• news
  • SATURDAY JUNE 11 2005 10:00 AM

At last ... Finally! ... Shagging!

Submitted by TheFuckOffKid

Edited by dem_z

For the 5th season of the Australian version of Big Brother, the TV show with housemates locked inside a house, being voted out week by week until one winner remains, the producers decided enough was enough. For some reason, Australian contestants had been prissy and prudish in seasons past, with not enough raunchiness to hold viewers' attention.

So this time, producers decided:
1. Single, outgoing, contestants only.
2. A "rewards room" would be installed, where a weekly contest winner in the house could retire for the weekend, with another invited housemate, with a luxurious bath, bed and food.

The point? Let's have some shagging, dammit.

The result?

First, three housemates lied about their single status. (Two were promptly evicted.)

Second, for several weeks, winners of the weekly contest took a friend (same sex) into the rewards room, resulting in social bonding but no nookie. The producers must have been in despair.

Then last week's winner, new girl Rachael (brought into the house several weeks into the show), took sensitive guy Tim into the rewards room. She got into the bath and started soaping up and down. Poor nervous Tim put on headphones, watched a DVD, and ate, as if he wanted to distract as many senses as possible while there was a naked girl frolicking nearby. (Footage available from the Uncut section of the website.)

Even several of the girls started getting toey, as Aussies would describe it, asking Big Brother to remove the gym facilities in the house, as the boys seemed more inclined to vent their sexual frustrations with a good workout than with the females.

"It's weird because you have women walking around in their underwear, women showering naked and chicks sunbaking topless!" responded Christie.

"Maybe they're all just turned onto each other?" Geneva added. "Maybe they're all just having sex behind our backs... in the gym!"

Geneva then decided to take the high road and beg. "Can't we get someone new just to come in for a night? Maybe six nights so all the girls could have a go?" They request someone: "sleazy, sexy, up for anything" and who is already infatuated with them.

Sensing BB is unlikely to to send someone to help them out in a hurry, Christie decided she may have to explore other options. "I think I should just turn lesbian, BB, and go with Geneva."

Geneva scoffed. "Who says I like you?"

Christie sighed. "Well, I'm just saying as a last resort."

"I'm the last resort? Clearly, Rachael would be the last resort," Geneva cried.


Well, at least the producers of the show have finally hit paydirt. The latest contest winner, country boy Glenn (aka "Shearer", of "Faceful of vaj" fame) finally asked Michelle, the girl he'd been having late-night after-dark kisses and cuddles with, into the rewards room.

And GUESS WHAT? .They shagged! In the bath. We think. We wonder.

Five seasons. We're not sprinters, we're stayers.

  • PERMALINK
  • PRINT
  • Digg This
  • Email To A Friend
 
Comments
Bastardo

Bastardo

Boston, MA
January 2005

JUN 11, 2005 10:30 AM

That article makes me weep for the rest of the species. How sad is it that a spokesman for the show announced such a private part of someone's life. I knw it's part of the show but the whole reporting it in a press conference thing is kind OTT.

6underground

6underground

United Kingdom
December 2003

JUN 11, 2005 10:43 AM

why didn't they just do what UK BB did and get teenagers in. They needed no prompting or fancy rooms - just a matress on the floor and no condoms. Works everytime.

dem_z

dem_z

United Kingdom
June 2004

JUN 11, 2005 11:06 AM

big brother from other countries is so much interesting than your own country's big brother.

I reckon they need to have "international big brother", where everyone applies and then they all get sent of to a different country.

EDIT:because I'm zonked a bit now and those plural possessives are tricky buggers.

[Edited on Jun 11, 2005 by demetrius_z]

Bastardo

Bastardo

Boston, MA
January 2005

JUN 11, 2005 11:15 AM

demetrius_z said:
other countires big brother is so much interesting than your own countries big brother.

I reckon they need to have "international big brother", where everyone applies and then they all get sent of to a different country.


Americans would bomb the other contestant's rooms.

dpk

dpk

Seattle, WA
November 2004

JUN 11, 2005 11:34 AM

Did they show the sex on TV? If not, what's the big excitement?

I heard somewhere people have sex all the time. They're having it *right now*!

Volkov

Volkov

San Antonio, TX
OLD SKOOL

JUN 11, 2005 12:32 PM

TheIrishBastard said:

demetrius_z said:
other countires big brother is so much interesting than your own countries big brother.

I reckon they need to have "international big brother", where everyone applies and then they all get sent of to a different country.


Americans would bomb the other contestant's rooms.



only if they had something we wanted. whatever

Wren

Wren

SUICIDEGIRL

Minnesota, USA

JUN 11, 2005 02:00 PM

dpk said:
Did they show the sex on TV? If not, what's the big excitement?

I heard somewhere people have sex all the time. They're having it *right now*!



No kidding. What the hell is the big deal? Maybe I don't get it because I've never watched the show, but you'd think Big Brother had landed on the moon or something, the way it's being talked about.

Anton

Anton

Australia
September 2003

JUN 11, 2005 02:05 PM

Seems it's just a cheap attempt by Channel Ten to score some ratings. I, for one, am shocked that they'd stoop to that level. Shocked!


While the mainstream media are quick to jump on the sex bandwagon, it's not exactly how it happened in the Big Brother house.

