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Sweet Jesus, Make Them Stop!

FRIDAY MAY 9 2008 10:00 PM

Submitted by thefreak. Edited By crispy.

TAGS: Duggar Family, children, pregnancy, WTF, clown car, odd news



While many sons and daughters will be spending May 11th showering their maternal figures with flowers, cards, handmade macaroni pictures and the like as thanks for being torn asunder from quivering loins (more commonly known as "the miracle of birth"), we are inching ever so closer to Armageddon, and we have no one but the Duggar family to thank.

That's right, a new chapter is being added to the continuing adventures of Jim Bob Duggar and his semen trough cracker factory, uh, wife.

It's a happy Mother's Day for an Arkansas woman — she's pregnant with her 18th child. Michelle Duggar, 41, is due on New Year's Day, and the latest addition will join seven sisters and 10 brothers. There are two sets of twins.


Yes, you read that correctly. Eighteenth child.

For those of you playing at home, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are conservative Baptists from Arkansas. He's a real estate agent and a wannabe Republican senator (he ran in 2002 and 2006, losing both times). She's a walking fetus rotisserie. They have 17 children, who range in age from 20 (Joshua) to 9 months (Jennifer). The rest are as follows:

Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 16; Jessa, 15; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 7; James, 6; Justin, 5; Jackson, 3; and Johannah, 2.


$20 in the SG Pool says Jedidiah is the first to go gay Democrat pothead atheist. How else do you get through life with a name like "Jedidiah?"

Duggar has been been pregnant for more than 11 years of her life, and the family is in the process of filming another series for Discovery Health.


135 months to be exact. That's over 4,000 days (I am not figuring out Leap Years) of little Jesus spawn Children of the Corn, uh, healthy, happy, children, always happy, always smiling, Come and play with us. Come and play with us, Danny...*shudder* Alright, dammit. Enough is enough, I say!

When a stiff wind can blow past your va-jay-jay and make a sound resembling thunderous applause, you have a problem.

When your doctor walks out with your new baby, you have a problem.

When an Internet meme mocking the sorry state of your genitals comes into existence to the laughter of millions, you have a problem.

And yes, they have a TV show. The TV gods could've freed up some airtime for marathons of Manimal or Circus of the Stars, but oh no...

The new show looks at life inside the Duggar home, where chores — or "jurisdictions" — are assigned to each child. One episode of the new show involves a "jurisdiction swap," where the boys do chores traditionally assigned to the girls, and vice versa, Duggar said.


"Jurisdictions?" Good gravy. What's wrong with a chore wheel?

"The girls swapped jurisdictions, changing tires, working in the garages, mowing the grass," she said. "The boys got to cook supper from start to finish, clean the bathrooms," among other chores.


Reversal of outdated, stereotypical gender roles? Oh, those wacky Duggars! What crazy scheme will they think up next? Anal, perhaps?

The Duggers claim they'll keep riding bareback "as long as God wills it."

"The success in a family is first off, a love for God, and secondly, treating each other like you want to be treated," Jim Bob Duggar said. "Our goal is for each one of our children to be best friends, and everybody working together to serve each other makes that happen."


If those two close in on Daad Mohammed Murad Abdul Rahman's mark in my lifetime, so help me, I'm sharpening my zombie machete.

thefreak, in all seriousness, wishes all you moms out there in SG Land a Happy Mother's Day. And he's shopping for cheap vasectomies in Mexico.

 

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Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

West Vancouver, BC
May 2005

MAY 11, 2008 07:25 AM

Narghile said:

Bill_the_Cat said:
I'm not pushing anything, just acknowledging my personal sense of responsibility. And besides, how is it crass for me to hope that people might start exercising their personal rights and freedoms responsibly rather selfishly or thoughtlessly?



Your personal sense of responsibility is good for you, but please keep it contained to your own actions.


Why? Suddenly it's wrong to share ones personal beliefs and opinions? If so then why are you sharing yours?


Bill_the_Cat said:
My father had 9 kids in his family, I've known some families with more. Just because some people choose to have large families doesn't make it right.


