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  • FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 3 2010 11:41 AM

What’s Your Porn Pact?

Submitted by designerofdoom

Edited by SG_Blog

Tags: Blog, Relationships, Society, porn, privacy

by Dan Tabor

I once had a fiancé who would only allow Hentai and “approved” porn in the house; that was the pact after finding my cache stashed on our shared PC one day. On the exact opposite end of the spectrum, I also dated a girl who didn’t believe porn should exist, or be viewed in a house where a couple was living together, so essentially our house became a complete porn demilitarized zone.

But, with the proliferation of pornography in our culture and the general acceptance of it, the porn pact is fast becoming something that is better settled sooner than later in most relationships. Much like how you’re going to split the bills, this mutual understanding of porn and the rules concerning it within the relationship has simply become a fact of life.

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[July Suicide in Almost Golden]

Depending on the gender of your significant other, the conversation can go either way. With guys it’s usually not a hot-topic issue, but with women there are often times comfort levels to keep in mind when dealing with porn. This is due to the depiction of women in some forms of pornography and their ability to accept the fantasy versus reality argument in dealing with these depictions at times.

Also, while some may see it as simply a means to an end and even enjoy it with their partners, some partners with lower self-esteem may view it as direct competition. Jealously is not an uncommon emotion to develop here in these instances.

So, while your first instinct may be to hide your porn folder, possibly 20 folders deep in your system directory to avoid the conversation altogether. Once that deception is discovered it then may then turn into a breach of trust situation, which is a much more serious offense altogether; and quite possibly could enter break up territory as well.

The rule of thumb in this matter is once your significant other has reached a point in the relationship where they may have unsupervised access to your house and or computer, it’s time to open that dialog and start that discussion. Consideration is paramount for your partner and just opening that conversation to the floor will lead to a much more open and healthy relationship. Because while the conversation maybe uncomfortable at first, the understanding that comes with the pact once it’s formed will make for a much happier stronger relationship in the long run.

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mydogfarted

mydogfarted

Oakland, NJ
June 2003

SEP 03, 2010 12:06 PM

I met my wife on SG, so it is kind of hard to hide it. We shop for porn together, watch it together, and will often share links to porn we think the other would like.

Louis_XIV

Louis_XIV

France
August 2007

SEP 03, 2010 01:00 PM

I pray that my dear and pious wife, Madame de Maintenon, will never find out that I am hiding a bizarre apparatus in my cellar which uses some strange thunderbolt-witchcraft from a godless future to create illusions of paintings depicting naked women in shameless poses, some of them blaspheming by wearing religious symbols on their naked skin, some of them beeing covered with satanic symbols like succubi.
For if ever she discovers this, I will be a dead king, for sure.

CoyoteMike

CoyoteMike

Iowa City, IA
May 2006

SEP 03, 2010 01:02 PM

Louis_XIV said:
If ever my dear and pious wife, Madame de Maintenon, finds out that I am hiding a bizarre apparatus in my cellar which uses some strange witchcraft from a godless future to create illusions of paintings depicting naked women in shameless poses, some of them blaspheming by wearing religious symbols on their naked skin, some of them beeing covered with diabolic symbols like succubi, I will be a dead king, for sure.



She might be into it. There has to be some reason she needs so many ladies in her room with her at night . . .

PRockGirlScout

PRockGirlScout

Portland, OR
October 2005

SEP 03, 2010 01:08 PM

Depending on the gender of your significant other, the conversation can go either way. With guys it’s usually not a hot-topic issue, but with women there are often times comfort levels to keep in mind when dealing with porn.



Really? In my experience, guys tend to be a lot touchier about their porn.

This is due to the depiction of women in some forms of pornography and their ability to accept the fantasy versus reality argument in dealing with these depictions at times.



Huh? Where are you getting these theories, exactly? confused


Jensen

Jensen

SUICIDEGIRL

Texas, USA

SEP 03, 2010 03:09 PM

Yeah... I think men are more touchy about the idea of women masturbating/watching porn than women are about men masturbating/watching porn. Maybe that's just me.

CoyoteMike

CoyoteMike

Iowa City, IA
May 2006

SEP 03, 2010 03:15 PM

TaraDiane said:
Yeah... I think men are more touchy about the idea of women masturbating/watching porn than women are about men masturbating/watching porn. Maybe that's just me.



