up near the theater.

Amazing acts of generosity and kindness have come through the social media networks, but that isn’t to say that everyone is sympathetic and respectful. Amongst all the calls for blood donations and the thousands of well wishes, social media feeds were beset with posts politicizing the issue, most of these honed in on the issue of gun control. Now, I am not saying that this isn’t the time to talk about gun control, but both sides used this disaster as an excuse to further polarize the debate, when in fact an air of pragmatism and compromise is needed if we are to effect lasting change for the better. In the middle of the raging gun control debate, were those who complained that this wasn’t the time to discuss the issue. In reality, this is the perfect time to discuss all issues that tie into this catastrophe, and guns are part of that.

My quick note on guns: While I don’t agree with absolute gun control, I can’t fathom why civilians are allowed to legally purchase military grade weapons, like the assault rifle that was firing at my friends and I. As for those who’ve posted comments along the line of “if only someone else in the theater had been armed,” your logic is flawed and misinformed. The coward in question opened fire on a crowd of unsuspecting moviegoers in a dark and confined space, dressed in full combat armor, neck and head covering included. More people firing guns would have only added to the confusion and senseless violence.

My final message to everyone on the internet is to just do the best you can with the resources available to you. This event has proven the power of social media networking. This is a power that each of us exercise every day. Whenever you ‘like’ or repost an article for your friends to see, that message gets passed a little further and becomes a bit louder. All I ask is that you start watching what messages you pass. As I asked of the media in my first post, please stop posting or reposting pictures of the shooter, or articles specifically about him. Stop giving him the attention and infamy he craves, and stop helping to write his name into the history books.

My personal challenge to everyone using social media: Convince Steam and the creators of the Batman Arkham series to put all affiliated games on sale for one day with proceeds going to the Aurora Victim Relief Fund.

Related Posts:
Back Row Perspective Part 2: An Aurora Theater Survivor’s Message To The Politicians
Back Row Perspective Part 1: An Aurora Theater Survivor’s Message To The Media

***
A.J. Focht is a student, writer, and self-identifying geek. He has a BA in English, and is currently pursuing his Master’s degree at the University of Denver. He is a regular contributor to SuicideGirls. His work is also featured in Kush Magazine.

commentary
SUNDAY JULY 29 2012 9:04 PM

Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony

Submitted by SG_Blog

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: All Things SG, Blog, Love, Relationships, Sex, Society, advice, Geek, Nerd, Problems, sex

by SG's Team Agony feat. Rin

Let us answer life's questions - because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

[Rin in Voyeur]

Q: I'll just jump right into it. I'm 24 and single, have been my entire life. It’s definitely not by choice, just a long running series of me being an idiot, and saying the wrong thing at the right time.

Given, I am a nerd, always have been and always will be. But unlike the stereotype, I do have social graces. I can get along with pretty much anyone, short of them just generally being an asshole. It’s not the fear of rejection either, I've overcome that a while ago. I just have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I'm too impatient and can be over-bearing at times, which I'm trying to work on. I'm not an ugly guy by any means, I'm fairly average, and have a pretty awesome beard. I guess my question is: How do I garner interest? How do I get a girl to be interested in me?

The overwhelming lack of response most of the time is disheartening (does that even make sense?). I won't whine about the "friend zone" either, because it doesn't really exist; I believe if something's there it could still happen, it’s just another meek, nerd stereotype that doesn't lend itself to me. What do I do, hell, where should I even be looking? I appreciate any advice you can give me.

A: It sounds like you're doing okay in some aspects of dating –– you're not afraid of rejection, you get along with lots of different types of people, and you've got a beard (extra points!). It also really helps that you're self aware enough to realize some stuff about you that might be a barrier to getting close to the ladies.

Sure, some people like intense dudes, but for many of us it's a huge turnoff, so working really hard on improving your patience and intensity level should really help you connect with the girls you're interested in. Ladies generally like to be pursued, but if you push too hard it's easy for us to get scared off. Take it easy, and trust that your natural charm & good qualities are shining through.

How often do you meet new people? Are you often exposed to new ladies at friends' parties, work, sports clubs or anywhere else? If not, you may want to try internet dating? It's kind of nutty, on one hand, but I've found it an incredible way to meet people and practice my social skills. I've had the best and worst dates because of random dating sites! I definitely recommend this. You may not meet your dream girl, but you will probably have a lot of experiences that help hone your romantic senses. Internet dating is also great because you can find people who you connect with (on paper) and display yourself in a very straightforward way that makes it clear what you're into.

