It's the first and last annual Holiday Greetings in Review where I will critique the 2008 candidates holiday greetings based solely on my opinion at the moment using the red-sweater points system, 1 is the worst, 5 is the best.

First up. Mike Huckabee.



A few things here. Huck tries to set himself apart from the pack of candidates who are advertising what they'll do if they're elected President in their holiday greetings. Huck avoids that but in the process makes it clear that his presidency might just be about the worship of Christ. Also, if we want to get all biblical scholarly on the topic - Christ was born in the summer. It would be more appropriate to have a Christmas BBQ with presents, beer and fireworks. The act of lighting a tree in winter is more of a Pagan ritual.

But all that fact aside...at least Huckabee is brave enough to not hide behind this Happy Holidays stuff. He has a not-so subliminal cross in the background. He's Christian and it's Christmas to him and he's polarizing enough to declare that it is the "Christmas season" for everyone else as well! (Take that all other world religions, spiritual practices and atheists! Who needs your votes anyway?) Also, his sweater looks a little worn.

Total Points: 1 red sweater

Next up. Ron Paul



Ron, are all of those little rugrats going to be moving into the White House with you? It's like P. Diddy's entourage. Too many kids! I got distracted.

Total Points: 1/2 red sweater

Next up. Hillary Clinton



Great wrapping on those gifts. Although Hillary is not really attaching the cards to the gifts. She's sort of just placing them on the packages. No wonder she couldn't find Universal Pre-K. I enjoy the 'women can save the world and wrap gifts' multi-tasking message. No Christmas tree but Christmas music? White walls? It feels a little cold, like Christmas at my Aunt's house - the one with OCD and a fear of dust. She's gutsy for staying true to her God in this ad - the almighty gold pantsuit. But no red sweater is going to dock her some points.

Total points: 3 red-sweaters.

Next up. John Edwards.



Lots of people are cynical jerks and all they will see in this ad is that beautiful head of hair, fancy tree and campaign money spent to get this message out there. I think America is still not ready for this seemingly preachy message. People don't want to think about how it's their responsibility to help others, not when they have to get to Target early to beat the rush! "We hear you" sounds a little too similar to Bush standing on the Ground Zero ruins wearing his Members Only jacket. And I'm not sure where these homeless vets are watching this TV ad but regardless it's a valiant effort. The tie is a little stiff. Would it have killed Edwards to go with maybe a candy-cane stripe? No red-sweater? That's going to cost him.

Total points: 2 red-sweaters

Last up. Rudy Giuliani.



Rudy's incessant nodding yes and popping his eyes open shows that he's read about the intricate psychology of body language. Hypnotize your viewer. Lower taxes for families and....businesses? Wait, what? Peace with strength! I love that one. I literally laughed out loud. Peace with strength. You know, it's like Jesus with big-ass muscles! God forbid Rudy say peace without making sure he doesn't sound like a pussy. There is a joke at the end too and Santa Claus himself rewards Rudy with a candy cane. Well, that's it. Santa fucking Claus is hanging out with Rudy. Santa helped me out so much as a kid, how can I not pay him back by voting for Rudy? Rudy makes a unique choice with a red sweater-vest and he did not invoke 9/11! (I hear the original un-aired ad featured two twin pines falling in the background and Rudy springing into action.)

Total points: 5 red-sweaters



SleepyLady does not support Rudy in any way. The real winner of the holiday ads in her opinion is Barack Obama.