Good afternoon, Gentlemen. So nice of you to join me.



I know many of you are not comfortable here, but the mall is where we must venture in these trying times if we wish to stop wearing animal skin loin cloths.

Gentlemen. We need to talk about your clothes.

Now, before anyone complains, I am not talking about your day to day clothes. It is not up to me, nor anyone else, to comment on what anyone else wears for their usual activities. If you feel the urge to wear 4 polo shirts in layers, with all the collars popped, that is up to you.

No, Gentlemen, we need to talk about dressing appropriately for special occasions.

For many of us, when it comes to a special occasion, we’re at a loss. We know we can’t get away with jeans and a t-shirt, but we’re not sure where to go or what to get. Before we know it, we wind up at a formal wedding looking like we’re about to step on the 1st tee.



Now, the man in that photo is dressed perfectly fine for most things. He’s ready to go pick up the kids, to go antiquing, or to shop for a new minivan. He is not ready to stand next to a woman who has spent hours on her hair and makeup, shopped for a new dress, shoes, and handbag to match, and who wants to be proud of who she is with.

Like I said, I am not here to criticize your day to day clothes. I’ve long given up that hope. But I can offer a few suggestions that will allow a Gentleman to dress for any occasion, without breaking his budget or turning himself into a walking mannequin.

As every woman should have her little black dress, every man should have at least one suit. I do not mean a business suit. Those are meant to convey some sense of authority, and really very dull and uncomfortable to wear.

No, I am talking about the type of suit that makes you feel good about how you look. That makes you feel like standing up a little straighter, looking the bartender in the eye and asking for the private stock.

There are several aspects of the suit that need to be considered before purchase.

1. Color

Solid color suits are for the boardroom. For this suit, you are going to want to go with some sort of subtle pattern within the weave. Nothing outlandish, and certainly nothing in plaid. The key word is subtle.

Black suits are never a good choice. They make a man look like he is here for the body, and would the widow please sign the receipt?

Navy is good, but it is almost too businesslike. Earth-tones work for some complexions, but not all. If you go for a gray, darker is better than lighter. Do not go for a light colored suit unless you live somewhere that is warm year-round.

I’m afraid that this is not a process that can be rushed, or done alone. You will need a second opinion. But, remember, this is your suit, and if you like how something looks on you, nobody else’s opinion really counts.

Cut:

I hear all sorts of things about Italian cuts, French cuts, Athletic cuts. These only fit a certain type of body, and most of us don’t have that sort. An Italian cut works best for men who are under 5’10”, slim build, and look like they should be dealing blackjack in Atlantic city. The French cut is similar, but in Vegas. The Athletic cut has more to do with arm-size than anything else.

Fit:

The truth is, finding the right cut is not as important as finding the right fit. This can be achieved in two ways:

1. You can find a store that still custom tailors suits for men. This may cost a bit more, but it will still be less than a new video game system.

2. You can buy a suit off-the-rack at a department store and have it fitted to you elsewhere.

If you go with option 2, there are several steps to be taken. First, make sure the pants fit well. That is the plus of a department store; you can mix and match. Remember that pleats are out (hopefully forever) and that the pockets should be able to stay closed when you’re standing. Don’t worry about the length. Buy them too long.

For the jacket, try on several in the color you want, until you find one that is just slightly too big on you. Jackets are sized by the chest and the height of the wearer. I wear a 52 Long. Long means I am over 6 feet tall. Regular goes between 5’7 and 5’11 or so. Short is for anyone shorter. If you are in the extremes in height, one way or the other, you will have to have custom work done.

Once you have your jacket, do some phone work. Most tuxedo rental places employ a tailor, and will be happy to fit your suit to your body for a price. This is why you should buy slightly too big and slightly too long in the pants. It gives the tailor something to work with.

Flair:

No, I don’t mean buttons. Flair means making a statement with your clothes. This is often difficult with a suit, as it is designed in a single color scheme. You will need a splash of color to set it off. A pocket square, a tie, a vest, and your socks are the regions that can be utilized. Do this with some class. Donald Duck should never be on a tie. And I really don’t want to see fishing lures around your ankles. But, don’t be scared of pink. It can be striking.

When you have your suit, take care of it. A good suit should last you several years, and the jacket several more after the pants have given up the ghost. Keep that in mind when buying. You will want a jacket that looks good when worn with other types of pants as a sport coat.

Men’s fashion changes slowly. Oh, sure, there are always new things coming out of Paris and New York, but I have noticed something. The fashion designers, the ones who make the clothes, the ones who have the world’s best tailors at their beck and call, do not wear their own designs. They wear either the classic plain t-shirt, or a simple, well-made suit. Ignore articles like this from GQ magazine. Their suggestions only work if you are exactly 5’10” and 157 lbs.

Other than the suit, there are a few basics all men should have on-hand, as the occasion warrants.

The Plain T-shirt: I know, everybody wants to wear band shirts, or something with a funny saying. But a plain, single-color t-shirt holds a classiness that cannot be touched by something with a smiling bunny on the front.
Jeans: I don’t mean the ones that hang off your ass and show everybody your business. A well-fitted, un-holed pair, matched with a sturdy leather belt will make you look less like a teenage punk and more like a man to be respected.

Shoes: Make sure you have shoes, and a belt, to match your suit. Black with most colors, brown with earth-tones. Make sure they are comfortable, they fit well, and learn how to polish them.

A Raincoat: In case you would prefer not to get your suit wet.

What not to wear:

I have been asked by some of the ladies to give a few examples of what not to wear. Here is the short version:

1. Tight pants with baggy boxers. If you insist on wearing your girlfriend’s pants, don’t wear your drawers bunched up underneath. It makes you look like you’re wearing a diaper.

2. Women’s clothes. It is all well and good for trans-gendered persons to wear clothes of the opposite sex. But, for the rest of us, please don’t. Women’s jeans are cut differently than men’s . . . particularly in one place where a seam can be pretty painful.

3. “Fashion”. Trying to keep up with all the latest styles is exhausting and a waste of time. It is also dangerous, since, if you aren’t careful, you could end up wearing pants designed with the crotch somewhere around your knees.

4. Polo Shirts. Polo shirts have a place in this world. Popped collars do not. A polo shirt is appropriate for golfing, playing polo, or a run to McDonalds with your kids. And Jersey, but Gentlemen do not speak about such things.

5. “Products”. This is not about clothes, but it is about how you look. When you are wearing more hair gel, perfume, deodorant, and makeup than your date, you need to rethink things.

6. Jewelry. Please, gentlemen, keep it simple and subtle. A wedding ring is classy. A big gold ring with a stone, a matching bracelet, and a big watch scream “used car salesman”. A simple watch, well made but not flashy, is much better. It is up to you to decide about piercing and the like.

To close, getting dressed appropriately is simple, if you pay attention. If you are going to an event with a female, match her level of dressiness. If she is wearing a gown, don’t bring out your cargo pants and old Green Day t-shirt.

Keep it classy, Gentlemen.