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  • MONDAY JANUARY 28 2008 6:00 AM

Edgeplay With God

I met a stripper with a Three Stooges tattoo the other night at a bar called Tigress. She bitch slapped one of my companions hard while she gave her a ferocious lap dance. Threatened my balls with spike heeled platform shoes. Hissed in my face that she was into edgeplay. She said she got giant fish hooks stuck through her back with which they hung her bleeding body from the ceiling till her screams careened off the hard brick dungeon walls. Said they pierced her labia with five-inch needles. She worked for Lloyd Kaufman at Troma Films for years. I’ve heard what that’s like. The lady could take some pain.

Edgeplay. There’s a word I hadn’t heard before. Playing on the edge. Risking injury or even death for the sake of a thrill, a charge, an orgasm that will finally live up to all the lies they tell you about orgasms, a white hot bone rattling explosion of raw nerve endings that’ll blot out forever all the darkness at the center of your heart…

Look. We all do what we do to find our way in this wacky old world, to satisfy what we think needs satisfying, to make some money. It’s not my business to pass judgment on how she felt she needed to live her life. I’m glad there are people like her around. It keeps things interesting.

But you want edgeplay? I got edgeplay for you.

Zazen is edgeplay with your immortal soul. Zazen is edgeplay with God.

The atheists got all bent out of shape a few weeks ago when I suggested they were full of shit. What do you know about atheism? You sit there, stock still without even a dominatrix to torment you and thus distract you from what’s real. You spend a few years right there, nose to nose with yourself. Then you can come back and talk to me about whether God exists or not. Until that day you haven’t earned the right to tell me shit about God. So fuck off with all your oh so well thought out words and words and words and words. Atheists are full of shit.

There is no God and He is your creator.

If you want your meditation gentle and sweet, with a soothing, stilling voice to ease you through, stay away from Zen. But if you’re into real edgeplay stop by my place some Saturday morning and I’ll show you how it’s done.

But watch out. This kind of edgeplay doesn’t come baring fangs and out for blood. Nobody will yell at you, nobody will smack you with a stick, nobody will even tell you when you get all the steps wrong. It’s very warm here, very friendly and welcoming. All smiles. We’ll even brew you some tea and tell you lousy old jokes. No need for posturing. That’s because we know who the hardest mistress of all is. We’re not even going to try and match the punishment she can mete out. The best we can do is point you in her direction and let you decide whether you’d rather run away whimpering with your tail between your legs.

Most people haven’t got what it takes to face themselves. That’s not a judgment call. That’s just a fact of life. We’ll face anything else to avoid the terror of confronting our own hearts and minds. Leather restraints and single tail bullwhips don’t even come close. The fundamental nature of your own being? Now that’s scary. That can cut you up good. Slice you to ribbons and not even break a sweat.

I’ve never been interested in any kind of meditation that wasn’t edgeplay. I never had a whole lot of patience with people wanted to guide me through some kind of a process. “Envision the white light of the cosmos enveloping your body…” Fuck that. Don’t give me your pictures and stories. Every religious nut I met — and I met a few of them — had pictures and stories they wanted to stuff into my head and teach me how to regurgitate on command. As if God cared whether I could recite their stupid fairy tales when ordered to do so. They could stuff their stories. I wanted to slash away everything I didn’t need and get down to the raw burning core. The only way to strip away everything is to strip away everything.

The Zen way is excruciatingly slow. At least when they hang you from hooks in your back they take you down after a few minutes. We’ll just leave you sitting there twisted up like a pretzel for days or weeks at a time. It’ll take for-fucking-ever before you even have a clue why you’re wasting all this time staring at walls. Quick fixes are for hyperactive retards. If you’re looking for a speedy solution don’t let the door smack your ass on the way out.

But the scary stuff is just one side of the picture. We’re all afraid of reality. All of us. Me, too. But the truth about reality is that it’s never as scary as we imagine it. I suspect this is what people like my stripper friend discover in their edgeplay. When you actually come face to face with the things that scare you, usually you that what you thought was Satan come to burn you in the fires of damnation is really just Gene Simmons, a nice old Jewish man in freaky make-up.

Reality is always the best place to be. The truth is always the best thing to see. There are never any exceptions. You can’t run away anyhow. So why waste your energy trying? And God? God isn’t a million zillion miles away on his diamond throne somewhere in outer space. God is the wind on your face. God is the sky as your reflection. God is that something buried in your head that you always thought was you. It’s not you. There is no you. That thing you think is you, actually belongs to the universe. And the universe will take it back one day. On that day it will be just like you never existed at all. Cuz you never did. But the universe will carry on forever. And so will that something you always thought of as yourself. And so will God. So there.

