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  • SUNDAY JANUARY 20 2008 4:00 AM

Shit Happens

Anyone who has ever lived in an apartment building and had to share the laundry facilities knows the frustration of having people leave their clothes in the washer or dryer long after the machine has finished.

If you're like me, you move the wet clothes into an open dryer, or the dry clothes onto the top of the dryer.

If you're like Ronnie Ballard of Madison, Wisconsin, you take a shit in the washer.

Every so often, apartment residents at 6769 Schroeder Road would find human feces in their laundry if they left it untended in a basement laundry room.


Wait ... it gets better.

Two people also reported finding feces in their shoes and boots in an apartment hallway.


Ballard was arrested after a woman whose "laundry had been soiled" chased him back to his apartment and called the police.

In what must have been a very strange court appearance, Ballard was given a little friendly advice.

He appeared in court Thursday, where Dane County Court Commissioner Todd Meurer, saying words he never thought he'd say, ordered Ballard to only defecate in toilets.


What a novel idea.

Just so you can get an even better visual: According to the documents posted on The Smoking Gun, this guy is 6'4" and weighs 345 lbs.



The complaint, a copy of which you'll find below, quotes one resident's reaction when she discovered the ruined sneakers: "He shit in someone's Reebok." The document adds that Felicia Walton, owner of the sneakers, "had not given anyone permission to defecate in her shoes and she was disturbed."


I'd be disturbed, too.

 

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Comments
Ferretbite

Ferretbite

Mexico
September 2006

JAN 20, 2008 01:18 PM

I'm guessing his defense was "When you gotta go, you gotta go". surreal

_DictionaryGirl_

_DictionaryGirl_

NEWSWIRE

San Diego, CA

JAN 20, 2008 01:44 PM

I forgot and accidentally left my clothes in the laundry all day yesterday, and came home to find them folded neatly on top of the dryer.

HIGHLY preferable, I should say. shocked

punk

punk

Phoenix, AZ
January 2004

JAN 20, 2008 02:01 PM

Someone shit on the coats!

Shal

Shal

Los Angeles, CA
October 2002

JAN 20, 2008 02:13 PM

Oh my. surreal

siamkittie

siamkittie

New York, NY
March 2006

JAN 20, 2008 03:12 PM

holy shit. puke

malkav11

malkav11

Saint Paul, MN
July 2003

JAN 20, 2008 08:18 PM

ohash said:
I am just curious about the mechanics of that. Did he just perch himself on top of the washer with a magazine? Did he bring toilet paper? I can't even poo outside of my own house, let alone in a public laundry facility in a washing machine.



While I suppose that would be one approach, it occurs to me that if one is comfortable with this sort of thing in the first place, transporting the feces into the laundry room would not be a huge stretch.

Louis_XIV

Louis_XIV

France
August 2007

JAN 21, 2008 11:24 AM

I think this man just tried to qualify as Republican candidate.

Bastardo

Bastardo

Boston, MA
January 2005

JAN 21, 2008 11:28 AM

Zarth said:
I have not given anyone permission to shit in my shoes, and I am disturbed.



If this line doesn't belong as a caption to a lolcat pic than I don't what should.

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

JAN 21, 2008 11:36 AM

Bastardo said:

Zarth said:
I have not given anyone permission to shit in my shoes, and I am disturbed.



If this line doesn't belong as a caption to a lolcat pic than I don't what should.



True dat.

crispy

crispy

NEWSWIRE

Philadelphia, PA

JAN 21, 2008 07:28 PM

wildswan said:

Bastardo said:

Zarth said:
I have not given anyone permission to shit in my shoes, and I am disturbed.



If this line doesn't belong as a caption to a lolcat pic than I don't what should.



True dat.


Someone needs to make that happen.

xfinitex

xfinitex

East Lansing, MI
August 2005

JAN 23, 2008 12:30 PM

I think this is why I only do laundry when I can stay in the laundry room and keep an eye on my stuff.

Someone in the dorms used to throw onions in with peoples laundry, and that is pretty much impossible to get the smell out of your clothes.

seymouria

seymouria

USA
February 2006

JAN 23, 2008 12:46 PM

txknight

txknight

I'm lost
January 2007

JAN 23, 2008 05:46 PM

Jeesh! Dude definately has some issues. He should of just tossed the laundry in a pile on the floor if he was that worked up over it.

PaulNikon

PaulNikon

Palm Bay, FL
February 2003

JAN 24, 2008 10:18 PM

Silly me. I use my computer, printer, and degree in graphic design to make a sign. Then post it in the laundry room. It goes something like this:

"The wash cycle is about 35 minutes long. Please move get your laundry when it is done."


I should add a picture of poop or something.

PerilousPup

PerilousPup

I'm lost
May 2007

JAN 26, 2008 10:25 PM

I don't know, maybe I feel for the guy...

When I was a kid I used to sleepwalk and for a while when I was sleeping downstairs I'd walk into the laundry room thinking it was the bathroom, open the dryer door and take a leak.

My mom couldn't figure out what was wrong with her fabric softener and why everyone's clothes smelled strangely like piss.

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