When you're interested in a lady, ask her questions about her likes and life. Don't go on and on about yourself, and remember, coming on hard with too many compliments can seem insincere/strange. Cultivate a wide variety of interests. Not only does that help when you're feeling bummed about not having a ladyfriend (it keeps you busy with things you're really into), but it helps to give you avenues to meet new people. If you're super boring, it's more difficult to attract people to you.

Ask her out on a date, but not something typical like dinner and a movie. Some ideas: visit an aquarium, play bingo, go for a walk/hike somewhere nice, go to a botanical garden, plan a picnic, play darts/pool/bowling/laser tag, go to an old-school arcade, visit a planetarium, go to an author reading or lecture series at a bookstore, library or university, etc.

Hopefully this helps and you soon find yourself having lots of fun dates!

Best wishes on your quest for love.

Rin

***

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

commentary
FRIDAY JULY 27 2012 10:33 AM

Back Row Perspective Part 2: An Aurora Theater Survivor’s Message To The Politicians

Submitted by Saccora

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: Activism, Blog, Entertainment, Movies, Politics, Aurora, Batman, Geek, The Dark Knight Rises

by A.J. Focht

In my previous article, I discussed the way in which the mass media has mishandled the Aurora theater shootings. While some in the media approached the story with respect, the majority of them showed little consideration for the victims involved. But it’s not just the media that has been careless in the aftermath of the massacre. Many politicians have used this event as a spring board for their campaigns, while already failing to live up to their promises to the victims.

It’s been a week since I sat down in Theater 9, unaware of the hell that awaited me. I remember the high pitched screech, like a bottle rocket, as the coward tossed the gas grenades into a theater full of unsuspecting moviegoers. I can hear sounds of gunfire and see the bright flashes coming from the corner of the theater in the back of my mind. The screams of the victims in the theater haunt me at night. The vivid memories of wandering shocked through a crowd of people covered in blood, with no way of knowing whose blood it was, will stay with me forever.

I am just one of hundreds of movie patrons that share this horrific experience. Despite these mental scars, I am eternally thankful I have no physical wounds to match. Seventy people in the theater were not as lucky, and twelve of them paid with their lives.

The death toll could have been much higher if it had not been for the amazing first responders. The first police officers arrived on scene within minutes of the shooting. Several officers took it upon themselves to deliver victims to local hospitals in person, instead of waiting for the ambulances. Their quick action likely saved several lives. While the police, dispatchers, medics, firefighters, and ER doctors all did an amazing job that night, I feel they have already received a lot of praise. I therefore want to personally thank the unmentioned heroes of that evening; the victims’ advocates and local RTD bus drivers that worked alongside the ranks of emergency responders that night.

After we were all forced to wait outside the theater for a few hours following the shootings, the police finally got everyone organized and bussed us down to a local school. The bus drivers were very kind to all of the victims and tried to cater to our needs. Once at the school, the victims’ advocates showed up. They brought us food and water, and helped however they could. For those of us with missing members in our party, they were the ones that organized our information so we could be contacted as soon as anything was known.

Unfortunately, for many of the victims, that was the only night we saw this kind of support. Organizers had promised that there would be counseling available for the victims before a vigil held on Saturday. All of the victims that showed up early, including my group, were disappointed to find that the counseling before the vigil was reserved for the deceased victims’ families. All the other victims, even those who had been injured but released from hospital, would have to wait for the vigil to start and the victims’ advocates to come outside. Until then, we were left to fend for ourselves against the press.

The victims’ advocates did eventually come out to see us, but they hardly knew where to start given our number and the fact we were now spread out in the crowd. They did what they could. They consoled groups in mourning, whether they were at the theater or not. What stung the worst was to then hear the speakers stand up, one-by-one, and talk about how there needed to be support for all the victims, often emphasizing the mental scarring. Despite the diversity of the term victim in their speeches, their policies had a much narrower definition as to who the victims were.

On the day of the vigil, President Barack Obama visited the families of the deceased. He chose not to attend the vigil because he knew he couldn’t be there without pulling the focus away from the victims. His choice not to make an appearance at the vigil, even though it would have likely given him a boost in the polls, shows that he really did have the victims’ best interests at heart.

I only wish others could have been so selfless. There were dozens of politicians on the stage, most of whom didn’t speak. While he didn’t call them all off by name, Mayor Steve Hogan of Aurora stood for two minutes naming the ranks and affiliations of the dignitaries present, several of whom are up for reelection this coming fall. I understand giving credit to all of the first responders who were in attendance, but the long stream of elected officials felt too much like campaigning to the grieving.

