by Tara Diane

I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time trying to come up with a fricking amazing, super simple macaroni and cheese recipe. I thought I had it perfected last year, but recent revisions have proven otherwise. So, I am sharing with you, because I love you so much, my favorite artery hardening formula for cheesy pasta fatty goodness.



I apologize for the lack of sex jokes and scantily-clad attire in this post – it’s been a long week, guys! Besides, this macaroni and cheese is sexy enough.

What You’ll Need:

• A standard sized box of dried shell pasta


• 2 cups milk, cream, or half and half (whatever is in the fridge is fine, though I prefer half and half)


• 4 oz. cream cheese (half a block)


• 4 oz. smoked provolone cheese


• 4-6 oz. sharp cheddar cheese (a little extra cheese never hurt anyone)


• 1 tsp. salt


• 2 tbsp. flour

1. Grate or chop up your provolone and cheddar cheeses. I bought sliced provolone because I’m lazy as shit. You don’t have to cut/grate it that finely, something around pea-sized or a little larger is fine. DO NOT buy pre-grated cheese! There are added ingredients to prevent pre-grated cheese from caking, and it’s a fucking disaster if you put into a hot cream sauce (it makes these gross chunks that look like mini tapioca pearls in bubble tea).

2. In a medium sized pot, pour in your 2 cups of milk/cream and the two tablespoons of flour. Make sure the flour is very thoroughly mixed in or else you will get nasty chunks when it heats up. Turn the heat on about medium and stir frequently.

3. In a large pot, make your pasta. I’m not going to tell you step-by-step how to make pasta. Heat, water, pinch of salt, add pasta, cook pasta, drain pasta. I have faith that you can handle that!

4. When your milk/cream starts to boil, add in four ounces of cream cheese (don’t worry about cutting it up). Stir until the cream cheese is melted and you can feel the sauce thicken up a bit. Turn heat down to low.





5. Add in your cheddar and provolone. Mix and slowly stir until it looks like sex. Turn off the heat and let it cool/thicken for about five minutes, stirring occasionally.



6. Pour your cheese sauce over the pasta and stir.



7. Have a mouth orgasm.

Have a good non-lowfat week :].