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Citizen Tickets Cop, Doesn't End Up Ass-Kicked

SUNDAY APRIL 20 2008 6:00 AM

Submitted by TheCoolerKing. Edited By erin_broadley.

A know-it-all, overly aggresive busybody, fresh out of law school... The worst, right? Think of the situations were someone like this would not only be tolerated but actually welcomed. I can't, probably because it does not exist. Then I found this:

A CITIZEN who watched a cop illegally park, then walk into a Chinese restaurant to wait for his food, has issued the officer a series of citizen-initiated parking violations.

I stand corrected. The one scenario where I would approve of this person's existence.

Also, damn, that was kind of awesome. That's a fine line you're walking, lawyer-in-training or not. The subtle differences between a drunken frat-guy with overly spiked hair and a pocketful of rohypnol ending up face down on the street, swearing into garbage... or this guy, who totally won.

Eric Bryant says he was sitting in the SanSai Japanese Grill on NW 21st and Hoyt on March 7 when he witnessed Officer Chad Stensgaard pull up and park his patrol car illegally, next to a "No Parking" sign.

Lawyers and dorks of all stripes will bring their children here for ages, to celebrate what happened. Half of these people will, ironically, be given a parking ticket, sort of ruining the experience for them.

Stensgaard walked into the restaurant wearing his police uniform, but did not make any arrests or citations. Instead, he turned his attention to the basketball game on television, according to Bryant.

Hahaha, such glorious verbosity, he "turned his attention to the basketball game on television." Or, you know, "watched basketball on TV."

I'd give anything for a slightly longer list, even more mundane list. "Um, he ate a crueller, glared at some dude, seemed to fall asleep a second, then anxiously jerked around to see who noticed"

When Bryant asked Stensgaard about his vehicle, Stensgaard allegedly acknowledged being in a no-parking zone but asked Bryant, "If someone broke into your house, would you rather have the police be able to park in front of your house or have to park three blocks away and walk there?"

"Right, so you're saying it's something to be used only during emergencies."

"Yes."

"Well?"

"THE TRAILBLAZERS ARE DOWN BY FIVE! That qualifies!"

I love the cop citing some other situation where it would be totally acceptable to illegally park. A situation bearing no resemblance to this one. Apparently it's all or nothing, no way at all to distinguish one sitch from another.

Bryant returned to his seat, and says shortly afterward he watched a restaurant employee hand the officer a plastic bag before he left. Unfortunately for Officer Stensgaard, Bryant had recently passed the Oregon bar exam, and decided to pursue the matter further.

"If he had acknowledged and corrected his error, we could have avoided this whole thing," says Bryant. "But instead, he kept watching basketball and told me he wasn't doing anything wrong."

"If he had acknowledged and corrected his error, we could have avoided this whole thing," is where he starts to lose me. Bryant -- clearly not the most likable fellow in the greater Portland area.

Now, using ORS 153.058, Bryant�as a private citizen�has initiated violation proceedings against Officer Stensgaard. Bryant alleges Stensgaard was in violation of state statutes on illegal parking, illegal stopping, obeying parking restrictions on state highways, and illegal operation of an emergency vehicle or ambulance�the violations carry fines totaling $540.

C'mon, that's pretty good.

Officer Stensgaard has received a Multnomah County summons to appear in traffic court on May 23. Meanwhile Bryant denies he is just stirring up trouble.

"Citizens should be concerned that he used his status as an officer of the law as justification for breaking the law," he says.

Or, in other words, if you're going to dick around on the job, don't break the law while doing it.

Stensgaard declined comment through the cops' office of public information.

An enormous mountain, larger than any scaled by man.

That's the amount of shit he's currently getting from other cops, over what happened.

TheCoolerKing is pondering where he's seen the most ridiculous costumes, Comic-Con or Willimsburg, Brooklyn.

73 Comments

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Shiny_metal_ass

I'm lost

October 2006

APR 20, 2008 06:08 AM

How is this Silliness?

Salieri

Montreal, QC

July 2004

APR 20, 2008 06:17 AM

Too bad he's still a lawyer.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

SocietysPliers

Ocala, FL

October 2004

APR 20, 2008 07:07 AM

We're missing the most important question though . . .

Which was it: a Chinese restaurant or a Japanese grill?

How does this discrepancy reflect on the credibility of the writer of the source article?

Who is the evil Doctor Zhivago?

Why would anyone eat processed cheese product?

SocietysPliers

Ocala, FL

October 2004

APR 20, 2008 07:08 AM

There. Now it's silliness.

to a degree.

thefreak

NEWSWIRE

Gardner, MA

APR 20, 2008 07:16 AM

Shiny_Metal_Ass said:
How is this Silliness?

'Wire editors can now choose the boards a story gets published on. A nice little feature, I must say.