And who are you to decide what is necessarily "right" or "wrong." zOMG the world isn't black and white. It's a question of the Duggar family perspective. As Wren mentioned above, they seem to be doing just fine in their exclusive family.


I'm a human being with my own moral code. The same moral code that keeps me from robbing banks or eating children.
They do seem to be doing well in their exclusive family, but it's the exclusivity of the family that I take exception to, because there's no such thing. No person or group of people is exclusive. Our actions always effect someone else, even if in only some small way.

Bill_the_Cat said:
Global population is expected to pass 9 billion in 40 years while at the same time there already isn't enough food for 854 million of the over 6.8 billion people already on the planet, a number that increases by 4 million a year- ...


Um....ok. I'm sure - quite sure indeed - that the Duggar family has no intention of denying "starving kids in Africa"[1] their daily nutrition.


They might certainly have no intention to, but they do nonetheless.

Bill_the_Cat said:
The same amount of time as it takes 20,000 square mile of once arable land to become desert. You want to talk about crass? How about adding 18 more people to a world that already can't support the needs of the ones it's got?


This couple lives in America, and does rather well in keeping their children clothed, educated, fed, and happy. Once again, this is all in perspective. Mr. and Mrs. Duggar aren't bringing these children into poverty, nor are they doing a poor job of being providers. Why heck, even their eldest son is pitching in to help the clan.


What you have just done here is demonstrate the same isolationism that perpetuates world poverty. The Duggars are indeed providing well for their family. But where does that provision come from? The world's resources are limited; finite. Anytime something is consumed from that pool of resources there is less available for everyone no matter where they are. Every dollar you put into your pocket comes out of somebody elses.

Bill_the_Cat said:
Do you want to be the one to tell 30 children in India that they're going to starve to death this year is because some nice fellow in America is afraid that if he uses a condom he'll go to hell when he dies?


Correlation does not imply causation, here. I'm sure that if I step on a butterfly in the USA, 90 kids in Nepal won't spontaneously combust, either.


No, but that would be one fewer butterfly to migrate and breed. That could mean 50 fewer next year, 2500 the next. 2500 butterflies is a lot. That could feed a sparrow for a year. A sparrow that could also migrate and breed...
The point being there is no such thing as an isolated incident. Every action has a consequence. Sometimes that consequence isn't predictable or easily preventable, but I think in the case of the Duggars it is. It's a simple subtraction equation.

Bill_the_Cat said:
So how is it ridiculous? It's ridiculous because it's thoughtless and irresponsible.



And, scene. To reiterate, The Duggar family isn't thoughtless. They adhere to the Quiverfull philosophy. The Duggar family isn't irresponsible. They divy up the chores, budget their money, and from pictures I have found, keep their children fed well, not indulged in sweets.



They may be adhering to a philosophy, but it's a philosophy of ignorance. It's a philosophy of faith without comprehension. They are adhering to an ideology without examining or questioning the potential consequences of their actions. Essentially they're having a lot of kids because they believe god wants them to. They get to have a big happy family because they can eschew thought and responsibility by putting it down to "the will of God".

MisterLinguist

MisterLinguist

Birmingham, AL
October 2005

MAY 11, 2008 07:42 AM

Bill_the_Cat said:

Narghile said:

Bill_the_Cat said:
I'm not pushing anything, just acknowledging my personal sense of responsibility. And besides, how is it crass for me to hope that people might start exercising their personal rights and freedoms responsibly rather selfishly or thoughtlessly?



Your personal sense of responsibility is good for you, but please keep it contained to your own actions.


Why? Suddenly it's wrong to share ones personal beliefs and opinions? If so then why are you sharing yours?


You're jumping to conclusions. I'm not saying it's wrong to share your opinions or your beliefs, but it is unethical to push karma on a group of people who do not believe in it (i.e. the Duggars).

Bill_the_Cat said:
My father had 9 kids in his family, I've known some families with more. Just because some people choose to have large families doesn't make it right.


And who are you to decide what is necessarily "right" or "wrong." zOMG the world isn't black and white. It's a question of the Duggar family perspective. As Wren mentioned above, they seem to be doing just fine in their exclusive family.