But the question is, why do you think that?

Rafi

Rafi

Santa Monica, CA
January 2003

SEP 03, 2010 05:07 PM

designerofdoom said:
by Dan Tabor

I once had a fiancé who would only allow Hentai and “approved” porn in the house; that was the pact after finding my cache stashed on our shared PC one day. On the exact opposite end of the spectrum, I also dated a girl who didn’t believe porn should exist, or be viewed in a house where a couple was living together, so essentially our house became a complete porn demilitarized zone.



These don't sound like opposite ends of the spectrum at all. surreal

Nixon

Nixon

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

SEP 03, 2010 09:30 PM

Rafi said:


These don't sound like opposite ends of the spectrum at all. surreal



That was my first thought. That's the same end, dude.

This article is like "How dysfunctional is your relationship?" Yes, there are relationships where the only 'porn pact' is that we get to switch off who picks it if we're both watching.

MrCrisp

MrCrisp

I'm lost
August 2004

SEP 03, 2010 09:59 PM

Evercunt said:

Depending on the gender of your significant other, the conversation can go either way. With guys it’s usually not a hot-topic issue, but with women there are often times comfort levels to keep in mind when dealing with porn.



Really? In my experience, guys tend to be a lot touchier about their porn.



MisterSatan

MisterSatan

Portland, OR
August 2002

SEP 03, 2010 10:05 PM

They should just rename the Newswire to "Sweeping Generalization-Land".

toothpickmoe

toothpickmoe

Los Angeles, CA
May 2004

SEP 03, 2010 10:06 PM

I think one of the assumed tenants of this article and many like it is "YOUR LOVER WILL SNOOP THROUGH YOUR PERSONAL SHIT, SO HIDE IT UNLESS YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO RUN SCREAMING." or, conversely "LET YOUR LOVER KNOW WHAT A DEPRAVED FUCKER YOU ARE FROM MINUTE ONE SO WHEN THEY INEVITABLY GO SNOOPING (snoopy porn, really?) THROUGH YOUR PERSONAL SHIT IT'S NO BIG."

How about this: we all get off differently, and that comes out in the wash at one point or another. Masturbation is a hugely personal thing (shocker!) that you may or may not get to share with your significant other, but it doesn't make it wrong.

Why do articles like this seem like they're trying to make me feel okay about something that's "wrong" all the time? It's self-love, we all (should) do it.

That's not to say we all do (you poor non-masturbating bastards). Obviously not, or these articles wouldn't be written by the bushel. But it's just fucking masturbation, people. Get the fuck over it and fuck for fuck's sake if you're so fucked up about it.

All this shit is fun, why do we make it so fucking hard? That's what she said...

toothpickmoe

toothpickmoe

Los Angeles, CA
May 2004

SEP 03, 2010 10:07 PM

MisterSatan said:
They should just rename the Newswire to "Sweeping Generalization-Land".


Or, you know, that.

Louis_XIV

Louis_XIV

France
August 2007

SEP 04, 2010 02:49 AM

Evercunt said:
Really? In my experience, guys tend to be a lot touchier about their porn.



Or maybe, non-SG-members tend to be touchier about porn than SG members ?



RudieCantFail

RudieCantFail

I'm lost
January 2006

SEP 04, 2010 03:03 AM

Louis_XIV said:
I pray that my dear and pious wife, Madame de Maintenon, will never find out that I am hiding a bizarre apparatus in my cellar which uses some strange thunderbolt-witchcraft from a godless future to create illusions of paintings depicting naked women in shameless poses, some of them blaspheming by wearing religious symbols on their naked skin, some of them beeing covered with satanic symbols like succubi.
For if ever she discovers this, I will be a dead king, for sure.



But how does the Queen feel about His Majesty's dalliances with Mademoiselle de La Vallière, Madame de Montespan, and Mademoiselle de Fontanges, among others?

Darke

Darke

Columbia, MO
June 2005

SEP 04, 2010 03:22 AM

Is the relationship really that open and healthy if you have to devote lengthy time to setting parameters on your masturbation habits? Porn Pact? really?

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