the baggage and the bad dates are all part of the fun! ummm not so much, but none the less-who really has the nerve to go out assuming their date is perfect. we are all both filled with shit and spewing it out of our mouths. at least we can laugh about it after we have jerked off
great work fractal, looking forward to the next edition

Wonderful wonderful article, and, for me, exactly the thing I needed to read this morning after last's nights debaucle of, "I think you're amazing and fantastic, and I love our moment together too, but I'm really good at repressing things and my boyfriend's coming back soon. I was just lying about leaving him. Let's still be good friends!"

So, yeah. Thank you for sharing.

This is a great read. It describes really well how I feel about relationships - just put it into a male perspective.

When going into a relationship, my main concern is that the personality of the other person. I used to only go after the bitchy girl who was far too sarcastic and far too cynical to actually be a good person by any means. I'd get screwed over every single time in some way or another. Whether it be just treated like shit, or used for whatever they could use me for.

More recently all the girls I've dated have completely flip flopped over to the stupid girl who is just a fun person. The ones I have dated were flaky, though. I've had my ample amounts of relationships, and so far the only one I feel could have been good is the one I was too hung up on a previous relationship to ever give a fair chance into.

Now I've been single for a while. I've not had sex in almost as long. So long as I don't have to deal with the drama incorporated in having a girlfriend who is a complete bitch or a complete idiot, I'm alright with not having sex.

As far as changing myself - that is a big no. If someone can't accept me for who I am, then that is their loss. I have no problem being single, and I'd much rather be single than have to change myself to accommodate someone else.

When people get lost in themselves by taking life too seriously, they begin to teach themselves to freak at the thought of someone being more weird and fucked up than they are. It throws their idea of relationships as a self-improvement mechanism all out of whack when the prospect of your problems being more grandiose and attention worthy than their own. The solution? Date a social worker. When your day planner has things like "Practice finger extraction technique for meeting with Sarah The Biter today at 3:00pm.", your freak out threshold is pretty much ready for anything.

i needed to hear this today. wonderfully composed, too.

and i've been told by numerous coworkers and friends that i am well on my way to cat lady, bird lady, bag lady, or a combination of the three for years. it's pretty much my retirement plan.

Wonderful article and comments.

I truly believe the problems with our generation and many of the people on this site is that we are too aware. Our grandparents were told find someone and then put up with them, you have no choice. Having intelligence and the ability to see we noticed that far too often there were two unhappy people. Why make the same mistake? Then we saw our parents, most of most of whom are divorced, try to be happy and never quite succeed. Why get married if I am just going to get divorced? So we have seen many different models for relationships, but none that seem to work.

So we quest out in the dark, intelligent, know what doesn't work, but no clue how to make something that does work. Wanting to be loved for myself cuts down the available dating pool by 90 some percent. And if they are compatible with me they are staying home playing on their computer watching Battlestar Galactica. So my chances of actually meeting them are even slimmer.

Which means we all feel your pain because as intelligent people we are a minority in this great country of ours. If anyone has a clue how to find someone who is compatible with me and how to make it work with two independent people please let us know.

(And if anyone says Eharmony like my relatives I will hurt something)

Perfectly written! I feel the same way, much of the time. My cats love me, but they also love to sniff each others' butts. I rank right up there with cat butt.

You should have your own column, DR. "Doomed as doomed can be" I'd be a loyal reader!

/threadjack
//slashies

Being single is not so bad, you get to work on your own problems/agenda without having to worry about someone else's. I've been single for almost two years now. I'm not going to say it's the most exciting or fun point to be at, but it does have it's perks. I've always said the right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person. You're not ready till your ready, and when you are it'll be great. Great article Fractal and good luck to all my fellow singulites!

Some people are meant to be single. I got out of a 5 year relationship last year, and the biggest thing I learned from it is that I'm better at being single. There was no fighting, cheating, etc, we just grew apart as a couple. We're still great friends and still confide in each other, but there is no desire on either side to get back together. I'm just the type of person who requires a great deal of privacy and time alone, which doesn't always work for a relationship. I'm sticking with the single life and spending quality time with my cats, which I guess might make me a "crazy cat guy," which really is an apt description when I think about it.

Yep.

As others have said, I think some of us are just destined to be alone. I've pretty much resigned myself to my fate, at this point.

My roommate has been referring to me as a man-whore as of late so I might be a slut by proxy. However, I don't think having sex 3 times this whole year should count. Each time I was trying to form a friends with benefits at least or a relationship, but failed. They all ended up as a 1 or 2 night thing. I guess we all want the same thing in some ways. It is just about being able to pack the emotional/mental/physical baggage into the car for the trip to make it work... Whatever that trip might be.

This column rang so true to me at this point in my life. I totally relate. For me, it may be a cycle or a fear that I've held onto since my first chance at a serious relationship. Thing is, everyone has their own shit to deal with and most people are too judgmental and not detached enough. I realize this and am working on breaking my cycle. Ok...So, what am I suppose to do with that in the meantime??? Feed fucking cats?!?