Citizen Tickets Cop, Doesn't End Up Ass-Kicked
SUNDAY APRIL 20 2008 6:00 AM
Submitted by TheCoolerKing. Edited By erin_broadley.
A know-it-all, overly aggresive busybody, fresh out of law school... The worst, right? Think of the situations were someone like this would not only be tolerated but actually welcomed. I can't, probably because it does not exist. Then I found this:
A CITIZEN who watched a cop illegally park, then walk into a Chinese restaurant to wait for his food, has issued the officer a series of citizen-initiated parking violations.
I stand corrected. The one scenario where I would approve of this person's existence.
Also, damn, that was kind of awesome. That's a fine line you're walking, lawyer-in-training or not. The subtle differences between a drunken frat-guy with overly spiked hair and a pocketful of rohypnol ending up face down on the street, swearing into garbage... or this guy, who totally won.
Eric Bryant says he was sitting in the SanSai Japanese Grill on NW 21st and Hoyt on March 7 when he witnessed Officer Chad Stensgaard pull up and park his patrol car illegally, next to a "No Parking" sign.
Lawyers and dorks of all stripes will bring their children here for ages, to celebrate what happened. Half of these people will, ironically, be given a parking ticket, sort of ruining the experience for them.
Stensgaard walked into the restaurant wearing his police uniform, but did not make any arrests or citations. Instead, he turned his attention to the basketball game on television, according to Bryant.
Hahaha, such glorious verbosity, he "turned his attention to the basketball game on television." Or, you know, "watched basketball on TV."
I'd give anything for a slightly longer list, even more mundane list. "Um, he ate a crueller, glared at some dude, seemed to fall asleep a second, then anxiously jerked around to see who noticed"
When Bryant asked Stensgaard about his vehicle, Stensgaard allegedly acknowledged being in a no-parking zone but asked Bryant, "If someone broke into your house, would you rather have the police be able to park in front of your house or have to park three blocks away and walk there?"
"Right, so you're saying it's something to be used only during emergencies."
"Yes."
"Well?"
"THE TRAILBLAZERS ARE DOWN BY FIVE! That qualifies!"
I love the cop citing some other situation where it would be totally acceptable to illegally park. A situation bearing no resemblance to this one. Apparently it's all or nothing, no way at all to distinguish one sitch from another.
Bryant returned to his seat, and says shortly afterward he watched a restaurant employee hand the officer a plastic bag before he left. Unfortunately for Officer Stensgaard, Bryant had recently passed the Oregon bar exam, and decided to pursue the matter further.
"If he had acknowledged and corrected his error, we could have avoided this whole thing," says Bryant. "But instead, he kept watching basketball and told me he wasn't doing anything wrong."
"If he had acknowledged and corrected his error, we could have avoided this whole thing," is where he starts to lose me. Bryant -- clearly not the most likable fellow in the greater Portland area.
Now, using ORS 153.058, Bryant—as a private citizen—has initiated violation proceedings against Officer Stensgaard. Bryant alleges Stensgaard was in violation of state statutes on illegal parking, illegal stopping, obeying parking restrictions on state highways, and illegal operation of an emergency vehicle or ambulance—the violations carry fines totaling $540.
C'mon, that's pretty good.
Officer Stensgaard has received a Multnomah County summons to appear in traffic court on May 23. Meanwhile Bryant denies he is just stirring up trouble.
"Citizens should be concerned that he used his status as an officer of the law as justification for breaking the law," he says.
Or, in other words, if you're going to dick around on the job, don't break the law while doing it.
Stensgaard declined comment through the cops' office of public information.
An enormous mountain, larger than any scaled by man.
That's the amount of shit he's currently getting from other cops, over what happened.
TheCoolerKing is pondering where he's seen the most ridiculous costumes, Comic-Con or Willimsburg, Brooklyn.

















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