I don't like to admit this, but I have moments of jealousy towards women. To a short, shy, less-than-handsome guy like myself (*), it feels like I have to work my ass off to be attractive to the opposite sex. Women just have to show up and be pretty.

There are two reasons I hate those moments. Reason one is it's embarrassing. I'm a "dating expert" by gum! I should be beyond such petty insecurities. Reason two is the ladies don't have it as easy as it sometimes appears.

Women have hosts of challenges that we guys can never hope to understand. Securing their feet into the multiple straps and buckles of shoes that could double as BDSM devices for pixies. Being hit on by guys, which isn't always as pleasant an experience as one would hope. (When it happened to me, I can't say I liked it much.) But one of the most interesting girls-only challenges is the Whoredian Knot, or as it's more popularly known, the Madonna/Whore Complex.

What makes the Riddle of the Whoredian Knot so interesting is it's a mess that guys created, but women are expected to clean up (Also see: The Laundry Hamper Problem, the Dirty Dishes Problem, the If-You-Won't-Swallow-I'll-Come-In-Your-Hair-Problem...).

Now I'm not saying women don't judge other women. On the contrary, they police each other with Gestapo-like efficiency. From political fundraisers to strip clubs, women have an Acceptable Sluttiness Index for any social situation and woe betide the female who drifts too far from the baseline.

This is not what I'm talking about. Women deal with these problems in-house. The Slut Police are a feminist issue

What I'm talking about is guys splitting women into categories based on the way they dress, their real or imagined sexual history, or the decisions they make for fun and/or profit.

I hear it all the time. Most guys aren't even aware they're doing it. But here are some actual quotes from actual guys for you to consider:

So? When did sweetness and sexual freedom become mutually exclusive?

Ah, the dreaded 'like that.' Two words that say it all without saying anything.

This rarely happens to guys. A man can sleep around, enjoy a monogamous relationship or even remain celibate (voluntarily or otherwise) and no one will use that information to infer anything significant about his character.

Gentlemen, it is time to undo the Whoredian Knot...and I'll tell you why.

When you split the women in your life into Madonnas and Whores like sandlot baseball teams, you are causing them needless difficulties. You are also causing unnecessary problems for yourself.

We'll start with Team Slut since they're the easiest (no pun intended). Making a woman feel cheap or used or badly about herself is a lousy thing to do. It's even worse if she's in a position where she doesn't have much choice but to take it. No, the waitress can't pay her rent with your slap on her ass.

But you aren't doing the Madonnas any favors either. When you treat a woman as being more virtuous or more pure than other people, you are putting pressure on her to be someone she isn't. Guess what? She can't do it. Guess what else? She is going to resent you for putting her in that position.

Sexually speaking, you are going to be the one who pays. Those women you treat like sluts? They might be having sex with multiple guys, but I guarantee none of them will be you. Meanwhile, the Madonnas are so busy trying to live up to your saintly image of them, that they are reluctant to bring up their fantasy about dressing up like a schoolgirl and giving you a lap dance or sharing you with a Swedish supermodel.

Any time you let judgment get between you and another human being, you are hurting both them and yourself. Instead of talking to the other person, you are talking to the label you put on them, and as a result you are going to miss a lot of cool things.

There are no Madonnas. There are no sluts. There are only women. Learn to appreciate them. Many of them, after all, have both little Madonnas and little sluts living inside them and they are more than happy to show both those sides to the right guy.

Make the right guy you. You'll be glad you did. And so will she.


(*) Don't feel too badly for me. I'm also funny, a peerless conversationalist, and a fabulous kisser. The Dating Gods giveth and the Dating Gods taketh away.



Dan Brodribb is a professional stand-up comic and writer. He is currently working on a book called Dating for Shy Guys. Learn more about him at: danbrodribb.blogspot.com.