Ms. Edgeplay stripper wrenched my friend’s nipples and stage-whispered to her how wet she was getting. As if I couldn’t hear. Humped her leg like a dog in heat. God wasn’t far away at all. If I ever doubted Her presence She showed it to me by grabbing my cock and telling me how She wanted to feel it inside Her.

There is no God and she dances for tips at Tigress.

Brad Warner is the author of Hardcore Zen and Sit Down and Shut Up!. He maintains a blog about Buddhist stuff and a MySpace page too. If you're in Southern California and you want to try some Zazen for yourself, he has a group that meets every Saturday in Santa Monica.

 

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Comments
PointBlank

PointBlank

New York, NY
November 2004

FEB 03, 2008 02:27 PM

Brad_Warner said:

Heijoshin said:

Brad_Warner said:
Thanks for all the comments. I do appreciate them.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
You guys might be interested in this e-mail I received from one of my "Dharma Brothers" regarding the article. His name is Jundo Cohen. I'm sure he'd enjoy hearing your opinions on his teachings.

Here's his e-mail to me:

Brad,

You wrote this?

I met a stripper with a Three Stooges tattoo the other night at a bar called Tigress. She bitch slapped one of my companions hard while she gaveher a ferocious lap dance. Threatened my balls with spike heeled platform shoes. Hissed in my face that she was into edgeplay. She got giant fishhooks stuck through her back with which they hung her bleeding body fromthe ceiling till her screams careened off the hard brick dungeon walls. They pierced her labia with five-inch needles.

Ms. Edgeplay stripper wrenched my friend's nipples and stage-whispered to her how wet she was getting. As if I couldn't hear. Humped her leglike a dog in heat. God wasn't far away at all. If I ever doubted Her presence She showed it to me by grabbing my cock and telling me how She wanted to feel it inside Her.


I am going to go public, with every resource I have privately and on the internet to make you a laughingstock, to tell folks what I think of you, to embarrass you. I will speak out (you can fool others but you can't fool me ... you embarrassment to yourself, our teacher, all of us associated with this). It's not "edgeplay, man ... it's a 12 year old who giggles at the graffiti he drew on a bathroom wall. I will do what I can upon my return to Japan next month to stop the September Retreat at Tokei-in.

You are free to to turn your hanging out in nudie bars, getting "lap dance" from strippers into a profound "teaching" (there are fools born every minute who will buy it too. I think you are just a clown). But you are free to do it, and I am free to take the action I think is right.

You are a joke, and it is not a dirty one.

Gassho, Jundo


His objections appear to be different than some of the others leveled at you in this thread. So what exactly was the point in posting that?



I just thought SG readers might be interested in seeing this kind of reaction, which is, unfortunately, all too common in American Buddhism. To SG readers, the fact that I, a monk, went into that club was a complete non-issue. No one even seemed to notice. Good. But to some in the world outside SG this was the only issue.

There are times I feel like SG readers may be more healthy simply in the fact that most of us own up to our perversions. Also good.


I don't really care that you went to a strip club. The half-assed condescension towards the stripper ("I guess you gotta make a buck somehow") and using her to brag about how much tougher your form of practice is than hers or anyone else's is what's a little (read: a lot) annoying.

For a lot of practitioners of Zazen, meditation and looking at the face and mystery of the universe, one of the end results is a tiny bit of humility. Since you haven't even reached that point, perhaps your form of practice isn't as hardcore as you so eagerly want everyone else to believe.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
And publishing an E-mail from someone to show us that the "American Buddhist establishment doesn't get it, mannn." is just more of you blowing your own radung. We get it. You're a badass AND a buddhist. Awesome.

abracadabra

abracadabra

Seattle, WA
April 2004

FEB 03, 2008 05:32 PM

Brad_Warner said:
If God is a big ol' white dude in the sky who smites sinners and rewards football players then I'm an atheist. If God exists outside the Universe, I'm an atheist. If God cares more for one religion than another, I'm an atheist.

On the other hand, God is too apparent for me to deny him. I guess by "God" I mean the aspects of this Universe that cannot be explained away easily. There's a kind of benevolence here. Sometimes it's tough love. But it's always love.

I don't worship God as an old man on a throne beyond the orbit of Jupiter, but I do worship the Universe. The Universe is more than dead matter. It's more than insubstantial spirit.

Blah-blah-blah...



Did someone hack your account? Because this doesn't make any sense. Atheists don't believe in a god. How hard is that to grasp? Maybe you're off your meds? It's actually disappointing as you have written great articles in the past. Maybe you've run out of material? Okay, that must be it.

Ascanius

Ascanius

USA
October 2006

FEB 04, 2008 11:01 AM

Brad_Warner said:
Blah-blah-blah...



