By Edward Kelly

It starts innocently enough. A woman with red hair and a nervous smile sits in a non-descript room where the lighting is perfunctory at best. Behind her the wall is textured and yellow-ish. The woman rifles through an off-camera plastic bag. She holds up a receipt showing that the product in the bag was purchased recently (if memory serves, the timestamp on the receipt read August 30, 2010, around 2:45 p.m.).

The video is eight minutes long and therefore above average for something on YouTube. I’ve described the first minute or so because, since I saw it, the woman in the video, Karen Alloy (a popular YouTube vlogger with the user name “Spricket24″), has changed the settings and the video is now logged as private. If the description above sounds downright banal, well, that’s because it is. In fact if it weren’t for the title I would’ve bailed on it after the first 15 seconds. But the title of this video is “How To Take A Pregnancy Test” and thus I am in it for the long haul.



In the era in which we live, Internet-speak has become commonplace. If I say “I tweeted it” or “let’s skype” or “just google it,” you probably know what I’m talking about. I mean, hell, this is being posted on a blog, a noun that Microsoft Word is underscoring with its passive aggressive red squiggly line. I’m okay with these 21st century additions to the English language, but for some reason the word “vlog” makes me cringe. There’s something about the sound of it-the “V” mixed with the “guh” at the end-that evokes an image of a monster in an awful JRR Tolkien knock-off.

I’m not sure how I feel about vlogs and vloggers. I’m ready to admit that I don’t “get” it, even though I should. Vlogging is basically a video diary. I like diaries. I like people who are willing to express themselves in innovative ways. I love social media. But there’s just something about vlogging and vloggers that feels uncomfortably rooted in narcissism.



[Ascii Suicide in Video Arena]

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Let’s be honest: all art has its roots in narcissism. Narcissism is what makes singers try to hit the high note; it’s what makes writers so sure that their 800 page sci-fi romance epic is important on a societal level; it’s what makes comedians get back on stage after bombing night after night. Believing that what you are doing is important enough that other people need to see/hear/read it is essential to doing it. If you don’t believe in it, then why do it?

Well, it could be fame, of course. All artists want to be recognized for their contributions but somewhere along the line we started to bastardize the definition for “celebrity.” “Celebrity” used to mean “someone to celebrate.” These days however it basically means “anyone famous for virtually any reason.”

Which is where things get icky for vloggers. Sure, there are several vloggers who seemingly are trying to elevate the vlogging to an art form. But many have given up on the idea of a “video diary” in favor of weekly skits. Popular YouTuber Natalie Tran favors Seinfeld-ian observations while another poster, Craig Benzine, prefers expertly edited site gags and absurdist ideas.

For most of her videos, Alloy (Spricket24) follows the light-hearted standard of vloggers and doesn’t really bother to get too personal. She usually addresses the hot topics of the day, includes lots of quick edits, and is sometimes pretty funny. Alloy is a “full time” vlogger (according to this video), which apparently is a job. She’s also an Emmy winner, which apparently means you can get an award for that type of thing now. Her videos consistently get tens of thousands of views and, as best I can tell, she’s able to support her three children with the money she makes. She’s a photogenic goofball usually, which made “How To Take A Pregnancy Test” all the more fascinating.

As I said before, Alloy has since made the pregnancy test video private, so the rest of my recap is being done from memory. Exact quotes are not possible and are only as accurate as my memory.

The video continues and she says she’s “documenting this for documenting purposes” which is kind of redundant but okay. She uses an EPT Test and fills in the viewer that one line means not pregnant and two means she is. Eventually she mutes the sound and adds subtitles like “I’m peeing!” when she’s urinating on the stick. She turns the sound back on and sighs as she waits for the results to appear.

She holds up the test to the camera: two lines.

“Shit,” she says in small, worried voice. “What am I going to do?”

She then recovers with some more nervous laughs and a lot of smiles. She tells the viewer that she expected such a result since her period has been worryingly late and she’s had morning sickness.

Before it was made private, the video went viral. I saw it on AVClub.com’s Videocracy section. Comments both there and on YouTube have been…well, you know how reasonable people on the Internet can be. Obviously, they responded with only the most thoughtful and engaging ideas. Yes, it was a regular Algonquin Round Table, with anonymous users respectfully debating each other about this new and controversial idea.

Ha ha. JK. They called her a slut. A lot.

Alloy wasn’t on my radar before the pregnancy test video, but since then I’ve tried to watch some of her previous vlogs. As I said, they were generally typical of the YouTube community and rarely had anything truly interesting to say about anything at all.

Ever thus the interest, Lebowski. The pregnancy video might have been simply a way to garner some controversy and jack up the viewership. Or it could have been a genuine moment put online for reasons I will never understand. If it was the latter, then it just may rank as the best and most daring work to ever grace YouTube’s tiny video window. If it was the former, well, you can’t say it didn’t work, because here I am writing about it.

I hope it was the latter, to be honest. I like the idea that Alloy made this video and didn’t bother to play a character or have some elaborate premise or bitch about traffic or something. It was just a woman dealing with something that a lot of women have to go through. Her response felt genuine and genuine moments are rare, especially on the World Wide Web.

The more you think about the video the more complicated it gets. Like, does it mean that her subscribers were privy to this information before the father was? What happens in a few years from now when the fetus is old enough to click a mouse and see the video? Is that when narcissism has gone too far?

And if the goal of art is to raise questions then congratulations, Ms. Alloy, you’re an artist all the way.

At least, I hope you are.