In Vassalboro, a rural community in Maine, there was a time when one gas station was your only food source within the town's borders. Hungry? You can have a donut. And coffee.

That's still all you can find, but now you can look at boobs while you eat! I recently ducked into Grand View, a new topless coffee shop in the middle of nowhere that's getting quite a lot of attention from locals and the national media alike.

The waiting line extended out into the parking lot. My companions and I made it to the serving area within a fair span. The floor probably seats around fifty or sixty people. We were greeted by—surprise!—a long-time acquaintance of mine. Our small party approved of his friendliness and his shapely man-boobs.

I was impressed to see a reasonable range of body types, with both ladies and gents working the floor. (In a recent interview, the owner stated his policy wasn't just to hire '10s'.) Our server, G., flexed and posed while I craned my neck this and that way to look past him. I hope his feelings weren't hurt.

The waitresses boasted a range of breast sizes from tiny to medium-large. All were cute, smiling, and accessibly attractive. One of the waitresses had her nipples pierced, but a trick of the light made the left barbell hard to see. I falsely called "Padiddle."

A strange phenomenon I've noticed: people seem to have transcendental expectations of Grand View. Are they looking for the finest Green Mountain Coffee experience of their lives? Do they expect to be allowed to motorboat the servers? I don't know, but reviews have ranged from disappointed to lukewarm. I found the place fun and laid back, just my style. Sure, the place serves gas station coffee and donuts, but it does so with big big smiles and big big personality and...you get my drift. I vote for a topless laundromat next. In my building. Now, please.

If you're in the area, if casual business brings anybody this far into the Maine woods, stop in and cool your heels at Grand View!