Miss Truth Hurts: Advice That Rocks by Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna
Too embarrassed to talk to your friends about your furry fetish? Not sure when to tell your partner about those, um, nasty genital warts? Are your friends sick and tired of you running to them every time that frenemy of yours pisses you off? Not sure how to get your foot in the door of that fab new career you want? I got you covered. Miss Truth Hurts is here to answer all of your love, life, sex, career, and relationship questions. Ask anything. I've been there/done that (except for the warts) and I've dished out advice to readers just like you through the pages of my advice book/lifestyle guide, Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, and a Hotter Girlfriend, and to Living Life Like a Rock Star.
Send your questions, dilemmas, and conundrums to email: misstruthhurts@suicidegirls.com. Alternatively, SG members can send a message via the site to MissTruthHurts.
Q: I'm thinking about getting my boyfriend's initials tattooed on me somewhere, but my friends keep telling me not to do it. I know it sounds crazy because I'm 20 and we're only dating, but I don't care. What do you think?
-Unsure in Upstate New York
A: If it "sounds" crazy to you, it's because it is mother-fucking ca-ray-zeeee with a capital C! If you're boyfriend's initials are B.M. then I'd say go for it because it's a Big Mistake and that's what that B.M. will end up standing for on your sweet little derrière. If you were married and you were both getting each other's names tattooed, I'd say go for it! But, you're not. And, trust me, you'll go through many boyfriends before you find "the one" you marry and is worth marking up your body for. On the other hand, you could go the Patsy Kensit route, and serial date/marry DJs, singers and musicians exclusively (the Lethal Weapon 2 actress has hooked Dan Donovan, Jim Kerr, Liam Gallagher and Jeremy Healy, to name but a few) so you can have body art that's reminiscent of a Reading Festival flyer (just make sure it evokes a good year!). Then again, even Patsy had Liam's name scrubbed from her person post-breakup, artfully masking it with her son Lennon's name.
Q: When I'm done with college I plan to move to L.A. to pursue my lifelong dream of being a comedian, actress, and Shia LaBeouf's girlfriend. What's the best advice you would give to me as a future 22-year-old heading to Hollywood to try to make it big? P.S. I love your book Cherry Bomb!
-Starry-Eyed in St. Louis
A: Don't just move to Hollywood with stars in your eyes, dreaming of making it big, and thinking you'll be living life like a rock star the second you step off that Greyhound bus. Move here to hone your craft, work your ass off, and then if your acting or comedic chops are good enough, maybe some doors will open for you. It's a great city for comedy (you need a sense of humor to live here), so take advantage of it. Get a job at as a cocktail waitress at a comedy club. See as many stand-up shows as possible. Take improv classes with the masters. Live, eat, and breathe it and good things will come. Good luck!
Q:My BFF regularly ditches me for her more popular friends and basically uses me as a back-up friend, even though I'm supposedly her 'best friend.' I don't know if I'm being petty or paranoid or what, but she does this a lot.
-Confused in Canada
A: This girl is not your BFF. Seriously. "Fuck That Bitch" is my motto when it comes to girls like this. Move on.
Q:I read about sploshing in your book Cherry Bomb, and I want to hear more about it. At what point in a relationship is it OK to suggest trying it? And how do you broach the 'do you have any large plastic sheets or should we just use the bathroom' conversation?
-Wet n' Wild in West Hollywood
A: Sploshing can be fun, but it's not for everyone. You don't want to broach the subject on a first date, but if you've been dating for a few weeks or more and are already having sex, go for it! Bring it up casually and just say you read about it in my book and see how he reacts and take it from there. If he's up for some moist, sticky and yummy action, test the waters slowly with some well-placed whipped cream or honey, then move on to messier activities, such as laying down the plastic sheets and rolling around in cherry pies, cakes, or pudding. Personally, if you have a large tiled bathroom, that'd be the place I'd choose to play.
Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna is Suicide Girls' sex, love, and life advice columnist. She is an entertainment journalist, rock wife, and author of Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, and a Hotter Girlfriend, and to Living Life Like a Rock Star and Eyewitness Nirvana: The Day-by-Day Chronicle.
www.myspace.com/carrieborzillovrenna
www.carriebv.com
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