I'm a human being with my own moral code. The same moral code that keeps me from robbing banks or eating children.
They do seem to be doing well in their exclusive family, but it's the exclusivity of the family that I take exception to, because there's no such thing. No person or group of people is exclusive. Our actions always effect someone else, even if in only some small way.


Eating children? This thread is close to being Godwin'd.
Hippie, this family is exclusive in that it is caring for its own, alone. Sure, they aren't subsistence farming like the venerable Pygmy, but that does not mean they are doing "harm to Gaea."

Bill_the_Cat said:
Global population is expected to pass 9 billion in 40 years while at the same time there already isn't enough food for 854 million of the over 6.8 billion people already on the planet, a number that increases by 4 million a year- ...


Um....ok. I'm sure - quite sure indeed - that the Duggar family has no intention of denying "starving kids in Africa"[1] their daily nutrition.


They might certainly have no intention to, but they do nonetheless.


Show me how, without your karmic distribution flowchat, s'il vous plait.

Bill_the_Cat said:
The same amount of time as it takes 20,000 square mile of once arable land to become desert. You want to talk about crass? How about adding 18 more people to a world that already can't support the needs of the ones it's got?


This couple lives in America, and does rather well in keeping their children clothed, educated, fed, and happy. Once again, this is all in perspective. Mr. and Mrs. Duggar aren't bringing these children into poverty, nor are they doing a poor job of being providers. Why heck, even their eldest son is pitching in to help the clan.


What you have just done here is demonstrate the same isolationism that perpetuates world poverty. The Duggars are indeed providing well for their family. But where does that provision come from? The world's resources are limited; finite. Anytime something is consumed from that pool of resources there is less available for everyone no matter where they are. Every dollar you put into your pocket comes out of somebody elses.


Sir, I ask you to rephrase this with less general terms ("everyone", for example, as well as "every"). I feel so guilty now that I know that spending time online talking to you has killed 5 children in Mozambique. I feel utterly devastated. Perhaps I should just go off of the grid forever, live off the earth. But wait, the money it would take for me, or for 300 million Americans to do just that would be astronomical, and might just kill every person in the Old World by limiting their food. Godwin'd enough for you yet, Sir Extreme Example?

Bill_the_Cat said:
Do you want to be the one to tell 30 children in India that they're going to starve to death this year is because some nice fellow in America is afraid that if he uses a condom he'll go to hell when he dies?


Correlation does not imply causation, here. I'm sure that if I step on a butterfly in the USA, 90 kids in Nepal won't spontaneously combust, either.


No, but that would be one fewer butterfly to migrate and breed. That could mean 50 fewer next year, 2500 the next. 2500 butterflies is a lot. That could feed a sparrow for a year. A sparrow that could also migrate and breed...
The point being there is no such thing as an isolated incident. Every action has a consequence. Sometimes that consequence isn't predictable or easily preventable, but I think in the case of the Duggars it is. It's a simple subtraction equation.


I just farted. I'm sure the ozone layer is over 9000 times less stable now.

Bill_the_Cat said:
So how is it ridiculous? It's ridiculous because it's thoughtless and irresponsible.



And, scene. To reiterate, The Duggar family isn't thoughtless. They adhere to the Quiverfull philosophy. The Duggar family isn't irresponsible. They divy up the chores, budget their money, and from pictures I have found, keep their children fed well, not indulged in sweets.



They may be adhering to a philosophy, but it's a philosophy of ignorance. It's a philosophy of faith without comprehension. They are adhering to an ideology without examining or questioning the potential consequences of their actions. Essentially they're having a lot of kids because they believe god wants them to. They get to have a big happy family because they can eschew thought and responsibility by putting it down to "the will of God".


