More Hilarity With Animals
THURSDAY JANUARY 10 2008 6:00 PM
Submitted by thefreak. Edited By crispy.
TAGS: cloning, monkeys, animal testing, when animals attack, odd news

The animal kingdom can make for strange news. That is why I bring you these three stories to show that animals can be more than delicious.
First off, as if South Korea and their glowing cats wasn't enough, a cloned pig with the same trait has passed it on to her piglets, leaving scientists in Beijing one step closer to their very own glow-in-the-dark barnyard. Hillbilly ravers are ecstatic with the possibilities. Or...they're just on ecstasy.
A cloned pig whose genes were altered to make it glow fluorescent green has passed on the trait to its young, a development that could lead to the future breeding of pigs for human transplant organs, a Chinese university reported.
The glowing piglets' birth proves transgenic pigs are fertile and able to pass on their engineered traits to their offspring, according to Liu Zhonghua, a professor overseeing the breeding program at Northeast Agricultural University.
Experts note that "glowing" (groan) results such as these could help scientists of the future make the dream of a Six Million Fluorescent Man a reality. Well, not really, but it could help humans nonetheless.
Robin Lovell-Badge, a genetics expert at Britain's National Institute for Medical Research, said the technology "to genetically manipulate pigs in this way would be very valuable."
Lovell-Badge had not seen the research from China's cloned pigs and could not comment on its credibility. He said, however, that organs from genetically altered pigs would potentially solve some of the problems of rejected organs in transplant operations.
Yes, yes, but what about the bacon? Is it so wrong to hear of this "breakthrough" and wish for neon bacon that I can eat in the dark? Is it?
Second, we travel down to Texas, where one ironic example of "man's best friend" forgoes the Lassie routine and popped a cap in his faithful human.
A Houston-area man was killed in a hunting accident after his dog stepped on a loaded shotgun in the back of a pick-up truck, triggering a blast that pierced the vehicle and the hunter's leg, a local sheriff said.
Perry Price, a 46-year-old math teacher, shot a goose on Saturday then put his gun in the back of the truck where the dog was waiting to retrieve the bird.
Police were elated to have something else to do outside of capturing roving bands of gay, flag-burning Democrat Mexicans. Says one witness:
"I've been in law enforcement 20 years and this is probably the strangest one I've had," said Chambers County Sheriff Joe LaRive.
Well, Sheriff, you don't get out much. Stories of dogs gunning their masters down like, well, dogs have been rampant for years. You just don't hear about it, much like sewer 'gators or spontaneous human combustion.
Lastly, what would an animal story be without monkeys? Macaques, to be precise. I've written about macaques and their mischievous ways before on this very site, and now I present more evidence supporting the theory that humans and our simian kin are similar beyond mere genetics.
Like men, male macaques will go to emasculating lengths just to get laid.
Selling sex is said to be humankind's oldest profession but it may have deep evolutionary roots, according to a study into our primate cousins which found that male macaques pay for intercourse by using grooming as a currency.
Michael Gumert of Nanyang Technological University in Singapore made the discovery in a 20-month investigation into 50 long-tailed macaques in Kalimantan Tengah, Indonesia, New Scientist reports on Saturday.
On average, females had sex 1.5 times per hour.
But this rate jumped to 3.5 times per hour immediately after the female had been groomed by a male -- and her partner of choice was likely to be the hunky monkey that did the grooming.
Much like drunken frat boys who think they can get in a gal's pants after one round of banana daquiris (am I right, ladies?), they'll even shop around for the cheapest date willing to touch their, *ahem*, "macaque."
If there were several females in the area, the cost of buying sex would drop dramatically -- a male could "buy" a female for just eight minutes of nit-picking.
But if there were no females around, he would have to groom for up to 16 minutes before sex was offered.
Ronald Noe of France's University of Strasbourg notes the bribery behavior seen in the study can been seen in people as well..
"There are many examples of rich old men getting young attractive ladies."
The real question is, do monkeys get that phone call from a questionable lay telling them to go to the doctor? Monkey herpes is no laughing matter.
Wait...yes it is. Even STDs are funnier when a monkey is involved.
thefreak will not be held responsible for his use of bad puns.

















crispy
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Philadelphia, PA
JAN 10, 2008 06:22 PM
thefreak
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Gardner, MA
JAN 10, 2008 07:01 PM
flabajaba2213
Bristol, RI
July 2006
JAN 10, 2008 08:28 PM
thefreak
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Gardner, MA
JAN 10, 2008 08:45 PM
FitzSimmons
Saint Paul, MN
January 2008
JAN 10, 2008 10:58 PM
thefreak
NEWSWIRE
Gardner, MA
JAN 11, 2008 06:39 PM
ChocolateJesus
USA
January 2005
JAN 11, 2008 09:22 PM