And on w/the silly!

-TM

SocietysPliers

Ocala, FL

October 2004

APR 20, 2008 07:29 AM

K.

Here's an ass-kicking pic of an ass kicking ass ass.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Which, I suppose, isn't too far off from the subject of the article.

Sadly, I can't help but wonder if the lawyer will be 'marked.'

He most certainly would be if it had happened here. He and/or his family would most defintiely suffer.

bald_eagle

Indianapolis, IN

November 2006

APR 20, 2008 07:30 AM

I hope Bryant never gets stopped for speeding.

SocietysPliers

Ocala, FL

October 2004

APR 20, 2008 07:56 AM

bald_eagle said:
I hope Bryant never gets stopped for speeding.

Hehheh

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

SixBoxes

Stoney Creek, ON

June 2007

APR 20, 2008 08:05 AM

I wish I could do that to the cops around here who flip on the lights and sirens to bust through red lights, then turn them off on the other side. Or the cops who race each other down the streets at 1 am.

sillyokio

Egypt

January 2005

APR 20, 2008 08:37 AM

YOU BOYS LIKE MEXICO?!

Skeksi

Chicago, IL

December 2003

APR 20, 2008 10:01 AM

That's so awesome. I heard police officers actually get 30 minutes for lunch!!! Can you imagine that, an entire fucking half hour!!!! On my tax dollars! Oh I mean, I did hear that their work day lasts 8.5 hours because the lunch period is technically unpaid. And that a very high priority call during that half hour will result in lunch being terminated and the officer assigned the call anyways. Fuck it, them's the breaks! So hell yeah, make that fat fucking pig park his car down the block and spend five of his 30 minutes getting to and from his lunch location!! Oh, plus the 10 minutes minimally it will take to wait for the food... 15 minutes is more than enough to eat a nice meal in my book! If the fatass cop wants more time he can go through the McDonalds drive thru!

And then if he does get pulled off his lunch to go help someone getting their face bashed in by a mugger, I'm sure that citizen will have no problem knowing that the officer will take some extra time getting there because he didn't want to pull his car temporarily next to a no parking sign to grab a bite to eat, because it would be AGAINST THE VERY LAWS HE SWORE TO UPHOLD GODDAMNIT!

And if that same officer should later that day, notice somebody pulling up to a no parking zone to run into a pizza place for a few minutes to grab their take out order, he should definitely not cut that guy any courtesy and immediately issue the 50-100 dollar ticket, which I am sure Joe Citizen will be cool as hell with paying because now he can rest assured that there are busybody lawyers out there making sure local cops are held to the same standard.

Fuck the po-leese.

Chainlink

Dickeyville, WI

August 2005

APR 20, 2008 10:15 AM

thefreak said:

Shiny_Metal_Ass said:
How is this Silliness?

'Wire editors can now choose the boards a story gets published on. A nice little feature, I must say.

And on w/the silly!

-TM

oh Yay.

SocietysPliers

Ocala, FL

October 2004

APR 20, 2008 10:23 AM

Skeksi said:
That's so awesome. I heard police officers actually get 30 minutes for lunch!!! Can you imagine that, an entire fucking half hour!!!! On my tax dollars! Oh I mean, I did hear that their work day lasts 8.5 hours because the lunch period is technically unpaid. And that a very high priority call during that half hour will result in lunch being terminated and the officer assigned the call anyways. Fuck it, them's the breaks! So hell yeah, make that fat fucking pig park his car down the block and spend five of his 30 minutes getting to and from his lunch location!! Oh, plus the 10 minutes minimally it will take to wait for the food... 15 minutes is more than enough to eat a nice meal in my book! If the fatass cop wants more time he can go through the McDonalds drive thru!

Hey, I keep people alive for a living and I get a half hour for which I don't get paid, and if I want to go somewhere to buy and eat luch I have to allow for that and if I stay at work and eat I'm likely to have to cut it short and still get docked a half hour.

I knew that when I took the job, though, and thus have no problem abiding by the terms of my employment.

Shiny_metal_ass

I'm lost

October 2006

APR 20, 2008 10:24 AM

Chainlink said:

thefreak said:

Shiny_Metal_Ass said:
How is this Silliness?

'Wire editors can now choose the boards a story gets published on. A nice little feature, I must say.

And on w/the silly!

-TM

oh Yay.

So, does that mean I can go be silly in CE without getting shit for it now, or is this a non-reciprocal invasion?

trocc

Chicago, IL

March 2003

APR 20, 2008 10:31 AM

Skeksi said:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

+1 on all of this. This Bryant cat sounds like a real sanctimonious prick. i mean, seriously. the guy pulled up to pick up his take-out order. that's all. wtf? who hasn't parked in a no-parking zone for a second to run in and grab something? ridiculous.

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