I don’t wanna sound like a queer or nothin’, but I can’t get enough of Progressive Insurance commercials. Specifically Flo.

Ah. Flo. You’re geeky, you’re funny, you never flirt to make your sale. You joke without being suggestive, you encourage without being dumb, and you're cute without being a stereotype sex symbol.

You are what I want to be, Flo.

Whenever someone says “class clown” people almost never imagine a girl. Class clown is the insecure boy who gets attention and connects to people by making them laugh. He rarely has looks or sports (sometimes he has brains) to fall back on, so he survives how he can. Every once in a while, a teen movie is made showing him getting the girl - although the end of Pretty In Pink always baffled me, as Duckie had been Andie's BFF and love-riddled torch carrying slave for years, and at the end some random girl sweeps him off his feet. But I digress.

I was the funny one in school. One of them, anyway. I was painfully shy, dateless, and almost-good-enough-but-not-quite in academics (smart, but not in the top 10 of my class), sports (member of the track team that never EVER won a meet), and even theater (stage manager, baby! I wasn’t a star, but I knew when the props needed to go onstage!). I felt most confident was when I was being funny.

Humor is a tough thing. In sports, when you fail, it’s often because someone is better than you. Or the team you play with has a weakness. When you try to look pretty, well, anyone can look presentable with a shower, a comb, and some well-fitting clothes. Even in academics, when you fail in a test, you’re not on stage, failing in front of everyone. But when you try to pull off the class clown act, you’re essentially saying, “Hey everyone, look at me! Now that I have your attention, you are required to laugh!” And if they don’t… ohhhh… there’s nothing to save you. You haven’t been beaten by someone stronger, you haven’t shown up at the prom with a rip in the ass of your dress, and you haven’t had your SAT scores posted to the gym wall.

Luckily now we have more and funnier women comics than ever before who are proving to be good role models too. Ellen Degeneres still rules the morning talk show circuit. Funny TV writing seems dominated by women these days: Tina Fey of 30 Rock, Mindy Kaling of The Office, and Amy Poehler of Parks and Recreation (AND also the best show on for little girls, The Mighty B), are all women who make their mark through humor and wits. They’re inspirational to those of us who wanted to make people laugh and were dismayed when our looks got factored into our worth.

But Flo. Ahh. Flo. I don’t wanna sound queer or nothin', but every time she gets wacky, I get a little warm.

Even when she gets a little too wacky, when she’s playing her noisemaker song just a little too long and you start to cringe. Then she looks up with a clever mix of pride and humility at the same time and says, “I wrote that.” She wants to save up money to trick out her name tag. And yet she knows when to calm the customers down, when they get too excited about insurance.

I love Flo. That’s all there is to it. She has the confidence and humor without having to rely on playing dumb or ramping up sex appeal. I admire this woman, I study her in her little commercials. I want to write fanfic about her. Because you know that when the zombie apocalypse comes, and the Progressive Insurance building is under assault, blockaded and cheerfully boarded up, Flo will be there to save the day. She'll find a cache of weapons, keep everyone's spirit up, and blow some zombies back to hell, all the while being fun, proud and a little humble at the same time.

"Holy fucking shit, Flo, you pulverized that zombie!" Bob the customer says.

Flo smiles and looks down. "It's not my first time."

"Great. I think I've changed my mind on that additional zombie horde insurance."

Flo perks up. "I'll ring you up!"

Now, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but Flo is my kind of woman. And if I can't make sweet love to her, I will endeavor to be like her. And, uh, not in a Talented Ms. Flo kind of way, either.

Really.

Promise.

I swear on my tricked-out name tag.



Mur Lafferty is an author and podcaster who recently released her first novel, Playing For Keeps. She Speaks Geek every month on SuicideGirls.com. Click HERE for more of Mur's musings.