For many in Colorado, this incident is hitting to close to home after the Columbine High School shootings. One victim of the Columbine shooting, Samuel Granillo, is working on a documentary about the school shootings. Through it, his goal is to find a way to provide counseling for those seeking it after the shootings at Columbine High School – which is desperately needed for those who still suffer from posttraumatic stress disorder in the wake of it. The funds for the Columbine victims dried up long before everyone had healed. Many of us that were in the theater on July 20th now worry that the support for the Aurora victims will also prematurely disappear.

There is hope; gestures of support have started to come through. Many speculated that Warner Bros. might make a contribution of some kind. On Tuesday, the studio made it official by announcing they were pledging a ‘substantial’ donation, without releasing details of the actual sum they plan to give to the Colorado Community First Foundation Aurora Victim Relief Fund. Many small businesses in the local communities are holding fundraisers for varying charities and victim support efforts. A group that helped bring the first Comic Con to Denver, organized a human wall at the vigil to counter protest the Westboro Baptist Church, even though the church never showed up. The Aurora Rise Benefit Event is being planned by All C’s Collectibles Comic store in Aurora, Colorado. Comic publishers including DC Comics and Image Comics have contacted them to pledge donations. The event is still coming together, but it so far looks to include a silent auction with proceeds going to victim support.

This outpour of donations from the local, online, and comic book communities has been phenomenal. The biggest worry is that the funds won’t reach most of the victims. My message to the politicians is simple: Have some class. Stop using this tragedy to get reelected. The best thing all the politicians can do now is to make sure that the support for the victims is allocated appropriately. There are several victims who have no way to pay their substantial medical bills, and many more that will need therapy for years to come.

In the final segment, I will discuss the ways in which social media has affected the tragedy. On a large scale, social media has created the most support for the victims. That isn’t to say there isn’t a downside to the internet hive mind.

Related Posts:
Back Row Perspective Part 1: An Aurora Theater Survivor’s Message To The Media

***
A.J. Focht is a student, writer, and self-identifying geek. He has a BA in English, and is currently pursuing his Master’s degree at the University of Denver. He is a regular contributor to SuicideGirls. His work is also featured in Kush Magazine.

commentary
THURSDAY JULY 26 2012 9:04 PM

SuicideGirls Group Therapy – Aisline on Photography

Submitted by Nahp

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: All Things SG, Art, Blog, Photography, Entertainment, Movies, photography

commentary
THURSDAY JULY 26 2012 10:59 AM

Back Row Perspective Part 1: An Aurora Theater Survivor’s Message to the Media

Submitted by Saccora

Edited by nicole_powers

by A.J. Focht

Thursday July 19th, I rushed home from work to get ready to catch the midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises with a group of friends. We were all excited to finally be seeing the epic conclusion to Christopher Nolan's Batman series. After wading through the crowd to get our tickets and stocking up on overpriced food and drinks, we made our way into Theater 9 and took our seats. The showing was packed and there weren’t enough empty seats in a row for all eight of us to sit together. We split up, sitting in small groups throughout the theater. I ended up in the second row from the back with my roommate and another friend.

Everyone waited patiently through the lackluster trailers for the feature film to begin. When the movie started, the theater went silent and everyone fixed their eyes in on the screen, mesmerized. Scene after scene, I became more enthralled with the story. About twenty minutes in, we were all snapped out of the epic fantasy world and into a nightmarish reality. A gunman opened fire on the unsuspecting crowd. I made it out of the theater unscathed, but I can't say the same about the rest of my group. One of them was injured and went to hospital, and another didn't came out of the theater alive. While I survived, 12 people were killed in the massacre and another 58 were injured.

It took seemingly no time before the twenty-four hour news networks had informed everyone across the nation as to what had happened. The mad rush to present the world with information caused the media vultures to deliver several false reports as they stopped at nothing to get their stories. In the midst of this living nightmare, the media circus fed off the victims' despair like it was fresh bread in a famine.

With only a small charge left in her phone one of the members of my group thought it best to send out a blanket distress beacon via Twitter so she could conserve her battery to call her parents and a ride home. Caitlin tweeted from her account @dingos8myTARDIS informing her family and friends of the chaos and that she was physically alright. Her tweets were some of the first online, and within the hour BBC, CNN, and others were broadcasting her messages on the news. The hundreds of media outlets that contacted her throughout the night were unexpected, but we could understand they were just trying to do their jobs. Once we had been released, Caitlin, not wanting the mass media attention, released these tweets:

dingos8myTARDIS: To the media: I was tweeting earlier because my phone was on 10%batt & I needed to let people know I was okay. I am (in) no shape for interviews.

dingos8myTARDIS: To rephrase: I have no interest in interviews at this time. I was merely sending an emergency beacon.

