i have met a few nice guys - one buckled my seatbelt for me. i wanted to slap him, i was so insulted.

I love this article. It's honest, not self-conscious, and raises a lot of questions many of us ask or have asked ourselves in our lives.

I want more! A sex in the city for the alt.chick. More Fractal, please.

I can't wait to read more. But don't forget about the "unattainable Mr Perfect"


The soul and heart breaker you just can't tie down. Nothing like the Mad Dogs and Nice Guys out there. He's the whole package, but something keeps him from comitting or a third party situation causes him the break it off...for no apparent reason.
Or maybe he's your best guy friend. The "i dont want te ruin our friendship" thought keeps you from dating.

Unattainable Mr Perfect.

bastard

Thanks for writing this. It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one.

As for 'nice guys'. I met a few of them. They're the ones in denial over wanting to touch your bathing suit area, but still want to date you.

Nice guys: No such thing. I say this as a proverbial "nice guy." We're nice outside of a relationship because it works for us. Once in a relationship, though, we're just as fucked up as everyone else. Maybe more so, because being a "nice guy" often means holding your tongue and choking back the bile until it pours out in a "safe" environment, i.e. behind closed doors. If you're behind those closed doors as well, you'll get the full effect.

Rule #1: Nice guys are only nice in public.

The "One": No such thing. I've been married for lo these many years now, and I've met new "ones" about once a year. Some of these "ones" have even made me think damn, I wish I met her first, at least for a second. But that is probably just the grass is greener syndrome.

Rule #2: Don't bother with the "one" Find one of many and commit.

On acting properly around other people: Don't bother. Waste of time. If you're not acting like yourself when you meet someone, the second you start he'll say "who the hell are you?" As long as you're not psychotic, bipolar, hearing voices, or just plain stabby there is no benefit to trying to be something you're not.

Rule #3: Be yourself all the time. If they don't like it, they can take a flying leap at a rolling donut.

On knowing what you want: What do you want? Do you know what you want? Do you tell people "This is what I want"? I don't know you, but I would guess that you're not clear on what you really want out of a relationship and/or you're not communicating it. Be aware that guys need direct communication with small words and short sentences. Remember to pause a bit between each word so they can digest it before you move on to the next one.

Rule #4: Know what you want. Let other people know, too.

That is the sum total of relationship and dating knowledge that I have built up over an entire lifetime. It ain't much, but there it is.

Isn't 26 a little young to be that worried about finding a mate?

im really looking forward to your next article. this was great!

Great new column!

And for the record, nice guys are myths. As you have seeminly found out. There are guys out there who aren't horrid when it comes to manners and such when around ladies. But the overall nice guy doesnt exist. Well, unless hes dating another nice guy.

Not too long ago, I decided that true love (like in the movies) is also a myth. You dont see people fall in love as kids and then end up happily married with 2 brainiac kids, and the nice big house with the white picket fence, etc etc. These days, it seems to be more about "how much can I get when we get divorced?" Because of that, whenever that semi-perfect girl comes along and finds me to be semi-perfect as well, I don't think I plan on getting married.

As for dating, I'm not so great at it. But I am very faithful. However, the majority of people out there (both men and women, as far as I have seen in 5 years as a bouncer, and even more as a partier) seem to be unfaithful. My best friends makes it a point to "play the game." He will purposely pick fights and what not, or even go so far as to visibly flirt with other girls in front of a girl he may be hooking up with, just to make some sort of point. I dont get it. Nor will I ever.

Now, onto your foul language... I think that's actually kind of hot. So KEEP DOING it. But not just because I say so, because it's who you are. The chain smoking... can't tell you what to do, but it cant be healthy. The drinking... thats my vice. And sometimes, I actually find a retardedly drunk woman kind of cute, because then it allows me to be the guy who takes care of her without trying to fuck her. And hopefully she one day appreciates that and respects me for that.

And for everything else... keep writing a kickass column!

what a downer.

You could do better than "Mad Dog" but you can't get your hopes too high with guys mentally or emotionally. If takes conscious effort to be the nice guy or whatever. The more perfect a guy seems, it's inevitably gonna be a setup for failure when he can't keep up that front in favor of his normal guy self. You have to accept some amount of guy stupidity. You deserve to demand they make the effort, but you can't think they are just naturally like that.

If they really are that nice, you would get bored pretty quick, I think.

This is so one of my favorite topics and I've got a bunch of stuff to send your way to check out.

Here's the really quick version which I think I've probably written about here somewhere in the past and certainly on my own blog a bit as well. I think that in todays world "dating" is obsolete. The idea that you spot someone, get mutual butterflies, go on heart warming dates and end up living happily ever after is a fairy tale that people are finally starting to see through. Hell the fact that I can't count on one hand the number of close friends who are recently divorced speaks volumes about that. I think the problem is that people build up expectations for themselves and others that can't possibly be lived up to. We've all see too many movies and have this ideal of what a perfect relationship is that we're never happy with that they actually are. Unless we can come to terms with that of course.

One of the biggest issues is people jumping into things rather than letting them happen. First of all fuck dating, the minute you put a title like that on something it becomes something else. Hang out with people you like, spend time with people you have fun with and suddenly there is a lot less stress and bullshit dumped on top of something. You can't make something a relationship just by calling it that, and most often that's what people do. A label doesn't dictate actions, even though most people think it does. "Married" is supposed to "forever" and we all know that's crap, so why is "dating" any different? You can't put people in fancy little boxes that classify them perfectly and relationships are no different.

Poignant article.

Genuine nice guys are out there somewhere. A smart and attractive woman like you is bound to find something lasting and satisfying. And you still have youth! Don't let the dating game get you too far down.

For my own sake I hope this thing we call the dating game isn't something I have to understand at all and things will just work out in my favor... Wishful thinking?

good article. the only options on my table right now are giving up, or trying to be more tolerant (which could be read as 'settling' ugh.) maybe we overvalue dating on the whole? do the french, with their affairs have a better plan?

If you are playing a game you lose right away. Seriously. Here's my 'dating is obsolete' rant from the DATING SUCKS! group last year. fun!