I don't think anyone has a problem with your views on God. I certainly don't, and I think we'd probably agree on a lot of things. Where I quoted you on the previous page, however, you insist that you're religion, your spiritual path, your method of perceiving the nature of divinity, is the only one worth discussing. In fact, it's the only thing that qualifies one to enter into the discussion at all. That's what I have a problem with. You might as well be saying that unless you believe in Jesus you have no right to talk about God. If you think about it, I think you'll find that the rest of us, though we may not have spent years staring at a wall, do in fact have legitimate opinions about unverifiable metaphysical questions.

pittsburghpig

pittsburghpig

I'm lost
August 2007

FEB 04, 2008 01:21 PM


Brad_Warner said:

"But you want edgeplay? I got edgeplay for you.
Zazen is edgeplay with your immortal soul. Zazen is edgeplay with God. "



When Brad Warner counts his breath, he counts to fucking 11


estate_tacks

estate_tacks

Waukegan, IL
August 2006

FEB 05, 2008 02:35 PM

Fuck yes!

defaultx

defaultx

I'm lost
February 2006

FEB 05, 2008 06:57 PM

smile

Gringo

Gringo

Spokane, WA
May 2006

FEB 06, 2008 12:52 PM

abracadabra said:
Atheists don't (feel the need to) believe in a god (to give them purpose or security) .


biggrin

EDIT/ADD/DISCLAIMER: Look, for you religious types...that was meant to be a joke so don't all bent. smile

Fatality

Fatality

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

FEB 15, 2008 03:52 PM

Edgeplay reminds me of the Sanskrit antevasin

Quirky

Quirky

Birmingham, AL
October 2005

FEB 15, 2008 04:10 PM

Fatality said:
Edgeplay reminds me of the Sanskrit antevasin



Antevasinti Lubhyati would properly describe you.

Satya

Satya

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

FEB 21, 2008 03:09 PM

These 6 pages of comments are some of the most intelligent I've read on the site.

abortus

abortus

Marinette, WI
July 2007

FEB 23, 2008 03:22 AM

it's funny how so many people got sad over this. if you weren't just into showing your stripes for whatever bullshit you're into, then you wouldn't care what anyone has to say about anything. get a fucking job, or a life, or read a book, anything that takes up your time so you don't have so much free time that you can get offended by something someone says about religious/lackthereof ideals. everyone has different opinions. WE ALL FUCKING KNOW THAT. so, there's no point at all to arguing it, because there is no answer. because nobody will ever resolve to agreeing on anything. ever. EVER. because we are all absolutely correct, in our own minds. me, i'm drunk and loaded with pills, that's where my free time comes from. but, if you're drunk and loaded on pills, then your opinion doesn't matter, because it's "compromised". so, fuck it anyway. nothing matters, deal with it, we're all meatbags with nowhere to go. tough shit. in case anyone tries to call hypocrite on this, i'm not offended by anything anyone has said, i won't claim to be more correct than they are, this is just my opinion. opinions don't make you right or wrong, they just are. when you voice your opinion as fact, or more brutal, than what's been said... you just have a god complex. holy pretension. enjoy how stupid you made them all feel, baby. roll in it until you get warm and wet. who. fucking. cares. i don't even care about what i've said myself. piss. love

ElizaTheTroll

ElizaTheTroll

Australia
January 2006

FEB 23, 2008 05:33 AM

iam go spraypaint someone or something now peace

AmbientLight

AmbientLight

I'm lost
March 2005

FEB 23, 2008 11:45 AM

Mr Warner...

I have read your articles with interest for some time... but have avoided comment (until now), for several reasons. While much of what you say is dead on the mark, the spirit behind it seems to be lacking spiritual maturity. So if I may permitted to offer my 2¢ worth...

First a little background.
I come from an old-scchool tradition of Taoism (as opposed to the later orthodox expressions of religion and chinese culture). This tradition is similar in some ways to the LaoChuang School, but has certain unique qualities.

My mentor, Chu Lu-hsing said: "The road to enlightenment is not all sweetness and light! It is filled with bumps and bruises, because life itself is filled with bumps and bruises. Life is filled with pleasure and pain. To prefer one over the other, or to try to escape both... only serves to re-enforce our state of ignorance. The universe is filled with light and it is filled with darkness; it is filled with substance and it is filled with void (space). Sometimes the universe is at peace, sometimes with catastrophic destruction... which leads to new creation. All of this is an expression of The One, the primal source of all existence. The void and the unfolding universe are two sides of the this primal One. Both are real and unreal at the same time. To embrace the mystery of this paradox is to penetrate into the heart of The One, finding of a state that is even more subltle and refined than The One."

There is nothing to escape from, nor anywhere to escape to... it is merely a matter of changing our perspective. The one and the all, are indeed the same... each thing a boundless drop in the boundless ocean of pure existence.

