Hey, sinners! You'd better come out of that downward dog right now if you want to save your soul from hell fire!

On a recent 700 Club (you guys saw it, right?) one viewer wrote in apparently trying to determine the consequences of DYWC (Doing Yoga While Christian).

Pat "9/11 was caused by abortionists, feminists and gays" Robertson replied that:

Oh, for Krishna's sake. What's wrong with the concept that God is everywhere? Remember Jesus? Remember when he said he was God and then he showed up on Earth? I remember learning in Sunday school to always give to the homeless because it could be Jesus in disguise because he is everywhere!

I know what Pat is getting at. If we great unwashed masses think that God is within our realm or that we can be lifted up to a higher mind, we might start thinking for ourselves and wanting peace. (Uh-oh!)

But clearly Pat "stretching is great" Robertson has never been to a yoga class. You don’t just close your eyes and find God. I've tried to quiet my mind many times but usually I'm just thinking, "Don't fart. Don’t fart. Come on, stomach. Hold it in for another 45 minutes."

When our yoga class has to chant the occasional "Om" I'm not falling under the spell of pantheism. I'm usually wondering, "Whose breath is that? Why can't people brush their teeth before class? Why does everyone have to try to chant the loudest? It's not a competition."

I've never heard any Hindu Gods whispering to me while I'm on my mat, trying to lure me to the dark side. What I do hear over and over are horrible Dave Matthews Band and Blues Traveler songs. (My yoga teacher likes to make his own mix CD's. During the hardest part of the class he starts blaring shitty music that's more appropriate for a game of hacky-sack.)

Besides, kids and Christians these days aren't just doing yoga for spiritual enlightenment anyway. We all secretly want a body like Madonna (well, except for her psycho arms…) Namaste.