I'm a purist when it comes to meeting women. Online dating feels like cheating. Sending an email from behind a screen name and a carefully* constructed profile doesn't provide the same thrill and personal satisfaction as approaching a real live woman.

That doesn't make me too proud to do it. When it comes to getting the girl (or guy), nobody awards points for degree of difficulty. Besides, for the less experienced or more socially anxious among us, the internet is a great place to get your feet wet (I said 'feet,' pervert). It certainly did me a world of good.

Here are some tips.

1. Play to the strengths of the medium.

Below are examples of actual messages sent to an actual woman by actual guys. If you were getting dozens of messages a week, would you take the time to respond to any of these?

Put some thought into building your profile and writing your messages**. The secret is to express, as opposed to trying to impress. Let folks know who you are through the way you write and put your profile together. It takes more time up front, but pays off in the long run.

2. Remember why you're online in the first place.

For most of us, that means meeting someone to spend time with in real life. This used to be my Achilles heel. I'm a writer, and I give pretty good email. I had no problem having eloquent online conversations about my life and hopes and dreams (not to mention some red hot cybersex). The only problem was, when it came time to meet the girl, I would chicken out. Consequently, she'd get sick of me stalling and move on.

The other problem with extended online conversations is you risk building each other up in your minds to ridiculous heights. There's no way you can live up to one another's expectations when you meet in person, and you both end up disappointed. It's happened to me.

The point isn't to have the bestest email conversation ever (although a little dirty talk and suggestive pictures never hurt anybody-hint, hint). The point is to eventually meet and see if there's a spark.

3. Get used to the idea of things not working out.

This is a gross overgeneralization, but a large percentage of the online community -- especially the male percentage -- lack either social skills or social experience (Don't get cocky; YOU might very well be part of that percentage***). This means -- at the beginning at least -- things are going to go badly more often than they go right.

Sometimes it will be you. Other times it will be them. And sometimes it's just one of those things...the wrong people in the wrong place at the wrong time in their lives. Make peace with it, learn from each experience, and try not to beat yourself -- or anybody else -- up too badly.

Oh yeah. And while you're at it, try to have fun. Not only are there no points for degree of difficulty, the only score that matters is the one you give yourself. Make it the best one you can.

Good luck.


* Or not-so-carefully.

** Yes, I know my SG profile is woefully incomplete, which outs me as either a hypocrite or a person with a breathtakingly short attention span. Do as I say, not as I do.

*** I certainly was. There are enough cringe-worthy moments on my resume to make me the romantic equivalent of Jason Lee on My Name is Earl. If I ever invite a time machine, my first port of call is a suburban street corner in 1996 so I can club my younger self unconscious before he can slip a creepier-than-intended note into his romantic obsession's mailbox.


Dan Brodribb is a professional stand-up comic and writer. He is currently working on a book called Dating for Shy Guys. Learn more about him at: danbrodribb.blogspot.com.