Despite her requesting to be left alone, she was perpetually bombarded by yet more media requests via Twitter from outlets including FOX News and The Huffington Post. As if the mass attention on Twitter was not enough, other news networks took it upon themselves to get her phone number and start calling her.

While we all sat anxiously awaiting information on the MIA member of our group, phones and email notifications continued go off till all our phones had died. Before even our families and friends had a chance to check in, the overzealous reporters were all but knocking on our doors. Right after our group finally learned our missing member didn't make it, Caitlin's phone began to ring; It was the Today Show on the other end requesting an interview about him. She told them off and asked them not to contact her again. However, her pleas didn't stop them from calling again the next morning, still trying to get an interview.

This is not to say that everyone in the media treated this tragic event and the victims like they were just a breaking news story. A select few talk show hosts and reporters handled their responses to the incident with the utmost tact. Craig Ferguson changed his opening monologue in response to the Aurora shootings. His heartfelt reaction was a signal that some of the media could show signs of humanity and compassion for the victims. On his Hulu show, Spoilers, Kevin Smith opened with a sincere speech and spent the rest of the time talking about the incident with the Spoilers crew. Responses like these made a huge difference for the survivors in my group who had begun to feel the media had turned on them.

Since the shootings happened in the early hours of Friday morning, it wasn't until the following Monday that Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert had their say on the events. As longtime fans of both shows, I, along with everyone in my group, was interested to see what they both had to say. For once this week, we were not disappointed. Stewart called out the media circus for reporting false facts and refusing to talk about certain related issues. Colbert further pointed out how useless the media was with their inaccurate reports and misguided debates.

While an array of talk show hosts had excellent responses to this tragic massacre, only a handful of career journalists handled it with the same level of professionalism. Out of all the reporters that covered this tragic story, only a few reported it both honestly and with consideration for the victims and survivors. Anderson Cooper conducted an interview with the father, girlfriend, and best friend of Alex Teves, the deceased member of our group. Cooper was genuine, and he allowed each of them to speak their mind. At the end of the interview, Teves’ father challenged Cooper and CNN to, moving forward, stop talking about and showing the gunman, since doing so only gave him the attention he sought, and asked them instead to focus to the victims.

In contrast, ABC continues to provide the wrong information five days after the shootings. In the ABC News interview with Alex’s father and girlfriend, Dan Harris ended the segment by saying that Alex graduated from the University of Colorado with a degree in Physical Therapy. In reality, Alex recently graduated with his Master’s Degree in Counseling from the University of Denver. Even after being called out on The Daily Show, ABC fails to check the facts to their reports before airing them.

As if the misleading media wasn’t enough, their voyeuristic nature is making the victims and survivors feel uncomfortable even attending the memorials and vigils held in their honor. During the prayer vigil held on Sunday outside the Aurora Municipal building, reporters and photographers were swarming the lawn as the mourners arrived. There was a sectioned off area up front, but it was only for the families of the deceased victims, and it was located right in front of the podium for all the cameras to see. There was no media perimeter, and photographers from all ranks of media aggressively roamed through the crowd. Everyone from bloggers to international news organizations forced their way onto grieving groups. When Caitlin asked for her picture not to be taken, the only response she received was that she should not be in a public space. When friends of the victims would act as human shields, getting in the way of the pictures, the cameramen became increasingly volatile. At an event that was supposed to be for the victims, the victims couldn’t find any sanctuary from the press.

The political speeches throughout the vigil and the mass media presence raise the question: who was the vigil for? As a survivor of the Aurora massacre, I can say that I didn’t feel comforted by any of it. Amongst the several prayers, mostly Christian, all I heard was political name dropping ahead of the upcoming election, as the victims and survivors were left to defend themselves against the heartless, overbearing, and at times downright hostile actions of those in the media.

My message to the media is simple: First, as Mr. Teves asked Anderson Cooper, stop showing the face of and talking about the shooter. He is a coward that massacred an unsuspecting group of civilians. Every time you talk about him, you only help add his name to the pages of history. Next, I beg that you give both the victims and survivors their space. There are plenty of victims and families that are willing to talk to you, and could use the attention for good reasons such as medical bills. For those who want to be left alone, it’s the least you can do.

In Part 2, I will talk about how the politicians have handled this event, both good and bad. For many, this is becoming too reminiscent of the Columbine High School shooting, both in the tragic nature of what occurred and in the mishandling of the victims and survivors. For the final segment, I will explore the awe inspiring responses and support that has come from social media.

***
A.J. Focht is a student, writer, and self-identifying geek. He has a BA in English, and is currently pursuing his Master’s degree at the University of Denver. He is a regular contributor to SuicideGirls. His work is also featured in Kush Magazine.

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