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  • THURSDAY AUGUST 19 2010 3:52 AM

Using The Word “Friend” As A Weapon

Submitted by chrissypedia

Edited by SG_Blog

Tags: Blog, Relationships, Society, friendship, social networking

by Christine Dinh

We all know the phrase “We can still be friends, right?” ranks up there as one of the worst phrases one person can say to another person. (Don’t even get me started on that. We were never friends to begin with before whatever the heck we were happened, ass.)

In addition to pseudo-romantical relations, we’ve all at one point in our lives used the word “friend” as a loaded weapon. In junior high, my sister and I would trade our friendship for requests with my younger cousin. If he wanted to be friends, he would have to go downstairs and grab us a snack pack.



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[Gossip Girls]

In college, during an ethics hearing between myself and two other sorority sisters, our Facebook friendship status, or lack of, played a heavy part in deciding which sister displayed the most unsisterly behavior. If we’re not friends on Facebook, we were not friends in real life. (I know; you can judge.)

Today, I was referred to as a “friend,” and not in the “She’s my ‘friend’ and not girlfriend” type of way. But more of a “You’d really be my ‘friend’ if you meet these expectations” sort of thing.

What does a friend even mean nowadays? Is it a single soul dwelling in two bodies as Aristotle claims?

Going through my Facebook friends, Twitter lists, and IM buddies, I probably could only count out enough people who fit that statement on one hand.

Where do these other people fit in, and why are a majority of them “friends” and not friends?

It appears in the business of give and take which we refer to as friendships, the goods are no longer things like comfort, trust, support, understanding, etc. In fact, in today’s social world, friendships seem to operate on a barter system similar to the one I placed upon my cousin. If you were Gretchen Wieners, you understood queen bee Regina George’s friendship and popularity carried the price of your loyalty and obedience. And there are those who think of a “friend” and see their name on a tight guest list, an “in” into the company or girl of their dreams, an audience to listen to them talk, the ticket to a new life and a bunch of other unfriendlike reasons.

I’m nostalgic for the days when a friend was my catcher in the rye. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty certain my friend tank is full at the moment.

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Comments
Alfaduetto

Alfaduetto

Greeneville, TN
May 2004

AUG 20, 2010 10:10 AM

Obviously you don't know what the word "friend" means either by the description of your own behavior. confused

Dance_Zanky

Dance_Zanky

USA
October 2009

AUG 20, 2010 10:38 AM

Great article, most people won't admit it, and are often in denial of their own subconsciousness. You really described what the word means in todays high speed acquaintance laden society. In any where but a small town, too many people have learned the hard way, trying to be a real friend to everyone is asking to be the carpet everyone dances upon.

alf1385

alf1385

Killeen, TX
February 2010

AUG 20, 2010 10:58 AM

Good article. Good friends are hard as hell to find. Seems like the more online everyone gets the harder it is to form a true friendship.

WordForrest

WordForrest

Boulder, CO
June 2006

AUG 20, 2010 11:56 AM

alf1385 said:
Seems like the more online everyone gets the harder it is to form a true friendship.



I don't know how true this statement is. Some of this is nomenclature; what so many people today call friends simply used to be called acquaintances. Has anyone ever had 200 or more friends? No, and among our friends, those same souls in different bodies, nothing should be taken for granted. Even Thoreau was pissed at Emerson for a time.

I don't think we generally have fewer friends today because of Facebook or the Internet. There's nothing but shaky anecdotal evidence for that. It's more likely that, if indeed we have fewer friends, it's simply due to business or mobility. Real friends do take time; one has to be committed, to be involved.

Still, real friends are out there, probably a few for everybody. Facebook is what it is: A social network. It's simply catchier to say, "Friend me," rather than, "Social network me."

cudnovati

cudnovati

Mexico
January 2005

AUG 20, 2010 12:12 PM

Nice article, even in this SG virtual micro universe you can see at all times how jaded and worn out the concept of friendship is. everything is so superficial, its ridiculous.

triplegold

triplegold

Burbank, CA
August 2005

AUG 20, 2010 01:31 PM

Very well said.

HandSolo

HandSolo

Zimbabwe
November 2005

AUG 20, 2010 03:28 PM

yeah... i dont really do the online "friend" deal..
and i tend to keep to the people i really know these days.
i for one dont "need" any new "friends"
who has the time?
besides.... most people are not worth knowing.
imho.
confused

Olafthedestroyer

Olafthedestroyer

Blairsville, PA
October 2006

AUG 20, 2010 03:28 PM

I like this article. I have 3 friends, and many acquaintances. It is unfortunate, but such is life these days. A classmate told me the other day; "A true friend is one that will visit you in the hospital, or prison."

tohidemyhurt

tohidemyhurt

USA
May 2010

AUG 21, 2010 07:52 AM

what a strange thing it is! the whole friend concept is often a head game (especially if it is the bullshit variety as with a girl it won't work out with: we will still be friends!!) but, if you just simplify it down to basic love, things become more clear. a real friend can't really hurt us and we can't hurt them, no matter what gets said. real friendship is eternal and despite maybe many years of not seeing each other is never dormant feeling. it is eternal, can't be killed, and thanks to the fucked up nature of the human condition, rare. My three cents! nice blog, Christine.

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