It's their path, man. It is their choice to do this, and no matter how unethical you see it to be, it is a viable view of life and the path to the afterlife. The Duggar family probably does question the consequences of their actions. Mr. Duggar probably just sells more and more houses to pay for more kids coming along. Mrs. Duggar is probably very keen on how to raise children by now. Moreso than you may be. We could all have something to learn from the Duggars, so let's not kneejerk admonish them, nor write them off completely until we know the entire story. smile

Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

West Vancouver, BC
May 2005

MAY 11, 2008 08:01 AM

Narghile said:
It's their path, man. It is their choice to do this, and no matter how unethical you see it to be, it is a viable view of life and the path to the afterlife. The Duggar family probably does question the consequences of their actions. Mr. Duggar probably just sells more and more houses to pay for more kids coming along. Mrs. Duggar is probably very keen on how to raise children by now. Moreso than you may be. We could all have something to learn from the Duggars, so let's not kneejerk admonish them, nor write them off completely until we know the entire story. smile



We all have something to learn from each other. I'm not condemning the Duggars as unnatural people worthy of nothing but scorn. They're probably very lovely, caring people. I simply disagree with their ideology, because it exists through the ignorance of the reality of the modern world.

Incidentally I'm glad you were amused by my extreme example. That's why I used it. biggrin

PRockGirlScout

PRockGirlScout

Hawaii National Park, HI
October 2005

MAY 11, 2008 02:01 PM

Bill_the_Cat said:

Hell yes it's selfish. Now if they were farming there children in response to the world food crisis that would be another matter.



It's no more selfish than the assholes who have one or two kids (or none) and then live in 5,000 sq. foot homes with two laundry rooms and four cars.

What do you mean by "farming their children?" Are you suggesting that people should breed labor and that so long as they are using that labor to produce food for the world, it would be acceptable?

If so,

1) Ew

2) Shortage of farmworkers is not what is causing the food shortages. whatever

Thistle

Thistle

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAY 11, 2008 02:15 PM

Bill_the_Cat said:

Thistle said:

thefreak said:

Thistle said:
I think it's a funny story too. I just think talking about the state of her vagina as though it was any of your business is uncalled for and mildly misogynistic. Surely there are other angles.


I bet if I made several jokes about his junk, you wouldn't say a thing.

-TM



I would certainly find it just as crass, but given that it wouldn't be part of a whole gigantic cultural meme of judging women mostly on their looks and ability to have sex, I would probably not call it misogynistic. What a stupid bet that would be anyway.



Would you call it misandry?
Nobody is judging her for her appearance or ability to have sex. She's being judged for her ability to bear children and her desire to to exploit that ability to a ridiculous degree.



It's quite easy to judge her for those things, which by the way I am also doing, without ever mentioning her genitals. This is like criticizing Hillary Clinton's haircut instead of her policies. Pointless and sexist.

I agree though that judgement should fall equally on him, after all intelligent child-bearing is not just the responsibility of the mother. Personally I decided when I was 12 years old that it should be my responsibility to be voluntarily sterilized after fathering 2 children. If every man accepted that responsibility the world population would not only stabilize, it would even start to slowly decrease.



Right on. That is very responsible of you.

Thistle

Thistle

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAY 11, 2008 02:18 PM

thefreak said:

Thistle said:

thefreak said:
I bet if I made several jokes about his junk, you wouldn't say a thing.


I would certainly find it just as crass, but given that it wouldn't be part of a whole gigantic cultural meme of judging women mostly on their looks and ability to have sex, I would probably not call it misogynistic. What a stupid bet that would be anyway.


Aaaaaand the truth comes out.

Please do not sit there calling me a misogynist because I made vagina jokes, for it's an equally stupid bet to assume that I am. Good day.

-TM



I didn't call you a misogynist, I called the jokes misogynist. And how is this the truth coming out? Was I being deceptive earlier? Am I really insulting you so horribly by disagreeing with your choice of jokes?

And people accuse feminists of being hypersensitive.

Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

West Vancouver, BC
May 2005

MAY 11, 2008 02:19 PM

GeckoFabulous said:

Bill_the_Cat said:

Hell yes it's selfish. Now if they were farming there children in response to the world food crisis that would be another matter.



It's no more selfish than the assholes who have one or two kids (or none) and then live in 5,000 sq. foot homes with two laundry rooms and four cars.

What do you mean by "farming their children?" Are you suggesting that people should breed labor and that so long as they are using that labor to produce food for the world, it would be acceptable?

If so,

1) Ew

2) Shortage of farmworkers is not what is causing the food shortages. whatever



1) I agree wholeheartedly.

