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  • SUNDAY NOVEMBER 4 2012 9:04 PM

Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony

by SG's Team Agony feat. Lexie

Let us answer life's questions - because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.


[Lexie in Speres]

Q: I can’t seem to make the leap from friend-zone to boyfriend-zone. Everyone I ask advise from says “just be yourself.” I be myself and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere. Is it that girls just don’t want me?

A: Oh, boy. The dreaded friend-zone! First off, sure being yourself can work, but only to a certain degree. It can be a terribly slippery slope to make that climb from just friends to something more. Get the wrong footing off the bat and you’re a goner for sure.

You have to remember one important fact, not everyone is going to be in to you the way you are into them. Some people you’re just destined to be friends with. If I could give you a few pointers on trying to stay out of that zone, they’d be this.

Don’t be too nice/accommodating/helpful. If there’s one thing that screams friendship to me it’s having someone all too eager to lend a hand. This applies mainly at the start of building something, once you’ve moved into almost boyfriend-zone, crank up the helpful/sweet notch. Just make sure it’s not too soon or she’ll rely on you for little things and see you as that guy friend that’s so helpful. Be a little aloof/hard to reach. The more you step back the more she’ll want you.

Treat her well but know when not to push it. Take her out to a nice dinner, movie, concert, but afterwards send her on her way. Even though you want to take her to your place and bend her over that futon, don’t push it. Remember the whole hard to reach aspect? Play it up.

Don’t be whiney or complain. Nothing says unattractive like a whiney person. Especially if you throw in desperate and needy, you’ll automatically get thrown into the no boyfriend-zone.

Have something in common with her – I know this seems like a given, but I think it’s really overlooked. I get it, you want that hot bartender at your local bar, but if you just want to talk about Skyrim and the new Batman movie when clearly her eyes are glazing over, it might not work. When someone talks to me about things I have no real interest in, I tend to get instantly turned off.

Hopefully some of these pointers will get you in the right direction. Be yourself, and apply these and it might get you somewhere.

Lexie


***

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

 
Comments
Temper

Temper

SUICIDEGIRL

Germany

NOV 05, 2012 10:17 AM

Having something in common and not being whiny are both good advice, but this:

Don’t be too nice/accommodating/helpful. If there’s one thing that screams friendship to me it’s having someone all too eager to lend a hand. This applies mainly at the start of building something, once you’ve moved into almost boyfriend-zone, crank up the helpful/sweet notch. Just make sure it’s not too soon or she’ll rely on you for little things and see you as that guy friend that’s so helpful. Be a little aloof/hard to reach. The more you step back the more she’ll want you.



Is horrible and can't work. No, girls don't like assholes and no, nice guys don't finish last. Not being taken advantage of is something everyone has to learn in every conceivable situation and applies no more and no less to dating. It does not mean to not be nice / accomodating / helpful.

Telling people (of any gender) they need to be hard to get in order to be a successful dater has been the worst advice in the history of human interaction. The basis of it is just playing games and masking yourself or your feelings. Manipulating someone into liking you can never work out.

Also, there is way too little info in the question. Quenstion-er, you might be super creepy because of something and not even know it. You might have poor hygiene. You might be invisible because you never go out or talk.

Anyway, this:

Incontrol88

Incontrol88

I'm lost
July 2011

NOV 06, 2012 09:14 PM

That video is terrible. And awful. It makes sweeping generalizations about guys and women and relationships that are just never true. She's basically saying if you think the term "Nice guys finish last" applies to you, the problem is that you're really a two-timing asshole who doesn't see what is wrong with himself. And that desirable women are shallow so they date people who appear jerky.

Except shallow people ARE jerky, and if desirable women want to date shallow jerks, isn't she just proving the point she's trying to disprove?

Temper

Temper

SUICIDEGIRL

Germany

NOV 07, 2012 07:38 AM

You're concentrating on obvious hyperbole and missing the point.

mingol

mingol

Singapore
July 2005

NOV 07, 2012 08:12 AM

Video aside, I have to agree with Temper. Posturing and game-playing are definitely not the way to go.

If you don't want to be friend-zoned, then make your feelings clear. Don't be a nice guy for months or years and wait for her to realize what a swell fellow you are and jump into your arms. Strike when the iron is hot: when the two of you are hitting it off, tell her that you enjoy her company and would like to take her out some time. When you do that you risk rejection, but if you don't take that risk then you'll never get anywhere.

CoyoteMike

CoyoteMike

Iowa City, IA
May 2006

NOV 07, 2012 12:06 PM

Geezus Fucking Chris!!!! Another "friendzone" complaint. Let me put this simply. Ok, guy-from-the-question (whoever you are), look at your friends, your real friends. Would you date any of them? Probably not. Because you SEE THEM AS FRIENDS.

If you're being a friend to someone, male or female, you are being a friend. If you are "acting" like a friend because you want to get in their pants, you are not being their friend. You are being a dishonest creep. So, here's the real advice:

1: If you like a woman, ask her on a date. Make sure you say it is a date. Not "hanging out" or "see you around" or whatever. A Date.

2: If she turns you down for the date, ignore the stupid fucking movies and MOVE ON.

3: If you like her and just want to hang out with her as a friend, then be an honest person and think of her as a friend. Not a "mate-in-waiting." Don't keep wishing that she'd just look at you in a new light.

If you are a friend, be a friend. Be honest. If you're not really her friend, I suggest you sever contact, because the longer it goes on, the more it is going to hurt both of you when the truth comes out.

Zombie33

Zombie33

Webster, NY
September 2006

NOV 07, 2012 06:11 PM

Coyotemike said:
If you are "acting" like a friend because you want to get in their pants, you are not being their friend. You are being a dishonest creep.


Exactly. Times 1000

And What Temper said as well:


Telling people (of any gender) they need to be hard to get in order to be a successful dater has been the worst advice in the history of human interaction. The basis of it is just playing games and masking yourself or your feelings. Manipulating someone into liking you can never work out.


I cringe every time I read advice that says to play games.