Gentlemen, we are in the midst of an epidemic. No, it’s not Flying Pig Flu; it’s not penicillin-resistant syphilis; it’s not masturbation induced hairy-palmism.

It’s Creepiness.

Internet creepiness. This comes in many forms:

Douchebagery: Symptoms of douchebaggery include an undeserved sense of self-importance, bragging about sexual prowess, forgetting that internet women are real people, and a proclivity to show a disembodied erect penis.

Stalkerism: Symptoms of stalkerism include premature proclamations of love, defensiveness, and bad poetry.

Sexcreeperism: Symptoms of sexcreeperism include requests of sexual acts by the female in question, a sense of entitlement (a.k.a. “I paid my $4, now spread yer pussy!!”), and model-casting calls for their “professional” photo-shoots. Untreated sexcreeperism can lead to kidnapperotamies.

Assholery: Symptoms of assholery include spamming, starting threads that are going to “change the site”, whining about cliques, and generally acting like they are better than everyone else.

Pityrosis: Symptoms of pityrosis include complaining about always being the friend to hot girls, whining about being a virgin, and putting complete strangers on a pedestal.

Gentlemen, we must fight this plague. The consequences could be dire. If we do not defeat Creepiness, we might as well all get fitted for polo shirts and make appointments for spray-tans. So, gents, it is time for a simple guide to combat the rampant creep-factor.

1. Don’t expect instant insider-status. The people who have been on a site for a time have developed relationships, just like they would in real life. Some love each other, some hate each other, and some spend all their time trading double entendres. These are not exclusive cliques. These are just groups of friends who like each other. Don’t expect instant acceptance, but also don’t think that there is a wall between yourself and veteran members. At one point or another, all of them were new, and had to make new friends. Take your time, relax, and don’t get bent out of shape if you get flamed a bit. It is just a bit of trial by fire.

2. Treat everyone with respect. These ARE real people, no matter that they are on the other end of a computer connection. They do not exist just for your own pleasure, and insulting them will result in a variety of responses, from flaming to banning. Behave as if we could tell your mother what you’ve done.

3. Don’t expect others to change for you. Maybe there is something about a website that you do not like. That is bound to happen. Deal with it. If it bothers you too much, go elsewhere. The website existed before you, and it will exist after you take your ball and go home.

4. Get the lay of the land. Look around at what sort of topics get good responses, and which end in tears. If you think of something clever, look around to see if you are the first one, or if 20 other people have done the same thing. Find out how the website works, how to search, and the true purposes of the various areas of the site.

As online communities grow, we must keep in mind that they ARE communities, very much like any other gathering of people. There are rules, both spoken and unspoken that are specific to that society, and transgression of those rules will have consequences. That is not to say that you cannot try something new and different. Just be smart about it.

Or, to put it simply . . . Be a Gentleman.