2) No I was paraphrasing Johnthan Swift. I was being ironic.

3) Ew is right.

Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

West Vancouver, BC
May 2005

MAY 11, 2008 02:33 PM

Thistle said:

Bill_the_Cat said:

Thistle said:

thefreak said:

Thistle said:
I think it's a funny story too. I just think talking about the state of her vagina as though it was any of your business is uncalled for and mildly misogynistic. Surely there are other angles.


I bet if I made several jokes about his junk, you wouldn't say a thing.

-TM



I would certainly find it just as crass, but given that it wouldn't be part of a whole gigantic cultural meme of judging women mostly on their looks and ability to have sex, I would probably not call it misogynistic. What a stupid bet that would be anyway.



Would you call it misandry?
Nobody is judging her for her appearance or ability to have sex. She's being judged for her ability to bear children and her desire to to exploit that ability to a ridiculous degree.



It's quite easy to judge her for those things, which by the way I am also doing, without ever mentioning her genitals. This is like criticizing Hillary Clinton's haircut instead of her policies. Pointless and sexist.

I agree though that judgement should fall equally on him, after all intelligent child-bearing is not just the responsibility of the mother. Personally I decided when I was 12 years old that it should be my responsibility to be voluntarily sterilized after fathering 2 children. If every man accepted that responsibility the world population would not only stabilize, it would even start to slowly decrease.



Right on. That is very responsible of you.



But do you want a President with a bad haircut? Wouldn't it be difficult for her colleagues and other nations leaders to take her seriously if she shows up to meetings looking like she was styled by Bozo the clown?

And yes I am joking.

You're probably right, the state of her genitalia shouldn't be the centre of discussion, though it is more relevant to the subject than Hilary Clinton's hair is to her politics. (ie Michelle Duggar could never have borne 18 children without her vagina. Hilary Clinton could certainly walk around shimmering, glorious locks yet have no political leaning whatsoever.)

DrKoruaMang

DrKoruaMang

San Diego, CA
July 2007

MAY 11, 2008 03:07 PM

ki1 said:
it had to be said. every sperm is sacred.



though they're not catholics, but the premise is the same.



Every time I hear about this family that's the first thing that pops into my head.

gdarklighter

gdarklighter

San Diego, CA
August 2005

MAY 11, 2008 10:45 PM

Bill_the_Cat said:
Michelle Duggar could never have borne 18 children without her vagina


Eighteen C-sections does sound a bit far-fetched.

Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

West Vancouver, BC
May 2005

MAY 11, 2008 10:50 PM

gdarklighter said:

Bill_the_Cat said:
Michelle Duggar could never have borne 18 children without her vagina


Eighteen C-sections does sound a bit far-fetched.



Even if they were all delivered surgically, there's still only one way for her husbands genetic material to enter her uterus. wink

Darke

Darke

Trego, WI
June 2005

MAY 11, 2008 11:16 PM

The thread won't be complete without ol' faithful...

malkav11

malkav11

Saint Paul, MN
July 2003

MAY 12, 2008 12:18 AM

Bill_the_Cat said:

gdarklighter said:

Bill_the_Cat said:
Michelle Duggar could never have borne 18 children without her vagina


Eighteen C-sections does sound a bit far-fetched.



Even if they were all delivered surgically, there's still only one way for her husbands genetic material to enter her uterus. wink


I beg to differ.

Not that their religion would allow such things, I imagine.

Bill_the_Cat

Bill_the_Cat

West Vancouver, BC
May 2005

MAY 12, 2008 06:17 AM

malkav11 said:

Bill_the_Cat said:

gdarklighter said:

Bill_the_Cat said:
Michelle Duggar could never have borne 18 children without her vagina


Eighteen C-sections does sound a bit far-fetched.



Even if they were all delivered surgically, there's still only one way for her husbands genetic material to enter her uterus. wink


I beg to differ.

Not that their religion would allow such things, I imagine.



And even then it's most usually done through the vag.

NathanialBlood

NathanialBlood

United Kingdom
August 2006

MAY 12, 2008 07:06 AM

Hmm I wonder what her quickest birth is from water breaking to child?
Quickest birth

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