Buddhist's refer to the unfolding universe as Samsara and indeed it is always in a state of becoming that never becomes. So what? This gives us the opprtunity for adventure! The Void is not a place (at least not for us), but a state of being that embraces life with uncontrived innocence... that truly experiences life inherently as an interplay of the soul of the universe.

Yes, the universe will at some time suck itself back into it's source, but we will still exist... just not as who (or what) we think we are now. The great game of "who am I?" will cease... but what that state is, I'll admit as yet, is uncertain to me. And I'm good with that.


Chuang Tse said...
"If you and I argue and I best you in this contest... does this make me right and you wrong? Or does this simply mean I am more clever with words? And what of these distinctions of right and wrong? Do they actually exist... or are they merely the expressions of human caprice? Is it not better to abandon these distinctions and return to primal unity?"

To regard one thing as spiritual and another as not, in my opinion is to miss the point completely! To take on the affectations of spirituality is not to truly understand... but is simply being presumptious. All things are inherently spiritual... meditation, the act of love, brick-laying or simply taking a dump. And even to draw distictions between enlightenment and ignorance tends more often that not, leads to self delusion.


Lao Tse said...
"In the pursuit of knowledge, every day something is aquired. In the pursuit of illumination, every day something is stripped away."

10 lbs of grey-matter is not enough to decipher this grand universe, or the spiritual nature of existence! Yet we are imbued with an intellegence and a curiosity to explore this magnificent creation (for lack of a better word). And this is fine... as long as we keep this in perspective. The spirit of Life cannot be quatified or figured out. But it can be experienced.

What we need to strip away is our preconceived ideas and the tendancy to cling to conceptualities. All knowledge is superfluous. Today's truth is tomorrow's fallacy. There is no ultimate truth (as such), avilable to the human mind. But there is a principle of truth that we can guide ourselves by if, and only if we abandon the conceptualties of truth and the presumption of judging what is truth.

This is accomplished by standing spiritualy naked and uncontrived within the divine... we Taoists call this Mystic Union. This Mystic Union is transformative of it's own accord and does not require the acrutraments of religion, philosophy or spiritual affectation. But it does require quietness of spirit and the taming of the restless mind. In this regard, you and I would agree on the value of meditation. But this meditative state must not be confined to stillness, but also present in our actions. In this state, we are not plagued with notions of right and wrong, good and evil, spiritual or mundane. Through Mystic Union we become inherently friends to all living things. And we may immerse ourselves in life without inhibition, fear or self-recrimination.


But Lao Tse also said...
"Those who know don't talk about it. Those who talk about it do not know."

So I'll shut-up now... before I further demonstrate my own state of limited understanding.

surreal whatever surreal

JuliusChurch

JuliusChurch

Ashland, PA
November 2005

FEB 26, 2008 10:03 PM

AmbientLight said:
Mr Warner...

I have read your articles with interest for some time... but have avoided comment (until now), for several reasons. While much of what you say is dead on the mark, the spirit behind it seems to be lacking spiritual maturity. So if I may permitted to offer my 2¢ worth...



That was really interesting.

sam444

sam444

I'm lost
December 2005

MAR 03, 2008 03:23 PM

If God is a big ol' white dude in the sky who smites sinners and rewards football players then I'm an atheist. If God exists outside the Universe, I'm an atheist. If God cares more for one religion than another, I'm an atheist.

On the other hand, God is too apparent for me to deny him. I guess by "God" I mean the aspects of this Universe that cannot be explained away easily. There's a kind of benevolence here. Sometimes it's tough love. But it's always love.

I don't worship God as an old man on a throne beyond the orbit of Jupiter, but I do worship the Universe. The Universe is more than dead matter. It's more than insubstantial spirit.



This illustrates why for me, 'God' is so vague a word that it's utterly useless. Similar for 'love' - which at times is an abstract, at others it's how instinctive, pre-programmed bevahiour feels when we experience it eg nurturing our kids 'cos they contain our genes.

Up until recently, I considered myself an aetheist. I think I finally put it behind me because I had an epiphany when someone told me they used to be an aetheist but had 'matured a lot since then' - and I knew exactly what they meant. So now I don't believe in God & am not an aetheist either. And yes I was full of shit - wanting to be a part of something, wanting to look through the eyes of an aetheist rather than looking upon this moment as it is now, without any filters. Still am full of shit, just in a different way. Either way, it's still shit.

If you don't agree it's 'cos you don't walk in my shoes or live inside my head. I hope you can accept that. But if you are offended, then I would strongly advise looking deeply inside yourself. Why do you care what I think? Or what Brad says & what he meant? Should you?

Anyway, I like to think that when I sit facing my wall, there is no God, universe or love. Just a square of white paint. And sore knees. And no doubt a whole bunch ofother garbage I'm not even aware of. Oh well, one moment at a time...

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