You should be able to get punched in the head if you'd like. Or you could just vicariously enjoy watching someone else get hit in such a manner if that's your thing. But you may not be permitted to do so, depending on your ZIP code. For example, a bill that's been floating in the New York State Legislature would have legalized mixed martial arts clashes. But this year's legislative session ended Monday without action on the proposal.

It was one of the results of the state government's power struggle, where two disgustingly worthless parties battle over who gets to mangle the Empire State next. The legalized fighting measure failed to pass due to the impasse, and as a result will likely remain stalled for awhile.

What's unbelievable is that one can't already grapple in an octagon enveloped by a chain-link fence in New York. The activity may be as dangerous as it is inelegant. But it's not a matter of good taste in athletics: it's about what individuals like to watch. We're being blocked from wallowing in whatever sweat-inducing activity we please.

Legalization of this fighting brand differs from an endorsement. Many of us find mixed martial arts to be remarkably dull despite the competitors' freedom to strike and choke at will. The bouts often seem to devolve to one gentleman crouching over another, with the dominant male swinging his fists like a metronome at the poor beta's skull.

MMA fans often cite the lack of regulations as part of its appeal. But restrictions make games interesting. By contrast, boxing aficionados enjoy their sport precisely because it has more rules. Being able to only punch the front from the waist up creates a challenge.

Similarly, if a football player could tackle anyone on the field at any moment, it would make for a lousy sport; the limitations on who can be dragged to the ground make the game what it is.

Regardless, certain people enjoy watching this particular form of staged combat. It's like operas: they resonate deeply with some even though other humans find them naturally dreadful. Similarly, many apparently enjoy man-to-man skirmishes. All that matters is that proponents think they offer a good combination of ferocity and skill.

The reason nanny governments don't allow extreme fights is because of the hazards pugilists face. But we don't need to be babysat. Every single sport exposes contestants to threats. Hockey, lacrosse, baseball, rugby, NASCAR, skiing, horse racing, and javelin catching are just some of the innumerable competitions that could result in athletes getting hurt or ceasing to live. Even chess can be lethal if you swallow your opponent's pieces as you win them. It's the fighter's choice, and problem, if he chooses to step in the arena.

Furthermore, virtually every physical human activity includes some potential peril to well-being. By the rationale of the freedom-gobbling State of New York, people should need consent to chop an onion, fix a second-story gutter, or get some.

In fact, driving to watch a sporting event is itself a calculated precarious activity; the only reason our state overlords let us operate vehicles may be so they can hawk vanity license plates. Yes, motorists need licenses, but they're interacting in public; on the other hand, competitive martial artists can only break bones and issue concussions to one other individual, specifically the foe who has chosen to engage in battle.

Voluntary hand-to-hand tangling is fun for those involved, in part since everyone is aware of the risks. The standard politician label applied to the sport, namely "human cockfighting," is of course bullshit: it's the equivalent of, say, calling politics "human monkeywanking." Actually, that may be closer to accurate.

Regardless, choosing to view or partake in the grapple-happy event is not the business of some prick allegedly representing you. Mutual snatching presented for entertainment is just another subjective form of fun. As with prostitution and pot, extreme real wrestling is an option that should be available even if many don't choose to dabble in it.

It's not as if participants are armed with chainsaws and ninja stars, although I'd tune in to such a sport if it showed up on Fox or Spike. Whether or not to follow mixed martial arts is up to you. Even if you don't like it, you should be able to attend an event in your state and decide you don't like it. While some of us think it's wise to automatically hate anything Joe Rogan loves, that's a personal call.


Anthony Bialy is SG's no-jocks-required Sweaty Pursuits sports columnist. He follows sports religiously even though he's quite bad at them. He ran cross country and played rugby in college, and was horrid at both. He schedules his life around his favorite NHL team's games, and sadly lists his alma mater winning the NCAA basketball championship as his happiest moment. He likes other things besides sports, too, and requests a minute to think of them.