Aw, look it's the elected President and the appointed President side by side. It's enough to give me douche-chills. Bush looks like he's trying to smile while shitting his pants and Gore looks as though he is pretending not to smell it.

The photo op happens every year in honor of the American Nobel Prize winners. Even though Bush and Cheney's friends over at Fox think that Al Gore should have given his Nobel Peace Prize to the troops, Bush was cordial to Mr. Gore. Bush was the one that called Gore and encouraged him to show up. He even changed the date so that Gore could attend. And then, King Bush granted Gore 30 minutes of his time for a private chat.

This begs the question. What the hell did those two talk about?

The New York Times continued:

Um, is it just me or doesn't that read like Gore was being totally sarcastic? "Oh yeah, we talked about global warming. Totally. I couldn’t get W. to shut the fuck up about it. Global warming this, climate crisis that, and on and on."

Luckily, I have a friend on the inside and I present this secret transcript of what really went on behind closed doors between Bush and Gore last week.

BUSH: Heh. Heh. (Singing) Gore, Gore, Bo, Bore…Banana Fana Fo Fore--

GORE: Okay. (Forces laugh) Okay. Listen, we only have 28 minutes left so…

BUSH: Oooh. You can tell time. You're a smarty pants. I'm just a dummy who got Cs at Yale. Is that what you mean?

GORE: No. I didn’t mean it that way. It's just that well, the Kyoto--

BUSH: Hey, Cheney's at the doctor and I think I know where he hides the keys to his man-sized safe. Wanna look? You distract his assistant by farting and I'll--

GORE: No. No. Listen, George. We have 25 minutes. About the climate crisis--

BUSH: (Singing) Time is on my side, yes it is!

GORE: I'm just going to talk and you can keep singing if you want to, if that's how we have to do this.

BUSH: Hey, I saw you on "30 Rock". That was pretty funny. Condi explained the references to me. Then I got mad. Was that fun?

GORE: Actually, yeah. Yeah. I liked being on set.

BUSH: Yeah, I want to do that show. I don’t think that Alec Baldwin likes me very much though.

GORE: Well, he didn’t say anything about--listen, George. We're getting off track here. The Arctic is--

BUSH: Oh, look at that. Thirty minutes. Nice talking to you Al. Hey, is that short for Alan or Alexander? I never knew. Never mind, I'll just call you Gorey. Heh. Heh.

Heart-warming. That is so big of the President. Imagine that? He has no hard feelings towards Gore for winning the popular election and then bowing to the Supreme Court in order to put Bush in office.

Here is what Gore told reporters about the meeting:

What's with all the secrecy? Maybe Gore will whisper the entire conversation in someone's ear at an auction a la Carly Simon when she revealed the subject of her song, "You're So Vain." Start saving your pennies if you want to be the lucky bidder. Until then...let's speculate!