Papers around the country have reported Michelle and Glenn had sex on Friday night/Saturday morning based on an ambiguous quote from Endemol Southern Star.

Spokesperson David Brown said "in the early hours of Saturday morning, it looks like Glenn and Michelle took their relationship to another level". An obvious publicity stunt as the two did not actually have sex.

Our feed watchers report Glenn and Michelle started kissing and touching each other at around 1.58am while watching a movie in the rewards room. Later at 3.30am the two were seen rubbing each other under a blanket. Around 20 minutes later Glenn invited Michelle to the bath. She initially declined (already had a bath earlier) but eventually joined him. There they engaged in heavy kissing and petting with the lights off. Glenn was naked and Michelle wore a small G-string. They briefly talked about having sex, however at the last minute Michelle said no, as she could feel the cameras watching her.

The next day Glenn told David he gave her "Mal Meninga" (fingering) and she gave him a "shopping trolley" (hand job). He did not say they had intercourse. On Saturday night he told David that the incident was just "something to do" and that he actually hopes Michelle gets evicted on Sunday.

The official website states "...it is impossible to know for sure what they got up to last night in the bath tub".

Family groups have already used the false news to fuel their latest attack on Channel 10 - even though the alledged sex hasn't even been broadcast on television.


From here.

dem_z

dem_z

United Kingdom
June 2004

JUN 11, 2005 02:20 PM

Wren said:
What the hell is the big deal? Maybe I don't get it because I've never watched the show, but you'd think Big Brother had landed on the moon or something, the way it's being talked about.


I'm a new editor so sometimes I publish stuff that probably should have been BALEETED. This story just edged through because it's A:from TFOK and I think he's got some thing about evolutionary advantage or sexism and telly that he wants to talk about wink and B:it has 'shagging' in the subject line. I don't know why other media spends so much time talking about BB.

And I was a bit zonked when I queued it, so that's something I'll be watching out for in future.

The Cult of Reality Telly is possibly important enough to talk about though. Why do 'Big Brother', '$COUNTRY_NAME Idol', etc get so much coverage when they're all such dreadful programmes?

Wren

Wren

SUICIDEGIRL

Minnesota, USA

JUN 11, 2005 02:28 PM

demetrius_z said:
The Cult of Reality Telly is possibly important enough to talk about though. Why do 'Big Brother', '$COUNTRY_NAME Idol', etc get so much coverage when they're all such dreadful programmes?



Scary, isn't it? You know it's bad when you're watching the local news and it goes from "Fire kills eleven downtown" to "And tonight on 'American Idol'..."

willard7

willard7

Walker, IA
September 2004

JUN 11, 2005 04:07 PM

Yay for Fox on that one. Thank GOD CNN doesn't have an entertainment channel!

sakita

sakita

Sweden
February 2003

JUN 11, 2005 04:36 PM

I hate BB. this season here, they mixed it up, half swedes half norwegians.
I dont even know who won, but I assume there was an awful lot of shagging.


TheFuckOffKid

TheFuckOffKid

NEWSWIRE

Australia

JUN 11, 2005 05:01 PM

demetrius_z said:

Wren said:
What the hell is the big deal? Maybe I don't get it because I've never watched the show, but you'd think Big Brother had landed on the moon or something, the way it's being talked about.


I'm a new editor so sometimes I publish stuff that probably should have been BALEETED. This story just edged through because it's A:from TFOK and I think he's got some thing about evolutionary advantage or sexism and telly that he wants to talk about wink and B:it has 'shagging' in the subject line. I don't know why other media spends so much time talking about BB.


Stop being apologetic. tongue

Think about it. How HARD do some TV producers have to work to get people stuck in a house together to actually just shag?

What's interesting here is HOW HARD THE GUYS ARE WORKING .... to avoid having sex. Maybe whoever made the point about UKBB and teenagers was right -- if they were all 18, it'd just be shag city. But instead, with a bunch of 20-somethings, despite all the flirtation and nudity, no-one's been bonking.

And the girls are so desperate they're (i) taking baths, nude, in a room with one guy and being ignored by him, or (ii) complaining in the diary room.

Why is this news? On the same basis that "Man bites dog" is more newsworthy than "dog bites man".

"Over a dozen single horny people shacked up in a house for an extended period with a spa, sauna, skimpy clothing and booze DON'T SHAG."

Now that's news!

I'm perfectly serious. Sociologically astounding.

waldo

waldo

I'm lost
June 2004

JUN 11, 2005 05:25 PM

Probably performance anxiety. I mean, they know they'd be leaving themselves open to "detailed discussion" later wink

TheFuckOffKid

TheFuckOffKid

NEWSWIRE

Australia

JUN 11, 2005 05:35 PM

waldo said:
Probably performance anxiety. I mean, they know they'd be leaving themselves open to "detailed discussion" later wink


That might inhibit me, but it'd inhibit me from being on the show in the first place. Just get yourselves under a doona -- folks'll kjnow what you're doing without knowing every detail about how you're doing it.

sakita said:
I hate BB. this season here, they mixed it up, half swedes half norwegians.
I dont even know who won, but I assume there was an awful lot of shagging.


See? That's what I'd have expected too. Instead, everyone's overthinking it and getting all worked up about it. Well, the guys are, and the girls are getting all worked up about not getting any.

featured interviews